Difference between revisions of "Christmas"

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[[Image:MerryCWCmas.jpg|right|thumb|Merry C-Mas, to all the [[Trolls]] and [[JERKS]] and [[Homos]] and [[Niggos]] and [[Jerkops]] out there!]]
'''Christmas''', or as [[Chris]] sometimes [[CWC-isms|retardedly calls it]], '''C-Mas''', is one of our hero's most favorite of all holidays. He always celebrates it at [[14 Branchland Court|home]] with his family, and often mentions it in his fail-tastic comics and videos.


==Christmas in the Chandler Family==
[[Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|right|thumb|Bob and little Chris remembering Jesus.]]
{{quote|We celebrate like normal; a decorated tree, get-together, remembering [[Jesus]] and all.|ChrisChanSonichu, [[Mailbag 2#Holidays with the Chandlers|Mailbag 2]].}}
Despite Chris's insistance that Christmas is a time for family, [[Cole Smithey]] does not take part in the traditional Chandler family celebrations.
{{Incomplete}}
==Santa Claus'''''e''''' [sic]==
[[Image:ChrisSanta.jpg|right|thumb|Chris wishes he were as much a man as Mr. "Clause" is.]]
{{quote|[2008-12-15 07::03:20] EXKeine: Christmas is coming up, so... do you believe in Santa Claus?<br>[2008-12-15 07::03:40] ChrisChanSonichu: yep.|Chris on Santa Clause, [[IRC (15_December_2008)]]}}
{{quote|It’s been over a week since my [[PVCC|SUSPENSION]]; I am [[Stress|DEPRESSED]], [[Love Quest|LONELY]], SAD and BORED! I have [[Attraction Location|nowhere to go]] to attract a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free woman]]. I’ll be writing to Santa Clause [sic] this year, hoping that will bring me one. (8(|[[CWC's Diary]] for September 26, 2004, Chris acting like the 22-year-old grown-up man he is.}}
{{quote|Or for—since it's Christmas time, let's make like I'm Mister—yo' Misses Claus. I have a... good ole heat, 'cuz I took... a bit o'... [[Chris and sex|Viagra]]. Bam, ba-bam, bam, ho, ho-OH!|Chris RPing as The Man, [[iPods Down and Listen Up]]}}
{{quote|I did not say that I was taking viagra; I was stating that in that role-play, Santa would be taking that.|Chris, [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag 20]], on Kris Kringle's erectile dysfunction.}}
"Santa Clause" [[Chris and English|[sic]]] is a being associated with Christmas, whom many children believe in, especially in Western countries. However, most of them actually stop believing in Santa at around age 4 (according to surveys), most often when they find out it was actually [[Bob Chandler|their father]] with a [[Rollin' and Trollin'|fake beard]].
Chris, being the immature manchild he is, claims he [[Chris and reality|still believes]] in "Santa Clause", despite being technically 27 years old. He even put Santa's name on his [[JERKS#The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate|List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate]], which may imply that he: a) believes "Santa Clause" is real, b) believes Santa is a manly male man capable of landing himself a girlfriend (see also the [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag quote]] above). Also worth of note is the fact that Chris chose to put Santa's name on the list before [[God]] and [[Jesus]]... because, come on, these two [[JERKS]] never brought him even the tiniest presents!
Of course, all this doesn't necessarily mean that Chris actually ''does'' believe in Santa. Chris probably maintains this line because he ''wants'' to believe it and maintain memories of the happy Christmases of his childhood. For Chris, who still plays with da [[Lego|Legos]], professing a belief in Santa is "cute" and shows that he is "young at heart", one of his favorite traits. For everyone else, however, a 27 year old man professing a belief in Santa is quite creepy.
Note that, despite the high level of respect Chris has towards the Good Saint Nick, he can't even learn to [[Chris and English|spell his name right]].
==Presents Chris gives, wishes for, and receives==
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '95]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '96]]
{{quote|My father likes Brach's Maple Nut Goodies, and my mother likes chocolate, so some edible treats of that variety is [[Obesity|a good suggestion]].|[[Mailbag 6#For the man who has everything|Mailbag_6]], on what he planned to give his parents for Christmas, 2009.}}
{{Incomplete}}
==Christmas-related songs and merch==
{{Incomplete}}
Chris also got the name of his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]] from singing a 1950s Christmas song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Which actually [[Autism|says a lot about Chris]].
