User:Lime/Wild Mass Guessing

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Mayor and frequent loiterer Christian Weston Chandler is Chris-Chan Sonichu!

It would explain why CWC is always hanging around with the Sonichus and Rosechus, why he wears that medallion around his neck, and why their names sounds so similar. They're the same person! (Sorry, I had to do this, tradition and all.)

  • Man, you crazy. You so crazy.

CWC (the comic character) is in an insane asylum, and Sonichu is an account of his fantasies

The comic can't seem to figure out what 'level' of reality it works on, as within the comic itself, Sonichu is a fictional character, an Animated Actor (being 'married' outside of 'the pages' but not within?), a real being, a being created though the will of CWC, and they can cross between CWCville and the 'real world' despite CWCville supposedly located in the real-world state of Virginia. The incongruities of the entire comic just screams madness.

The entire comic is actually how Comic!Chris sees the world of Quickville

Let's look at the facts. Allison Amber pretty much does everything a Mayor ought to do while Chris dicks around with hedgehog pokemon. Odds are, Comic!Bob was the previous mayor of the city, which is really named Quickville(He sees it as CWCville in his mind), and Allison lets him hang around her office and pretend to be mayor out of pity.

Chris likely follows Sonichu and company around and is certain that they all love him. He can't transform, but he wishes he could so he could be as awesome as his hero is. All the relationships have actual depth, but since Chris is the naive manchild he is in the real world, he assumes that they are all based around sex and proving your heterosexuality.

The retconning of Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam? That's her actual name, Sonichu got sick of Chrissy calling her Mary and tried to explain that the two were different people. Chris being Chris, he took this to mean that Slaweel was impersonating Mary. Sonichu gave up after that.

  • But than, why did Darkbind help out against the "Jerkops"?
    • Chris was actually loitering around an enemy base that he thought was a McDonalds inside a Wal-Mart. Darkbind had to save him from the three giant robots Slaweel had hidden there, and Chris later decided that the robots were the managers of said Wal-Mart. He then decided that he'd fought them all off. It explains why this is the only time "Mecha-Jerkops" appear.

"Solid Chris", "Liquid Chris" and Solidius Chris (better known as David Gonterman) are all clones of the same original sample: Ed Wood

This one explains itself. Liquid Chris somehow got the better part of the deal. David Gonterman appears older due to advanced aging. Solid Chris appears to have a fondness for wearing panties, much like Ed Wood.

But why were clones of Ed Wood made? There are several possibilities:

  • The scientists involved were huge fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and bad movies, and wished that bad movies on the level of Plan 9 would continue to be produced. It backfired, as none of them went into film.
  • It was a government experiment to see if writing bad fiction was genetic. There may be more clones, and they're writing generic pulp fantasy and science fiction novels. Uwe Boll may be one as well.
  • It was actually Ed Wood's plan to have spare bodies for him to possess from beyond the grave. Chris's latest video (with him talking to himself in two different voices) seems to indicate that the plan has come to fruition.

Solid Chris seems to be affected by an advanced form of the FOXDIEYOU virus. In his appearances between 2007 and today his hairline has receded, he appears to have gained lots of weight and in general he just appears older.

  • Evidence against: Ed Wood was charming, hard-working, and by all accounts, a sweet guy who just had no talent. Considering how rarely Chris updates his comic, his hateful views on gay people (I don't know how he feels about transvestites like Wood, and remember, those panties were not his idea), and his generally asinine personality, he has little in common with Wood except lack of talent. If he is a clone of Wood, then that's all that carried across.
    • Solid Chris is the evil, corrupted clone whose DNA sample was corrupted by the dark fizzy substance that is cherry cola, and had poor parenting who further warped the pitiful creature. Liquid Chris is the good clone, raised in a loving home and inherited Ed Wood's good qualities. Gonterman is somewhere in between. (additionally, Chris now wears a sports bra out of his own free will)
      • Obviously, Solid Chris got all the recessive genes.
    • Perhaps Solidus Chris is Christan Humber instead.
      • But won't there still be a possibility of Solid Chris defeating Liquid?

WMG: Cly(de) Cash and most, if not all the trolls, are really an advanced-but-insane A.I.

Clyde Cash and the other trolls are not real human beings, but rather an A.I. that's gone rogue, but instead of trying to take over the world, it just trolls people on the internet. For while its builders could build a brain for it out of microchips, they couldn't build it a heart.

Sonichu is part of Instrumentality as viewed by Chris.

It's presenting a world to him where he has absolute control, in an effort to get him to let down his AT Field. Like Shinji, Chris seems pretty good at being emotionally distance, so it's not working too well.

Chris isn't real

He's a character created by a talented artist depicting the life of a tormented autist. The Chris on the the videos? It's just an actor.

  • It's himself, but he's trolling everybody, pretending to be an aspie.
    • Or he does have Aspergers, but is just playing up the stereotypical traits for laughs. So he is truly high-functioning, but just acts the opposite of it for humorous effect.
      • Doesn't explain why he clearly lives with his parents in a trash-filled house.
      • They could wreck the place before making a video, to make it look like a shithole?
  • Unlikely. You have to be the greatest troll ever to Forge a psychological report, an entire history, and photos of a fictional person from babyhood to 27-28 yrs. old.
    • This is WMG. "Unlikely" means nothing (or, alternatively, is the entire point).

In a continuation of the last theory, Chris's life is just an elaborate hoax

All of the videos Chris posts are part of an ongoing Vlog Series like Lonelygirl15 or Kate Modern; the videos that he takes down are archived on YouTube channels such as TheCWCvilleLibrary either by the creator himself or by an accomplice. The Sonichu comics? Not the product of a Psychopathic Manchild, but of the ingenious creator wanting to give his series a distorted backstory of sorts. All the pictures from Chris's childhood? They're mostly real save for a few edits (some of the pictures were edited to include Bob and Barbra, Chris's parents), but they belong to either Chris's actor or a totally different kid who looked similar to him. Videos showing Chris IRL, such as the infamous Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes Pokémon and McIntire Park news reports? The first and second are fake (or the former is real, but Chris's character is based on the child in the video—not my idea, someone came up with that theory in the video comments of either it or a mirror IIRC), while "Chris" walked into the third one for the lulz. Most of the major trolls, such as Clyde Cash, Vivian Gee and Liquid Chris? They're in on it. Everything else we know about Chris's life is also completely made up, and spread through sites such as Encyclopedia Dramatica and CWCki to make the series all the more authentic.

