Difference between revisions of "Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)"

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{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Comic CWC.PNG|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] (in universe)
24 March 2005 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human (can transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]])
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Mayor of CWCville
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
|  [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
|-
|}


[[Image:Chris0.jpg|thumb|<s>Chris's most accurate self portrait</s> [[Sammy|Try this.]]]]
[[Image:CWCFlex.jpg|thumb|Definitely not this one.]]
[[Image:Cwcanatomy.JPG|thumb|Anatomy analysis of the character]]
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], [[Chris]] has portrayed himself as more than a [[Obesity|fat]] [[autism|autistic]] slob who refuses to work. Within the comic universe, '''Chris''' is the mayor of [[CWCville]], "father" of hero [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and beloved by all ''despite'' failing almost as much as in real-life.


Despite the sub-episodes ostensibly featuring Real Chris, he can't seem to keep from evoking superpowers and plot contrivances.


==In the comic==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|left|A typical comic depiction of Chris - a tall, broad shouldered, handsome young man. Compare to the real hunched, fatty, double-chinned Chris.]]
[[Image:CWC collage.jpg|thumb|left|Chris is a master of consistency.]]
Chris depicts himself as Mayor of his fictional town, [[CWCville]]. Unlike real life, comic-Chris is popular, good-looking, and surrounded by women (in reality, [[trolls]], [[Gal pal|gal-pals]] who [[Megan Schroeder|hate him]], or fictional creations like [[Allison Amber]]) He also has the ability to change himself into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and use all the powers of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] at will (thus rendering Sonichu and company completely irrelevant).


Any characteristics comic-Chris possess stems from Chris's attempt to portray himself as the lovable loser type of character, known from any generic romantic comedy. He is noble, brave, intelligent, and surrounded by cartoon characters who fawn over him. But since Chris wants to score some cheap sympathy points, comic-Chris is also portrayed as having trouble with [[Love Quest|finding a girlfriend]] and is shown to have a limited ability to fight off his [[Manajerks|enemies]] and is regularly in need of help from his supportive friends in order to overcome his problems. In the comic, real-life relics like his [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]] aren't handicaps, they're magical objects which can make his [[China|dreams come true]]. He even has a job as Mayor of CWCville, and a [[Allison Amber|doting secretary]] on whom he dumps all his [[Semen|dirty work]], which she takes with a smile.


In other words, comic-Chris is who real Chris really wants to be. This does however, have the unfortunate side effect of making comic-Chris arguably even more murderous and psychotic than the real Chris, primarily due to him possessing the power to actually carry out his [[Death threats|threats]] in an artificial environment where he can kill and maim those who annoy him, and be completely in the right about it.


In the space of only 11 issues, he's [[Gun Comic|blown out]] [[Liquid|someone]]'s kneecaps with a [[Megatron Pistol|handgun]] after he'd surrendered, [[Sonichu #0|destroyed the home life]] of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job at the place Chris was soliciting at, sealed up and destroyed a populated building whilst ensuring no living thing escaped, destroyed another building full of [[JERKS|people]] whose only crimes were [[troll]]ing, broke into [[Mary Lee Walsh|an old woman]]'s home and brutally attacked her to the extent of causing paralysis, directly ordered the murder of over 1,000 people in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, carried out a mini-Holocaust on [[homosexual]]s and asexuals, and arranged a [[Sonichu #10|show trial]] for [[Asperpedia Four|four men]] in an openly biased court, before personally executing them in brutal and inhumane ways. Why? For making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]].


It should also be noted that he does this all with a [[The Creepy Stare|gleeful smile]] on his face, and with no [[remorse]] or justification for it whatsoever.


It should be noted that [[Sammy]] is actually a more visually accurate depiction of Chris in the comic.


===[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]===


Being the narcissistic tool he is, Chris felt it reasonable to add himself into his own comic. Right from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] Chris is depicted on the front cover commanding Sonichu to "Zap to the extreme!", and within the comic itself, congratulating Sonichu for his victory. At this point, not only is Chris drawing himself semi-realistically, but he is still a minor character. ''Sonichu'' #0 is one of the rare issues that is actually based primarily around the idea of Sonichu as the protagonist.


===[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]===


''Sonichu'' #1 is Chris's lowest-key outing to date, merely depicting himself commenting on the actions of the characters, and, bizarrely, his own [[Art|drawing ability]].


