View source for Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)

'''"Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)"''' is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of {{w|Meat Loaf}}'s "{{w|Paradise by the Dashboard Light}}", dedicated to [[Ivy]]'s pet [[hermit crabs]], [[User:CrassCrab|Crass]] and [[User:Champthom|Champ]]. It is the seventh track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''.

Unlike [[Chris]]'s previous work, where he wrote new lyrics, this time he just sings the original song word-for-word, adding the names of the crabs intermittently to identify them as the male and female characters in the song's story, in addition to a few minor references to the sea. Ivy said that this laziness is because "Paradise..." was one of the last songs Chris wrote and he was getting [[Chris and stress|bored]]. His inability to keep both in rhythm and in tune with the song is outstanding.

Notable variations from the Meat Loaf version are that Chris omits the entire {{w|Phil Rizzuto}} baseball section of the song, is incapable of singing the faster parts and frequently cannot distinguish between the male and female voices. ([[BlueSpike|Sound familiar?]]) He sings in a [[Autism|boring monotone]] when he realizes it's the boy's part, and a [[Tomgirl Pictures|screeching falsetto]] when he realizes it's the girl's part. Even funnier, Chris believes that Crass and Champ were male and female, respectively, even though Ivy told him that [[Homos|the two were male]].

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name           = "Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)"
| ytid           = GVYnHAVmyDo
| stardate       = [[April 2009]]
| subject        = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}, {{Comics|[[Crass and Champ]]}}
| style          = 
| other          = {{Audio|text}}
| saga           = 
| shirt          = 
| previous       = [[Lovin' You]]
| next           = [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]
}}

===Lyrics===

[''sung over Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"'']

Crass remembers every little thing<br>
As if it happened only yesterday<br>
Parking by the lake and there was another- not another coral in sight<br>
And [[Virgin with rage|I never had a girl]]<br>
Looking any better than you did<br>
And all the kids at school, they were wishin' they were me that night.<br>

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight<br>
Never felt so good never felt so right<br>
And we're glowin' like the metal on the edge of a [[Cutco|knife]]<br>
Glowin' like the metal on the edge of a knife<br>
C'mon. Holdin' tighhhh- tight<br>
C'mon. Hold tight<br>

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night<br>
I can see paradise by the seashore liiight<br>

[''in a creepy falsetto'']

Ain't no doubt about it<br>
We were doubly blessed<br>
Cause we were barely seventeen<br>
And we were barely dressed<br>

Ain't no doubt about it<br>
Baby got to go and shout it<br>
Ain't no doubt about it<br>
We were doubly blessed<br>

[''boring monotone resumes'']

Cause we were only seventeen<br>
And we were barely dressed<br>

Champ don'cha hear my heart<br>
You got it drowning out the waves<br>
Been waiting so long<br>
For you to come along and have some fun<br>

And I gotta let ya know<br>
No you're never gonna regret it<br>
So open up your eyes I got a big surprise<br>
It'll feel all right<br>
I wanna make your- oh shark! [?]

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight<br>
It never felt so good, it never felt so right<br>
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife<br>
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife

C'mon! Hold on tight!<br>
C'mon! Hold on tight!<br>

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night<br>
I can see paradise by the seashore light<br>
[''mumbles'']

You got to do what you can<br>

[''he returns to the falsetto'']

And let Mother Nature do the rest<br>
Ain't no doubt about it<br>
We were doubly blessed<br>

Cause we were barely seventeen<br>
And we were barely--<br>

We're gonna go all the way tonight<br>

[''returns to normal voice'']

We're gonna go all the way...<br>

[''loses track of song and starts mumbling'']

..tonight..<br>
..all the way tonight..

[''song skips'']

[''in falsetto yet again'']

Stop right there!<br>
I gotta know right now!<br>
Before we go any further!<br>

Do you love me?<br>
Will you love me forever?<br>
Do you need me?<br>
Will you never leave me?<br>
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my liiife?<br>
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?<br>

Do you love me?<br>
Will you love me forever?<br>
Do you need me?<br>
Will you never leave me?<br>
Will you make me happy the rest of my life?<br>
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?<br>
I gotta know right now Crass!<br>
Before we go any further<br>
Do you love me?<br>
Will you love me forever?<br>

[[Image:Paradiseseashore.png|thumb|300px|right|Fanart depiction of the events of "Paradise By the Seashore Light" (based on Crass and Champ's respective [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] avatars).]]
[''monotone'']

CHAAAMP!

CHAMP!

Let me sleep on it<br>
Champ, Champ let me sleep on it<br>
And I'll derp derp derp (?)<br>
And I'll give you an answer in the morning<br>

Let me sleep on it<br>
Champ, Champ let me sleep on it<br>
Let me sleep on it<br>
And I'll give you an answer in the morning<br>

Let me sleep on it<br>
Chaaamp, Champ let me sleep on it<br>
Let me sleep on it<br>
And I'll give you an answer in the morniiing<br>

[''falsetto'']

CRASS!<br>
...you know right now!<br>
Do you love me-me?<br>
Will you need me forever?<br>
Do you need me?<br>
Will you never leave me?<br>
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?<br>
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?<br>
I gotta know right now, Crass!<br>
Before we go any further<br>
Do you love me?<br>
Love me forever?<br>

[''monotone'']

CHAMP?

Champ?

Ch- [''mumbles in his falsetto'']

Champ?

Sleep on it<br>
Champ, Champ let me sleep on it<br>
Let me sleep on it<br>
And I'll give you an answer in the morning

[''falsetto'']

I GOT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!

[''monotone'']

Let me sleep on it!

[''alternates between falsetto and monotone'']

Will you love me forever?<br>
Let me sleep on it! <br>
Will you love me forever><br>
Let me sleep on it<br>
AND I'LL GIVE YOU AN ANSWER, CHAMP! CHAMP!

[''mumbles in a high-pitched tone to the words'']

.. love mee<br>
Love me forever?<br>
...sleep on it<br>
...love me forever?<br>
Let me sleep on it!<br>
Will you love me forever?

Let me sleep- [''mumbles'']<br>
And when the feeling came upon me<br>
Like a tidal wave<br>
I started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave<br>
That I would love you to the end of time<br>
I swore that then end- I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time<br>
To hurry up and arrive<br>
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you<br>
I don't think that I can really survive

I'll never break a promise or forget my vow<br>
But God only knows what I can do right now<br>
I'm praying for the end of time<br>
It's all that I can do<br>
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you... Champ!

[''mumbles in a low tone, then switches to a high tone. Sounds like he's saying "beep beep beep!"'']

[''falsetto'']

...edge of a knife<br>
Glowing like a metal on the edge of a [[Pocket knife|knife]] (x5)<br>
Glowing like a metal on... [''mumbles'']<br>
...edge of a knife<br>
...edge of a knife<br>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]