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Mailbag 27

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Mailbag 27 was uploaded by CWCipedia's Sysop on 30 December 2009 and it was answered by Chris on the same day.

Perhaps the most striking element of this mailbag was Chris's shockingly in-depth response to "Bailey Jay," a male-to-female transsexual. The effort he put into his response went way beyond that shown in any of his responses to his True and Honest fans, leaving many trolls to speculate if Chris was actually attracted to her.

The rest of the responses were mostly just Chris being the nutcase we've come to expect. He gave some awful advice on things he has no experience with, such as love, parenting, and moving out. He also took a few moments to babble ignorant nonsense about genetics and gay people. In one letter, he claimed that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus were gay, but it was unclear whether he actually believed this or if it was just an attempt to "slander" them. Chris seemed to lose his grasp on the English language, as many of the responses made no sense whatsoever. Chris also got a message from Jack Harkness from Torchwood.

This mailbag is also one of the few where Chris did not reject any letters.

Answered

Love and loss

From: Edward Kennedy <itsamekennedy@aol.com>

Chris,

I was dating this really sweet girl named Mary Jo for about a month and God appeared to me in a dream on several non-consecutive occasions and told me that we were destined to be together and that we were soul mates. Well, a couple weeks ago there was a car accident where she drove off a bridge and drowned in the river below. I feel terrible enough already, but with God appearing to me in dreams all those times it really shakes my faith. Is God toying with me, or what?

I hope you can help me make sense of this!

Edward

Probably, or you may have misinterpreted your dreams; Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too. --ChrisChanSonichu 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)

We're lucky Chris will never have children because he would be a terrible father

From: hurdygurdy@doglover.com

Recently you told me that "it is for the children's benefit" that Sonichu and Rosechu watch Family Guy with the kids. How is it for the children's benefit that confusing adult concepts such as pedophilia have been explained to them? As they are under 5, how can they possibly understand?

Why can't you just let them be children and watch the programming designed for them? I know Family Guy is your favourite show but that doesn't mean everyone should watch it. Seeing as most of the humour is based on parodies of pop culture they have missed I doubt they would even get any of the jokes.

Children are most likely to channel-surf and turn on an adult program at any time; it is up to the parents to prevent those misunderstandings with caring discussions and supervision.

A family history of failure

From: Seka Akatuka <akatsukaseka@live.com>

Hi Chris!

My interest is in genealogy, and I was very interested to hear that you were descended from Anne Boleyn. I've personally traced my own ancestry back to a family of 15th century innkeepers in Kyoto who served fancy tea and were charming.

My research over the past months and days has shown the following:

Anne Boleyn only had one daughter, Queen Elizabeth I, who was called "the Virgin Queen." Needless to say, she did not have any children you could have descended from.

Also, your ancestor Daniel Weston was not listed on any passenger lists for the Mayflower. Your parents were probably sadly mistaken about this.

I did find this interesting bit about your great-grandfather:

"10. Robert Pettis WYNN was born on 17 Nov 1877 in Mecklenburg County, Virginia. (1) He died in Jan 1952 in South Hill, VA. Family members say Robert P. Wynn was an only Child. Nellie Coleman describes Robert Pettis WYNN as a scoundral. According to her, he drank heavily and had girlfriend (Lonnie Harris) during the time he was married. Family stories say he failed to provide even the most basic support for his wife and children. And there are others who say he was a "moonshiner.""

Source: [1]

His daughter, Carrie Edna Wynn, was your grandmother, who gave birth to your mother.

Isn't genealogy fascinating?

- Seka

It was no mistake; Daniel Weston is my ancestor, and I am well aware that he was NOT a passenger on the Mayflower; he made his voyage later on. And I will hand it to you, you have successfully identified my grandmother (mother's mother), I applaud you for that. --ChrisChanSonichu 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)

Chris is a breast man

From: Hamsty the Hamster <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>

Okay dog, picture this. You're stuck on an island with a mermaid girl.

You have a choice: Girl top half (breasts with bottom fish) or girl bottom half (vagina with top fish).

You can only pick one or the other.

Girl top half.

