User:James Lamp-Eye/Collection

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This is where I keep some posts from PVCC and /cwc/ that I think contain insight on Chris. Don't take any of it as fact, but these are interesting to read anyhow.


High School

Developmentally, in some ways, Chris has caught up to that 16 year old self he wasn't back then. He thinks that if he went back to those days now, he'd be some pimp. Since he graduated, he hasn't made any friends and he hasn't had anything happen to him other than the constant cycle of video games/sleep/mcdonalds/video games/sleep. All he can concentrate on is his highschool years and when he had people who raised his self esteem (teachers, fellow students attempting to be nice).

He does long for companions, such as when he went to that monster truck (?) event. He went by himself and probably saw all the men laughing and hanging out together. When he saw that couple, that probably pushed him over the edge, that he was truly alone. Once again, a jerk had a sweetheart and he didn't. He was miserable. It isn't his fault though! If he had stayed at his high school home, his friends would still be with him and he'd have a sweetheart and his PS3 and life would have been perfect. --TruthReturns


In the last 10 years probably even more(I'd say 15 years) Chris has had so little proper contact he doesn't understand him self in comparison to anyone else other than the hollow pity-"praise" he gets from parents and guardians. Which he probably sees as compliments to his greatness. So when his mother calls him smart, that means he thinks he's smarter than almost anyone.

Also I'd like t note the videogames, his collection seemed weird. Most of his titles were crappy, player friendly literally-baby games. We can also see that he's inept at LBP platforming despite how much he plays it. He plays Guitar hero as much with his 24/7 free time and can't even do expert mode despite years of playing.

I'd like to make a comparison to his life, Which was metaphorically set to easy mode. Chris got on the honour roll for doing remedial courses. He got obscene amounts of praise for trivial things because he was (high functioning)autistic and because he didn't have any real friends throughout school he was oblivious to the fact that his accomplishments weren't as grand as his parents, teachers and "gal pals" said they were.

He also got away with a lot of things like sleeping in class. His outbursts always being someone elses fault, all sorts.It probably lead on from there because here was a guy who wasn't actually doing too well being showered with endless praise without any criticisms. --Drlugae

That, and also I would say the entire family is into self-aggrandizing, probably as a way to compensate for having such unimportant, miserable lives. For example, they (not only Chris, but Barb and Bob as well as seen on the e-mails to Nintendo and the conversation with Emily) seem to feel the need to mention to everyone that Bob has one patent and that he came up with the controls for plastic molding machines, without which "there would be no Nintendo or plastic bottles or anything".
Nevermind that, 99.9% sure, Bob's boss told him "hey, we need some controls for that new machine we're building, get on it" and if Bob hadn't come up with the design, some other guy would have. He didn't invent anything revolutionary, he just did his job and that was it. I wrote a formula in Excel this morning that compared the values in several cells and performed an operation only if certain conditions were met. Maybe I should patent my formula and then I could claim that without it, you couldn't balance your checkbook correctly.
Likewise, Barb was not just a secretary, she was an "Executive Assistant at Bumfuck Regional Bank Collections Center" or something like that. They always want to make it sound like she had more authority and importance than she really had. --El Misto

Chris's understanding of humor

Regular obnoxious people would just quote Family Guy in situations where it's neither appropriate or funny. Chris will quote Family Guy in situations where it's neither appropriate or funny and has horrible, horrible implications.

So if a character in Family Guy playing the Virgin Mary says a one-liner about not being a virgin, it's okay for any of your characters playing the Virgin Mary to quote that one-liner verbatim, even if your character is seven years old. Or three years old.

Chris doesn't really understand humor beyond characters saying "silly" or "dirty" things. He's not even good at repeating jokes he's heard. He just knows that if he puts a bunch of video game characters together and they tell jokes he's heard on TV he likes the result.

Also, he's going against the tone of his story to make this joke. Sonichu and Rosechu aren't (intentionally) supposed to sick and dysfunctional, it's supposed to be cute and heartwarming, especially in this Christmas story. So, if a prepubescent character makes a sex joke or he shows Sonichu lurking in the garage, silently ogling Rosechu's ass it comes off as weird and disturbing, although Chris meant for these moments to be funny and romantic, respectively. Also Chris doesn't know how to flirt either so when he's ogling or groping women he thinks it's an appropriate sign of affection.

tl;dr: Chris doesn't understand fellow humans so any jokes he tries to make are horrifying. --Anaconda

What's the cause of autism, Chris?

