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Jackie E-mails 21
This page lists emails exchanged by Chris and Jackie from 6 to 12 November 2010. Chris has found the CWCki pages on Jackie, and believes that the trolls have gotten into her computer. Jackie brings up Chris's PStriple addiction/dependency and pins him on his lying about the parade comics for Alec Benson Leary. Chris replies that he needs to at least meet Jackie in real life before he will consider changing. Chris also notes that he did not go to an alleged High School reunion because the address he was given was for a Region Ten mental health facility.
| November 6, 2010 - 10:27am
Yes, Jackie, I will redraw the pages with a parade for Alec for you, and I will be sure to color them all pre-recording. But after I do this for you, I want to be able to at least meet you and date you, no excuses. I can not really prove myself to you over long distance with videos and e-mails; I can only really prove myself to you in person, and you will truly be able to see me in my best when I am with a wonderful woman like you and only you.
Aside from that, though, I have recently shared some of my other thoughts with Samantha after that conversation on Thursday. I will forward you that e-mail, and let you read them for yourself.
I'll check in again later.
I Love You, Jacklyn.
| November 6, 2010 - 7:10pm
Hey Chris! Thanks for writing me today. I don't have a whole lot of time to talk right now, but I just wanted to let you know that after you do the comic pages, I'll be happy to meet you!! You know what though? in addition to doing the video, why don't you just send me the pages directly? I'd really appreciate that.
Anyway, gotta go, but keep me posted on when you'll have the comic done. The sooner you have it, the sooner we can meet!!
| November 7, 2010 - 7:55am
Well, Jackie, I would be happy to scan the pages after draw and color for you, but as I have informed you earlier, my PC is hard to boot up currently, and it is turned off. I won't be able to scan again until after I get the new PC tower. The best I can and will do at the moment is photograph the pages with my digital camera. You will have the pages as soon as possible; I will let you know upon completion.
Also, the communicaton link to my cell phone worked good Thursday night, perhaps when we are discussing the meetng details, we can do it over the phone.
Please tell me what your thoughts were after reading the recent e-mail I forwarded to you in your reply.
| November 7, 2010 - 3:17pm
Hey Chris! I'll write more later and give a more detailed response to the email you sent, sorry I haven't yet, suuuper busy weekend. I have a big project I got slammed with last week. Anyway, the library has scanners too, so when you go to upload the video, you can just scan the pages and email them to me all at once!
| November 7, 2010 - 10:18pm
I found these earlier today, and I felt you should know about these Cwcki pages.
This is serious. I do not know who got into your computer, but I felt it my duty to warn you about it. Keep on your toes and Stay Safe.
| November 8, 2010 - 10:19pm
Wow, they got ahold of all that stuff? That worries me. I still am swamped at the moment, I wish I had more time to deal with it. Or more time just to talk to you, at any rate.
Also, how is the comic going? I can't wait to see you finally find Alec innocent and put that silly grudge stuff behind you.
I'll write more tomorrow :) :)
| November 9, 2010 - 1:48pm
Okay Chris, I've got a little more time now finally. I read fully the letter you sent to Samantha and have been considering my response, and can offer a well-thought out one now.
So you mention the "investment" you've made in the PS3. As both Samantha and myself have told you numerous times, all your games are not an investment. They're a liability. This is about more than just money. You spend what little money you have to buy games, then you spend almost all your time playing them instead of doing something constructive with your life. And you just keep buying more, more, more video games. I told you months ago I wanted you to stop, you gave me a little lip service about doing so, but I know you've continued to acquire more PS3 games at the same exact rate you've always done. Your PS3 game acquisition has not slowed down one bit. And your word choice regarding getting rid of it - saying you were "able" to get rid of it once only because of a complex set of circumstances outside your control - only proves my point that you are addicted to that infernal drug. And besides, Lars invested a hell of a lot in his boats, too - but the money was already gone the moment he bought them. He would never get full value back for those things, or even most of it. The point of getting rid of your addiction is not to get your money back. The point of getting rid of your addiction is to get rid of your addiction, period.