    • As much as I want to believe this (because it would be epic), how do you explain the two recorded-in-actual-legal-records arrests of CWC?
      • They're real, Chris is just that dedicated.

The Ghost Buggy shown in Sonichu 7 is actually Uboa

lol, Shameless Self Promotion.

  • It would explain the creepy dimension Sammy ends up going through.

Sonichu will end with a Downer Ending due to Creator Breakdown

One day, a troll will do something to affect Chris so drastically that he is sent into a deep depression. He takes out his sorrow on his dearest creation, his comic, and all the characters die in increasingly dark and depressing ways (murder, suicide, because of a broken heart and so on) until only Chris's Author Avatar is left. With his friends all gone, comic!Chris is left with no choice but to kill himself. Basically, the ending will be like this.

Alternative: Sonichu will end with a Downer Ending due to Creator Backlash Chris either grows out of the whole Man Child thing (HA!) or ceases making comics due to the trolls like he threatened to do in a few of his videos. Out of either disgust at what he's created or troll-induced spite, he ends all the characters' lives in brutal and over-the-top ways and nukes CWCville.

Sonichu will have a GainaxEnding that combines nearly every WMG above this It will be revealed that Chris is a clone of EdWood, and he will fight Liquid Chris, DavidGonterman (Solidus Chris), and later UweBoll (Plasma Chris). Ivy will kill herself, believing that Chris had died in the battle with David Gonterman.

Liquid Chris will die, but kills Wild Sonichu and destroys the Sonichu Balls. Uwe Boll will manage to depower the Sonichu Medallion as a dying action, but the depowered Chris will brutally murder Uwe with a rusty pipe. Mary Lee Walsh (who is the attractive version the trolls use) mourns over Liquid's death, as she never got to tell him she loved him. Count Graduon approaches her with an offer of power.

Rosechu, Angelica and Bubbles will be killed by Silvana and the other evil Electric Hedgehog Pokemon; but Rosechu possesses Silvana, at last fulfilling her dream of having a pickle. Whether or not she gets to 'test drive' it is left up for debate.

Sonichu will give up his body, transferring his mind to a pickle (which grants him godhood somehow), to re-empower the Sonichu Medallion, so that Chris can defeat Count Graduon. However, this is not enough, and the Sonichu Medallion will be destroyed.

Mary Lee Walsh will refuse Count Graduon's control and absorbs his power instead, becoming a gigantic naked version of herself that starts absorbing the souls of everyone in the world, starting with [=CWCville=]. Most of the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon will be turned into fanta.

Pickle!Sonichu and Silvana!Rosechu will merge and become a divine, transcendent being named Godchu that enlightens Chris to his true nature of being Asexual; and that his Love Quest was really a Companionship Quest. Godchu then travels off to create a new universe.

With Chris' true nature revealed to himself, he loses his Virgin with Rage status, as he as always wanted... but not by losing his virginity, but rather his rage. This moment of enlightenment extends his consciousness across time and space and he contacts the various Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, including Sonichu and Rosechu (even though Sonichu and Rosechu no longer exist in the true sense). He asks for their power, but they tell him that he doesn't need their power... as he was the one who created them; he only forgot that he was God of CWCWorld due to his memory being altered by the AI Clyde Cash so that he was just the 'Mayor' of [=CWCVille=] in an effort to harness his awesome power. He is, however, still a clone of Ed Wood. We're not sure how this works.

With this, Chris' memory as a god of his fictional realm reawakened, and the answers all falling into place, he will transform into Collossal Chan, and battles the gigantic naked Mary Lee Walsh. Due to being asexual and knowing it finally, he is not distracted by MLW's Template:Gainaxing and manages to destroy her... both both Chris and Mary Lee Walsh explode into millions of soul fragments, where they land, beautiful flowers grow, even on the surface of the moon. The land in which they battled becomes a literal sea of blood.

We are then treated to CWC's mental journey as he explores how he had selfishly twisted the world, and how he does not deserve his godhood, but neither wants to give it up, but also ponders cosmic suicide, and we never learn his decision.

At the end, Liquid Chris is lying on a beach at the edge of the sea of blood, confused as to why he's still alive when Wild had just killed him. The spirits of the other Clones appear, telling Liquid that he is now the True and Honest Christian Weston Chandler, as they all decided to give up their chance at resurrection to give him the gift of life; because he could play a real guitar as opposed to Guitar Hero. Mary Lee Walsh also appears from the sea of blood, and tells Liquid she loves him, and the True and Honest Christian Weston Chandler smiles; as his Love Quest is over.

Then there are twenty pages of the comic that are just solid blocks of color, but the last page is black with one white phrase printed on it:

"...Ivy, I did it. I really did it."

WMG: Someone, somewhere, will write (or has already written) a DavidGonterman/[=CWC=] SlashFic Think about how similar the two of them are: They're both infamous on the Internet for their [=~DarthWiki/So Bad It's Horrible~=] works and their bigoted natures.hottip:!:Okay, to give Gonterman credit he's improved on both aspects. Let's have the hypothetical ship be a TimeParadox between past!Davy and present!Chris. Certainly, the two of them were made for each other. However, their love is not meant to flourish, as even the PowersThatBe cannot handle the immense amount of Template:Squick. If a fic with them as an Template:OTP were to be created, then the Internet, and maybe even the universe itself, would implode (and we won't/didn't notice). [=GodJesus=] help as all.

Also, if the above clone theory is true, said SlashFic would also be ScrewYourself clonecest. Huzzah!

