Difference between revisions of "Prank calls"

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It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>


== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===


<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Hel-(cut off by static)
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Hi I'm *inaudible*
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry what?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Good evening.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, good evening.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I see.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, no. I have not.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Well I-[cut off by Chris]
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> We'll, we'll do that sir.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah okay, that's fine.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I see. Hmm.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Okay that's good.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes they are mean.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [cutting in] Spanish.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Mhm.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Chris, can I just say something?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mhm?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Thank you.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> So what is Asperchu?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> What?
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Why would he do that to you?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Right.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Egged? Your house has been egged?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> It's a waste of eggs.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah that's probably-
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I wanted to ask you a question.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mhm?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Y'know Magi-chan?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a play off the word magician.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Ah, I see.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She's a fan.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> She's a fan?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Like us?
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [inaudible]
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She talked to me recently.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Oh, where does she live?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, she lives in Florida.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Florida? That's-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [cuts in] Yeah.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well-
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [cuts in] Around.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Chris!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mhm?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Could I ask your opinion on something?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mhm?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Um, do you like Digimon?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Digimon's okay.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> But you think poké-
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Do you like Kermit the Frog?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> 'Kay.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No. I-
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> You like it?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mkay.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> No.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Do you have a friend code for it?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Ah.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Ah okay.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Chris, who do you use?
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> He uses Sonic of course.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm, that's interesting.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
<br>[End of audio]
}}


=== Part 2 ===


<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I have not.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> She's from Australia.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> (cutting in) Hello?
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> (cutting in) she's just
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> (inaudible)
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Do you like Family Guy then?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Thank you.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Yeah, I've-
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> That's your shirt.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm... Indeed.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I might.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> I like (inaudible)
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> I don't even know what that is man.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> [unintelligible], Ponies~.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Which project is it?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh it's some, uh... (static)
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm. Yeah.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Umm... I might.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> The Views.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah, we need the views, please.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Eh, I might.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ok, hello.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> Why?
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> I like drawing, too.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> (cuts back in) -drawings.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Do you like, um, Wall-E?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Wally?
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I've never heard of that.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> What's your favorite movie?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mary Poppins.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Mary Poppins?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Is that your favorite animal?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> What is your favorite animal?
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> Sonichu?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
<br><font color="#006600">'''Jynx:'''</font> Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ok, thank you.
<br><font color="#FF0066">'''Girl:'''</font> (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
<br><font color="#990000">'''Jack:'''</font> That was my sister, sorry.
}}


==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Fq85iYxv4OA}}
</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> Would it be possible for me to get your name?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You called me.
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
<br><font color="ChrisTheHacker">'''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):'''</font> Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
<br>[''redialed'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't understand why you're callin' me.
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> What insurance department?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> I'm advising you to stop calling.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> No one's called ya.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> No one's called ya.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
<br>[''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Are- are you the sheriff's department?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Good. Why did you call me?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> No one's called ya.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't call you! Listen!
<br>[''call dropped; redialed'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> What's the phone number comin' in?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Nothin'.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Well, hang up!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Who is this?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who the hell is this?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't know.
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Who is this?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, insurance department of what?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> Big Daddy's Pizza.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
<br><font color="OfficerMartin">'''Officer Martin (soundboard):'''</font> I'm advising you to stop calling.
<br>[''redialed'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> Hello.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why are you calling my phone?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> Fuck you.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Forget my number! Alright?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> Whatta ya need done?
<br>[''redialed'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> Duncan Construction.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> This is Frank Garrett.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> This is who?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> This is Frank Garrett.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> What is on your mind, sir?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> [interrupting] No.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
<br><font color="FrankGarrett">'''Frank Garrett (soundboard):'''</font> No.
<br>[''redialed'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yes, why are you calling my number?
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> I didn't call you.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> I have been called 15 times.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> OK.
<br>''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Hello!
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Who are you calling?
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> I didn't call you.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
<br><font color="GayFlorist">'''Gay Florist (soundboard):'''</font> I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
<br>[''redialed'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="DepressedGuy">'''Depressed Guy (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br>[''somber music plays in the background'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
<br><font color="DepressedGuy">'''Depressed Guy (soundboard):'''</font> I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
<br><font color="DepressedGuy">'''Depressed Guy (soundboard):'''</font> My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
<br>''[call ends]''
<br>''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}


==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.


