User:MoarLurk/MoarRambles
Stuff. Oh, and my email address is totallyfine2@gmail.com.
MOAR OBSERVATIONS AND SHIT
LBP complaint
It's mostly incoherent babble and Chris trying to flaunt his non-fame. Also, it's fitting that his only post is a complaint about why he can't use his fucking retarded Sonichu costume.
I assume he took a break from us in an attempt to "find peace", which is Chris for "play my PS3 and suppress the memories of trolling" and then the PS3 trolled him. Dude can't win no matter where he goes.
Chris and learning
As far as I know, Chris never learns. He can't understand why his actions led to negative consequences and thus cannot improve. He can't remember why his mother told him to quit making Sub-Episodes, he can't remember that he wasn't supposed to use the real people in the comic. He's not learning at all, he's just trying to find an excuse to wander off and play on the PS3 until he feels that he's happy.
Nanny theory(possibly wrong)
I was over on the CB forum and realized something--Heather the lesbian nanny(first mentioned December 20th) and Lovely Weather(First mentioned around the 8th of December).
As we all know, the Wallflower's first name is Heather, and Chris didn't start refering to a mysterious girlfriend until mid-January. Wallflower is also butt-ugly and looks like a lesbian. Note that Chris will deem a woman "beautiful" if he thinks they are willing to fuck them--his standards are "if you have a vagina I'm willing to fuck it".
We know from Liquid part 2 that Chris entered the social group circuit around mid-November, attending a relationship management course where the teacher tried to move him elsewhere. The social group has something to do with his church--I bet he bitched to Rocky and she set him up with it. Given Chris's intelligence, it would have taken him two weeks to move. Early in the month, he attends the first meeting and meets Wallflower. He is shy and unwilling to go near her, plus he assumes that ugly woman=lesbian. He likes her companionship, however, and this is why she's given the honor of being the best nanny in CWCville(she is Hispanic because Chris is racist). Near the end of the month, he discovers that she isn't a lesbian. Realizing that the china could be his, he stuffs Lovely into the comic(he's already got a character named Heather). He may have forgotten that she exists. Wallflower decides that she likes to hang around Chris(she has some sort of mental disorder) and they hit it off(Chris exaggerating their friendship as usual). Chris lasts about two months before inadvertently screwing everything up.
Note that the Sackgirl image of "Damian Antaria" in the LBP level looks a lot like Lovely who looks a lot like the picture on Wallflower's Facebook--easily the best shot of her and likely what Chris thinks she looks like.
So no wonder he's in trouble--Sonichu and Rosechu need to find a new babysitter and he needs to get himself another sweetheart in-universe.
Analizin dis shit dawg
Surprises always come up at one time or another, so expect the unexpected.
Chris was caught off guard. He wasn't expecting us to strike at him when he wasn't looking.
With that, I give little regards to the people who have proven themselves to be nothin' but a bunch of immature pranksters. Your mockery webpages/sites/ads/words/images all may as well evaporate back to nothing, because I'm Not Giving Them Attention At All.
I once trolled Blazesonic--well, I white knighted at him as a trolling method because I knew it pissed him off. I tried to explain that "don't give us attention" means "don't respond in any way, that includes replying to our comments, hiding our comments, reporting us, mentioning us in your journal, and making a stupid crossover comic where your Sonic/Pikachu/Sora hybrid beats us up".
Chris mentioned us on the CWCipedia--we've succeeded in drawing him back online.
I am finding peace off of the internet.
I'm not quite sure what he defines as "peace". I assume he's just trying to repress the memories of the last few months.
The layers at work
I think I've said before that Chris doesn't want to write Sonichu stories, he wants to watch them.
This made me think.
Sonichu started out as a Sonichu fanfic(and it still is). However, it's now just a fanfic of itself--Chris is no longer writing about Sonichu and his adventures, he's writing a self-insert fanfic.
At least, that's how it is on Chris's level.
Chris's current mood
I think Chris is in his vegetative state at the moment--Rocky banned him from the internet, nothing's got his hormones raging or blood boiling, and so he's stuck dicking around on the PS3. We seriously need to hack that thing again so he'll have nothing better to do with his time than yell at us. Still, I think he checks the CWCipedia every once and a while(just a guess), so we could probably do that.
Chris and Harry Potter
Around 2002, Chris refered to Harry Potter as a "spaz"--this was before OoTP came out and he spent half the book yelling at people(to be fair he was being trolled hardcore). I think it's just a random insult he came up with.
But why does he hate it? It's got nothing to do with the popularity of it eclipsing Pokemon--Chris is being completely honest when he said "I never cared much for it". Same with the Xbox--he just doesn't care about it.
This confuses him--Digimon is "okay" despite the fact that a certain CWCki editor got his ass kicked on the playground for defending Pokemon's honor against a horde of rabid Digimon fans. Chris has no concept of what fandoms hate eachother.
Digimon wasn't competing with Pokemon because Chris liked it. With Harry Potter, however, Chris just didn't like it, and it confused him. Why were those people enjoying that book? That book sucks, they should all watch Pokemon instead! This is the same logic that convinced him that Wes was obsessing over him.
I have proof, too--in the DIE YOU video, he mentions that he "made up" with Sony--that is, he decided that Sony was good too. At that point, Sony was no longer competing with Nintendo for him.