WMG: Christian will become a national celebrity. The current business involving his possible eviction from his house will result in Chris finally backing up his threats of legal action and taking his situation to the courts as a harassment suit. Granted, the foundation for the case would be incredibly weak, but some slick, hotshot, JackThompson Jack Thompsonesque lawyer will manage to take the case all the way to the Supreme Court in a bid to win fame for tackling cyberbullying, TheNewRockAndRoll the new threat to American society. The case will be laughed out of court, but not before the media has spent months going over every sordid detail of Christian's life, spreading his infamy to the general public. After the case falls apart, Christian will be exploited by many tabloids, talk shows, used car commercials...basically, he'll be the new Gary Coleman. He will be a household name, forever remembered as that one guy you're glad you're not, a figure of self-parody who keeps digging himself deeper.

We expect to see terrible things from you, Mr. Chandler. Terrible, terrible things...

WMG: Christian's sexuality is Magi-chan's plaything.

Magi-Chan can bend anything; that includes sexuality.

  • Huh, that would explain why he doesn't have a heartsweet...
  • So she (he?) never released the cure for homosexuality into the water. That was a lie to leave Chris' guard down

WMG: TheProposition "When?" said the moon. Christian will shoot Naitsirhc to prevent him from telling schoolchildren that it is okay to be gay. Nait will quietly acknowledge "You got me, Chris." Then, in his dying state, stumble outside, sit down on a small hummock, and watch the sunset. Chris, unable to deny pity for Nait, will mumble to the children "I'm going to be with my brother." He will join Nait on the hummock and together they will watch the sun set. Nait will whisper "What are you gonna do now, Chris?" As Chris realizes that everything he knows is now gone and that he cannot think of an answer, Nait will slump to the ground, dead. Fade to black, and roll credits.

WMG: NoEnding Due to all the STRESS in Chris' life, there's a good chance he will never finish it.

  • Well, he hasn't updated the comic since the end of February 2010. Supposedly he is "http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/100_2188 not going to be on the internet much", because strike:http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/CWC_Blog#26_May_2010 sitting on his dirty, crapped ass and playing video games BlatantLies being active within his community is more interesting. Since writing his comic requires more effort than filming himself raging or ranting, there's a good chance that we won't see Sonichu anymore...

WMG: Sonichu is Template:Videodrome The reading of Sonichu comics is in fact a BrownNote, causing brain tumours. It was specifically devised to attract the attention of internet trolls, give them the tumours, and kill them all, in order to protect the internet from getting "too soft". If we're lucky, Chris will be shot to death by Jason, causing his skull to erupt in cancerous growths. "Death to Sonichu!" Jason will shout, "Long live the trolls!" Jason will then stumble onto a derelict ship somewhere, where a TV message, ostensibly from Ivy but probably actually from Blanca, will tell him that he has nothing left but to commit suicide.

WMG: The people of [=CWCVille=] burn Chris (comics version) as a virgin sacrifice Think about it. He's their "king". He's a virgin. He's a fool. The townsfolk have set the whole thing up as part of a springtime festival to trick him into being a sacrifice to ensure a plentiful harvest. They will lock him inside a gigantic TheWickerMan wicker effigy and set it alight, while Sonichu himself leads the villagers in a chorus of "So Need a Cute Girl".

  • Where do the bees come in?

WMG: Christian is the horrifying result of an attempt to clone DavidGonterman and ProfessionalWrestling The Ultimate Warrior We all know about the eerie similarities to Gonterman. But how else could we explain Chris's screaming, incoherent, homophobic, and occasionally violent YouTube rants than by assuming there's a little bit of The Ultimate Warrior in him, as well? And you know how Chris uses strange words or euphemisms in his comics and RealLife? Well, any AtopTheFourthWall or TheSpoonyExperiment fan can tell you that the Ultimate Warrior has, too, in his comics. ("foked", "destrucity", etc.)

Only one question remains: Who the hell would think combining those two was a good idea?

  • TheSpoonyExperiment Dr. Insano
  • UweBoll?

WMG: CWC is the evil counterpart to StephenFry. Fry is funny, charming, intelligent, gay, and with an interest in technology that extends to amassing thousands of followers on Facebook. CWC is funny only by accident, repulsive, stupid (and not in an autistic way), homophobic, and whose interest in technology extends only to putting crap on the internet and downloading porn. The face that Fry is British and CWC is American could be counted as another one, but that would have UnfortunateImplications. Besides which, if he were really Fry's opposite, he'd be French.

WMG: CWC is the evil counterpart to Template:XKCD Randall Munroe. Stronger similarities, including relations to a girl named Megan (which the haters have officially declared must be stalking related) and an overall lack of effort in their comics art. Munroe, however, used his influence to http://xkcd.com/481/ make the world a better place.

WMG: Chris' entire life is a defictionalized version of Kafka's Metamorphosis. Or, barring that, there are still lots of obvious parallels.

WMG: Christian is Porky Minch from Template:Mother 3

Just look at the facts:

  • Both created a city centered entirely around their own ego ([=CWCville=]/New Pork City)
  • Both created an artificial "son" as compensation for being unable to father one biologically (Sonichu/The Masked Man)
  • Both surround themselves with mementos of an old "friend" that has long since abandoned them (Megan/Ness)
  • Both are children trapped in an adult's body
  • Both have neglectful and careless parents
  • Both are chubby and somewhat overweight
  • Both merge creatures together (The Chimera's/Sonichu)
    • As much as I like this theory, those symptoms are relatively common traits of nerdy, socially inept manchildren. (taken UpToEleven in these cases, naturally)
    • This theory is explored in more detail in http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/User:Clydec/porkypasta this copypasta.

WMG: The main trolls of Christian Weston Chandler are the heroes from Earthbound

Ness is Cylde Cash, Paula is Vivian Gee, Jeff is Liquid Chris, and Poo is Jason Kendrick Howell.