<center>
{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}}
</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Umm
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}


==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.


<center>
{{#ev:youtube|oXKd7dBmvco}}
</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>
<font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why are you calling my phone?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Good evening sir, how are you?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Don't say that.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
<br>[Call likely cut - redialed]
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
<br>[Redialed]
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> I'm high-functionally autistic.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Hello!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Good evening sir, how are you?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm pretty good.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> I'm good!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why do you bother to call this phone?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Don't call us anymore.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Shut the hell up.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'll start cussing at at you.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> You weak little son of a bitch!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> My name is Christian.
<br>''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
<br>[''Bob hangs up'']
}}


=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.


<center>
{{#ev:youtube|V2yasF8ngxU}}
</center>


{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Hello.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Who do you think you are?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who are you?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who are you?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon, who or what is...
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> You ain't no man.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who do think I am?
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> God forgive you.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ...or whatever you are.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> Fine.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> You have got a issue problem.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):'''</font> [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
<br>[''Bob hangs up'']
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Harlem Barber:'''</font> Barbershop
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
<br><font color="IndianRed">'''Harlem Barber:'''</font> [''Whistles'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Hey, buddy.
}}


==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.


<center>
{{#ev:youtube|byFA81ReV7o}}
</center>


{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why are you calling me?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Why are you calling my phone?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who the hell is this?!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who do you think I am?!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Good.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -what's happened to me.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who are you?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I still didn't understand you.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Listen boy
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I don't need your crap.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Hello there.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Hello.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who the hell is this?!
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Hey buddy.
}}


== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.


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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font>-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Is-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Oh-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Your son-your son is a
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -one of the ways they do it.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Your son is a cartoonist?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yes he is.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well it's Sonic and chu.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Oh oh so-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Ever since before the year 2000-
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Oh
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Spoo-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Spoofing.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Oh, you-your
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> There-there are
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I am very sorry to hear that sir.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> -they are purposely ignoring this?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> They are purposely ignoring this?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right they won't do a thing about it.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Yeah-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> The caller ID won't block it or anything.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Are you a Republican sir?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> That is-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't vote for Obama that's-
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I did not vote for Obama either.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Heh. What part of New York are you in?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> General Electric?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah General Electric.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah well I retired from there so.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well I just want-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I think it's
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Uh what was-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Uh yeah uh that's-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [''laughs'']
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well that's just wrong.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Have you gotten the police involved yet?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Apparently-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -federal government says we don't have any money.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's absolutely correct.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> We've learned to just ignore it.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'll be alright.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Liquid Bob:'''</font> Alright take care now.
}}


== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].


Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>


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<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br>'''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
<br>'''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why you ringin' my number?
<br>'''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
<br>'''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
<br>'''Troll:''' Well, um...
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why you callin' my number?
<br>''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
<br>'''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
<br>'''Troll:''' Your-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
<br>'''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
<br>'''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Okay, cracker.
<br>[''Troll snickers'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
<br>'''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
<br>'''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
<br>'''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
<br>'''Troll:''' I do.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
<br>'''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
<br>'''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Thank you and good night.
<br>'''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
<br>[''call ends'']
}}


==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.


Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]




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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<br><font color="#C35817">'''John:'''</font> Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
<br><font color="#C35817">'''John:'''</font> Yeah, I-I have recorded-
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
<br><font color="#C35817">'''John:'''</font> Here, here's the call.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Stop trying to set up my son!
<br><font color="#C35817">'''John:'''</font> Here.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> One of you- one of you trolls out there
<br><font color="#C35817">'''John:'''</font> Here, what's this- here
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara:'''</font> Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
<br><font color="#C35817">'''John:'''</font> Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
<br><font color="#C35817">'''John:'''</font> Oh, she- Tch.


