Difference between revisions of "User:Beat/Sandbox"

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=Chris and America=
=Chris's OK Cupid Answers=
[[File:SonichuFlag.png|thumb|right|Chris's thoughts on the U.S.]]
{{Quote|Okay, I don't know the words, but I am being patriotic here!|[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]}}


[[Chris]] is a citizen of '''The United States of America''', a democratic nation in the western hemisphere.  The nation is considered the only remaining superpower since the end of the cold war, and is a leading economic, political, and cultural force in the world.
OkCupid determines match rankings between its users by asking them a series of questions, and determining how they answer.  These questions are randomly assigned, and can be answered whenever the user feels like it.  The user can select a single answer for themselves, and multiple answers that he or she would be okay with potential matches picking.


But none of that matters to Chris.
Due to the tireless efforts of [[Clyde Cash]] we have obtained archives of many of Chris's answers submitted for his latest OkCupid Profile.  Chris's answer, and answers he would like potential mates to select.  As is the norm with Chris, the answers vary from completely [[Honest]], to untrue things that [[ego|Chris genuinely believes]], to complete [[lies]] that he thinks girls want to hear.


==Politics==
Chris's personal answers are '''bolded''', and answers he would like girls to pick are in ''italics''. There is considerable overlap between the a
From a glance, the politics of Chris seem very inconsistent, on some issues he takes a very conservative stance, on others a very liberal one.  That said, the quagmire of political inclinations becomes much simpler once you realize that Chris doesn't vote on what's good for America, but on what's good for Chris.  As such, he's against gay marriage because he hates the [[homos]], supports [[Obama]] because he sees himself in him, and [[Mailbag 20#Chris on abortion|supports abortion]] because he thinks that might make girls more inclined to fuck him.


Chris proclaims himself to be a "moderate". While typically this simply means not having political beliefs that are extreme or overly partisan, Chris takes this as an all-purpose response to all questions about politics, including ones that have no defined middle path. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the [[Mailbags]], where Chris will often dodge giving his opinion on issues all voters should have an opinion on, simply because ''he has no opinion.''
==Politics and Law==
'''In a relationship I like to discuss politics with my partner.'''
* ''All the time!''
* '''''Sure. I'm interested in sharing our beliefs.'''''
* ''Sometimes. It depends.''
* ''Hardly. Politics are boring or personal.''
'''Which of the following is the more appropriate penalty for [[rape]]?'''
* Death.
* Castration.
* '''''Prison.'''''
* ''Community service or less.''
==Sex and Relationships==
'''I prefer to sleep ...'''
* Alone
* With my partner, but apart (not touching)
* ''Touching my partner''
* '''''Embracing / cuddling my partner'''''
'''How important is it for you to make [[Megan|physical]] [[Kacey|contact]] when showing affection for someone?'''
* '''''Very important.'''
* Somewhat important.''
* Not important.
'''You're in a relationship/marriage and feel that you and your mate aren't having sex frequently enough. What do you do?'''
* '''''Talk to them about it'''
* Try to spice things up. (Toys, fantasies, etc)
* Do nothing, but hope things change naturally.''
* Cheat on them / Break up with them.


==Understanding of Government==
==Misc.==
Chris's grasp on how the government works, much like Chris's grasp on [[reality]] as a whole, is shaky at best.  One of the most telling examples of this is his ignorant stance on taxation and [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]].  Because Chris is jobless, he pays no taxes and presumably files no tax returns.  However, he still considers himself as a contributing member of society, because he pays ''sales taxes'' on the massive amount of crap he buys.
'''Do you enjoy finding out what makes things work the way they do?'''
 
* '''''I'm an information sponge'''
{{Quote|My spending that money ends up going to others who get such welfare and all as well.... I am sharing the wealth with others who are on that tugboat as well.|Chris, [[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever|explaining to a taxpayer why he deserves free money]].}}
* Sometimes''
 
* As long as it works, who cares why?
It's highly unlikely that Chris understands, the massive discrepancy between the amount the government pays him, and the amount he gives back via sales tax.  IT doesn't matter in the end though, because in the US, sales taxes are collected by the state, and Chris receives his welfare from the federal government.
 
Chris also seems to have difficulty understanding what the true purpose of government actually is.  The U.S. government's duty is to follow the will of the Majority, while respecting the rights of the minority, to protect its citizens from danger, and to ensure the continued prosperity of the nation.  When asked hypothetical questions about what he would do if he were running things, he proposes bizarre sweeping laws that single out [[Homos|certain minorities]], and force people into relationships wether they want to be in one or not.
 
{{Quote|All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples, leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All gays would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight.|Chris, [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|on effective leadership]].}}
 
The fact that this would not help the country at all, and in fact could possibly destroy society as we know it does not factor into Chris's thinking.  By Chris logic, he wants a girlfriend, so everybody must want a girlfriend.  And if everybody wants a girlfriend, the government needs to make it happen.
 
== Chris on Patriotism ==
 
{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring Sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him.|Sonichu, delivering the Clarksville Address}}
 
As Chris likes to point out, he is American.  This doesn't make him [[Chris and his ego|special]], considering there are 300 million people who can make the same claim, he also likes to point out how he is a "true American". His attempts to prove his patriotism are undermined, however, by his [[Twin Falling Towers|tendency to mock national tragedies]] and [[Chris and music|complete inability to sing even the most well-known patriotic songs.]] If anything, Chris's attempts to prove himself a "true American" make him out to be even less of one in the eyes of the [[Troll|trolls]].
 