Chris and Mary Poppins
I've never seen the film, but I'm positive that he thinks that claiming it as the best movie ever will cause women to swoon over him for a reason. That reason is that I know it involves "Women's rights" in some way. I'll bring up the fact that I think the film is set in the 1910's when Women's Rights was a big issue and that Chris can't tell fiction from reality.
Sure, you could easily pick up a chick who was into that sort of thing back then using an adapted form of Chris's tactics--but that's not how things work now. Women more or less have equal rights(bar a few double standards and other things).
Chris expects women to make the leap between Mary Poppins and Women's Rights, think "OH GOOD SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS ME I SHOULD SEX HIM NOW", and his problems will be solved.
Also, his concept of equality is skewed.
Chris and Time Travel
Chris seems to alter his view of time travel depending on whatever medium of fiction he's seen at the moment.
Keep in mind that his first attempt at the genre (Sonichu 7) led to him discussing time travel in the Futurama sense--for those of you who haven't seen "Roswell That Ends Well", it boils down to "If you go back in time, don't change anything unless you were meant to change it, in which case for God's sake don't not do it".
I think Chris is confused--different works of fiction use different rules of time travel. There are many things that can happen. For example-
Changing the past may or may not kill the person from the previous future--Chris hasn't seen Terminator, but he's seen Trapper Keeper(South Park). In that episode, the guy from the Bad Future vanishes once he succeeds in his mission--he's severed the chain of events that led to him existing. Same with Back to the Future--Marty starts to phase out once he accidentally stops his parents from getting together. This is the "One timeline" theory--if the past is altered, the future is overwritten and anyone who would have existed in that future ceases to exist.
There's another way, though, the alternate universe path. In that path, all possible outcomes of events exist as points on a grid and our timeline is simply being steered towards them by our actions. Altering the path simply changes where we end up, but alternate pasts and futures and presents all exist and are accessible via a proper plot device.
Chris can't decide on what rule Sonichu's time travel will follow--he argued to me that curing the gayness in the past using the cure from the future won't cause a paradox because that was still an alternate universe or something(he also mentioned the timeline "syncing up"). Note that he did this after he saw Road to the Multiverse--it's also the same rule Family Guy uses.
Did he lie about the dream?
I just read a PVCC theory that got onto /cwc/.
Something about Chris not having the Crystal dream when he was 8.
I think this makes some sense--as I've probably said before, Chris cannot innovate. He can only imitate. The poster alleged that he stole the idea from Sailor Moon.
I'm not familiar with the show beyond the abridged series--all I know is that it was on Cartoon Network in 1996-2000ish, so Chris would have been 14-18+ when he watched it. If it was on at five thirty am(on saturdays anyway), I think Chris would have caught it--he had a normal sleeping pattern then. He may have also watched it after school, I think.
When did the "inspiration" first show up in the english dub? Was it in 2003, when Chris started the Love Quest? Either way, this explains why Crystal's Rosechu form looks the way it does.
Does this apply to the homophobia as well? It seems like one incident--the one where a girl claimed lesbianism to get away from him--pushed him over the edge. He simply looked back and discovered ways to blame homosexuals for other things as well.
Your thoughts have been inputted...
This is fairly understandable--Chris assumed that nobody would read the responses to any letter other than their own and figured that nobody would realize that he was using a canned response.
Status Quo
I think Chris's inability to learn stems from a misinterpretation of the Status Quo.
The status quo is, basically, the default state in any sitcom. Any change to it comes as a massive shock--perhaps two characters get married, perhaps one comes out of the closet, perhaps someone gets divorced. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, changes it. When the main character in one such sitcom does something that would wreck an IRL family/social group, they brush it off because such a thing wouldn't be funny.
But Chris can't understand the difference between reality and fiction. I'd bet you that he thinks that blowing up a kid's hospital will only send you to prison for a week, or that tricking someone into sending their parents to their deaths and forcing them to eat their corpses because they kept conning you out of your money is perfectly acceptable, or using The Passion of the Christ to revive the Nazi party only causes you to get grounded for a month.
Chris thinks that he can go on being a useless idiot because the fat, useless idiots he sees on TV get away/laid with it. They can claim all they want that they're going to lose weight, but by the end of the episode circumstances will conspire to get them fat again. They will never suffer the long-term consequences of any idiotic action because that wouldn't be funny.
Bob and Sonichu
Waiiiiiit. I looked at the prank calls--does Bob seriously not understand that Sonichu infringes multiple copyrights?
This makes me wonder what else he and Snorlax don't know about Chris--seriously we could get him into deep shit if we told his parents what he did online.
What's going on?
I think it's very obvious what's going on--Rocky is trying to make Chris quit the Internet.
If we assume that he visits her on Sundays, then this coincides with "C-YA LATER". However, his definition of "GIVE NOBODY ATTENTION" diverged from his instructions and he decided that bitching about voice actors and abstinence was okay.
He then deleted the FUCK ABSTINENCE video at her request. She may now be watching his YT to make sure he doesn't do it again. The voice rant is still up because it makes no mention of us.
As for why "WALLFLOWER COME BACK PLZ I DON'T WANNA BUY A HOOKER!" is down? She asked him to take down every video that had to do with her. Chris being lazy, he only removed the video where he put her name in the title.
I have reason to suspect that Rocky may be watching his YT and Twitter--if the CWCipedia could come back up, we could goad Chris into reacting(he has his limits and all we have to do is steal Sonichu somehow).
