Difference between revisions of "Get-Tar Region"

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On 20 July [[2005]], Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local '''Target''' mall store and continue his [[Love Quest]]. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a [[slow-in-the-mind]].
Long live ThePCAssassins!
 
{{quotebox|"July 20, [[2005]]: … I was at the new [[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was [[Virgin with rage|NOT]]! I was there [[Love Quest|hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl]], like I usually do.
 
Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly [[Stress|annoyed]] and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|ready to strike back on them]]. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|prepared speech]] to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|pants]], and [[Kick the autistic|pinned me to the floor]]. Five Jerkops [[Patti Chandler|dog]]-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of [[Pickles|sausages]] on my [[obesity|180 pound body]] was seriously a [[Semen|cut-off for my Breathing Flow]]. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the [[Homos|victim]], but I was [[Fangs|angry]] at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]].
 
They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to [[Chris and the Law|court]] on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.
 
So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the [[Sex toys|handcuffs]] on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], comic genius}}
 
[[Image:Target Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Charlottesville]] branch of Target]]
 
==Target incident according to Chris==
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the '''Get-Tar Region'''" (which causes many newfags to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain [[Wikipedia:Guitar Center|Guitar Center]]), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] saves him from a [[Transformers|Transformer]].
 
What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] to fill the singularity inside his gut with their soda, drawing his shit [[comic]]s, and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].
 
{{quote|This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl]] now. Especially since this [[Love Quest]] has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. [[Excel Saga|Only three days since I skipped my last deadline!]] :)|Christian Weston Chandler, [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]], 5 years ago}}
 
So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or [[death|died]], whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad. 
 
Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being an [[autistic]] [[virgin]], and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by [[Mary Lee Walsh]], in a scene ripped off from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]''). 
 
In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he essentially writes [[Barbara|his own mother]] out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.
 
The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "[[Attraction Sign|Soliciting]]", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.
 
==The real story==
{{quote|I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the [[jerkop]]s, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....[[Chris and the law|He tried to fucking run.]] Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.|[[Emily]]}}
 
==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image: Chris-Straw.jpg|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw|Summary of Chris's agenda at the Get-Tar Region.]]
Image: Targetincidentrendition.jpg|An artist's rendition of the target incident.
Image: Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|The Jerkhief puts his thousand pound sausage in Chris
Image: Chris-Carpet-Burn.jpg|HOG-TIME HIM!
</gallery>
 
==See also==
* [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]
==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target Corporation]] at [[Wikipedia]]
 
{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}
 
[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Revision as of 10:57, 25 May 2011

Long live ThePCAssassins!

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