WMG: Alternatively, they are the heroes of Template:Mother 3

  • Lucas=Clyde Cash
  • Duster=Alec Benson Leary
  • Kumatora=Vivian Gee
  • Boney=???
  • In that same vein, Claus could be Ryan Cash.

WMG: The reason he wants a boyfriend-free girl is because he doesn't mind a GirlOnGirlIsHot girlfriend with a girlfriend Just saying.

WMG: The Medallions of Fail are not made of clay, but rather PsychoNauts psitanium

Over the past several years, Chris-chan has become less and less sane. Psitanium makes the mentally unstable less stable. Simple as that.

WMG: Alternatively, The Medallions of Fail are Horcruxes

There are many PlotCoupons that can cause a person in possession of it to slowly lose their sanity, but Horcruxes can be disguised as retarded looking bling. Chris made the medallions long ago and they somehow got the pieces of someone's soul bound to them (seriously, who'd think to look for someone's soul in some fat moron's retarded medallion?). Ever since then they've been slowly causing Chris to lose more sanity from the limited amount he already had.

WMG: No, all of the Relics of Fail are Horcruxes.

Creating a Horcrux requires a murder. Chris murdered BILLY MAYS to make the Amnyfest Ring into a Horcrux. He caused Ryan Cash's death to make the Sonichu Medallion into a Horcrux. Mike Jackson -- the Gitar. Sarah May -- the Attraction Sign. Patti -- the SailorMoon poster. Presumably he just has to strangle Clyde Cash to make his PS3 into a Horcrux, and then take care of Liquid Chris to Horcrucise his Man-bra.


WMG: One last theory about the Medallions

They have lead paint on them, which, if true, should probably explain everything.

WMG: Liquid Chris is actually SonicX Christopher Thorndyke

As RescuedFromTheScrappyHeap his role in Season 3 indicates, had Liquid not met Sonic & company, he would have been just as annoying, if not more.

    • He comes off as more bizarro-Chris; his parents aren't ridiculously rich but middle-class at best rednecks.

WMG: ThatGuyWithTheGlasses TGWTG.com is going to team up against Chris. We already know that two members of the site are “fans†of his: Guru Larry and Happy Harry. If more of the reviewers find out about Chris and become trolls as well, it could escalate into a second Brawl in which the Critics and Gamers (or at least the British ones, apparently) band together to defeat Chris once and for all.

WMG: Chris and the trolls are working together. Chris enjoys the attention, so he and other trolls have constructed this elaborate hoax to get onlookers.

WMG: Chris is Bizarro/Liquid/Evil/some other kind of counterpart FanFic/ChristianHumberReloaded Christian Humber

  • Both go by Christian. One was given that name, the other took the name himself.
  • Both are GiftedlyBad. One made something insane but never intended to release it to anyone else, the other uploaded it to the internet himself.
  • Both write themselves in as a GodModeSue. One is completely unrestrained and over-the-top, the other originally started as a somewhat independent character but was eventually upstaged by the AuthorAvatar.
  • One has an almost NoHuggingNoKissing setting, the other... Template:Yiff let's not FanDisservice go there.
  • One seems to have no internet presence whatsoever and may have even grown out of it, the other continues to cultivate a devoted Template:Hatedom and makes himself trollbait to this day.

The parallels are frightening.

WMG: Sonichu is TheKingInYellow

Think about it.

  • Its creator is insane from exposure.
  • It starts looking innocent, but becomes sinister and maddening, and the madness is only exacerbated by the way it looks innocent
  • All who read it go mad, and become obsessed with bringing it down. One person committed suicide.
  • Sonichu is yellow.
    • Well, damn, there goes my fanfic idea that Sonichu is really an EldritchAbomination!
      • Then why isn't everyone else who read it gone insane? Then again, maybe only people who act it out or deeply analyze it are driven to insanity. Which explains why Vivian's commentary has gone from normal to insane angrish.

WMG: PVCC can get away with all the property damage, destruction, mayhem and murder because they can afford it The worst crime in [=CWCville=] is smoking, which has a 1500$ fine. If that's the worst crime there is, then with ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney enough money, they can do whatever they want. Hell, their random destruction sprees may be what pays for the services around town.

WMG:Chris is a RealLife BlackHoleSue Black Hole AntiSue

Think about it: In his childhood he was in the news http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/IT_TOOK_A_TALKING_BEAR_TO_GIVE_THE_NAME_A_YOUNG_BOY_LOVES at least http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes twice, not to mention him being partially featured in http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcKsEo52kC8 another broadcast as a teen, and in his adulthood he and his comic have gone from being obscure, insignificant pieces of filth amongst the putrid trash heap that is the Internet to, well, being “famous.†He also has http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/White_knight#Reasons_against_white_knighting more flaws http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Chris_and_religion#Concept_of_sin than the http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Chris_and_anger average http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Chris_and_his_Ego human being (Template:Flanderization or at least highly exaggerated ones) and has a “Template:Hatedom fan base†composed solely of

Trollll.PNG Troll disclosure: This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by trolls to manipulate Chris.
Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.)

s and Template:Squick disgusted BileFascination but morbidly curious

TVTropes Logo Troper
This user would edit the CWCki, but is too busy browsing TV Tropes.

bystanders, the majority of which enjoy watching his life ItGotWorse get flushed down the toilet and dumped into a lake of lava in Hell. So basically, the world really does revolve around Chris, just like he thinks; the spot light is on him, and all that's on stage are his faults.

WMG: Chris has connections with ChurchOfHappyology a certain group In one of his http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/CWC_Blog#28_December_2009 blog entries on CWCipedia, he told Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus to "Go Into F***ing Scientology." Of course, that could have just been an insult, but what if he really was asking them to join? Maybe not all of Chris's money comes from the “monthly tugboat.†Why anyone would bribe Chris, of all people, into finding them more followers is beyond me, though.

That, and their ad is showing on this page for some reason...