As for why he forgot his threat, it's simple. If we assume that Chris blows all of his tugboat money as soon as he gets it at the end of the month, Chris had been waiting two weeks to play God of War 3. He missed his deadline by a day because he was distracted by the game. This explains why he was GodOfThunderGodOfWar. He only made three edits because, well, one of those edits was the DYK and he clearly went through them bit by bit, as evidenced by the fact that he didn't just blank it and replace it with his own fabrications(he left a few in). The scale of the site threw him off balance and the PS3 is calling--we'll get a message once he's done with Rock Band 2, Heavy Rain, and he's already finished God of War.
Speaking of which, could we get a PS3 counter to tell how many hours Chris spent playing the PS3 instead of actually doing shit?
Also, I suspect that Chris has no concept of copy/paste--he typed the ED page word for word(well, mostly) onto the CWCipedia and it's very clear that he was not trying to blank shit at random when he made three edits--he's trying to "sanitize" the webpage, not destroy it. The downside to this is that Chris has probably read every single thing in the DYK template.
Also, Chris seems to have "illustration" and "image" mixed up.
Snorlax and Chris
There's something I notice in the pictures of her--she looks normal when Chris is like, five, but once he's thirteen or fourteen something changes. Check the photos of her when she and Chris are in a parking lot--she looks tired as hell and Chris is none the wiser.
I think, in the beginning, she hoped that simply exposing Chris to the "mainstream" would help him--she's a lazy bitch and horrible parent who abandoned her toddler to go clubbing, after all. I guess she thought that Chris would eventually learn from experience not to do stupid shit.
By the time he's fourteen, however, it's starting to grate on her. Chris isn't learning anything. He's making an ass of himself and refuses to grow up. Everyone has tried to tell him that he shouldn't show everyone his weaknesses, and he's ignored them in favor of doing things his way.
Nowadays, I think her perception of Chris is "Just as long as he doesn't get arrested/hurt, I'm fine". That she's stuck with a fat manchild is her fault.
"SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN"
Something that wasn't quite right in the Tito emails--I don't think Chris can perceive beauty.
Oh, he knows what the word is, and he knows that it's a compliment just like how he knows "nigger" is an insult that only works on black people. But that's where his comprehension of the word ends.
You've probably seen the pictures of Wallflower. She's butt-ugly. She looks like a younger version of Snorlax(though she's not fat). Her Facebook photo shows that she can shoot up to a 6 if she tries, but her default state is 3. She's nowhere near photogenic.
And yet, Chris referred to her as "beautiful". Keep in mind that Chris was also willing to fuck the Hambeast, yet another woman who was nowhere near pretty.
This is why every single woman Chris meets is a "sweet, caring individual". This is the definition Chris associates with his ideal sweetheart. Here's his logic-
- My sweetheart should be kind and caring.
- I like this girl, SHE IS MY SWEETHEART!
- SINCE SHE IS MY SWEETHEART, SHE IS KIND AND CARING!
This applies to the comic too--"well-drawn", "coherent", and "inoffensive" are good things, and Chris believes the comic to be good. Therefore, it is all of those things. Oh, and Chris himself.
How does Chris see us?
Chris is stupid, there's no doubting that. But I just read the first email he sent to Jack while pretending to be Samantha, and it confirmed something I've suspected since it turned out his "Decoy Medal" was Sonichu with an angry face instead of a happy face.
Chris thinks we are a bunch of cartoonishly stupid thugs. He always thinks that people type out their accents("Y'ALL, DAHLINGS) outside of fiction, and "Samantha" typed the word "dat" and made little gramatical sense.
Now, I'd be insulted to learn that Chris thinks we're stupid, but look at it like this--we're always winning. Think of how stupid this makes Chris feel.
I wonder what will happen when Chris realizes that most of us are actually eloquent and devious?
Does Chris want to be a Pokemon?
An idea I mentioned on my other page--Robbie Sonee is a sue for Chris to relive his childhood.
Chris has two basic fantasies--he wants to be a child again, and he wants to be powerful. He, of course, can't have both so the sues for carrying out these fantasies are split. A Pokemon is an ideal vessel for this fantasy.
First, I direct you to one of the cards from the Wall of Originals--Christian's Christian. Yeah, you read that right. He's somehow both a Trainer and a Pokemon(yes I know Mewtwo said that in the movie but he's fucking Mewtwo he's allowed to). The Trainer has an army of dangerous weapons/cute critters at his disposal, and the Pokemon's life is pretty much run by the Trainer.
Notice how in the anime, Pokemon won't even dodge unless the trainer yells "DODGE IT!"? Autistics LOVE it when they get clearly defined and simple instructions, more so when those things are pretty much their whole life. Hell, some Pokemon in the anime negated their evolutions simply because they preferred to be unevolved. In Sonichu, Chris has associated the evolution of a Sonee or Rosey with growing up--they can do it when they feel like it, when they're comfortable with it, and they can carry on as long as they'd like and not be forcibly ejected from their lives by the cruel machinations of biology.
Gender shit
Chris has no concept of gender roles. Period. It's at it's most obvious within the High School story, where "Terrah Yowman" is somehow considered a lesbian because she hangs out with guys, but it's in the comic as well.
First off, Chris refers to himself as Chris-chan because he thinks it sounds manly and badass--like Jackie Chan. Problem is, he's somehow able to watch anime and not pick up on how it's a feminine suffix(yes I know there's more detail to it than that). It could be that he prefers dubs over subs and never caught up to it. He's also unaware of how his character needing to be saved all the time, usually by women, makes him look weak because he sees men saving women all the time and the women never catch flak for it.
