User:MoarLurk/MoarRambles

Stuff.

Shit about Samantha

I have a Detective working on my case against the likes of you, and I know you live in California; do not think I will not send him and his squadron your way. And I have True Friends by my side. SO GIVE IT UP FOR REAL; NO LIES.

The detective is obviously an empty threat. The interesting part is that he also makes mention of True Friends--he's been watching the TV that says friendship=winner and thinks that it's a worse threat than the police.

Enjoyed your Earthquakes?

Chris being Chris as usual.

..dude earthquakes kill people what the fuck is wrong with you

jesus christ you are a psychopath

Think what you will; you WILL still be punished greatly, unless you give me back my Accounts.

He's trying to intimidate her. Also, he doesn't seem to understand that wishing death upon him means he looks bad. My mind is breaking.

Look. I'm tired from the stress; you are tired of playing; let's just end this cherade. Give me back my PSN Accounts.

The keyword here is "you are tired of playing". He assumes that Sam is tired because he is. When called out on his death threat-

I never said that; you are putting words into my mouth.

Chris seems to have forgotten what he said.

I respectfully withdraw that remark, and I apologize for having outbursted with it.

He seems to be trying to retcon life again. When Sam claims that God gave her the passwords-

You did not receive anything from them in a dream;

God I wish Sam had pushed this, it would hilarious if we had a GodJesus saga.

And Thou Shalt Not Steal And Thou Shalt Not Covet Perfectly normal.

And Thou Shalt NOT Withold Stolen Information from its Original Owner He's starting to go off track.

And Thou Shalt NOT aid thine own Hell's Devils 'And Thou Shalt NOT continue Belaboring Stress upon that who you have Stolen From

Okay, now he's trying to retcon the fucking BIBLE so he can make trolling him(him in particular) a sin.

A bunch of shit that boils down to "GIVE ME BACK MY PLAY STATION NETWORK ACCOUNTS!!!" later...

"thou will only be forgiven truly if thou returns the Accounts thou has stolen from the son of God who truly has Christ in his name and in his heart"

Okay, Chris is obsessed with the fact that his name is derived from "Christ". This explains why calling him Ian pisses him off--there is no "Christ" in Ian. I think Chris himself believes himself to be divine--he clearly doesn't get that there are other people named Christopher and Christian, and calling him Ian Brandon Anderson destroys that divinity. IBA is also asymmetrical(as opposed to CWC).

Truly he is a son of God.

Welp, here's proof of Chris's messiah complex. We ought to prove that he's the antichrist.

This is just disturbing.

MOAR OBSERVATIONS AND SHIT

Your thoughts have been inputted...

This is fairly understandable--Chris assumed that nobody would read the responses to any letter other than their own and figured that nobody would realize that he was using a canned response.

Status Quo

I think Chris's inability to learn stems from a misinterpretation of the Status Quo.

The status quo is, basically, the default state in any sitcom. Any change to it comes as a massive shock--perhaps two characters get married, perhaps one comes out of the closet, perhaps someone gets divorced. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, changes it. When the main character in one such sitcom does something that would wreck an IRL family/social group, they brush it off because such a thing wouldn't be funny.

But Chris can't understand the difference between reality and fiction. I'd bet you that he thinks that blowing up a kid's hospital will only send you to prison for a week, or that tricking someone into sending their parents to their deaths and forcing them to eat their corpses because they kept conning you out of your money is perfectly acceptable, or using The Passion of the Christ to revive the Nazi party only causes you to get grounded for a month.

Chris thinks that he can go on being a useless idiot because the fat, useless idiots he sees on TV get away/laid with it. They can claim all they want that they're going to lose weight, but by the end of the episode circumstances will conspire to get them fat again. They will never suffer the long-term consequences of any idiotic action because that wouldn't be funny.

Bob and Sonichu

Waiiiiiit. I looked at the prank calls--does Bob seriously not understand that Sonichu infringes multiple copyrights?

This makes me wonder what else he and Snorlax don't know about Chris--seriously we could get him into deep shit if we told his parents what he did online.

What's going on?

I think it's very obvious what's going on--Rocky is trying to make Chris quit the Internet.

If we assume that he visits her on Sundays, then this coincides with "C-YA LATER". However, his definition of "GIVE NOBODY ATTENTION" diverged from his instructions and he decided that bitching about voice actors and abstinence was okay.

He then deleted the FUCK ABSTINENCE video at her request. She may now be watching his YT to make sure he doesn't do it again. The voice rant is still up because it makes no mention of us.

