Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009
Chris responds to the fact that Encyclopedia Dramatica has obtained videos and pictures he intended to share privately with Ivy, specifically the semen-drinking video, the spanking video, and the adult diaper photos. Any one of these things would humiliate a person off the internet completely, but by this point Chris has been so worn down by the trolls that he is almost totally inured to whatever shame he might feel. Apparently (finally) realizing that self-pity and anger will not get him anywhere, Chris tries another tack and makes no apologies for his actions in the leaked material, insisting that cum-guzzling, self-flagellation, and pants-shitting (and implicitly, camwhoring) are all perfectly natural things. As ever when he addresses a group, Chris believes he is the smartest and most world-wise person, and therefore explains his sexual practices as though everyone on the internet was ten years old.
Watch
Transcript
[displays high school ring of truthiness]
Captain's Log, Stardate, uh [shows ring again], April 28th, 2009.
Uhh. It has come to my attention that, uh, certain videooos of the, uh, naughty nature have been disco--have been leaked to the trolls and they have been added to the ED page, and I want to talk a little bit about, uh, the subject matter of three videos.
You know that, uh--first off, uh the one...with the navy being drunk. Yeah. Som--yeah. A b--a--i--a--it's a good idea somet--uhhh...it's a...it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate--I'm not ashamed to admit it--as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I--yeah, into the cup and--yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, unborn children. So then I can--then I can also still have a good number of...a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it. And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners...of the--their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don--if you don--if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.
Anyway the--anyway af--from after that the, uh, second topic, the, uh, one where I spanked myself. Yeah, I just, uh, I was doin' that for fun, because sometimes I do my dumb, silly, crazy things, and, uh... [sighs] Sometimes adult feel pleasure from pain, even when they, uh, do it to themselves. But I mean, I'm n--I mean, n--I mean, not to a point where they kill themselves, but I mean, uh, just, like, you know, spanking is a generally a pop--generally a popular type, uh, thing amongst adults. Hm. But anyway, it's a--it's a fetish for some people, and I just randomly felt like doing that.
And then the, uh, third topic which was the, uh, the, uh, the photographs of, uh, me a...dult diapers. Uhhhh, yes, I did, uh, get a free sampling of diapers from a troll, but, regalry--legularly I, uh, do not use them, but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay. Not--not a big deal, it's just uh... But, y'know, I wouldn't--I would not wear them on a daily basis I wear briefs. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do, uh, I get very stressed out from, uh, people who yell at me or, uh, misunderstand me or talk bad about me. And, and, between that and other real-life stresses, uh, it just pen--it just builds up and sometimes uh, it just--I just have to--it just comes out and I sometimes accidentally, uh...poo my pants. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, pooed their childhood diapers, much less pooed their...underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human. Nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.
And, uh, with that--
[jump cut]
I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a healthy, growing, sane, and sound-minded, uh, adult individual.
[jump cut]
And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else. Private matters are private matters.
[jump cut]
But, uh, also, I--in reality I actually did those, uh, videos and pictures as a favor to, uh, an individ--as a favor to a...to an anon--to an anonymous female individual who just wanted to get her kicks off of it. But you know, a lot of women, they, uh, tend to get their kicks off of kinky things as such. An adult fetish, nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, everybody's got one, I'm sure. I have some. I'm not exactly sure how exactly to describe them, but yes, I have some, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Thank you very much for your time and, uh, have a pleasant day. Peace.