Chris dispenses more advice he'll never follow

From: hentairoolz@gmail.com

Dear Chris,

I am a high functioning autistic who still lives with his parents, and I have failed to get a job in the last few years after graduating from community college (I am completely unable to make it past the interview stage). I have caught my parents discussing putting me in a group home, which is something I do not want at all. Have your parents ever discussed putting you in a home, and do you have any suggestions for how I should deal with this state of affairs?

Thanks,

Kermit Jacobs

My parents care about me too much, and they have never discussed such a topic, I assure you confidently. You are an Adult; you SHOULD move out, get a job and find a place to live; rent an apartment or house room or something good like that.

More fun with theology

From: John Calvin <johncalvin@jesusisok.ch>

Chris,

I noticed you had a problem being tempted by seeing gay things, so I looked in my Bible and found this:

"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." -- Matthew 5:29

It's from the Christian part of the Bible, not the Jew part. This sounds like a pretty good solution. I mean, if seeing gay stuff bothers you so much you can just poke out your eyes and you won't have to look at them anymore! This is a much better solution than creating some kind of antidote for homosexuality, which would never work in real life.

Think about it!

Yours in the Lord,

John Calvin

My church has previously acknowledged that verse, and they are against it.

The report card saga continues

From: Bob Bobson <totallyfine1@gmail.com>

"I am not ignoring it; I am doing what I can against the Trolls."

Exactly what is "what you can"?

Simply going onto Twitter and claiming "I AM TRUE AND HONEST" isn't going to work. Remember, the trolls have convinced a large number of people that greatly outnumbers your fanbase that you are a pathological liar/gay/unpatriotic douchebag. They will not accept your word(even if you think it is true and honest), you need to provide proof.

Do you know why so many people are convinced that you're an idiot lying about honor roll? Many reasons, but one of the main ones is that you can't control your own website. Trolls are everywhere, in the Twitter Feed, in the Mailbag, and they've even taken over 99% of the ads.

Let me put it into a comic-related comparison. Let's say that this website is the CWCville Mall. You only control the actual Mayoral Offices, while the trolls run all the stores and make up the majority of the patrons while constantly ignoring any decree you set forth and overpowering any crackdown you attempt.

If you post your report cards, it will hurt the trolls. Don't you want them to hurt, Chris? I mean, you do keep telling them to die and all. It'll make it look like you're actually doing something useful. If this gets out of hand they'll probably plant ads that spread viruses at some point in the future and you will be liable for all damages.

Only you can stop this.

I have told those trolls that they are the scum of the earth, and that they give their kind of people, specifically Clyde and Jack giving their Homosexual Male kind a worse name, in videos on YouTube and such. Plus I am very aware of their hackery and trickery, and I do my best to counter them appropriately.

Vaccines don't work that way

From: Qebafhzn <qebafhzn@gmail.com>

Chris, I'll try to be as gentle as I can be with this: Why do you believe that Homosexuality can be cured with a simple vaccine? As far as I know, vaccines do not work that way, and homosexuality is not a simple Mendelian gene, but rather a complex mental way of sexuality.
I just want to know your input on this.

-Take care, Qebafhzn

I believe a vaccine is most capable to change their mental status; my prescription has Definitely lowered my stress levels. I should know, I recently went ONE MONTH without it, and the stress LITERALLY ALMOST KILLED ME; it HURT WORSE in comparison to being on it; I went back on it, and I still take it with appreciation for it's good work on keeping me more capable on emotionally coping with stress.

A repeat

From: Jennifer Hartworth <jayharttart@yahoo.com>

Why haven't you just bought a prostitute yet?

~ Jenny

I have just answered that same question in the last mailbag; the next-to-last letter.

Lesbians are okay, but NEVER gays

From: Jonathon Harkness <j.harkness@torchwood.gov.uk>

Hi Chris,

I love reading your questions, I feel like I've learned a lot about the author of my favorite comic. But I'm confused by some of your answers!

1. You said that as a Methodist, you can't condemn the homos, and you are ok with them as long as they don't bother you. But in replies after that you keep talking about reprogramming camps and cures for gayness. Don't you think that's contradictory?

