Mailbag 43

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Mailbag 43 was uploaded onto the CWCipedia on 19 January 2010 and answered on the 21st. This was the first official Mailbag following Chris's decree of no Asperchu letters.

Amongst this set of letters, we got another answer as to why Chris hates Asperchu, an explanation for why he turned Asperchu into Mitch Sonichu, a request that a writer who called him out on his Asperchu manifesto go fuck himself, and the removal of a letter calling him out on his blasphemy.

Perhaps the most bizarre letter was his response to Evan, where he claimed that Simonchu (Evan's fictional character) had already attempted to convince Simonla to leave CWCville. In fact, he wrote what amounted to a (terrible) short story to justify his continued use of Simonla in his comic.

On 26 January, Chris moved the letter telling the person to go fuck himself into the Rejected Mailbag.

Answered

"Good Quality Hand-Drawn Work"

From: Apple Pie <effence@yahoo.ca>

Hi,

I find it strange that you think Asperchu is bad for swears and anti-religiousness when your favorite shows like South Park and Family Guy do the exact same thing. Please explain your logic.

It is because "Asperchu" is considered a parody to My Sonichu and Myself, and to have the comparisons between the two, it is a kick in the bells to have My Good Quality Hand-Drawn Work compared to such Gross Low-Class, Low-Resolution, Blocky-Style stuff like "Asperchu". And from that, I BLAME the artist, Alec Benson Leary, to force the characters into such shameful and distasteful acts. I do not blame the characters, because it is NOT Their fault that their "Director" directs them to do those things.

--ChrisChanSonichu 07:16, 21 January 2010 (CET)

In which Chris defends Ultra Sonichus OPness

From: Masaki Sumitani <Hadogei@gmail.com>

Hey, I hope you don't count this as an "Asperchu" question and delete this because it's not:

Some questions about the new pages: 1.) If Ultra Sonichu's powers include curing Asperger's Syndrome, why don't you tell Ultra Sonichu to cure your autism? 2.) Why do you say that Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu needs a makeover, and that his glasses are terrible, when the outfit he was wearing is the same as one you own, and his glasses look like your glasses? 3.) Is Ultra Sonichu supposed to be a Christ-like figure? Isn't this kind of blasphemous since Sonichu is a Christian?

Thanks for answering!

Masaki Sumitani

1) It is a cartoon; it is not like I can summon him into Real Life and use the Chaotic Crystal Power to cure my Mental Block for Real. 2) If you were in Asperchu's situation where you were constantly drawn to LOOK and ACT retarded all the time, would you not want a Makeover to make you more confident, intelligent and such? 3) A Christian Individual, or ANYONE for that matter, has the capability to do such things in acts of generosity; it Does Not necessarily make that individual THE Jesus Christ. The Sonichus and Rosechus Considered Mine, the Original Sonichu, a Savior, because from the later-named Swift Sonichu, he had Foretold of the True Original coming to their Rescue and Aid. If you were rescued from a life-threatening situation, quick-as-a-flash, by someone, would you not consider that person A Savior or Hero? There is nothing "blasphemous" about the generous deed and act.

--ChrisChanSonichu 07:16, 21 January 2010 (CET)

We can watch it ourselves, thanks.

From: Ken Shabby <spamspamspam@aol.com>

Dear Chris: What Monty Python sketch is your favorite? Mine is Eric Idle's "Storytime" sketch, which can be seen here:

http://tinyurl.com/ylmgwu4

I find it hilarious because I can't imagine what kind of sick pervert would put that kind of stuff in something intended for children.

I like the Parrot Sketch. "Look, Matey. This Parrot wouldn't VOOM if I put 4,000 volts through it. It's bleeding demised. It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more; it has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. It is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If he hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an Ex-Parrot. You have to complain until you're blue in the mouth to get your way around here."

Surrrrrrrrrre...

From: Lars Underwood <kneelbeforelarsunderwood@aol.com>

Chris,

In the Sonichu comics you've drawn your Sonichus and Rosechus praying to you. Do the other citizens of CWCville pray to you, too? The reason I ask is that I'm trying to start a cult, and was wondering how you got people to see you as an all-powerful, Godlike figure. So far my cult is only my girlfriend and a couple of other kids at my high school, but I think that's pretty good for a senior. Any advice for a fellow cult leader?

Lars Underwood

You are mistaken, I have never drawn my Sonichus and Rosechus praying to ME; they pray to God and Jesus like everyone else. I do not care much for Cults, because they often lead towards a life-threatening situation often.