As for why "WALLFLOWER COME BACK PLZ I DON'T WANNA BUY A HOOKER!" is down? She asked him to take down every video that had to do with her. Chris being lazy, he only removed the video where he put her name in the title.

I have reason to suspect that Rocky may be watching his YT and Twitter--if the CWCipedia could come back up, we could goad Chris into reacting(he has his limits and all we have to do is steal Sonichu somehow).

As for why he forgot his threat, it's simple. If we assume that Chris blows all of his tugboat money as soon as he gets it at the end of the month, Chris had been waiting two weeks to play God of War 3. He missed his deadline by a day because he was distracted by the game. This explains why he was GodOfThunderGodOfWar. He only made three edits because, well, one of those edits was the DYK and he clearly went through them bit by bit, as evidenced by the fact that he didn't just blank it and replace it with his own fabrications(he left a few in). The scale of the site threw him off balance and the PS3 is calling--we'll get a message once he's done with Rock Band 2, Heavy Rain, and he's already finished God of War.

Speaking of which, could we get a PS3 counter to tell how many hours Chris spent playing the PS3 instead of actually doing shit?

Snorlax and Chris

There's something I notice in the pictures of her--she looks normal when Chris is like, five, but once he's thirteen or fourteen something changes. Check the photos of her when she and Chris are in a parking lot--she looks tired as hell and Chris is none the wiser.

I think, in the beginning, she hoped that simply exposing Chris to the "mainstream" would help him--she's a lazy bitch and horrible parent who abandoned her toddler to go clubbing, after all. I guess she thought that Chris would eventually learn from experience not to do stupid shit.

By the time he's fourteen, however, it's starting to grate on her. Chris isn't learning anything. He's making an ass of himself and refuses to grow up. Everyone has tried to tell him that he shouldn't show everyone his weaknesses, and he's ignored them in favor of doing things his way.

Nowadays, I think her perception of Chris is "Just as long as he doesn't get arrested/hurt, I'm fine". That she's stuck with a fat manchild is her fault.

"SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN"

Something that wasn't quite right in the Tito emails--I don't think Chris can perceive beauty.

Oh, he knows what the word is, and he knows that it's a compliment just like how he knows "nigger" is an insult that only works on black people. But that's where his comprehension of the word ends.

You've probably seen the pictures of Wallflower. She's butt-ugly. She looks like a younger version of Snorlax(though she's not fat). Her Facebook photo shows that she can shoot up to a 6 if she tries, but her default state is 3. She's nowhere near photogenic.

And yet, Chris referred to her as "beautiful". Keep in mind that Chris was also willing to fuck the Hambeast, yet another woman who was nowhere near pretty.

This is why every single woman Chris meets is a "sweet, caring individual". This is the definition Chris associates with his ideal sweetheart. Here's his logic-

• My sweetheart should be kind and caring.
• I like this girl, SHE IS MY SWEETHEART!
• SINCE SHE IS MY SWEETHEART, SHE IS KIND AND CARING!

This applies to the comic too--"well-drawn", "coherent", and "inoffensive" are good things, and Chris believes the comic to be good. Therefore, it is all of those things. Oh, and Chris himself.

How does Chris see us?

Chris is stupid, there's no doubting that. But I just read the first email he sent to Jack while pretending to be Samantha, and it confirmed something I've suspected since it turned out his "Decoy Medal" was Sonichu with an angry face instead of a happy face.

Chris thinks we are a bunch of cartoonishly stupid thugs. He always thinks that people type out their accents("Y'ALL, DAHLINGS) outside of fiction, and "Samantha" typed the word "dat" and made little gramatical sense.

Now, I'd be insulted to learn that Chris thinks we're stupid, but look at it like this--we're always winning. Think of how stupid this makes Chris feel.

I wonder what will happen when Chris realizes that most of us are actually eloquent and devious?

Does Chris want to be a Pokemon?

An idea I mentioned on my other page--Robbie Sonee is a sue for Chris to relive his childhood.

Chris has two basic fantasies--he wants to be a child again, and he wants to be powerful. He, of course, can't have both so the sues for carrying out these fantasies are split. A Pokemon is an ideal vessel for this fantasy.

First, I direct you to one of the cards from the Wall of Originals--Christian's Christian. Yeah, you read that right. He's somehow both a Trainer and a Pokemon(yes I know Mewtwo said that in the movie but he's fucking Mewtwo he's allowed to). The Trainer has an army of dangerous weapons/cute critters at his disposal, and the Pokemon's life is pretty much run by the Trainer.