==Other confessions==
Being the [[Lie|totally sensitive and tolerant person]] he is, Chris in his [[Sonichu]] Christmas special (the [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|text]] and [[Sonichu 11|comic]] versions) mentions the ways [[CWCville]] citizens of different faiths (that is, "Jewish folk", Buddhists, possibly [[Niggos|Black people]], and "a few humbuggers") celebrate their own wacky versions of Christmas.
===Haunaka/Chaunaka/Konica/Chanukkah===
{{quote|Cera continues with a question, holding a cookie in a zip-loc bag, "I've invited Kevin too; do you think he'll like this candle-shaped cookie I made for him? He told me he was Jewish, and I thought it would be appropriate." Rosechu replies, "I think he'll love it. You have made it really special with the white frosting for the wax and the yellow for the flame. Uh, what kind of cookie was it again?" "Vanilla", replies Cera, "I felt it best to keep it neutral, in case he was allergic to the peanut butter or chocolate." "Very Smart," says Rosechu with a smile, exchanging a high-five with Cera.|[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Act 1}}
"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Haunaka]]"/"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Chaunaka]]"/"[[Holiday Greetings|Konica]]"/"[[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|Chanukkah]]"/whatever, is a holiday [[CWCville]] "Jewish folk" celebrate while most other citizens celebrate Christmas. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when [[Sonichu]]'s daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!
The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.
In [[IRC (22 December 2008)]] Chris listed "Haunaka" and "Chaunaka" as two different holidays, probably belonging to different religions. In his [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]], he does nearly the same thing, saying "happy Hanukkah, Chanukkah, all the other holidays to everybody of other religions".
===Jolly Buddah (sic)===
{{quote|Christmas Trees are abound most everywhere: in the homes of the townfolk, [[CWCville Mall|in the stores]], [[CWCville Mayoral Office|in the offices]], and the biggest one in the center of [[McIntire Park|CWC-Central Park]]. Some have Menorah Candles, or even a Jolly Buddah.|[[Sonichu 11|A Sonichu Christmas]] (the comic version)}}
{{quote|All the churches are full with all the believers, be they Christians, Jewish folk, Buddhists, and such.|[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]] (the text version)}}
From what we know, Buddhism is one of the religions Chris tolerates, and so he sometimes mentions it as a display of his "religious sensitivity". However, he probably doesn't know jack shit about Buddhism, and assumes that since Buddhists are all "good-hearted believers", they undoubtedly should celebrate Christmas in some way! So, in [[CWCville]], Buddhists celebrate their Buddhist Christmas by going to their Buddhist churches on starting December 12, and having a "Jolly Buddah" instead of a Christmas Tree.
By coincidence, Christmas is actually a popular holiday in some primarily Buddhist countries (such as [[anime|Japan]]). However, it's rare for celebrators to give the time special religious significance specific to their religion. Similar to how Halloween is celebrated in America based solely on the customs with practically no emphasis on the religious practices that started the holiday, so too do many Buddhists enjoy Christmas just as an excuse to put up lights and give each other gifts.
===Kawanza===
Little is known about what Chris thinks about [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|"Kawanza"]] and the related rituals, except that he [[IRC (22 December 2008)|once]] congratulated his [[trolls]] with this holiday (among others), misspelling its name in the process.
===Other faiths===
Chris doesn't tell (or probably, care), what Muslims, Orthodox Christians, Hindus or Atheists do in [[CWCville]] on Christmas Day. Probably they're the "few humbuggers" who Chris derides for not celebrating C-mas/Haunaka/Kawanza/whatever those wacky Buddhists celebrate.
==Notable Christmases in Chris's life==
===[[1992]]===
[[Image:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|GodBear, directing his Chorus of AngelBears]]
On Christmas Day, 1992 (other sources claim it happened in [[1989]]), Chris got probably the most dumbfounding present in his whole life, and from [[Christopher's name change|GodBear]] himself, no less. While strolling with [[Bob Chandler|his father]] through the Regency Square Mall, Christopher, as he was called at the time, encountered a band of bears playing some Christmas songs. The boy chatted the director bear (called Leonard Bearstein) up, and being half-deaf from the cacophonic music they played, the stupid bear mistakenly named him "[[Christopher's name change|Christian]]".
The little [[Autism|retard]] saw that as an "OMG sign from God!!!" and a few months later [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|got his name legally changed to "Christian"]]. And thus, as some researchers tend to think, has the epic saga of [[Fail]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|begun]].