WMG: Chris is a Time Lord! And the Time Lords are in fucking despair that this is the case. They thought it couldn't get worse than that time he put his sonic screwdriver in his ass, but after that horrible incident with...urgh, no, it doesn't even bear thinking about. Suffice it to say that Chris' Sonichu medallion is the equivalent of Professor Yana's fob-watch and, if he ever works out how to open it, he will be restored with all his Time Lord powers and memories... and will probably kill himself there and then out of shame.

WMG: Alternatively, Chris is actually SuzumiyaHaruhi Well, someone has to be and it's definitely not the inflatable sex doll.

WMG: Chris is real...and a hoax! 

Barbara & Bob are scientists who set out to methodically raise the worst person imaginable. They either are continuing the experiment, or BecomingTheMask went insane and became their characters.

WMG: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha does, in fact, work 

Unfortunately for Chris, it doesn't work the way he wants it to: every time he uses it to curse someone, it brings bad luck and extreme misfortune HoistByHisOwnPetard to him (though it's not clear whether he's using the attack wrong or it is specifically targeted at him to begin with). This is the real reason why everything in his life is going wrong.
  • So what does that make "forgiveness blessings"?
    • Clearly they don't make his life better, so either he's using them right, and blesses people he tried to curse earlier, or he's using them wrong, and blesses completely random people.
      • Now I understand where that fifty buck note on my pillow came from! Thank you, Chris!

WMG: Chris has moved to a donut shop in Oregon That's how he's able to make edits as 62.205.254.105! The Chandler family moved to Oregon and now own a donut shop, and Chris hasn't announced it yet, thinking the trolls won't be able to find him. hottip:*:But really guys, it's a troll. Chris would most likely use his name or a Sonichu-related handle (Reldnahc, Sonichu, etc.) if it really was him, or it'd at least be extremely obvious that it is. Also, I imagine him finding the Sonichu page would warrant a video or two (if he actually bothered to read through it, anyway; chances are, he probably wouldn't get to the end of the introduction).

  • 62.205.254.105 isn't Chris, because he/she/it DOESN'T type Like This.

WMG: Chris is Nyarlatothep's avatar Clearly, old Nyarly plans to confuse people and create mass amounts of chaos on the internets by acting as this weird autistic failure of a man-child. why? For the ensuing Hilarity of course... Or something, I don't know how he thinks, but basically, he's BOTH a Troll and an Eldritch Abomination.

  • Holy crap, without even seeing this WMG I thought something like that. But instead Nyarlatothep was moonlighting as Kim Jong-il, too, doing the same thing in real life that Chris is doing on the internet.

WMG: If every person, place or thing on the internet was a civilization, Chris would be Egypt.

Think about it: He gets blasted by trolls and still comes back for more, just like how Egypt gets conquered constantly but always comes back.

    • The trolls would be Vikings, then.

WMG: The man in Chris' video

WMG: The man in Chris' videos isn't a troll He's actually someone Chris hasn't managed to alienate. Yet.

WMG: Allison was blacklisted. Something happened, like she got seriously injured in a shoot, and during her stint in the hospital, her investments tanked due to the economic collapse, her bills ate her surviving savings, and she couldn't sue the studio because during a painkiller induced bit of stupid thinking she made threatening calls against the director which she ultimately agreed to not sue in exchange for them not pressing charges for emotionally scarring his kid when he accidentally picked up. Anyways, sad background aside, she couldn't get any more work until she applied to be [=CWCville's=] mayor, and lied about her past because Chris is an idiot and would fall for it.

WMG: Chris is an AlternateUniverse version of Doctor Frankenstein; Sonichu is the monster. Chris is basically a MadScientist without the Scientist part, and created the Sonichus and Rosechus by cobbling together parts of other characters. Sounds like Doctor Frankenstein to me alright.

    • That means that Sonichu killed Ivy: "I will be with you on your wedding night".


WMG: There are multiple realities that all of this is occuring in. The first is the one everyone is familiar with- the one that I'm writing this and you're reading it in.

The second reality is the reality of the comics, a bizarre universe where nothing makes any sense. It also includes other entirely fictional creations such as Family Guy, Pokemon, Transformers, and god only knows what else. This is essentially Chris's utopia and the kind of world he wishes to live in, but he has so much trouble seperating the first level of reality from that of the comics that whenever something upsets him, it forces it's way into his fictional universe.

The third reality lies somewhere between the first two, and encompasses the second like the first encompasses the other two. It's linked very closely with Chris' thought process. Here the characters seen in the second reality (that of the comics) are thier "real" selves- essentially actors. The comics, except for a few blurbs where the 'actors' break character (similar to how Superman used to shill for fruit pies), are considered to be a fictional creation that the characters make as part of thier job, like a play or television show, just told in comic form. Similar to Chris, though, the 'actors' have trouble keeping thier creations and thier reality seperated, leading to a large degree of crossover. While the characters don't exist in the real world (except as godawful comics), they ARE aware of it and what happens to Chris in it. Whenever they act like they're not, they're doing it for the sake of Expospeak.

Chris' mind and the two sub-universes are basically the same thing, as evidenced by him pretty much just putting down a bunch of stream-of-consciousness stuff and calling it a comic. To him, all three universes are equally real, but he finds himself stuck in this one and seems to beleive that getting a girlfriend and losing his virginity will make his real life essentially the same as that of the comics (or maybe he thinks something entirely different, but I'm pretty sure he beleives that getting laid will solve all of his problems instantly.)

WMG: Chris-Chan's nightmare of people being destroyed in a factory ISN'T a nightmare, but a subconscious desire. Given the brutality in his recent comics, it's likely Chris would like to see everyone he sees as undesirable destroyed. Yes, he claims it's a nightmare, but he was looking on. And considering how little he cares for anyone beside himself, it's hard to see him horrified by the sight, especially if he really felt that this was simply justice being done.

And really, the person running the factory would be Chris himself.