I swear in one of the Mumbles, Chris admits autism is certainly genetic ("has a genetic component" or "factor" or something. Memory's slightly fuzzy, but). I think it was the Father Call, months later, that he said it being genetic was only a myth. I thought he was deliberately lying to get away with making tard babies with Kay-cee's vagina, and now it looks like he really does believe it's not genetic.

Then again, he said Roach started his Autism first of all.

-> Autism caused by being locked in a room full of toys -> Autism certainly genetic -> Autism is not genetic, for no apparent reason -> Autism caused by vaccines

Feels like I'm forgetting something here. --Huegbox

You forgot the fact that it was pointed out to him that excessive television viewing can also be the cause. He tried to write that off as differnt from "natural autism" and was told off for it.
Let me find the post...
Then told Chris there have been studies linking watching too much television to autism. Chris then pulled out of his ass that those people had ARTIFICIAL AUTISM which is different from NATURAL AUTISM. He quickly got corrected on that.
So yeah, not only does he have a long and confusing list of things he claims are responsible for autism, he also claims there are different types of autism. Kind of a multiple flavours sort of thing.. --Fuckinstupid
Damn... if there's a proof that Chris's head is literally empty, with nothing in it but Seth McFarlane, Sonichu and Fiddle Bitch Blanket, it's this. --Da_Nuke

Chris will never work

Folks, we all remember the proposition made by fuckingstupid, to review games for a blog and get paid.

He could work at home and continue to do what he does best, play games, hell even review LBP, and get paid for it, but no, he turned it down.

Lets put this in perspective people, a little pile of money got up and walked over to him and pleaded "please take me, and continue life as normal, just link your review to a blog"

and Chris replied

"No, no, no, your not good enough for me to take, plus its too much work to take you and stuff you in my pocket, go away foul bastion of commerce!"

What the fuck people? He's so stupid, it makes me wonder if he's just crazy. This is laziness to such a an extent its the very definition of Sloth.

We're all laughing now, and I'm there with you, but honestly I've become ok with the idea of Chris becoming homeless in years to come. I have a feeling that tugboat won't last for the rest of his life, somehow, when his parents are both gone, he'll find a way to lose it. By then, none of us will know, Chris will be some ancient afterthought residing back in the far reaches of our memories. And Chris has not gained enough good karma, if any, up to this point of his life for the universe to save him when the time comes when he needs help.

The way I see it, almost every trolling effort, if not all, has in some way been an attempt to help Chris, teach him a lesson. More recently, Crass brought up the employment situation with him, asked him his plans for the future, and its apparent these are not things that concern him in any way.

With all that said, Chris will never seriously seek active employment on his own behalf, much less for anyone else. I can see a few things happening in the future for Chris, with what could be perceived as an unfair outcome for most of us here.

His parents pass away, not at once, but a year apart. He receives and inheritance in the form of their life insurance, but these are put into a trust which pays Chris a small stipend each month. His lawyer or whomever is in charge of this trust pays the house bills, which belongs to Chris now, from that trust. Chris remains unchanged for years, until his demise.

Its unfair that Chris remains in a state of ignorant bliss with no care in the world, despite those he makes up on his own. But keep in mind, he will have no family, no heirs, and no love in his future. If anything, I wouldn't be surprised to find out if he found a way to blow his inheritance, or someone takes it all away from him. There are many Joshua Martinez's out there in the world, both male and female.

And thats why I feel Chris will never work another day in his life, even if his tugboat is taken away from him as fuckingstupid suggested, I doubt he ever will.

He'll always be happy being unemployed dreaming of little yellow electric hedgehogs racing across CWCville carrying his daughter to him. --Reved2k

What can break Chris?

If there's one good thing I have to say about Chris, he kinda of has a goku get-em attitude. Nothing can keep him down, even if he does occasionally rage about jerkops and Megan. Except he's so resilient, he's immune to learning from his mistakes (Although he's learned to say he does. Tiny difference, I know.)