The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.


<br><font color="#F660AB">'''Girl'''</font>: Hello?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#F660AB">'''Girl'''</font>Who is this?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> My name is Christian Weston Chandler
<br><font color="#F660AB">'''Girl'''</font>: Who are you looking for?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> You want me to caress your breasts?
<br><font color="#F660AB">'''Girl'''</font>: What?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara (Soundboard):'''</font> SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}


==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may be a member of the Ku Klux Klan.


Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.


<center>
{{#ev:youtube|dqguWuNuMi0}}
</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Hello.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Mr. Chandler?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who is this?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> This is Answer Me Sanchez.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Who is Anthony Sanchez?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, I’m not on the Internet.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don’t think that’s any of your business.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Your son's an asshole!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I am relaxed, fella.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Well, um, good, um.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
<br><font color="purple">'''Barbara:'''</font> ''(inaudible)''
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, come on…
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I am in college!
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Try doing something constructive with your life.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> I am, unlike your son.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I have my degree, fella.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> He has his degree also.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done.  What's he done?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It’s none of your business.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Yeah!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Listen, fella- 
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Bob…
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hey.
<br>''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I'll get the stick!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> What about your son?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Fuck you, you Klansman!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Fuckin' Klansman.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
<br>''(more babbling)''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> For NAMBLA, I got it…
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Boy Scouts!
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you- 
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Like your son, right?
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> What about your phone? I…
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Chris gave us your number.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> I’m so glad we’re recording this. 
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Are you part of the KKK yourself?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Holy ''shit!''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
<br>''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That’s right, I graduated there.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Is Chris part of the KKK?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You don't wanna see it.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Yeah. Yeah. All right.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Like your son, Bob?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Bob-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> ''I’m'' talking about your son.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Why you gotta get so hostile?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> My son has a life.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> That’s what he puts on his website.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> He gets along with me fine.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> You kinda failed at that.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that. 
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> You've failed.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I sure do.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> What is it?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> HA! Check and mate.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> No you didn’t!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> No you didn’t!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Epic fuckin' failure.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
<br>''(Bob hangs up)''
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> That was fucking awesome.
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Troll 1:'''</font> Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
<br><font color="Pink">'''Troll 2:'''</font> Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}


==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Yes?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Uhh, who is this?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> My name is Christian.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Christian Weston Chandler...
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Christian Chandler?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> You need the police and the ambulance?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah.
<br>[''pause'']
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
<br>[''long pause'']
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
<br>[''long pause'']
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Can you tell me why you need them?
<br>[''pause'']
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> I'm high-functionally autistic.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
<br>[''short pause'']
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> OK, what's wrong?
<br>[''long pause'']
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Can you tell me what's goin' on?
<br>[''pause'']
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Hey, Christian?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yes?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Can I get your address?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> 14 Branchland Court.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Can I get your phone number?
<br>[''pause'']
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> No.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> You don't want to give out your phone number?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
<br>[''pause'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm Robert Chandler.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Why did you call me?
<br>[''pause'']
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Excuse me?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Sir, are you threatening me?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara (soundboard):'''</font> Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Is there anything, that I can do for you?
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara (soundboard):'''</font> [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> ...Okay, what can I do than?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Can I explain somethin' to you?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Yes you may.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
(<font color="#00AF33">'''Bob Interrupting:'''</font> Yeah)
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> and he gave me this address.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yes.
<br>[''pause'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Yes sir?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I need you to come over here.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Can you repeat what you just said to me?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Are you six years old or somethin'?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay sir, thank you for your time.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Listen boy!
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barbara (soundboard):'''</font> You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
<br> (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
<br>(Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay can you repeat what you just said?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay- what did I lie about?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Is this the Chandler?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Is this Christian? Or this the mother? <font color="RoyalBlue">'''(Chris interrupting.:'''</font> My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> My name is Christian.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Yup
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Excuse me?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris (soundboard):'''</font> No.
<br><font color="Receptionist">'''Receptionist:'''</font> Can you hold on just one moment please?
<br>(Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)