===[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]===


Having again drawn himself on the cover, by ''Sonichu'' #2 Chris has turned himself into a fully-fledged main character. Going insane with self-absorption, Chris depicts himself as the embodiment of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] foretold by his [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|ancestors]]. It is in this issue that he first gains his ability to turn into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], an event which will dominate the rest of the series almost to the point of [[Sonichu]]'s redundancy.
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>


===[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]===


After featuring heavily in the previous comic, Chris takes a backseat to the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Sadly, he still can't resist adding his head onto the first page.


===[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]===


The legendary comic made entirely up of sub-episodes about Chris's life. Things get a little confusing because not only are the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] depicted as existing in Real Chris's universe, but he also has super-powers with which to battle the [[jerkop]]s. Again, Chris is depicting himself with selfless friends and powers he wished he actually had, but doesn't. And all the powers and Pokémon in the world still don't stop him getting beaten by the Jerkops or being trolled by [[Hanna]]. This comic also marks the introduction of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], the sister he wishes he had in real life (for [[china|obvious]] reasons).


===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===
[[Image:Chris5.jpg|thumb|150px|Manga Chris]]


Real Chris, distraught at discovering [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] is getting married, depicts himself as a noble gentleman who wants what's best for her and allows her to get married. In reality Sarah couldn't care less what Chris thought about her marriage, which renders his acceptance of the wedding null and void. An interpretation could be made that Chris is battling the two versions of himself - the side who wants Sarah all to himself (Real Chris, played by [[Wes Iseli]]) and the side who wants Sarah to be happy (Comic Chris). It probably helped that by this point Chris had transferred his feelings for Sarah over to [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], who makes her début appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]], allowing him to make the noble choice a lot easier than it would have otherwise been.


This comic also introduces the pseudo-manga look (thanks a lot, Megan) that would come to characterize later comics.


By the next episode, things starts to get confusing. Yes, Chris is Mayor of [[CWCville]] and can order around public servants, but he still can't find a [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend]]. Despite this, he continues to depict himself as a noble warrior of [[China|love]], protecting all of [[Virginia]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh|those who would to take it away]].


===[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]===


''Sonichu'' #6 is the first issue to go into detail about how Comic Chris manages to manage running a city while sitting around getting [[Hanna|trolled]]. Opening with Real Chris discovering that his beloved dog [[Patti Chandler]] can talk, the action soon switches to Comic Chris as they enter CWCville. Chris introduces [[Patti-Chan]] to [[Allison Amber]], a Hollywood starlet who gave up her promising career to run CWCville while Chris was sitting in his [[Attraction Location|attraction locations]]. This character is indicative of how Chris portrays himself as so charismatic that young women drop everything to do his bidding. He is the "Big Cheese". Either way, fictional Allison Amber has a boyfriend, so Chris loses out in his own comic yet again.


Comic Chris spends the rest of the comic bemoaning his loneliness, and making veiled hints that [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] is his true [[sweetheart]].


===[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]===
[[Image:Chris7.jpg|thumb|Chris as depicted in ''Sonichu'' #7]]
[[Image:Chrisandsammy.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Sammy]] together]]


The megalomania begins on the cover, which is decorated with tiny pictures of the important moments of Chris's life, such as the time he held a basketball or tricked Megan into being photographed with him.


The comic itself revolves around Comic Chris and Megan, who is depicted as struggling with her feelings for Chris (in reality, she hated him). The comic at this point was being used as a tool to attract Megan, so much of the extraneous action is centered on the dating life of the [[Sonichu (species)|sonichus]] as a (barely) veiled hint as to what direction their friendship should take. The courting of Megan is also why it's the most Manga-centric issue to date, as well as the most inconsistent when it comes to Chris's depictions of himself, as he manages to draw himself differently in every frame.
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>


This issue is also notable because it introduces [[Sammy]], a younger version of Comic Chris who is a lot more similar to Real Chris, in that he watches TV on [[Ghostbusters|"ghost command,"]] is [[Obesity|massively overweight]], and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits his pants]].


Halfway through making the comic Chris was being trolled relentlessly, so he responded by trapping himself in the [[Time Void]], and thus removing himself from the direct action.


===[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]===
Unable to keep himself completely out of the action, Chris emerges temporarily from the time void on the 10th floor in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in order to physically assault an employee who is working on a caricature of the [[The Oversized Drinking Straw|over-sized drinking straw]] picture, while [[Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu]] cheer HIM ON in unison. Chris disappears immediately afterward.