He doesn't understand death. He doesn't understand that actions have consequences. He doesn't understand human emotions. He doesn't understand why he gets in trouble. He boggles my mind when I think about it too hard, about how he has learned things beyond where his mouth is so he can shovel crap in it. I'm amazed he can even use computers when I try to wrap my mind around his.

I've said before, I think a really big part of the Kacey saga's success has to do with the happy ending. He doesn't realize they're trolls, and I hope he never does. It should be easy to keep him thinking that, anyway. They're not dead either, and I hope they have a happily ever after for ever and ever. All it takes to make Chris stop giving a shit is have the other party be revealed as slanderous trolls or dead, and that brings them down to the same level of validity in his mind.

Although it was for the same reason a little kid cries because he didn't get the toy car he wanted, it did bother him enough to cry in front of the camera. Yes, it was mostly exaggerated, but there was a very small amount of real tears. I don't know if he cried over Megan leaving him. I don't know if he did cry about Patti's death, I'll bet he cried a little and then did his Donald Duck impression. When Barb dies and they notice after a week or so, he might cry a bit more that the one person who didn't give him a whole lot of Stress has left and he doesn't know when she'll be back, but he'll probably stop caring after another week. Actually, I can't say what I'll guess. He was pretty reluctant to visit her in the hospital, and he's heartless, so he'll probably *SIGH* and whine about the heavy burden and use it as an excuse for erratic behavior in the future. On the other hand, who knows, it might shake him up.

The Liquid saga was also most excellent because I think it prodded a very sensitive area that probably is the most sensitive area, his very identity. He's so obssessed with himself, it makes perfect sense. He sure bitched about all the fake merchandise, but Liquid + Kacey really got him pissed. His top priority is having a Mommy He Can Fuck, far above a Sonichu franchise, and far above Crystal.

But even still, he cried a bit on camera, milked it for all it was worth, and the very next day he's bragging about a piece of paper. It didn't keep him down. It probably didn't even shake him up for more than a few hours. I think a field agent or someone a while back said that the Chris Rage we see is usually not genuine (I swear, in all those videos where he's just going "HRRRRRRRGH RAAAAAARGH" he's got this shit-eating cheshire cat grin. He doesn't even look angry! What kind of facial expression is that?!), though I think his NOW NOW NOW NOW NOOOOWWW video had some true, honest emotions. Probably because it was his parents pressuring him, and since they're still more human than he is, they were bothered enough to have it getting on their nerves for more than a day, and so they bothered him. It had to be constant pressure coming from the outside.

The Father Call showed two triggers; calling him fat, and calling him lazy. I'm not really amused by calling him gay anymore, because it's always the same thing for years. These two are fresh (Well, calling him fat is getting a response where it would be largely ignored in the past. He e-yelled at Viv and some other person, but in the Mumbles he seemed to ignore it.) and probably unexplored as far as disgusting entertainment from him goes.

It's way too bad he'll never be able to see what he looks like. He might get a vague idea if Barb tells him what a horrible freak he is, but that will never happen. When Kacey kept telling him why he sucked, he still thought it had more to do with Liquid claiming to be him.

Anyway, I've deduced that stealing his identity, cockblocking him, and calling him fat and lazy seem to get on his nerves more than anything. Perhaps his stressors can be cycled? Eventually, he should get desensitized to some things, right? Right? --Huegbox

  • I disagree. The Real Chris' Top Priority Hurr Durr is LITTLE PIG BLANKET. Or any vidya he latches on. All other things he desires are instruments to ensure the existence of that priority or deriatives from that. He needs a second fuckable Mommy because someone needs to feed him and look after him ensuring he can play 10 hours a day. He wants a Sonichu franchise because it would allow him to feel MORE related to vidya than buying all the games and items on dat pstriple. He doesn't really want china. Chris had been raised on video games. They're centrefold of his reality - from them he learns social cues, music, practical skills and knowledge. He wants to LIVE a videogame, and that's why he's unbreakable - he treats life as a game, and what do you do when you fail at a game? - you repeat the same repetative actions over and over untill a slight difference in the speed of which you press the buttons does the trick. You get killed, then respawn, to go and do the same shit. Games are the only thing Chris feels comfortable around, so no wonder he's a fucking robot. He doesn't want say, Kacey because he needs to get laid or get in a relationship. He isn't raging because a piece of china is drifting away. No. He rages because he's losing, because he cannot complete the level. When accused of being lazy, he rages because someone attacks his crucial achievements and save points, not because it questions his worth as a human. And etc. And, on the account of running his life, all the love QUEST, he's pretty much succeeds - he gets it all. Conflict, action, villains, and NPCs. So don't sweat it. The only thing that could break Chris is if all his consoles, pseye, computer and cards were to be taken away. --Sawnichu