Then, there are the lies. You lied to me repeatedly, about cutting back on PS3 games and such, but most recently and memorably about doing the parade comic for me. You lied first when you told me you would do it even though you had no intention of doing so. Then, you lied about THAT - you claimed that I "misunderstood" you, that you had previously stated that you would not do the parade comic, so I should have known you wouldn't do that because you had made it clear. But there's a hole in that story, Chris, a pretty big one: my email where I told you to do the parade comic, and to which you responded with "I'll do all of that for you", was the FIRST mention I EVER made of a parade comic. Prior to that, we had never spoken of the parade - I hadn't even thought of it til I sent that email! So when you said you'd do the parade comic but meant not to, that was a lie, and when you claimed you had previously told me that you wouldn't do the parade comic, you lied AGAIN.
Another concern I have with you is that you seem to be calling yourself "retarded" an awful lot lately. Frankly, I think it's getting to be kind of artificial, as if you want people to have pity for you whenever things don't go your way. It also seems really odd that you call yourself retarded, but by lying to me repeatedly, it seems like you think I'M the one who is retarded. I know you have autism, but I also know that you're not stupid, and I know that you understand what I mean when I tell you to stop lying, and I especially know that you know that it's not really okay to use a "lack of inspiration" as an excuse to not do something when I've already given you the inspiration for it.
It kind of makes me sad that you are willing to just give in and let Lars win. But hey, if you'd rather just be friends, I guess I'll have to accept that and be your friend. On the other hand, if that's not what you want - if you do actually want to be with me - the door is still open. Lars burned his boats for me but that doesn't mean he's not still on probation, you know. He has to go a long way before I can trust him fully again. Lars told me that he admitted to you that he's afraid if you got rid of your PS3, I would dump him in a heartbeat. Well, Chris, his fears are well-founded. If you got rid of that addictive PS-triple, I would be knocking on your door the next day. Because if you take that drug addiction out of the equation, then you still come out ahead of Lars.
Now, as for our private chats being on the cwcki, at the moment I have no idea how that happened. I questioned Lars about it when you first told me, he seemed shocked but I don't think he has anything to do with it. Lars genuinely seems to like you, I don't think he would do that sort of dirty thing to you, and he KNOWS that he has no more breathing room with me, he's staying on the straight and narrow. As for how it was acquired, and by who, I still don't know. I'm doing a virus scan of my computer currently to see if someone put some data collection virus or something on it. I'll let you know more as I learn more.
Well anyway, I'm still looking forward to seeing the new comic pages! Remember that you can just scan them at the library, so you can still send me the pages. When do you think you'll have that done? How many have you completed thus far?
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
| November 10, 2010 - 5:26pm
Firstly, the address of the so-called reunion was actually a Region 10 Building. Obviously a troll, long ago, created him/herself a fake account on the alumni website, and inputed that location. It was obviously a damned ploy. So, no, I did not go there, because I was too well-aware of the situation.
Also, I have done some thinking recently, I realized had little self-respect and confidence, and mentally, I am striking to change that. Starting with something I feel you needed to hear from me. It was very nice conversing with you through e-mail and AIM and all that I have done for you, But I have realized that while I have told you in full honesty that I love you, at this time and before, I've been in love with the idea of you. I can not really say, "I feel really good when I'm around you" unless I have Actually been around you in person in real life. Which is a legitimate reason why I have been hesistant on easily getting rid of certain materiial things of great invested value. Unless I actually feel the feelings I should be feeling in True, Full, Undoubtful Love to the max, I am going to continue to be reluctant on such things. Plus have to also look out for number one here, Me and what makes me me. Why do you think I have been very insistant on meeting in person? A Pleasant Formality? It is to Confirm us to each other, so there would be more less distance between us emotionally and all that.
Anyway, I will draw and color the pages to find Alec not guilty, give him a parade and all. But I am still in the creating process on how to draw and write it. And considering my mental relay speed being slow, it will take a while. And regardless of When the pages will be done, You should be wantng and insistant on out in-person meeting if you have been and are in full support of our relationshp, and if you are hesistant, then you may as well go back to the black dude who you have met Before and For Real. I am not telling you anything negative or harsh, I am just telling you the deal straight up and full force.