WMG: Chris-Chan is a GeniusTheTransgression Genius An Unmada, to be precise. He probably catalyzed as a Neid or a Stauren, depending on whether he catalyzed after winning the Sonic the Hedgehog contest, or sometime after making Sonichu. The reason he hasn't made any Wonders yet is beacuse he's too lazy to actually study any of the Axioms: The peerage isn't supid enough to let Chris learn Metatropi or Katastropi (or anything else, really), and the few Lemurians who even know about Chris are probably trolls anyway. In fact, the Numerologists might have even set up the CWC wiki and the ED page on purpose to try and drive Chris to suicide, beacuse Chris represents everything they stand against; Idiots with too much free time mucking around on the internet.

  • Does that make the trolls his Manes?
  • Bull Honkey. If anything, Christian is a EmptyShell Clockstopper. Specifically, he has the ability that makes art and music impossible to understand within his aura. The good news is, continuing to upgrade that skill will make it impossible for him to understand written language, AndThereWasMuchRejoicing keeping him off the internet forever. The bad news is... picture someone like him being ImmuneToBullets or able to whip up TorchesAndPitchforks an angry mob.
    • Whup up an angry mob, yes, that sounds like something Chris-Chan would do. But control it? Remember, a Dramatic Failure would cause the mob to turn on the caller... Also, let's remember that Chris has proven incapable of learning anything. He's probaly stuck with whatever powers he has unless a Numerologist decides to do something stupid.
  • DavidGonterman could be a Neid though, given his love of science fiction. If he actually creates AndIMustScream the kind UnwillingRoboticisation of stuff he fantasizes about, though, he will be JumpingOffTheSlipperySlope very quickly.
  • Guys, guys, guys, It's very obvious that Chris-Chan is actually a ChangelingTheLost True Fae AngelUnaware Charlatan
    • ...OhCrap Oh fuck.

WMG: Sonichu is actually a prediction of the future Perhaps [=CWCville=] was built upon the remains of Ruckersville, Virginia Template:After the end, when Chris declared himself "mayor" (see: "dictator"). When Chris found the portal in his room to future CWCville, he decided to warn people in the present so we can prevent the end of the world. In fact, Pokemon and Sonic characters may have been introduced to the real world as a strange effect of the apocalypse; furthermore, the end of the world may have significantly altered the laws of physics enough to make it so everything in Sonichu could actually happen. Chris-chan is our savior, and we must take his advice soon or he will be the one to have the last laugh, ruling over all who didn't believe him in the totalitarian empire known as "[=CWCville=]".

WMG: The next villain in Sonichu will be based on [=CWCki=] Chris recently discovered it, and they not only mock him, but it seems that they also interfered with his Love Quest. Chris simply can't leave this unavenged.

WMG: Chris is actually the basis for the for Bioshock

  • Chris is actually Andrew Ryan (The egotistical, selfish, cruel, power hungry, creator)
  • Cwcville is actually Rapture (The Crazy dystopia that has "Free will" but eventually ends up with only a few business chains and eventually goes to hell...)
  • Naitsirhc is Frank Fontaine ( The equally cruel and power hungry Rival to Chris/Andrew)
  • Mary Lee Walsh is Sofia Lamb ( She wishes to change said dystopia in her image and promotes the common good, came to help Chris/Andrew initially, but eventually turns everything upside down)
  • Various Sonichus are Splicers (Genetically modified that are different types of Body Horror , each having unique abilities do to their creator ( Plasmids and tonics could make an electric hedgehog techincally...))
  • Sonees (Those grotesque offspring of the sonichus) are little sisters, I can't support this but the lack of how often they appear they could be harvesting dead corpses
  • Rosechu is Rosebud [an antagonizing splicer that follows you through part of the game] (both lose their babies to becoming Sonee/Little sisters and go mad from it)
  • Bill the scientist is Dr. Tenenbaum (initially works for Naitsirhc, helps in creating the EldritchAbomination Other Sonichus but inevitably wants to reform)
  • spoiler:Jasmine Jolene is ANY GODDAMN TROLL THE MORON PICKS UP (Love interest to Chris/Andrew but inevitably betrays him.

And Last but not least

  • You, the reader, unsung hero in this mess are Jackspoiler:Ryan [The protagonist in Bioshock] (The silent protagonist, [You can type but i can't here you] must slug your way through a hell of which is unknown to some mere mortals, it is a frightening journey to the center of the egotistical twit's mind. but you may survive if you keep your wits spoiler:And you may/may not be related to the psychopath that made this.
    • Alternatively, Jack is Cole Smity, who is a fairly normal, if impressive, guy, just wants to avoid contact with Chris (in other words, return to the surface), and spoiler: is related to him, half-brothers in this case. Also, eventually becomes usure of who his father really is.

My Question: Who'd be the big daddies?

    • Good theory, now we need a Delta and Elenor. Also, does this mean I eventually get to spoiler: smash Chris' face in with a golf club?

WMG: Magi-chan is a BizarroUniverse Bizarro Universe version of EliteBeatAgents Commander Khan Mostly because the two of them are known to moniter their general area, and Magi-Chan has, on occasion, told the heroes where to do and what do do.

WMG: Of all the people to partake in the executions of the Asperpedia trolls, Kel was the only one to express remorse. I mean, look at her in the picture she's shooting Shawn! She looks like she's doped up on something. I think they actually drugged an underaged girl so she could partake in the senseless slaughter.

WMG: Chris is leaving for good, but not on his own accord. In order to pay for the hospital bills, or so that his son doesn't keep humiliating them on the Internet, or both, Bob finally chopped down Chris' Internet. The likelihood that he moves out and gets his own Internet is likely non-existent.

WMG: We all live in the comic. The comic is our window to what is actually the "real" world. Chris is god. Well... It would be one hell of a MindScrew mind screw if it was so, no?

    • BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
      • OverlyLongGag OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WMG: Chris is a less dangerous version of Template:Halloween Michael Meyers He hasn't (yet) killed anyone (that we know of) and wasn't institutionalized when he was a kid. As a result he was allowed to slowly grow wider and less dangerous until he finally reached the point where he is now physically unable to do anything near what Meyers can do. His (possibly eventual) killing spree won't claim the lives of anyone who can run 10 feet without passing out.