Also, why the hell is he buying DVDs for anime in general when anyone with a brain knows that you can watch it for free online?
Recent videos
Ever since he "left the internet forever" last Sunday, I think he's trying to follow a new pattern. His rant about the stupid Family Guy spinoff and abstinence seem to be just thoughts he had and not out and out rants against us. Problem is, he's unaware of how far "don't give us reactions" goes and thinks that he can just passively mention Mao and Heather.
Then again, we know how good Chris is at keeping promises--he'll be back on the internet in a few months for sure, sooner if someone threatens to steal Sonichu or the Copyright from him.
Come to think of it, the copyright is one of his security blankets. Note where he put it in his room--on the wall, next to a bunch of Sonichu crap and the Marge Simpson centerfold, near his bed(the head of which contains the Sonic doll, the Pikachu doll, and a cross), and at the foot of the bed is the PS3 and the Straightness Shrine. His bed is designed to reinforce his ego/straightness.
We seriously need to think up a way to harm the "copyright", it is the sole reason Chris bounced back from Liquid so fast. He was actually able to make most of Sonichu 10 because Heather was around--then we drove a wedge between them and he was apparently upset for a week. Heather was supposed to be his failsafe, he could always say "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND I AM STRAIGHT I'M GONNA HAVE SEX WITH HER EVENTUALLY YOU DAMN TROLLIN' STUPIDS!". Now she's gone. He's a virgin with rage again. If we'd done that sooner, Tito would have joined the Asperpals(note-Tito and the Asperpals is an awesome band name).
Oh god
I just remembered something--Chris may have made Rule 34 of himself and other sweethearts that we don't know about. He does, after all, seem to have the sense to know that putting it on the internet is a bad idea. The incident with ED makes sense in this light. Here's his logic.
- ED made that page about me
- I uploaded that image I drew to protest.
- Megan was mad at me because I uploaded the image to ED.
- If ED hadn't made that page, I wouldn't have had to upload that image.
- Therefore, the blame rests with ED and Jason.
Ivy is an exception--she asked for it, so Chris was okay with it. Chris is also a notorious liar--he may have been planning to make some of him and Julie(she was supposed to be in Episode 19), but Bluespike suggested Kimmi and Chris was happy, as that involved less work on his part. And Kacey did nothing but bitch at him, so he may have hidden any porn he made of her. He hasn't uploaded it because he knows that "Upload risque imagery=Girl leaves me"(though he can't comprehend the exact reasons).
This is also disturbing in another sense--has he drawn Rule 34 on other characters? Specifically underage ones? He knows that he's not supposed to upload them. Underage Rule 34 isn't legally considered CP, but Chris doesn't know that. This is why he had a "WHAT THE HELL?" moment when we bombed him with Sonee porn.
Now that I think of it, those are the moments I live for. Chris is the guy that makes everyone go "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" without fail, it's nice to see him giving the exact same reaction.
I don't understand the question
I think this is the result of Chris trying to bail out using his autism--he's demonstrated that he's aware of what he can blame on autism(he blamed not moving out of his house on the autistic "fear of change"). One other trait of autism is that an autistic may have a different definition of something as opposed to the normal crowd--for example, to Chris and the rest of mankind, "wife" means different things.
In a normal case, "I didn't understand the question" is a viable excuse when the autistic fails to pick up on something that was thought to be implicit in the question. When I was in seventh grade, I was annoyed that I lost points on a test because I didn't show my work--after all, the question didn't tell me to do it! Problem is, Chris can't understand context. To him, it's another set of magic words that will absolve him of all blame.
Still, Chris does possess the capacity to twist his words around--note that when he lies to Kacey about jogging five miles a day, he states that he could do five miles. When asked to kill Simonla, he did just that--then killed the Asperpals in retaliation and introduce Sandy. He then argued that Evan got what he wanted and told him to shut up.
Any attempt to make demands of Chris should follow monkey paw rules--assume that he will do what you tell him to, but he'll put a twist on it that will make you regret it. Therefore, you've got to give him a list of requirements(he'll probably ignore most of them but it's worth a shot).
A list for rewriting the trial scene would be
- Do not kill us offscreen
- Do not bring Simonla back and keep Sandy
- Do not just kill us in different ways
- Do not throw us in prison and leave someone else to maul us
Lovely Weather
I'm very, VERY suspicious that she's based off of Wallflower.
In the Tito emails, he refers to her as "beautiful"--anyone who has seen the pictures of her knows that she's at the very least not photogenic(she looks somewhat like a young, nerdy version of Snorlax, especially the way they squint).
Come to think of it, note the page Lovely appears on in Sonichu 10--she has short brown hair. So did Wallflower. Lovely also looks like a man in drag--so does Wallflower. Granted, her slutty outfit is the result of Chris sexualizing her. And pay attention to her appearance in the LBP level that compromised her identity--doesn't she look like Lovely?
I think the most damning evidence of all is this--her real name said in reverse(last name then first name) sounds similar to "Lovely Weather". Lovely Weather is too stupid to be anything but a pseudonym. She is dating Chris in Sonichu 10 because the whole comic is one massive act of wish fulfillment. Plus, it's just like Chris to reverse someone's name in an attempt to hide their identity(He changed Hslaw Eel to Slaweel, so he has a rough grasp of making things that sound "right"). More so, Chris cannot innovate--that's the strangest thing I found about Lovely, that Chris would just imagine a sweetheart into existence for his comic self to fuck. Why didn't he do that sooner? Answer--he hadn't met Wallflower yet.