2. You said you don't care what the homos do behind closed doors. Does that mean you would be mad if two men kissed in public? Would you be mad if a man kissed a woman in public? If not, why is it different?

3. I'm a STRAIGHT man, but I like looking at lesbians. Is this a sin?

4. How do you feel about gay people in the military? Do you think they can be as good of soldiers as straight people?

5. Have you ever considered having Sonichu join the Marines? He's so strong, he could probably teach the Marines something about fighting! HOO-RAH!

Keep being a hero for straight people everywhere, Chris! Zap to the extreme!

Cpt. Jack Harkness, USMC

1) Well I do have homosexual males who bother me; two of which being Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddius, and those two are not doing their kind any favors; on the contrary, they are WORSENING the gays' bad name in my point of view. 2) Yes, I would be most offened; I would not be mad, in fact it is a welcoming view to see man kissing woman; Two Dudes Kissing is JUST GROSS AND WRONG, and Man and Woman kissing is Just Natural and Right. 3) No, it is okay. 4) As individual males, they have equivalent capabilities if they can prove it on the field of battle. 5) Sonichu would never join the Army or Marines. My mother would never marry someone who was in the military, because she would miss him too much, and she does not want that. Likewise, Rosechu would never want Sonichu to join the Military, and if drafted, I can personally have him undrafted, or Rosechu would beat the crap out of the officers until they release him.

Balljizm

From: Randal Graves <randalg37d@yahoo.com>

Hey Chris,

As a longtime fan of your comic, I have to say I'm a bit put off by how you're belittling people with Asperger's Syndrome. As I understand it from your mailbag and your manifesto about the subject (and correct me if I'm wrong) pretty much the *only* reason you say autism is nothing like Asperger's is because you can make fun of the name. And in a recent mailbag to prove a point, you made fun of the name of a fan who wrote in trying to understand you better.

Well, just so you know, plenty of people refer to autism as "bawwwtism," making fun of how those afflicted tend to cry more often. And I've even heard it referred to as "balljizm," something gay men crave.

I say this not to insult, but to make a point. It's just as easy to make fun of people with autism and the name of the condition as it is to make fun of people with Asperger's. Just because the name can be made fun of, doesn't mean it's not a legitimate affliction. Next time you're quick to judge, keep that in your thoughts.

Regards,
Randal

On the contrary, the MAIN REASON I say Autism is NOTHING like Aspergers is because the Aspergers is TRYING to take the LimeLight AWAY from us TRUE Autistic People, who we have had to endure the trials and efforts to cure Our Own Ailment, or at least give Autisim the Best Good Name it can be. I will not stand by and let Aspergers take our efforts and trials and make them seem worthless in the Public Eyes.

It has NOTHING TO DO with name references, and I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR Insulting My People like you did. >:( --ChrisChanSonichu 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)

Chris finally understands asexuality, but not genetics

From: Alex May <alex.may@gmail.com>

In your comic you created a vaccine against homosexuality using your blood. Vaccines work by making people immune to a disease by injecting them with a weakened version of the disease. If a vaccine against homosexuality was made using your blood, that would mean you have the "disease" of homosexuality, which the scientists extracted from your blood. Was this a subtle hint to let particularly studious readers know of your true nature, or simply ignorance on your part? Please get back to me!

Peace, and stay safe

You Are Seriously Mistaken, and Your Theory IS PROVEN FALSE. To truly KILL the Gay Gene, the weakened Gene had to be made, but THEN the gene would need to be Replaced; otherwise, the injected person would become Asexual. The Straight Gene is put in the Vaccine to Replace the Gay Gene AFTER elimination to PREVENT Asexuality. --ChrisChanSonichu 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)

Reunion anxiety

From: David Vanian <blackemperor918@hotmail.com>

Hey Chris,

First, I want to say that I really enjoy your comic and I wish you the best with it.

My first high school reunion is coming up in 2010 and I am a bit nervous. I am wondering, did you go to your five-year reunion? Also, are you planning to go to your ten-year high school reunion this coming summer?