WMG: Chris-chan is just a character created by a Psychology professor and is using us to study the effects of Mobthink.

Everyone in the mythos of Sonichu has been asked to act. Chris really isn't the way he acts: it's part of an experiment on how far mobthink can go, and if so, what causes you to be an AcceptableTarget? Hence the creation of CWC. Sonichu is really drawn by his younger children and the porn was provided by other outside influences. He's tried to end the experiment (hence the Leaving Teh Intarwebz videos) but ForScience he still keeps the research ongoing. In short, he's being a Jane Goodall for the trolls- studying them over a lengthy period of time in order to better understand them. He's been doing it ten years- the experiment's almost at its conclusion.

WMG: Christian is actually being detained at the SCPFoundation. The most probable reason is for the creation of a BrownNote Memetic Hazard, though him being a RealityWarper who created his own demented little universe isn't out of the question. The Foundation operatives are possibly unaware of the fact that he is publishing his webcomic.

    • I was just about to write something similar to this.

WMG: Christian is not only autistic, he is also schizophrenic. Let's examine some key points to my theory.

    • He thinks God told him his life's mission was to have sex.
    • He says a man in a Teddy Bear costume told him to change his name to Christian.
    • He constantly creates violent fantasies depicting the torture and death of his rivals.
    • He thinks he is the ruler of his own world where cartoons exist.

WMG: Chris is a FinalFantasyXIII L'cie and getting laid is his Focus That would explain so much,isn't it?

    • His fictional daughter's name is Crystal... L'Cie turn into crystal if they fulfill their focus. I think we can bet on him becoming a Cieth though.

WMG: Christian's PS3 was confiscated by his parents/pastoral counselor/"Young Adult Social Group" They realized that while making Chris limit his Internet activities made it harder for trolls to troll him, it didn't make Chris reform himself because he was just spending all the time playing video games. So they confiscated his PS3 hoping that without games and with nothing to do, he would have motivation to actually go out and socialize. Chris most likely has a full-blown game addiction by now so when he got cut off from his games http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean he made an attempt to get himself unbanned from The GAMe PLACe out of desperation, and when that failed http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg he ordered his TRUE and LOYAL fanbase to help get him unbanned.

WMG: Chris is mentally retarded This is not a joke theory, looking at Chris over the years, his lack of progress and his inability to learn from ANYTHING, I must conclude he is litereally and severely retarded. Autism makes it diffacult to understand people and socalise and cause some other problems. However autisim does not impair ones ability to learn from mistakes, or not to do the same stupid things over and over again. Inteliegence is in part a measure of how much and how fast you learn, as well as your ability to reason and deduce things. Chris has shown no ability for this, and takes years to learn life lessons that a child would be expected to grasp. 

In all areas of Chris's life he does not improve and he does not learn. Despite drawing regularly, as a 20 something year old manchild, he drawings are on par with an 8 year olds, despite constant practise. Despite having been trolled and tricked over the years, he still takes every single letter in his mail bag seriously. Despite being the constant target of trolls everywhere he has not learnt to deal with trolls or understand them. Despite seeing that they feed off his ridiculous overacting, he still cotninues doing so. Etc.
  • I doubt it. I think he just finds it inconvient to improve himself at all, and is the biggest case of SmallNameBigEgo the internet has ever seen. Thus, he thinks his stuff is great and refuses to change something that in his view is perfect.

WMG: Chris will cross over Sonichu with another webcomic Since Chris is lazy he will probobably want to not work on Sonichu ever again. But one day he will finally decide to release issue 11, (or 12, it depends on whether or not he will remember the whole "10 Year Aniversery" thing) he will want to create a great cross over for his return. So another artist who either doesn't know of him, takes pity on him, wants to teach him to be better and uses this turtoring excersise, or is trolling him will decide to let him help with a crossover. Since Sonichu is an action comic (in the loosest since of the word0, and chris hates losing at anything ever he will blow up when the other author says he wants Sonich to lose one fight or says he doesn't like the way his characters are portrayed in Chris's comic. Than the trolls will sit back and watch as the other author gets his or her character's stolen by chris and files a lawsuit. In it, more details will come to light to the general public about CWC, and eventually he will be forced by sega or nintendo to stop Sonichu. NOTE: I don't expect this to actually happen. I've just put it up here cause I'd like to see how it would play out.

WMG: Chris would understand the end of NeonGenesisEvangelion His superior capacities is exactly what is needed to understand what is happening at the end. Only TheChosenOne him can do it!

Wait...he would also witnesses Template:Squick Shinji just over the bed HighOctaneNightmareFuel and OH MY GOD!!! Forget it!!!

WMG: Chris knows, on some level, that the trolls aren't out-and-out villains

The fact that he constantly invokes CreateYourOwnVillain got me wondering...what if he knows the trolls aren't really the evil masterminds he makes them out to be, but just random people on the Internet who like to poke fun at him? What if he's elevating them to BigBad status on purpose? Think about it - a good chunk of his view of the world is based on video games and cartoons. He likes to depict himself as a typical heroic type, who always gets the girl and saves the day. So, what does every hero need? A villain, of course! Perhaps on some level, he knows that people who lecture him or troll him aren't really criminals or villains - but, for him, it makes things more interesting if he thinks they are. Hell, he's been doing this ever since the whole Mary Lee Walsh incident.

  • If he's been doing this since then, wouldn't he have left Mary Lee Walsh's name in the comic after she didn't except his apology.

WMG: Chris is UnknownArmies some sort of Adept.

Chris would be right at home in the Occult Underground. He's got the unhealthy obsession with his craft that all Adepts have, and the inability to interact with normal people that comes with it. If the rumor that he is an elaborate actor is true, then he may be an Iracimancer, a magician who gets their power from being hated. We cannot allow him to become any more well-known, or he may gather enough power to do something terrible.