===[[2004]]===
{{quote|[[Stress sigh|[Chris sighs] ]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope Santa will comply with my request and bring me... [[Sweetheart|a pretty girlfriend]]. And so... happy holidays from... me, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian Chandler]] — by the way, you can [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|call my Chris]] in public—and... thank you.|Emo Chris, [[So Need a Cute Girl]].}}
{{quote|I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to share my love, oh.<br>I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to kiss under the mistletoe.|Chris, the poetic [[geinus]].}}
This Christmas, Chris expected to get: a) a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] from "Santa Clause", b) an [[Chris and remorse|apology]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Not surprisingly, he didn't get either, and became [[Stress|depressed]].
Earlier in December, he dedicated two different songs to the first of these two wishes: [[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]] (written on December 4) and [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]] (recorded on Christmas 20). The same day as the latter, Chris also recorded another song, the famous [[So Need a Cute Girl]], which was probably dedicated to the same thing.
If "Santa Clause" really exists, this proves that he's a major [[JERK]]. Or that he doesn't tie up girls and leave them under trees as gifts for horny manchildren.
===[[2005]]===
[[Image:0790-CMas05-5.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas 2k5]]
{{quote|Although I really don't mean to be cold but please don't try and advance kissing on me please. The truth is I don't want a boyfriend because I don't desire and idolize boys like other girls. I enjoy being indepentant. So you see what I mean? It's certainly nothing personal towards you. I'm just a girl who doesn't care about loving guys. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them though.|[[Megan]] on 20 December 2005, trying to [[Lie|be diplomatic]] to Chris.}}
Chris was probably [[Stress|stressed]] as hell, because just a few days before his [[gal-pal]] and attempted [[sweetheart]] [[Megan Schroeder]] told him she doesn't like him [[Rape|trying to kiss her]], and that she [[Homo|doesn't want to have a boyfriend at all]]. And just to add insult to injury, "Santa Clause" brought him that year a [[Sonichu|shitty pirate ripoff]] instead of a genuine [[Lego]] set. No boyfriend-free girl under the tree this year either.
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===[[2007]]===
[[Image:Fakeout-makeout2.jpg|right|thumb|Chris and Kimmi.]]
On December 26 Chris bought himself [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|a pretty girlfriend]] called [[Kimmi]], who would become a rival to his longtime [[Sex toys|artificial heartsweet]] [[Officer Nasty]], on [[Adamandeve.com]], probably because "Santa Clause" didn't bring him one this year, either.
As a complimentary to the sex doll, Chris also bought a "Vintage XXX Cartoons DVD/CD", and got "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and "Playboy Magazine Digital Edition DVD/CD" for free. The fact that Chris specifically sought for something as bizarre as vintage porn cartoons to [[mass debating|fap]] his crooked [[duck]] to, for some reason sits fine with all the other weird aspects of his twisted personality.
However, being unsatisfied with fantasizing about naked women drawn in the 1960s, Chris went to Adamandeve.com again soon after New Year's Day, and purchased some more XXX-rated Holiday Gifts for himself. These include: a "2008 Adam & Eve Calendar", a "[[Card games|Romance Roulette Card Game]]" (which Chris probably plays as [[Virgin with Rage|solitaire]]), and, the strangest one of the bunch, a "Carmen Boob Mousepad", whatever that is. He also got some free items as well, namely a "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and, most notably, the infamous "[[Homo|Anal Love Beads]]", which would become a popular theme for [[trolling]] Chris in the upcoming year.
===[[2008]]===
Chris got "a couple of [[DVD]]s, Bee Movie on Blu-Ray, [[Obesity|assorted chocolates]] and [[Bob Walks In|a calming family moment]]" ([[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]); in Chris's words it was "simple, nothing extravagant". [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] outdid himself with a gift to [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] overshadowing [[Sonichu]] in over-the-top symbolism. "He gave her an arranged box of ornaments, with tags attached to them; each one representing her blessings; three angels, [[Christian Weston Chandler|me]], dad and my half-bro, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]]. Ones for [[Ruckersville]], Red Oak, [[Chandler Cats|our cats]], and one for [[Wikipedia:Snorlax|her]]." (Chris, on [[IRC_(27_December_2008)]]).
===[[2009]]===
Chris took the time to send [[Kill De Jack|warm wishes]] to a [[Jack Thaddeus|dear friend]]. He also received [[obesity|chocolate]] and [[video games]] from [[Mailbag 24|his family]]. For the rest, we'll see soon enough. Merry Christmas, [[Trolls|everyone]]!
==See also:==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]]
*[[Holiday Greetings]]
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]
*[[Sonichu 11]]
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Revision as of 22:09, 5 April 2010

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