Most importantly, Chris was most definitely on the social group circuit in December 2009--during the Liquid Saga 2, he read from a list of positive and negative personality traits he got from couples counseling. In that class, the teacher constantly tried to shunt him elsewhere.
I suspect that he spent a while trying to find a Dating Education course, complained to Rocky, and she stuffed him into the one where he met Wallflower. Wallfower was first mentioned late-January, Lovely introduced nearly a month and a half prior, and none of the FAs knew about Wallflower until he told us in the Mailbag.
This is likely why he's not sure what to do--he already set himself up with Lovely Weather, he's already established that he'll create Crystal with her...and since the comic reflects life, he's going to have to kill her or pair her off with someone else, which will kill Crystal as well as the future where there are no homos to trouble him.
This is why he's hesitant to write any further stories(that and he's a lazy, uncreative waste of mass).
With Ivy, he had a BRILLIANT opportunity to kill two birds with one stone--literally. Ivy is dead IRL and the fans want him out of the comic. What better way than to kill himself so his comic self can get to keep Ivy? Simple--kill Ivy and find some new bitch to fuck. Oh, and her death(also Panda) was supposed to be symbolic of how she actually died IRL.
What did taking Lovely from him do? I think Chris likes to have his life mirror Comic Chris's life as much as possible.
Chris(Comic Character)
Real Chris will be referred to as R-Chris, C-Chris will be the comic version.
What is his relationship to R-Chris? Clearly, he is a cartoon character. He is also R-Chris, as R-Chris gave him his appearance and experiences, thus making them the same person in theory.
I think the rule for C-Chris is that his life must reflect, in some way, anything that happens to R-Chris. However, he's a Chris where the universe was kind enough to rearrange itself for him so he could live out all of his fantasies.
R-Chris, being stupid, thinks that since anything that happens to C-Chris must also happen to him IRL, killing him or depriving him of power is out of the question. Killing him would mean R-Chris would be dead too, and depriving him of power is R-Chris admitting weakness and possibly surrendering ownership of CWCville.
Also, dying a virgin is not a part of R-Chris's ideal world(he's probably already forgotten that C-Chris isn't a virgin), so C-Chris cannot die or lose his power.
What is Chris doing now?
He made that threat over two weeks ago. Knowing Chris, he's forgotten about us. I've got an idea, though.
When the website comes back up, an ad calling Chris out on his idiocy will be placed on the CWCipedia. It will link here and be an insluting message along the lines of "HA HA CHRIS YOU CAN'T EVEN KEEP YOUR THREATS TO A SCHEDULE, YOU'LL NEVER GET US TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY LIKE THIS. HA. HA. HA. also we're not changing shit go fuck yourself". It will go under the BOB IS DEAD ad.
MOAR INSANITY
I'm the author of CWCipedia's Wild Sonichu page--I can't believe that Chris hasn't thought to check out the character bios yet. Pity he'll just blank it.
If there's a zombie attack, should one of us go to Ruckersville and save Chris?
I guess it depends on the kind of zombies--are we dealing with the ZSG slow/headshot zombies, the Dead Rising slow/anywhere zombies, the Dawn of the Dead fast/headshot zombies, or the Left 4 Dead fast/anywhere zombies(with or without special infected)?
No, wait, Chris is fucked in all of those scenarios. He's fucked with the fast zombies because so is everyone else. He's fucked with slow zombies because he'll whine about the stress of having to power walk to safety. And for L4D? If he somehow manages to find a group of survivors, he'll get them all killed when he tries to have sex with the Witch.
So don't save Chris when the world ends.
Oh dear GOD, what if we lived in an alternate universe where everyone involved in trolling Chris had their genders flipped, including Chris himself...well, she'd be slightly more difficult to troll because Chris is pretty damn feminine to begin with.
Wait a minute
Chris sends Magi-chan to the future to secure the anti-gay. In the future, they are trying to wipe something out.
Wait a minute. What if the scientists are actually trying to eliminate the anti-gay Chris put in the water in the past?
They needed present Chris's blood because he is in fact gay--the gay gene was within him because he was from a time when homosexuals weren't dead. His future self was made straight by the anti-gay someone else (possibly future Chris) had planted and thus could not assist. Thus, the scientists are heroes who are undoing the evil Chris committed in the present from the future.
His insistence that he went to an "alternate universe" or whatever is just what they tricked him into thinking so he'd give up his blood.
Also, the two syringes are actually worthless--destroying the Black Sonichu medal was the secret to killing Gay Chris, the "vaccine" Chris had was actually a solution that would destroy the medal and the extra is in case he falls into another void.
MOAR IDEAS
Asperchu ads
I can't wait until Chris starts complaining about how Alec shot him in the legs--I guess we'll get a reverse Kacey call out of this.
Okay, not what I was expecting but this is still good--we have his attention now. Sure, he's saying that he's not paying attention, but I've got experience with lulzcows--that means "GO AWAY PLEASE BEFORE I GET ANGRY". In that sense, the plan has already succeded--Chris is back online and drawing pages, plus the ad did indeed infuriate him. We've just got to push him a little more and we'll have rage--you can't expect get everything in one swoop all the time. I once again recommend the Sonichu 11 plan detailed below.