I've been testing you too.
| November 10, 2010 - 7:50pm
Your message seems kind of surprising. I have to ask, did Rocky help you come up with this?
I ask for several reasons: One, a lot of these words don't really sound like something you'd say. Two, it kind of sounds like it comes from someone who doesn't know the full story. I know you talk to Rocky about a lot of things that go on in your life, and I know that you probably don't tell her all of the factors at play here.
You make it sound - and if Rocky is involved, it sounds like this is what she thinks too - that the only problem is that I am not appreciative of you. But while I'm sure you've talked to Rocky about how uncomfortable my requests are making you, have you talked to her about your own inconsistencies? Does she know about your continual lying to me? I notice you carefully avoided answering my point about the parade comic: You have repeatedly said that you previously told me you wouldn't do the parade so I should have known that, but then I pointed out that the email where you answered "I will do that for you" was the first ever mention of the parade comic, so there was no opportunity for you to refuse to do the parade comic before that. I asked you to do it and you said you would but you meant not to, that is literally all there is to it, but you kept trying to twist the truth. You are getting resentful that I seem to be asking a lot of you, but you ignored that I am resentful of your continual lying. Did you talk to Rocky about your lying? Or do you only tell her about the things that bother you?
I understand fully your hesitation to make a drastic change like getting rid of the PS3 prior to meeting me. That's why I gave you the contest in the first place - it was something for you to do for me that allowed you to keep your PS3. But then, instead of appreciate and take advantage of that, you repeatedly cut corners and lied to me anyway. So do you understand why I am hesitant to meet you until I see something that has your 100%, like the parade comic? Do you understand why I am especially hesitant given that I have given you numerous chances to show me what you can do, and you take the path of least resistance every time thus far? You're not the only one who has reason to be hesitant, Chris.
So anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing the pages. You say that regardless of when you get them done, I should be looking forward to seeing you. And that is true. But given the reasons you've given me to feel hesitant and scared about this, the lies and whatnot, YOU should be looking forward to doing something to put my fears to rest. Which means you should be eager to get the pages done.
Hope to hear from you soon,
| November 11, 2010 - 10:04pm
Chris, are you going to respond to me at all?
I finally took away your ability to lie to me about the parade comic, but rather than own up and admit you lied, you just got all mad at me because you think I am asking too much. And then when I point out that I don't think I'm asking too much by challenging you to stop lying to me and treating me like you think I'm too stupid to figure it out, you apparently stop talking altogether. I told a friend of mine about what you wrote, and she told me that "I'm not in love with you, I'm in love with the idea of you" spiel was from that Scott Pilgrim movie. Is that true? Did you just parrot some bit from a movie at me? I finally got it through your head that I wasn't going to believe your lies about not wanting to do the stupid comic, but rather than admit to me you lied, you'd rather just get mad at me and quote movie lines at me in an attempt to convince me that I'M a bad person for respecting myself enough to want a guy who's honest with me.
Do you ever honestly believe that you are at fault? Or would you rather just believe that anytime you get stressed, it's because the OTHER person is at fault for not giving you exactly what you want? If you're fine with that, then there's nothing I can do to change that, but enjoy being alone for the rest of your life, because if you keep staying mad at me for not accepting your lies, we won't be together, and if you keep having this attitude of superiority, no one else will want you either. Don't believe that's true? Well then, show me one girl who has put up with your superiority complex long enough to sleep with you.
Man up and admit for once you're in the wrong, and we can still talk. Or stay mad at me just because I don't want to be a doormat to your arrogance. It's your choice.
| November 12, 4:51pm
Firstly, Rocky is not involved or is aware of you at the moment. And, yes, the Scott Pilgrim movie was the starting point towards my thinking behind what I actually felt and thoughts and putting them into more accurate words. But, "Not in love with you, but the idea of you" actually came from an episode of Family Guy.
Second, I am sorry for lying to you at first on the parade pages. I had spoke before the actual full thought process that made me realized my discomfort on throwing him a parade. Sometimes, I don't think fully behind my immediate response(s); it is one of my own character flaws.