'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> Yeah police department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I can't understand you.
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> You are talking to Sgt. Libski
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> This is Sgt. Libski
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> Is this an emergency?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, I have no emergency.
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't- we don't have no problem!
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I am not calling, I answered my phone!
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> Are you making a prank call to the police department?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> Uh, you just called me.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No I didn't
<br><font color="DarkBlue">'''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):'''</font> [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
<br>[''unintelligible gibberish'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> What?
<br>[''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}


==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Oh.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Yeah, I hate the trolls.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> I'll be sure to let them know.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
<br>''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes. May I help you?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris:'''</font> Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Fan:'''</font> You too.
}}


==Carlos Chantor Call==


<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">''' Male voice:'''</font> All right, let's try this again.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Efeminate Caller:'''</font> Likely whore.


[''Sound of sniffing'']
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">''' Male voice:'''</font> uhhhh, faggot.


[''Phone rings'']
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> Oh, um.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Yes.
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Oh
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> another time please?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> Hmm. I may be.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> What kind of watersports?
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Will do, honey.
<br><font color="#00AF33">''' Chris:'''</font> Ok, all right, bye bye.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Effeminate Caller:'''</font> Bye now.
}}




==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==


A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.


<center>{{#ev:youtube|AzaqD8ACd8c}}</center>


<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>


{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> [indistinct].
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Hey
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Why you calling me?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Huh?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Why you calling my number?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Who is this?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
<br>[Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who- Who do you think I am?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Ohhhh...
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Why you calling my phone?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> You sound familiar, who is this?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Robert Chandler?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> ...Shoot!
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> You i- Are you out in Texas?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> A neighbor?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Right, I'm Choctaw.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Really, yeah.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yes.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Hmm!
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Why you calling me?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Well, what is on your mind?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who is this?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm Robert Chandler.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard:'''</font> Yes.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> In Oklahoma.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> You in Tulsa?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yes.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I-I'm a Texan, now.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Okay.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> HELLO THERE!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Hello!
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> Ah naaaar!
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Redneck:'''</font> ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
<br>
<br>[Call ends. New call]
<br>
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Hey.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> You sound familiar.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well who is this?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> You i- are you out in Texas?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
<br>[Long pause]
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> This is Mississippi.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ...Huh.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Huh?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, that's me, who is this?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well how do you know me?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Huh?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I said how do you know me?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> You sound familiar.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You just called my name, so how do you know me?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> HELLO THERE!
<br>[Long pause]
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> Who are you calling?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> HELLOO!
<br>[Long pause]
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> HELLOO!
<br>[Pause]
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> Who are you calling?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm not calling, I'm answering.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
<br>[Long pause]
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> This is Mississippi.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Where're you in Oklahoma now?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, I'm in Virginia.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> You i- are you out in Texas?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Huh?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
<br>[Long pause]
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Huh?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> ''[Laughs]''
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Spoofing!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> In Oklahoma!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I was born in Fort Worth. 
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yes.
<br>[Long pause]
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah, I do too.
<br>[Even longer pause]
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> This is who?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I beg your pardon?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> You there.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm here.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who are you?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I live in Virginia.
<br>[Long pause]
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yes.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Why I'm what?
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> HELLO THERE!
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ''[Pause]'' Hello-
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
<br><font color="#7D26CD">'''Barb (soundboard):'''</font> Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> I'm 82 year old man.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
<br>[Pause]
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Who is this?
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
<br><font color="RoyalBlue">'''Bob (soundboard):'''</font> Okay.
<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Okay! You take care.
<br><font color="FireBrick">'''Redneck (soundboard):'''</font> Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
<br>''[Call ends]''
}}






{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}






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