Notice how in the anime, Pokemon won't even dodge unless the trainer yells "DODGE IT!"? Autistics LOVE it when they get clearly defined and simple instructions, more so when those things are pretty much their whole life. Hell, some Pokemon in the anime negated their evolutions simply because they preferred to be unevolved. In Sonichu, Chris has associated the evolution of a Sonee or Rosey with growing up--they can do it when they feel like it, when they're comfortable with it, and they can carry on as long as they'd like and not be forcibly ejected from their lives by the cruel machinations of biology.

Gender shit

Chris has no concept of gender roles. Period. It's at it's most obvious within the High School story, where "Terrah Yowman" is somehow considered a lesbian because she hangs out with guys, but it's in the comic as well.

First off, Chris refers to himself as Chris-chan because he thinks it sounds manly and badass--like Jackie Chan. Problem is, he's somehow able to watch anime and not pick up on how it's a feminine suffix(yes I know there's more detail to it than that). It could be that he prefers dubs over subs and never caught up to it. He's also unaware of how his character needing to be saved all the time, usually by women, makes him look weak because he sees men saving women all the time and the women never catch flak for it.

Also, why the hell is he buying DVDs for anime in general when anyone with a brain knows that you can watch it for free online?

Recent videos

Ever since he "left the internet forever" last Sunday, I think he's trying to follow a new pattern. His rant about the stupid Family Guy spinoff and abstinence seem to be just thoughts he had and not out and out rants against us. Problem is, he's unaware of how far "don't give us reactions" goes and thinks that he can just passively mention Mao and Heather.

Then again, we know how good Chris is at keeping promises--he'll be back on the internet in a few months for sure, sooner if someone threatens to steal Sonichu or the Copyright from him.

Come to think of it, the copyright is one of his security blankets. Note where he put it in his room--on the wall, next to a bunch of Sonichu crap and the Marge Simpson centerfold, near his bed(the head of which contains the Sonic doll, the Pikachu doll, and a cross), and at the foot of the bed is the PS3 and the Straightness Shrine. His bed is designed to reinforce his ego/straightness.

We seriously need to think up a way to harm the "copyright", it is the sole reason Chris bounced back from Liquid so fast. He was actually able to make most of Sonichu 10 because Heather was around--then we drove a wedge between them and he was apparently upset for a week. Heather was supposed to be his failsafe, he could always say "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND I AM STRAIGHT I'M GONNA HAVE SEX WITH HER EVENTUALLY YOU DAMN TROLLIN' STUPIDS!". Now she's gone. He's a virgin with rage again.

Oh god

I just remembered something--Chris may have made Rule 34 of himself and other sweethearts that we don't know about. He does, after all, seem to have the sense to know that putting it on the internet is a bad idea. The incident with ED makes sense in this light. Here's his logic.

• ED made that page about me
• I uploaded that image I drew to protest.
• Megan was mad at me because I uploaded the image to ED.
• If ED hadn't made that page, I wouldn't have had to upload that image.
• Therefore, the blame rests with ED and Jason.

Ivy is an exception--she asked for it, so Chris was okay with it. Chris is also a notorious liar--he may have been planning to make some of him and Julie(she was supposed to be in Episode 19), but Bluespike suggested Kimmi and Chris was happy, as that involved less work on his part. And Kacey did nothing but bitch at him, so he may have hidden any porn he made of her. He hasn't uploaded it because he knows that "Upload risque imagery=Girl leaves me"(though he can't comprehend the exact reasons).

This is also disturbing in another sense--has he drawn Rule 34 on other characters? Specifically underage ones? He knows that he's not supposed to upload them. Underage Rule 34 isn't legally considered CP, but Chris doesn't know that. This is why he had a "WHAT THE HELL?" moment when we bombed him with Sonee porn.

Now that I think of it, those are the moments I live for. Chris is the guy that makes everyone go "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" without fail, it's nice to see him giving the exact same reaction.

I don't understand the question

I think this is the result of Chris trying to bail out using his autism--he's demonstrated that he's aware of what he can blame on autism(he blamed not moving out of his house on the autistic "fear of change"). One other trait of autism is that an autistic may have a different definition of something as opposed to the normal crowd--for example, to Chris and the rest of mankind, "wife" means different things.

In a normal case, "I didn't understand the question" is a viable excuse when the autistic fails to pick up on something that was thought to be implicit in the question. When I was in seventh grade, I was annoyed that I lost points on a test because I didn't show my work--after all, the question didn't tell me to do it! Problem is, Chris can't understand context. To him, it's another set of magic words that will absolve him of all blame.