Chris still hates the gays

From: David Price <dprice22@gmail.com>

Dear Christian,

I apologise for the earlier e-mail in which I enquired about Asperchu and completely overlooked your own talents.

Your recent comic pages, in which you provided a makeover for Asperchu to give him a new look as "Mitch Sonichu", has proved to me that you have your own unique skills and qualities. This makes you perfect for television! We're starting up a remake of a classic TV show in which young, style-setting gentlemen such as yourself give fashion pointers to volunteers.

If you would like to be on the lineup of the brand new, remade "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", please get in touch with me.

I heard that was a gay show, and I am Straight, so no thank you.

Chris defends the makeovers

From: Dot Wayneright <neg0t8r@paragoncity.net>

Greetings!

From your latest comic, I see you have cured Asperchu and Alec's (Unapproved) Recreation of your Chaotic Combo. I noticed that many of your characters were not happy with their names and role. It's a bold step for a writer to change someone else's characters around like that. However, I was surprised to see that not only did Bubbles Rosechu forget about Blake when her name changed to Kitty, but she also claims "she'd hit that," which implies she had a pickle! Has Bubbles always been a hermaphrodite or was this only since your Chaotic Remedy on her?

Regards, Dorothy Wayneright

Chris added the first two italicized portions, and deleted the third one from the original letter.

What I have done was only done to Alec's "version" of MY Electric-Hedgehogs; The Original Sonichus and Rosechus are STILL the way they are. Kitty was referring to that the madeover Asperchu, now Mitch Sonichu, looked very handsome.

...Well, this is disturbing!

From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>

Why do you think that putting in "evan.ip" in a computer will block me? That's not even an IP address, that's just my name and the letters "IP". Furthermore, you do it in your COMIC, not in real life. Do you think CWCville actually exists or something?

Also take Simonla out of your comic.

-Evan

No. As a matter of fact, YOUR Simonchu came to Cwcville while I was holding a Town Meeting, came up to Simonla (Simonchu's Sister) while The True Wild Sonichu was with Her. Simonchu told Simonla that you wanted her back home as quickly as possible. Simonla REFUSED Heavily; She is Very Happy in Cwcville, VA, rather than the c***-shack known as "Ecgville". (HOW IS THAT SO-CALLED CITY PRONOUNCED ANYWAY? It sounds like a very "Eckie" Ailment, possibly Cold-Like.) Simonchu uses force, yet Wild attacks him with his Razor Leaf and unleashed his grasp of her. Wild says, "The lady said that she does not want to return with you." Simonchu replies, "Listen, shock-breath, I'll quake you away in a rock's-throw." Wild says, "Well, before you can even throw a rock, I will have quick-as-a-flash Vine Whipped you, and launched you to fly back to your Villa of Eck." Wild launches his Vine Whip which was Super-Effective against Simonchu's Ground-Type body, and throws him back to that city in Minnesota.

Later, Simonchu reports to you that she refuses to return to you, and you realize that with MY G.D.C. Powers, you have to let it be and move on in peace in real life. I am the Great Director Chandler!

--ChrisChanSonichu 07:16, 21 January 2010 (CET)

Rejected Mailbag

Go Fuck Yourself, too!

From: Keith Keithson <allisfine1@gmail.com>

Chris, here's my response to your BLATANT CENSORSHIP and DENIAL OF FREE SPEECH in Mailbag 41.

"1) Alec and his crew have No Right Whatsoever on MY original Sonichu/Rosechu Characters; I Never Ever Gave Him OR his crew ANY permission to use them At All."

Did Sega give you permission to use Sonic and Eggman? How about Nintendo? Did they let you use Giovanni or any Pokemon?

No. They didn't. The only way Sonichu can stay afloat is because it is a PARODY. And PARODIES do not need to ask permission.

"2) I never gave him permission to place ANY advertisements for his Low-Rate Work and Copycat Website; he bought Jack Thaddius out WRONGFULLY. I still Disapprove of his ads in any shape or form regardless of image content. "

You have no right to decide on this, the SysOp needs to keep the website up some how. And if it were not for her efforts, the website would have crashed by now.

I mean, she certainly cares about keeping the site up. You nearly got it destroyed when you stole from Coke and Fox.

"4) The Cwcipedia IS DESIGNED MAINLY FOR the Original Sonichus and Rosechus in and around Cwcville, Virginia; Alec and his blocky-drawn characters are in Minnesota, and therefore are NOT Associated Officially With Cwcipedia OR the world of Cwcville."