Chris is finished with Sonichu

I think we can all agree that Chris's main goal with the comic is to entertain himself. Achieving fame and china may also be motives, but he thinks so highly of himself that he seems to think if he tosses everything he can out in the open, people will see his inner genius/beauty/whatever and adore him for it automatically.

Anyway, I think he's taken the entire Sonichu project as far as he possibly can and that's why he's dragging his feet with the comics and needs "sweethearts" to be motivated. Not just because he's lazier than ever. He's always been pretty lazy, but his excitement for Sonichu is no longer strong enough to overcome it. He's done everything he set out to do with Sonichu and is now left with nothing.

Take for example, Sonichu and Rosechu's relationship. He's drawn/told everything from them first meeting, their first kiss, FUCKING, and then recently revealing (in a single image) they were married (in his imagination) a long ass time ago, and they have 3 kids. That's it. He can't develop Sonichu and Rosechu's relationship any further (except maybe having them die together) and that was one of his favorite parts of his comic.

He's also used his comics as a vehicle for vengeance against those who've "wronged" him (mostly those who protected innocent people from him) in real-life. This is a continuous problem with trolling, and I'm sure he felt better as he was making those, but in the end, it doesn't erase the painful memories of what really happened.

Little Big Planet gave Chris a chance to create a Sonichu game of sorts, but it was shitty (awful design), boring (just a retread of the first comic), and level-layout was clearly made up on the fly. Chris was probably discouraged from making a Sonichu game when he realized making a fun/good-looking game is a conscious effort and not simply a mish-mash of vague ideas (which Sonichu seems to be about generally). Again, Sonichu has left Chris feeling unfulfilled.

There's still a few things unresolved in the comic, but I don't Chris cares about them at all. -Defeating Slawheel. He no longer hates MLW (I'll believe it. His mom convinced him the signs were stupid anyway, and there's been plenty of trolls who pissed him off worse since then). -Magichan/Silvana. Magichan always seems to get shafted (despite appearing the most powerful after Chris), and Silvana's reletively new so I don't think he's all that attached to either of them. It's also possible Chris may have been disappointed by one of the other relationships he threw together when it didn't give him the same "high" he seems to get from Sonichu/Rosechu or Blake/Bubbles. If such is the case, he'd definitely have less enthusiasm when it came to pairing Magichan off. -Darkbind/Zelina. Since Dakbind never really appears again, I'm guessing Chris's interest in him simply didn't pan out. Zelina's kind of pointless as they need to find the sonichu balls to rescue Crystal. -Crystal. Why should Chris care? She's just girl-him (even Chris doesn't need two Christian Weston Chandlers in his comic), only more two-dimensional because she fits Chris's narrow view of women. He doesn't need her to support his character in battle (he has 80 bajillion hedgehogs for that) and he doesn't need her for moral/emotional support either (he could get that from his sweetheart of the week). Also, trapping her in the mirror dimension didn't evoke "SUCH TENDER FEELINGS" in the real-life Megan like he had probably hoped it would when he showed her the comic. Crystal had failed her brother.

In conclusion, I think Chris is finished with Sonichu. Anything he could have Sonichu do to entertain him has already been done, and half the time, Chris may have not been satisfied with the end result. I also think the 3 babies and transformers were attempts to revitalize Chris's ardour for drawing the comic, but clearly they didn't work. However, since this is the guy who saves his FUCKING WISDOM TEETH, he's never going to let go of his precious baby and admit he just doesn't care anymore, or take off that fucking medallion for good.