===[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]===
Chris still can't help but put himself in the comic, even when he's said to be out of the scene, in issue #9. The first time he shows up is during [[Ivy]]'s "vision" portraying her being with Chris as told by [[GodJesus|God and Jesus]]. The second time is at the end of the comic. In the scene, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Wild Sonichu]] discover the [[Time Void]] and end up pulling Chris out of the void. Fifteen minutes later, Chris, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], unveils some sort of plan (which is never mentioned) and he races off. On the final page, Chris declares that he, and anyone he created out of his sweetheart search misadventures, will never show up in the pages of his comic again... though the last page presumes that it'll continue in ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.


===[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]===
Despite the announcement at the end of the previous issue, Chris's character returns and quickly places himself in the middle of the spotlight. Whatever small narrative restraints the character had before are now completely gone, and he works more as a wish-fulfilling Marty Stu than ever. Even worse, Comic Chris has inherited the same exact personality as his real-life counterpart. During the time this issue was being drawn, Chris was boiling with [[Chris and anger|rage]] and [[Death threats|crying for the blood]] of [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Clyde Cash]], [[Evan|and]] [[Asperpedia|every]] [[Alec Benson Leary|other]] [[troll]] and for the  [[Christian Love Day|"straightening out"]] of [[homosexual]] [[JERK|males]] due to all the gay ads in his [[CWCipedia]].


At the beginning of the comic Chris discusses the future, wherein he is to be married to a woman named [[Lovely Weather]] and, since he slept with her, he is no longer a virgin. Apparently, homosexuality is such a big problem in the future that Chris was also asked by future scientists to donate some of his "straight" blood so they could use it for a vaccine. Chris, however, hoping to employ it on the homos in the present, sends Magi-Chan back to the future to steal a crate of the vaccine.


Chris moves on to fight some devil trolls who had infested his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|old website]], and then he attacks and destroys 4-cent_garbage.com leaving a hundred people dead in the process, including Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, who are forced to commit suicide.


Chris is then attacked by [[Naitsirhc]], but Chris eventually gets the upper hand and tries out the gay vaccine on him. After Naitsirhc turns back into his old incarnation, Chris declares the vaccine a success, and gives the order to pollute all the drinking water supplies in the world with it, effectually eradicating homosexuality and asexuality (since Chris for some reason does not like that either).


[[Meg Griffin]] suddenly turns up and claims to be fan of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], much to Chris's pleasure. After beating up some random guy who called Meg "sir" and Chris "madam", he cheats on Lovely Weather by making out with her, after her confirming that she is consensual. Unbeknownst to Chris, Meg is really [[Silvana Rosechu]] in disguise, and Chris has therefore been trolled.


Once again Chris feels the need to apologize without really apologizing, this time to the homosexuals who might have been offended by the fact that he just committed something comparative to genocide against them. With that out of the way, Chris takes out the [[Sonichu Balls]] and transforms into [[Collosal Chan]], and together with Sonichu, who have now been transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]], he sets out to "right some wrongs". Aside from the minor detail of getting [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] out of the mirror, [[Collosal Chan|Hobo Chan's]] main priority is getting rid of [[Asperchu]], which he does by breaking into Asperchu/Alec Benson Leary's house, fingerbanging his "[[Xbox|HEXBox Pavilion]]" to the breaking point and turning Asperchu and the rest of the comic cast into "improved" versions of themselves.


After this, Hobo-Chan fights [[Mary Lee Walsh]], leaving her completely paralyzed and sentenced to a lifetime in CWCville's maximum-security prison (killing her is out of the question after the [[Liquid Chris]] furor). After that, Chris reverts to his human form and gives a speech. Meanwhile, Simonla Rosechu is murdered, and the Asperpedia Four are arrested for the crime. And at the same times as Chris starts giving out blessing and apologies to the Asperpedia Four, they are subjected to a show trial for their crime against him and CWCville, and are brutally executed by the Sonichus, with Chris partaking in Alec's execution by electrocution, and personally carrying out Mao's execution by tearing him apart with his psychic powers.


And so the issue ends with Chris by urging everyone to celebrate his masturbatory holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and leap and dance and sing praise in his name, for great is his wisdom and his benevolence.
===[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]===
Chris has yet to appear in the unfinished ''Sonichu'' #11.


==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Christian Weston Chandler}}
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Obesity]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler]] – Chris IRL
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] – his [[Patti-Chan|furry]] side
*[[Collosal Chan]] - the personification of his God complex
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] – his [[Silvana|feminine]] side
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] – his [[homo]] side
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] – his [[Niggos|racist]] side
*[[Sammy]] – his much more [[Honest Content|honest]] self-portrait
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]


[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
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Revision as of 01:27, 28 September 2011

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