Pokemans
Someone needs to get Chris's friend code so we can all battle him. Assuming that his team is not full of Ubers, you can expect him to deploy a team full of fully evolved starters and a Dragon type(Likely Garchomp but could also be Salamance).
Come to think of it, Chris likely owns two game boys(as well as all versions of Pokemans). Y'think Kel's team is supposed to mirror his from the olden days? It was Raichu/Lapras/Golem/Dragonite/Rapidash/Blissey, so I'll assume Gen 2 was in effect. Blissey were a nightmare to obtain--I remember how hard it was to catch Chansey, Lapras would always show up on Fridays, Pikachu were rare but catchable, and Rapidash was my least favorite Fire type.
Hacking
When I get bored, I try to guess the password to Chris's YT account.
I swear that if I wind up getting into Chris's YT, I will do nothing except unblock myself until someone says otherwise, I'm not just going to randomly favorite gay videos. It would be nice to have a list of his old passwords to work from--anyone who has them is welcome to email me with them. Even if he's not using them now, they might show me a pattern(or not, but I think it might help somehow).
What could I do with the YT--first thing I could think of was "Upload the house videos for great justice". More to come.
Opperation Bobrage
Thanks to Ronichu, we know that Bob is back at the bunghole. We also know that we can bypass Boblax by using a false story to get to Chris. I wonder if there's a way we can do this and tell Bob that Chris never got the house videos removed. Ought to piss him off something fierce.
Kill Copyright
Also, we need a plan to separate Chris from his copyright. Who wants to copyright ownership of Rosechu, or Christian Weston Chandler(comic character)? Hell, that ought to be funny, us taking up a copyright registration on Chris's self-insert.
I just saw the Nostalgia Critic's review of Junior, and I got an idea. We must accuse Chris of being a pregnant woman who happens to be balding due to a chemical imbalance that refuses to shave her legs(she also may or may not be a FTM tranny). It's perfect--his manboobs, voice, gut, and hair can all be covered by insane explanations. Oh, and Tito is the father and since his dick goes at an odd angle, it's very clearly fake(bonus points if we convince Chris to get his dick straightened out). Question is, how do we execute it?
Panda Part 2
Not sure how to kick this off, but here's how things are.
Panda(or at least the trolls behind her) is sitting on information, so they won't have anything to do with this. We'll just use their character again.
Chris is lonely. I think, if he got contact from Panda after he thought that she was dead, he'll be very happy--only problem is if he brings up something that Panda's trolls didn't bring up. We can explain her new account/phone number with "MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN AND TROLLS GOT MY ACCOUNTS AND I WAS HOMELESS/IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A YEAR WHY DIDN'T YOU COME GET ME CHRIS!".
She is, of course, still in Australia. He does not know that she is a troll and will not suspect a thing.
Come to think of it, this would work on Ivy too--Chris only learned of her death from us, we could have been lying
Sonichu 11 plan
Okay, I'm organizing my idea.
Okay, updating--if Chris uploads Sonichu 11, I'll modify it so it will turn into a contest between the two that will decide which is cannon and which is not.
The best way to get Chris back onto the Internet is to make him think that Sonichu is being stolen/plagarized/whatever. It worked with Liquid, it worked with Asperchu, and it's going to work with Alec's Sonichu 11 if this plan works.
- Primary Goal-Get Chris back on the internet.
- Secondary Goal-By manipulating Chris, convince Rocky that there is nothing that she can do to help Chris.
Since Chris has failed to update for a whole month, site traffic is dropping and Sysop is losing money. In an act of kindness and respect(as is his custom), Alec offers to post his version of Sonichu 11 to the CWCipedia. Alec will gain an account, and it will be stated in his talk page that he is only allowed to upload comics and possibly get his own mailbag section where he'll respond to letters from grateful fans who are glad that he's got full control over Sonichu now(Of course he will always treat Chris with the utmost respect and he will dismiss this as a misconception).
When Chris complains, Alec has a defense ready--he's keeping Chris's fanbase warm so they don't leave him due to his massive schedule slippage. Alec must always be benevolent, that is the best part of him.
This will likely light a fire under Chris and force him to start the actual Sonichu 11 at least--his "Inspiration" actually comes in when he's angry and he more or less blew his load with Sonichu 10. At best, he'll start screaming on the internet and even make a video where he destroys the Asperchu medal. He will definitively make a comic expressing his hatred of Alec(and thus react to us). If Rocky finds out, hilarity will ensue.
Either way, he'll be between a rock and a hard place--disobey Rocky and beat the trolls forever, or defend Sonichu's (and by proxy his own) honor/heterosexuality.
If he attempts to cross-retcon the comic with the True and Honest Sonichu 11, then Alec just needs to slow down and then retcon anything Chris does.
Oh, by the way, one of the selling points for Alec's Sonichu 11 is that it is the ORIGINAL Sonichu 11. State that whatever Sonichu 11 is published first decides what is cannon and anything else is fanfiction or an alternate universe or how Ian Brandon Anderson perceives the events of Sonichu 11. Retcon out his retcons.
As for what happens in Sonichu 11--part of the plot could involve Chris losing his powers and position. Of course, he will do so for completely honorable reasons after he realizes what a fuckup he is. Alec will then have the character state that he is leaving FOR GOOD and WILL NOT appear in any CANNON works after this comic. Anything with him would be considered Fanfiction.