Still, Chris does possess the capacity to twist his words around--note that when he lies to Kacey about jogging five miles a day, he states that he could do five miles. When asked to kill Simonla, he did just that--then killed the Asperpals in retaliation and introduce Sandy. He then argued that Evan got what he wanted and told him to shut up.

Any attempt to make demands of Chris should follow monkey paw rules--assume that he will do what you tell him to, but he'll put a twist on it that will make you regret it. Therefore, you've got to give him a list of requirements(he'll probably ignore most of them but it's worth a shot).

A list for rewriting the trial scene would be

• Do not kill us offscreen
• Do not bring Simonla back and keep Sandy
• Do not just kill us in different ways
• Do not throw us in prison and leave someone else to maul us

Lovely Weather

I'm very, VERY suspicious that she's based off of Wallflower.

In the Tito emails, he refers to her as "beautiful"--anyone who has seen the pictures of her knows that she's at the very least not photogenic(she looks somewhat like a young, nerdy version of Snorlax, especially the way they squint).

Come to think of it, note the page Lovely appears on in Sonichu 10--she has short brown hair. So did Wallflower. Lovely also looks like a man in drag--so does Wallflower. Granted, her slutty outfit is the result of Chris sexualizing her.

I think the most damning evidence of all is this--her real name said in reverse(last name then first name) sounds similar to "Lovely Weather". Lovely Weather is too stupid to be anything but a pseudonym. She is dating Chris in Sonichu 10 because the whole comic is one massive act of wish fulfillment. Plus, it's just like Chris to reverse someone's name.

Most importantly, Chris was most definitely on the social group circuit in December 2009--during the Liquid Saga 2, he read from a list of positive and negative personality traits he got from couples counseling. I suspect that he spent a while trying to find a Dating Education course, complained to Rocky, and she stuffed him into the one where he met Wallflower. Wallfower was first mentioned mid-January, Lovely introduced nearly a month prior, and none of the FAs knew about Wallflower until he told us in the Mailbag.

This is likely why he's not sure what to do--he already set himself up with Lovely Weather, he's already established that he'll create Crystal with her...and since the comic reflects life, he's going to have to kill her, which will kill Crystal as well as the future where there are no homos to trouble him.

This is why he's hesitant to write any further stories(that and he's a lazy, uncreative waste of mass).

With Ivy, he had a BRILLIANT opportunity to kill two birds with one stone--literally. Ivy is dead IRL and the fans want him out of the comic. What better way than to kill himself so his comic self can get to keep Ivy? Simple--kill Ivy and find some new bitch to fuck. Oh, and her death(also Panda) was supposed to be symbolic of how she actually died IRL.

Chris(Comic Character)

Real Chris will be referred to as R-Chris, C-Chris will be the comic version.

What is his relationship to R-Chris? Clearly, he is a cartoon character. He is also R-Chris, as R-Chris gave him his appearance and experiences, thus making them the same person in theory.

I think the rule for C-Chris is that his life must reflect, in some way, anything that happens to R-Chris. However, he's a Chris where the universe was kind enough to rearrange itself for him so he could live out all of his fantasies.

R-Chris, being stupid, thinks that since anything that happens to C-Chris must also happen to him IRL, killing him or depriving him of power is out of the question. Killing him would mean R-Chris would be dead too, and depriving him of power is R-Chris admitting weakness and possibly surrendering ownership of CWCville.

Also, dying a virgin is not a part of R-Chris's ideal world(he's probably already forgotten that C-Chris isn't a virgin), so C-Chris cannot die or lose his power.

What is Chris doing now?

He made that threat over two weeks ago. Knowing Chris, he's forgotten about us. I've got an idea, though.

When the website comes back up, an ad calling Chris out on his idiocy will be placed on the CWCipedia. It will link here and be an insluting message along the lines of "HA HA CHRIS YOU CAN'T EVEN KEEP YOUR THREATS TO A SCHEDULE, YOU'LL NEVER GET US TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY LIKE THIS. HA. HA. HA. also we're not changing shit go fuck yourself". It will go under the BOB IS DEAD ad.

MOAR INSANITY

If there's a zombie attack, should one of us go to Ruckersville and save Chris?

I guess it depends on the kind of zombies--are we dealing with the ZSG slow/headshot zombies, the Dead Rising slow/anywhere zombies, the Dawn of the Dead fast/headshot zombies, or the Left 4 Dead fast/anywhere zombies(with or without special infected)?