Yesterday, I was in and out of the house most of the day; I apologize for not sending you a message. I was not snapping at you when I talked about the reunion thng. And I do not blame you for any of my stress at the moment. You are not an idiot, and I do not like to call anyone such a hurtful adjective. I am at fault for some of my own stress and directed and misdirected negative feelings and negative thoughts. I ever said I was always right, and yes I am sometimes wrong. I am in constant blank-mindedness from retarded mental relays of ideas, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Initially, when it is something that is in long, extensive, complicated detail, when elaborated to me, I take it in and fully understand it on my own slow mental process; I can not be expected to have a thought-out applicable or appropriate response right away. It takes concentration from me then, and somtimes my own random access memory with a dash of ADHD, it makes it not easy to concentrate extensively on the same topic.
I think I may have confused superiority with self-respect; I have lacked self-confidence often in my life, so I can be in error when I have a moment when I try to stand up for myself, act in self-respect, etc., etc., etc.
But I have been deeply thinking as extensively as possible in segments about how to retell the story where Alec, Sean and even Evan and Mao, were all forgiven and found not guilty; I give a shout out to the person who kept up the Cwcipedia for as long as it was up; Calvin and Dee^2 take the four into their custody for a High School Parade on theirown Two floats; Mao and Evan are set as examples of busted Cyber-Bullies/Trolls; Alec and Sean are promoted as the next Dark Humor Comic Authors, and the four Road Trip and move to the Amish Community of their own decision to stay with their relatives there and start new lives of their own there.
I also have an idea of coming over to Mary Baldwin, looking you up and surprise you with a pleasint meet and visit with flowers and candy from me. I don't know why I'm spoiling the surprise like this; I guess it Is to show that I do care about you, and I would and will come to you instead.
And if I left out anythng that I may have missed from your past e-mails, I'm sorry. And I was wrong before for my lies mistakes.
Dazed and blank,
| November 12, 2010 - 7:44pm
You got it from Family Guy? That's odd, my friend said that stuff was in the Scott Pilgrim movie. Well, whatever.
I'm glad you're finally admitting to lying. Doesn't it feel good to get that off your back? It certainly makes me feel good to see that you're owning up to it and we can begin to put it behind us. I understand that you spoke before you thought fully about it, a lot of people speak before they think sometimes, I've certainly done it. But you should have come to me with your concerns and objections as soon as you thought of them, instead of just keeping silent and then trying to cover it up once I found out. That way we can talk about whatever the problem is. Next time, okay? :)
I also wish you would stop calling yourself retarded. It makes me feel kind of sad to see you put yourself down like that. Yes, you can be slow sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're retarded. You are not retarded. You are an intelligent and crafty person who sometimes has trouble putting his thoughts together. That's nothing to be ashamed of - like I said, a lot of people have slow-minded moments sometimes. It's not something anyone can judge you for. Just make sure that even if you're having trouble thinking of a response for something, that you do what you can do - make sure to touch base and let me know what's going on. Or if you're having second thoughts about something or change your mind about it later, then talk to me about it. That's all you need to do. And maybe I should have talked to you about this sooner, because like I said, you've been talking about this being retarded thing for a while. But you are definitely NOT retarded. You know that, right?
As far as the parade goes, you still have some weird ideas: If the four are found not-guilty, why would they be taken into custody? That shouldn't happen. And if they're not guilty, then they can't be put up as examples of cyber-bullies. I mean, it makes no sense to put them on show for crimes they are found not-guilty of. They should be found not guilty, and then escorted by Calvin and Hobbes^2 to the parade. And then don't send them to an Amish community. That doesn't make sense, why would they want to move there? Alec never said anything about having ties to an Amish community. Send them home to Minnesota so Alec can continue his work.
Anyway, I kind of thought maybe Rocky helped you say that because, like I said, those words kind of came out of the blue. But you haven't talked to her about me? Has she ever given you advice on how to handle your slow-minded moments, or on being honest with people? What kinds of things does she say about those subjects? What other sort of advice does she give you? I have a friend in grad school studying to be a counselor, she likes to learn about this kind of stuff.
Anyway, talk to you soon,
XO XO XO
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