This way, this automatically makes anything Comic Chris appears in fanfiction--this also does Chris a huge favor, as the character was unpopular and removal of the character was promised anyway.
Near the end of Sonichu 11(Alec version), I expect Chris to continue irrational demands of Alec--when there's 20 pages to go, Alec will release two pages that will imply that he's going along with the plan and then a few days later he'll release the last 20 pages--which, of course, cancel out everything he promised to do. Example-Chris demands that he not weaken Chris. Alec will release two pages where Chris attempts to regain his powers--the third page, which will be a part of the bundle, will show Chris changing his mind at the last second. Wild shouldn't send Sandy away? He'll be reconsidering something at the last minute before sending her off anyway.
Another possible counter--when Chris tries to make his own version, we wait until both he and Alec are done. Then, we will let the fans decide which one should be cannon. A poll-like feature could be added to the CWCipedia(possibly a page that only Sysop can edit as a third party) for this purpose.
Chris will lose by a huge margin and Alec's Sonichu 11 will be declared the real Sonichu 11--it'll be Liquid all over again.
Here's my idea for the plot-
1. Immediately after Chris rips out Mao's heart, Chris is informed by Crystal/GodJesus that he is evil(Mao's death is a combination of the unwinnable Cross Trap from Saw III and the famous heart crusher scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). He realizes then that all of his amenities were in fact based on revenge and that he will go to hell if he does not make amends.
2. First on the list is stepping down from office--he has to say that he is leaving for good and all further works with him as the mayor are fanfiction as Chris gave his comic self authority over continuity shortly after the Julie Saga"until I say so in the comics or in a video". Bonus points for him holding up the ring. However, he makes sure that he reverses the sentences he gave to the Asperpals and gives full rights to homosexuals(marriage must be specifically mentioned).
3. Wild, inspired by Chris and his nobility, will realize the trauma he put Sandy through and send her off to a place of Alec's choosing. Both Chris and Wild will acknowledge that the fanfic rule now applies to her as well(she's too interesting a character to let Chris use and I want to do Evan a service). Wild may or may not get a new girlfriend--she could be a certain Goffik Hedgehog Pokemon called Ebony Dark'ness Dimentia Raven Way Rosechu(Dark/Ghost would be the best type for her--Ghosts are immune to normal type attacks like Selfdestruct and Explosion so there's no way Wild can lose her to a Voltorb IED). He will be shown to be very happy and state that he would hate it if someone killed her.
4. Chris will then go to the Jerkief and help him fix his family life, grant MSC his limbs back, and cure Mary's paralysis(She'll still be in prison--bitch did attack the city twice). During the process, Jason will appear to Chris and congratulate him on his breakthrough, and Chris will thank him for helping him realize it and apologize for killing his workers. Jason will respond that it was okay, as nobody really died(the demons helped the humans teleport to safety via hell). Jason also has with him the Sonichu Balls, which Chris will need to use to finish the next set of tasks.
5. As Hobo Chris, he will fly to Minnesota and meet the Asperclones, whose lives are all worse thanks to what he did to them. He returns their personality(Asperchu is reverted by accident but nobody cares).
6. With only a few tasks left at hand, Hobo Chris reverts the anti-gay and alters it into something more desirable, like the cure for syphilis or Bird Flu or something. He will then attempt to revive the Asperpals so they can rebuild their website, but just as he finishes apologizing to each of them(detailing exactly how he wronged them and stating that any sign of him doing those things is under the fanfic rule) he is attacked by the reflection of the Chris we all hate. The two fly into space in their Hobo forms and do battle with Evil Chris screaming about how Good Chris is ruining his creation and Good Chris screams about how his power was never meant to be used for revenge. He states that he no longer cares about losing his virginity, as he is no longer a virgin with rage due to the fact that he has overcome his anger. This statement causes him to enter a more proper super form and he obliterates the last of his idiocy. However, the sheer power involved destroys his medal and his ring and short-circuts his ability to use pokemon attacks and makes it so he can no longer be contacted by ghosts. He will then will awake on the moon and join the Moon-Pals. Fin.
Shit about Samantha
I have a Detective working on my case against the likes of you, and I know you live in California; do not think I will not send him and his squadron your way. And I have True Friends by my side. SO GIVE IT UP FOR REAL; NO LIES.
The detective is obviously an empty threat. The interesting part is that he also makes mention of True Friends--he's been watching the TV that says friendship=winner and thinks that it's a worse threat than the police.
Enjoyed your Earthquakes?
Chris being Chris as usual.
..dude earthquakes kill people what the fuck is wrong with you
jesus christ you are a psychopath
Think what you will; you WILL still be punished greatly, unless you give me back my Accounts.
He's trying to intimidate her. Also, he doesn't seem to understand that wishing death upon him means he looks bad. My mind is breaking.
Look. I'm tired from the stress; you are tired of playing; let's just end this cherade. Give me back my PSN Accounts.
The keyword here is "you are tired of playing". He assumes that Sam is tired because he is. When called out on his death threat-
I never said that; you are putting words into my mouth.
Chris seems to have forgotten what he said.
I respectfully withdraw that remark, and I apologize for having outbursted with it.
He seems to be trying to retcon life again. When Sam claims that God gave her the passwords-
You did not receive anything from them in a dream;
God I wish Sam had pushed this, it would hilarious if we had a GodJesus saga.