Blocky? Chris, perhaps you don't realize that half the time you can't keep the size of a character consistent. Body parts inflate and deflate at random and at one point a character went from square to spherical within the same page. Heck, people could write a book on your horrible drawings.

"5) At the time, I have done Comparison Drawing within the recent 12 pages I have drawn and uploaded between HIS drawing style and Mine. Obviously Mine is the Superior, because it is more pleasant to look at, and it was Hand-Drawn, versus Computer-Drawn which Alec and his crew have chosen for their media. Officially, I still have NO association with Alec at all, even after this short-time addition within the 10th Book."

Chris, you can't judge your drawing style and his because you're biased in your own favor.

I personally think Alec is a better artist. At least he always provides a goddamn background and doesn't textwall out of pure lazyness.

"7) From this day forward, Any and All future messages that DO NOT ADDRESS Sonichu, Rosechu, Cwcville, Myself (Christian Weston Chandler), or anything that is originated ONLY ON the Cwcipedia will be DELETED. ADDRESS ALL Asperchu inquires ONLY to Alec Benson Leary on HIS COPYCAT WEBSITE"

This relates to you, the comic, and how you can't draw. So yeah, if you delete this I'll know that you're lying out your ass. AGAIN.

You can go f*** yourself.

Gone Forever

Chris will always be beautiful to someone

From: Mirko Calusic <sathael@hotmail.com>

Hi Chris! I have to say, even though Alec is a much better atist, I prefer your Sonichu over his Asperchu comic, because your comic supports the homosexual lifestyle. I understand that you've lost a bunch of fans, but I want you to know that the homosexual population will always support you. Heck, probably all the fans you have left are gay.

I have to admit, I find you very attractive. Often I've dreamt of your sweaty body pressing against mine. First I would suck your tiny cock and then I'd ram my manstaff up your butthole, all the while massaging your large soft breasts. Anyway, I thought you'd like to know about that.

I've drawn some fanart for you as well!

http://tinyurl.com/yftsew7

The everlasting man

From: Gilbert Keith Chesterton <FaithfulMan@yahoo.com>

Dear Chris,

The creators of the award winning Evangelical Christian cartoon "Veggie Tales" were once interviewed about the nature of creating a Christian work of art with characters that were explicitly not human. Their response was actually very well-thought-out. They said that they took special time and effort to make sure that their adaptations of biblical stories emphasized what could be learned and applied to life though the passage, was nothing short of completely respectful to the book upon which they placed their faith, and was appropriate for very young children. They also spoke of their all-important rule #1:

Never would they depict Jesus as a vegetable.

It's not right, they said. Jesus is the son of God, the most important thing in our lives. The reason we're even doing this is to try and help others understand how important Jesus is. It doesn't matter that every other character is a plant byproduct, the setting and tone of the show are ultimately unimportant. Showing Jesus as anything less than what we believe him to be would be blasphemy.

And they're right! To put words in Jesus's mouth, to depict Jesus as he wasn't, to use his or God's holy name in vain, it's all blasphemy. Blasphemy's not like other sins like envy, lust, or wrath, it's wrong on two distinct levels. On one it's direct disrespect to your creator. One the other it hurts your credibility as a Christian. If a Christian blasphemes himself in public, or puts blasphemous things in the internet where everyone can see them, it becomes harder to take them seriously. If someone who's legitimately interested in accepting God into their life sees it, they'll likely think "I thought Christians were supposed to love God, but obviously it's all a lie, because someone who loved God wouldn't act that way."

Bearing all that in mind, why did you represent Jesus as an orange sonic the hedgehog?

Don't say you didn't. Issue 10, page 48. You even drew the tomb being cast open, just like when Jesus rose on the third day. "Hyper Sonichu" or whatever you call him appears with his arms spread (as though nailed to a crucifix) in a beam of light, while some sort of purple soldier kneels before him, in awe. For a few short pages, you had the gall to mock God, turning Jesus, a man without sin into a character that just a few pages ago toppled a building, killing hundreds. A character that spends all his time having sex with his wife or punching old women in the face.

I could understand an Atheist doing this as some sort of protest against Christian hypocrisy, but you claim to be a steadfast believer. So my question to you Chris is in what way could this possibly be considered a Christian piece of work, when you so blatantly mock God?

Sincerely,

G. Chesterson


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For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 43