So, what would you recommend that I do to be relaxed when seeing people that I haven't seen in years? I am especially eager for your advice on how to approach attractive female former classmates. I too am looking for a boyfriend free girl and I wouldn't want to make them feel uncomfortable.

Best,
Dave

There's a Five-Year Reunion? No, As I have learned from my Seinor Prom, they Projected, and I Quote, "See you at the Reunion in Ten Years." So, I have not missed the beat, and I am looking forward to my Reunion in 2010, Next Year. Just remain calm, and be yourself, granted there may be a difference in the number of years, but Be Yourself just the same.

Basic writing skills

From: Carmine Smith <carminesmith22@ymail.com>

Hello, Mr. Chandler, my name is Charlene. I've been reading your Sonichu comic, and I must ask, how come there is no interpersonal conflict between the protagonists? They all get together and date one another with any issues. There never seem to be any arguments amongst the couples, depsite the fact that arguing is a major part of having a relationship. Why did Sonichu and Rosechu decide to date so quickly? She never bothered to ask Sonichu about his personality or attributes nor did he ask her, they hooked up simply because they were the same species.Why can't the relationships in Sonichu be more realistic? Perhaps an argument, a romantic affair, a breakup, or even a divorce to make the comic more applicable to real life. Please take my ideas into perspective.

Sincerely, Charlene Devereaux

They have had their arguments, but they always come to an agreement, or they remember what attracted them to each other in the first place, so It Is All Good in each Relationship.

Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?

From "Bailey Jay" <baileyjay@gmail.com>

Hey Chris.... :(

You really hurt my feelings with your reply. I know, it's kind of shocking at first, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. All my life I've felt like I should have been a girl, and that I've been trapped inside a boy's body; I don't want any part of myself to be masculine in any way. In a sense, I have always been a woman mentally and emotionally my entire life, and I have had the courage to show this in my outward appearance as well. There are a lot of transgendered people out there who have died or have been caused great emotional or physical harm just because of how they feel inside...

I'm not gay; I'm straight, as I am a woman who has feelings for other straight men. I hope that doesn't make you think that I am disgusting or vile, because it's just who I am.

Anyways, I shared those pictures with you because I like you, Chris, and I think you're a very handsome and kind person. I thought maybe you wouldn't be intimidated like all the other boys who are afraid to approach me, because you know what it's like to be e-famous.

If you want, here's a couple more pictures that I took on recent photoshoots. Don't worry, this time I made sure they're safe-for-work.

bayimg.com/image/majhpaace.jpg
bayimg.com/image/najhaaace.jpg
bayimg.com/image/majhlaace.jpg

Thank you for understanding,

your fan

Bailey Jay ~x0x00x0x00x0x00x0x00xx~

I apologize for my recent response, and I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was born female instead, because of some of my emotional, caring, self-conscious thoughts I had in my lifetime. Then I would later remember that God must have made me all straight male for good reasons.

As for being e-famous, it IS stressful to me; updating the content daily or near-daily without going out-of-date, trying to tell the Honest Truth when there are people who will continue to Mislabel, ridicule, slander or worse, just to make your good fans turn against you in their views. I am Straight; I just wish they would get it through their god-damned thick skulls and quit Mislabeling me. But all in all, I deal it one day at a time and one moment at a time, with time away from it all and deep breaths.

And to answer your other question in your last message, It is likely, but I do not know, because if that is true, they are certainly NOT telling me for my information. I mean, I am a good and kind person naturally (granted that I can be cruel when angry or when feeling down); I wish that women WOULD approach me if they KNOW me from online and see me in public.

If I may ask, and you may answer in a reply directly to my e-mail address at ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, is modeling the only thing you are famous for online, or are there other things you have done and published? And have you ever considered having the male appendage removed (please forgive me if I'm crossing a line)?

And, to answer another question, if I should ever have a hermaphrodite for a child, I would raise that child with the mentality of a boy/man.

Anyway, I am sure you will find your mate who will accept you fully and truly, and I most certainly wish you God and Jesus' blessings and Good Luck in that.

Peace be with you, --ChrisChanSonichu 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)

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For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 27