Chris treats patriotism (love of one's country) the same as he does with every other 'love' in his life; lip service and mindless devotion without criticism. Further, much as with other things, Chris believes that by one thing simply existing as a part of something, it will automatically inherit all other parts of that thing. Sonic the Hedgehog is a good character, therefore everything that features Sonic the Hedgehog (even terrible, terrible computer games such as the universally panned Sonic Revolution) must automatically be good. To whit:
 
{{quote|00:18 <@cogsdev> What do you think about Yahtzee's insulting review of Sonic Unleashed?
<br>00:18 <@ChrisChanSonichu> if it's against Sonic, I would not read it at all.|Chris, displaying blind obedience in [[IRC (18 December 2008)]]}}
 
Chris takes the same attitude towards America. CWCVille is inside Virginia, which is inside America. CWCVille is a thing to be loved and never questioned, therefore America is a thing to be loved and never questioned; this is especially true since him being American is part of his identity, which means any attacks on America are [[Chris and his Ego|attacks on him personally]]. In [[Do_Not_Dis_C_Ville]], Chris said that ''any'' mocking of him, Sonichu, Rosechu or [[CWCville|his personal dictatorial hellhole]] was, in fact, mocking Charlottesville, Virginia and all who dwell there. In that same video, Chris pointed out that he started with a red, white and blue shirt, which was a further display of his patriotism (or, more likely, a co-incidence he turned into a huge retcon).
 
== Chris and Being American ==
 
{{quote|[''speaking about Liquid Chris'']
Dad: I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?
Chris: I...am an American! I am proud to be an American and I am STRONG. I am an individual...
Dad: Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.
Chris: I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.|Chris, in the [[Father Call]].}}
 
Chris has a warped view of what constitutes a good American. Chris countered Kacey's father's assertion that Liquid Chris was an upstanding young man by spluttering about having never left America. In Chris' mind, being called an American is the opposite of being called a [[niggo]]; it's just a generic word used to compliment someone. He had no problems calling [[Tito|Surfshack Tito]] a 'nigger' to his face, even with absolutely no evidence that Tito was any particular race at all. Presumably, the same logic holds true for being American. If he wants to compliment someone, he'll call them an American.
 
[another quote]
{{quote|I felt, I personally feel saddened of the day of 9/11, I care about its offenses, like the next person, anybody. Ser- I, seriously, I- I'm a good American.|Chris, [[Apology_for_9/11_Joke|not feeling sorry for a damn thing]].}}
 
blah blah write more about how Chris fails at 9/11
 
Other miscellaneous things I found but am too tired to babble about at the moment:
 
- Chris bolded the word 'patriotic' on his [[Chris_chan_(CWCipedia)|harmonized version of the ED page]].
 
- Chris wrote: "Sonichu is not necessarily a symbol of America, but he, and all the Electric-Hedgehogs are Patriotic to the United States." in response to the "Sonichu American Gothic" in [[Mailbag 3]]. Really? ALL members of the Electric-Hedgehog species, including the villians, are patriotic to the United States? Do any Sonichus live in Australia? Would they also be true American patriots? Wow. If only we could ask that question in the mailbag.
 
- Chris wrote, regarding joining the [[Navy]] and getting [[semen]] on his [[dirty, crapped briefs|poop deck]]: "I have considered it before, and due to my Autism, I am not qualified. Plus, a LOT of women feel depression when their boys are off in the Army, and their patience wears thin often. I SHOULD KNOW, My Mothers HATES TO BE MARRIED TO AN ARMY DUDE Because of that STRESS." I dunno, maybe we could get something outta this.
 
- In Mumble 7, Chris told a "patriotic" joke that was racist towards Mexicans. Unfortunately that part hasn't been transcribed yet.
 
- Chris also tried to sing patriotic songs in Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day.
 
- Babble about how [[The_Adventures_of_The_American_Rabbit]] influenced Chris' views on what constitutes a good American.
 
- etc.

Revision as of 22:27, 9 May 2010

Chris's OK Cupid Answers

OkCupid determines match rankings between its users by asking them a series of questions, and determining how they answer. These questions are randomly assigned, and can be answered whenever the user feels like it. The user can select a single answer for themselves, and multiple answers that he or she would be okay with potential matches picking.

Due to the tireless efforts of Clyde Cash we have obtained archives of many of Chris's answers submitted for his latest OkCupid Profile. Chris's answer, and answers he would like potential mates to select. As is the norm with Chris, the answers vary from completely Honest, to untrue things that Chris genuinely believes, to complete lies that he thinks girls want to hear.

Chris's personal answers are bolded, and answers he would like girls to pick are in italics. There is considerable overlap between the a

Politics and Law

In a relationship I like to discuss politics with my partner.

  • All the time!
  • Sure. I'm interested in sharing our beliefs.
  • Sometimes. It depends.
  • Hardly. Politics are boring or personal.

Which of the following is the more appropriate penalty for rape?

  • Death.
  • Castration.
  • Prison.
  • Community service or less.

Sex and Relationships

I prefer to sleep ...

  • Alone
  • With my partner, but apart (not touching)
  • Touching my partner
  • Embracing / cuddling my partner

How important is it for you to make physical contact when showing affection for someone?

  • Very important.
  • Somewhat important.
  • Not important.

You're in a relationship/marriage and feel that you and your mate aren't having sex frequently enough. What do you do?

  • Talk to them about it
  • Try to spice things up. (Toys, fantasies, etc)
  • Do nothing, but hope things change naturally.
  • Cheat on them / Break up with them.

Misc.

Do you enjoy finding out what makes things work the way they do?

  • I'm an information sponge
  • Sometimes
  • As long as it works, who cares why?
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