    • Iracimancers are forbidden from becoming angry themselves, which Chris fails at. What you are thinking of is a Personamancer, someone who gains power from other people believing his disguise. Template:Understatement He's pretty good.
    • Alternatively, maybe he is some sort of Avatar. I can't really think of any good one right now, but I am sure that whatever he is, he is unbelievably close to Ascension. Drastic measures must be taken now, for the sake of whole humanity. If there is someone out there who should really, really, REALLY stay out of the Invisible Clergy, that's Chris.

WMG: The sysop was directly responsible for not just uploading but drawing and writing the "fan"-created Sonichu 11 pages.

If you've seen them, they're a pretty decent imitation of Chris's own art style, even though the background coloring is off. Who else has spent enough time around Chris's scribbling to be able to copy it that well? Yeah, [=WikiSysop=] was EvilAllAlong.

  • I've been thinking that for a long time, considering I stumbled into a conversation asking Chris if he would make Sonichu sprites for a Template:Doom WAD.

WMG: Chris Chan will become a character on TheVentureBrothers It's a show about failure. Where else can we find such concentrated fail?

  • Remember the overweight former Wonder Boy in the Boy Adventurer Support Group Rusty goes to? Remove any importance he ever had and you have Chris-Chan.

WMG: Chris Chan will become an Template:Exalted Infernal Exalted They get offered the chance after trying to accomplish something and failing. When has he not failed?

WMG: Chris made the comic bad ON PURPOSE.

WMG: Christian's PS3 isn't bugged. Trolls make him believe it is, because at the very least it will make him suffer from http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Stress stress, and at best Chris will pernamently damage his precious "http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/PS3 life upgrade" while attempting to remove the nonexistent bug.

  • That this is a XanatosGambit to get the PS3 destroyed is fairly obvious, and ostensibly the reason his account gets hacked so often is his passwords are too obvious or he gives them out too often.

WMG: Chris really can haunt dreams

You know how he sometimes likes to threaten people that he (or the soul of Patti) will get them in their dreams, like in http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke these http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/Surfshack_Tito_%28video%29 videos? He indeed has the power to do so, but like the curse-ye-ha-me-ha[=/=]forgiveness blessing WMG above it doesn't work the way he wants it to, instead giving nightmares to

Trollll.PNG Troll disclosure: This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by trolls to manipulate Chris.
Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.)

innocent bystanders (I've heard of a few "fans" having Chris-chan related dreams, myself included)... Either that, or they get these nightmares NightmareFuel the old-fashioned way.

WMG: Chris is DoctorWho The Master. Think about it. Chris' medallion of Fail could have worked like the watch did. When he... NauseaFuel augghh...he activated his Time Lord Memories. Also: check it out, http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Mailbag_30 Davros emailed him once!

WMG: Chris' QuestForSex will be adapted into a Law & Order:SVU episode CWC will in fact play himself, convinced that appearing in TV, no matter how, will bring him a preciously deserved China.

WMG:Jughead and Chris-Chan are rivalling gods, and both the Sonichu and Archie worlds are the two's attempts to make a perfect world. And Chris pretty much failed with his.

WMG:Chris will lose his virginity to a transexual There are many kinds of trolls, willing to "stress" Chris in a variety of ways, eventually a transsexual troll will try to break Chris by sleeping with him and than revealing they used to be a guy...or at least it would happen in our twisted fantasies...

  • You underestimate the nature of the trolls. A transexual is a good idea for screwing with Chris, but trying to get him involved in a gay orgy is more their style.

WMG:Chris will actually take a white knight's advice, and in the process forge a stable friendship with the white knight. KickTheDog Then Chris lashes out against said white knight for something that was actually Chris' doing and destroys their friendship.

WMG: Chris will lash out and attempt to get the cwckipedia back. I figure he still cares about Sonichu and wants to get rich off this franchise, and still goes on the internet. Somebody he trusts will tell him that Alec and Vivian "Own" Sonichu now. I believe that he will come back with a video raging about the trolls again. Whether or not they give the website back depends on if they want him to continue with the angry videos. The way I see it, he'll be back soon.

  • TemptingFate I do hope he proves me wrong and ignores it though.

WMG: Chris actually does make more money from welfare checks than he would with an actual job. I doubt he could really hold a job for more than a few days, thus meaning the chance of even getting a paycheck is quite small. Therefore, the welfare checks give more money on average. I know it isn't crazy, but I had to get the theory out there somewhere.

  • Actually, http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Wendys Chris briefly worked at Wendy's for a month and a half.He made about five hundred dollars there and he gets 750 a month from Social Security. If he was smart, he would have gotten a job at 20 hours a week and STILL keep his Social Security checks.

WMG: Chris is a failed attempt to make another Main/GrantMorrison Some Main/OmniscientCouncilOfVagueness decided that they needed more of DC's crazed writer, so they decided to take a kid and slowly influence him to take the path of the God of All Comics. However, it went awry and they could only influence him to mimic Grant's actions in a few ways. Thus, he had all of the insanity but none of the quality.

WMG: This whole thing is an Alternate Reality Game... Except it's all gone very, very, very wrong and everyone has actually managed to lose.

WMG: Chris will finally "straighten" HIS life Chris has lost Sonichu's COPYRIGHTS and the cwcipedia, he won't update THE comic and he will LEAVE the internet FOREVER (not likely but still), so he will FINALLY learn from his mistakes, he will meet REAL people and he will become "active" in his community as he said... There's a slim chance of him FIGHTING to get the cwcipedia back (although begging sounds MORE likely.) You might call it IncrediblyLamePun Sonichu's finale?

    • LittleNo No.

WMG: Chris is actually the spawn of Template:Warhammer 40000 Nurgle Think about it: he's a disgusting, out of shape, diseased, filthy, deformed bag of fat who seeks to spread his love to people, wither they want it or not.

Then again, InsultToRocks I really don't want to offend Nurgle by comparing him to Chris.

    • I am ordering Exterminatus. It is the only way, brothers.
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