And Thou Shalt Not Steal
And Thou Shalt Not Covet
Perfectly normal.
And Thou Shalt NOT Withold Stolen Information from its Original Owner
He's starting to go off track.
And Thou Shalt NOT aid thine own Hell's Devils
'And Thou Shalt NOT continue Belaboring Stress upon that who you have Stolen From
Okay, now he's trying to retcon the fucking BIBLE so he can make trolling him(him in particular) a sin.
A bunch of shit that boils down to "GIVE ME BACK MY PLAY STATION NETWORK ACCOUNTS!!!" later...
thou will only be forgiven truly if thou returns the Accounts thou has stolen from the son of God who truly has Christ in his name and in his heart
Okay, Chris is obsessed with the fact that his name is derived from "Christ". This explains why calling him Ian pisses him off--there is no "Christ" in Ian. I think Chris himself believes himself to be divine--he clearly doesn't get that there are other people named Christopher and Christian, and calling him Ian Brandon Anderson destroys that divinity. IBA is also asymmetrical(as opposed to CWC).
Oh, and by this logic, Chris should respect Mary Lee Walsh and Michael Snyder and Joseph Herring and Mimms(I think his first name was Daniel) because their names also have biblical significance. Heck, he should respect ME, because I have a name of a certain Christian martyr.
Truly he is a son of God.
Welp, here's proof of Chris's messiah complex. We ought to prove that Mary Lee Walsh is his True and Honest Mother because her name is Mary.
This is just disturbing.
Now on to something about the Jack Emails--the emails are made of facepalm, but the first one stands out.
Now, this is all understandable if you assume that Chris instantly assumed that Samantha was not a woman but a man because only a JERK would steal his PSN. He also equates us with actual criminals, so this also makes sense. He's even trying to pull off a stupid trick to get his PSN back.
I'll ignore the part where he was in communication with Samantha and had the chance to learn how "she" spoke and acted and skip right to the end of the email--he ends it with LULZ LULZ LULZ.
Does he think it's a motto, or something? Is this his usual attempt at writing laughter(HA. HA. HA., ALA. LA. LA. LA. LA.)?
My brain hurts.
Oh no
What if Chris thinks that he is related to Jesus? The stuff he said in the Samantha emails, stuff he's said throughout this entire sorid saga, it all makes me suspicious.
Chris, at one point, made reference as to how he thought his birth was highly unlikely(I think he called it a miracle). Hobo Chan refers to himself as a servant of God(but not Jesus, implying that he is a higher or equal authority). He's clearly obsessed with the fact that "Christ" is in his name, and even referred to himself as a son of God. He's convinced God told him to change his name and of course wishes that he's got a better father(in his eyes) than Bob. He refers to God and Jesus as real beings who give people advice through bear conductors and dreams.
But look further--he wants us to celebrate his birthday. Who else has a birthday that is also a national(in Chris's eyes, anyway)holiday? Jesus. Christmas. I'm not too clear on the meaning of Christian Love Day--is it supposed to be a day where Christians love each other, or promote Chris's idea of love, or does "Christian" refer to Chris and how everyone must love him? It would explain why demons are employed at ED in the comic--only servants of the devil would DARE oppose the brother of Christ.
Still, the whole "false god of the brown striped one" bit may be Chris fucking up metaphors--but from this perspective, this makes Liquid the fucking Antichrist. It would explain why Chris likes to use biblical terms to describe what he perceives as wrongs levied against him(Bearing false witness). Oh, and he claims that he was named by "God and the Bear"--didn't an angel come down to Joseph and Mary to tell them that they were supposed to name their kid Jesus by order of God?
I'd also like to point out that he sent Samantha exactly 108 emails--I don't know if Chris knows this or not, but that number has religious significance in the East. Probably an accident.
And there's that huge freakout he had when Samantha claimed that God was helping the trolls, we should do that more often. Seriously, that's got to hit his ego hard. I think we should all claim that God gave us missions in our dreams--this may logic bomb Chris. God is good. We are bad. Chris is good, so God works for him. God works for us. Therefore God is evil. We hate Chris. God is among us. God therefore hates Chris. Chris can't comprehend the thought of an evil God who is out to get him and promptly breaks--the only thing I think that's stopping him from entering outright blasphemy is the same thing that keeps him in line around Bob.
He's afraid of God--remember, to Chris he is 100% real. And Chris, according to FAs, knows the diffrence between right and wrong when a man he respects is nearby--Bob and God are on that list. This explains why he watches Family Guy and tolerates the raving atheist biggotry--he admires Seth for having the courage to do what he can't and defy God. God being God, he could easily own Chris(though he already has lol).
Oh no, this goes further. Cole is in Sonichu as a high ranking member of Pokesociety. Kellie Andes is in Sonichu as an immensely powerful Trainer. Bob founded CWCville. Chris likes to shower these shades of real people with rewards--if the guy isn't a JERK, he is in a position of power that benefits Chris. Bob made CWCville, Cole is involved with Pokemon(Likely in there with his big brother fantasy), and well I can't think of any other guys.
Forget creating the world--God helped Chris create Crystal. Or at least he tried to.
I wonder what being kicked out of church after he probably sent his pastor the ED page did to him and why he didn't appear in Sonichu as a Jerkastor or something--fear of GodJesusBear, I assume?
Or I could just be jumping to conclusions--he knows that all humans are children of God, therefore he is a son of God and not the Son of God. Still, the way he said it disturbs me.