No, wait, Chris is fucked in all of those scenarios. He's fucked with the fast zombies because so is everyone else. He's fucked with slow zombies because he'll whine about the stress of having to power walk to safety. And for L4D? If he somehow manages to find a group of survivors, he'll get them all killed when he tries to have sex with the Witch.

So don't save Chris when the world ends.

Oh dear GOD, what if we lived in an alternate universe where everyone involved in trolling Chris had their genders flipped, including Chris himself...well, she'd be slightly more difficult to troll because Chris is pretty damn feminine to begin with.

Wait a minute

Chris sends Magi-chan to the future to secure the anti-gay. In the future, they are trying to wipe something out.

Wait a minute. What if the scientists are actually trying to eliminate the anti-gay Chris put in the water in the past?

They needed present Chris's blood because he is in fact gay--the gay gene was within him because he was from a time when homosexuals weren't dead. His future self was made straight by the anti-gay someone else (possibly future Chris) had planted and thus could not assist. Thus, the scientists are heroes who are undoing the evil Chris committed in the present from the future.

His insistence that he went to an "alternate universe" or whatever is just what they tricked him into thinking so he'd give up his blood.

Also, the two syringes are actually worthless--destroying the Black Sonichu medal was the secret to killing Gay Chris, the "vaccine" Chris had was actually a solution that would destroy the medal and the extra is in case he falls into another void.

MOAR IDEAS

Here's a list of articles that ought to be highlighted on the 31st.

• Snorlax(This ought to be the AOTN)
• Bob
• Chris and Religion
• Megan
• Homos
• SheCameForCWC.jpg
• Chris and Sex
• Chris and his Ego
• Chris and Hypocrisy
• Chris and Copyright
• Chris and Remorse
• Chris and Reality
• Death Threats

Come to think of it, the Did You Know section ought to link to every one of the articles that aren't AOTN.

Also, when Chris fails to follow through on his threats, make sure that the "WILL be trouble" counter will go into the negatives or become "It has been x days since Chris failed to follow through on his empty, weak threat".

Also, we need a plan to separate Chris from his copyright. Who wants to copyright ownership of Rosechu, or Christian Weston Chandler(comic character)? Hell, that ought to be funny, us taking up a copyright registration on Chris's self-insert.

I just saw the Nostalgia Critic's review of Junior, and I got an idea. We must accuse Chris of being a pregnant woman who happens to be balding due to a chemical imbalance that refuses to shave her legs(she also may or may not be a FTM tranny). It's perfect--his manboobs, voice, gut, and hair can all be covered by insane explanations. Oh, and Tito is the father and since his dick goes at an odd angle, it's very clearly fake(bonus points if we convince Chris to get his dick straightened out). Question is, how do we execute it?

Sonichu 11 plan

Okay, I'm organizing my idea.

The best way to get Chris back onto the Internet is to make him think that Sonichu is being stolen/plagarized/whatever. It worked with Liquid, it worked with Asperchu, and it's going to work with Alec's Sonichu 11 if this plan works.

• Primary Goal-Get Chris back on the internet.
• Secondary Goal-By manipulating Chris, convince Rocky that there is nothing that she can do to help Chris.

Since Chris has failed to update for a whole month, site traffic is dropping and Sysop is losing money. In an act of kindness and respect(as is his custom), Alec offers to post his version of Sonichu 11 to the CWCipedia. Alec will gain an account, and it will be stated in his talk page that he is only allowed to upload comics and possibly get his own mailbag section where he'll respond to letters from grateful fans who are glad that he's got full control over Sonichu now(Of course he will always treat Chris with the utmost respect).

When Chris complains, Alec has a defense ready--he's keeping Chris's fanbase warm so they don't leave him due to his massive schedule slippage. Alec must always be benevolent, that is the best part of him.

This will likely light a fire under Chris and force him to start the actual Sonichu 11 at least. At best, he'll start screaming on the internet and even make a video where he destroys the Asperchu medal.

Either way, he'll be between a rock and a hard place--disobey Rocky, or defend Sonichu's (and by proxy his own) honor/heterosexuality.

If he attempts to cross-retcon the comic with the True and Honest Sonichu 11, then Alec just needs to slow down and then retcon anything Chris does. I'm not sure how you'd format that, though.

Oh, by the way, one of the selling points for Alec's Sonichu 11 is that it is the ORIGINAL Sonichu 11.