Now I ask you, is there any reason why Chris would want to draw more comics without outside interference? What in his man-child mind and interests could possibly be left to do with Sonichu? What stories are left to tell that isn't just wrapping up loose ends? --[ J ]

Chris likes sympathy

  • "Chris is trying a method he's probably seen in many movies. He's trying to get sympathy, where a main character of a romantic comedy in the usualy serious situation where their lover falls in love with the richer or smarter villain/anti-hero characr. The main character would say "I'm fine with your choice, choose person X if you think you'll really happy with them and I will respect your choice either way" then the love interest will eventually find that the main character is the better man/woman for her/him. Chris thinks by saying lines like those it will guarantee him Kacey, because it works like that in the movies. He's expecting her to go with Liquid then "realise she was wrong for not choosing chris" then drag herself back to him and marry him. So they could live "happily ever after" with Kacey working and cooking and cleaning and paying bills while Chris retires from drawing comics to play video games and shit his pants all day. While Chris can acknowledge things are fiction or not real, he thinks that fiction concepts are applicable to real life (e.g. in Mumble when he said Homer & Peter Griffin survive even though they're idiots so Chris & "Julie"/Bluespike would survive living together with neither of them working)." --Drlugae

Why does Chris hate da howmows?

  • "I doubt an extreme homosexual encounter, like being molested by someone fuels Chris hatred towards da homos. It's simpler than that. Chris is obsessed with sex and he desperately wants to stick his broken penis into a china, basically this is the only thing that motivates him. I think he's afraid potential girlfriends will believe the trolls and refuse to go out with him because they think he's gay. By Chris' fucked up logic calling him gay is sabotaging his love/fuck quest and his goal to lose his virginity so he goes full alert and enters tardrage mode. It doesn't help that kids called Chris a faggot and his parents most likely told him homosexuality is bad which is not surprising since old people like Bob and Barb hate gays because they were born into and grown up in a less tolerant society that wasn't so open about sexuality. I assume Chris is not a closet homosexual either, he's just unable to deal with homoerotic thoughts every male has once in a while, instead of moving on he panics because he believes only gay people have them and he doesn't want to be a homo since it's a bad thing, he cannot have china and the least thing he wants is to admit the trolls were right, so to keep himself straight he shows some boobies and pussy into his face by watching porn and fucking Kimmie." --Mudkips666

Chris has no concept of what a friend is

  • "Another thing Chris has no concept of what a friend is. He has no empathy at all, and I doubt he understands other people other than 'I can fuck these and make baby, I can't fuck those.' The only reason he hates homosexuality is because he can't think beyond satisfying himself and his love (fuck) quest. Telling him to make friends with a guy is like telling him to think about penis and become gay. And for girls, he just thinks of them as walking sweet 'pussy and breasts.' Like with Kim. First he was fine, he didn't try anything because she had a boyfriend. But then he kept asking about her boyfriend and if they were having any problems. Then eventually Emiry tells him yes and, what does he do? He starts writing fucking love letters to Kim who is only supposed to be his friend. He went from keeping his distance and talking to OH WOW AN OPENING, THE SWEET BREAST AND PUSSY ARENT TAKEN ANYMORE RAPERAPERAPE. Can Chris even understand the concept of friendship at all? Every girl who even does so much as to talk to him is MY LOVE QUEST IS FINALLY OVER. Not once has he ever thought, oh I'm not into this girl like that. No, every girl is a fuck target since they have the almighty uterus. I remember in middle school I knew this girl who played video games and she was like one of the bros, just a friend like anyone else. But say if Chris were in my shoes, no it'd just be another potential fuckbuddy. Goddamn it makes me rage. He doesn't give a shit about people other than what they can do for him, and since guys have a penis they're out of the picture. I can't think of a time he's genuinely cared about anyone, guy or girl. Even the few guy friends he's made were just because he thought they'd help him get laid. Maybe, just maybe if he could emphasize and actually care about people and see them as "people" not objects, he'd be (possibly 1%) less horrible of a person than he is now. Maybe he'd have a less retarded reason to hate homosexuality other than "I don't want to catch the gay" But no, he is a child. The text book definition of egocentric. In fact, this pretty much sums Chris up in a nutshell: And that's probably the thing I hate the most about Chris. I mean, if his brain were to somehow mature to the concrete-operational stage (which it obviously never did), and he wasn't so damn egocentric, I wonder if he'd be even half as bad as he is now." --Falsion

Moral dilemma: given the choice between "be raped" or "rape a young girl"

  • "Let me play dumbass psychologist here. Maybe I'm wrong, there are people who know Fatty better than I do. Fatty has autism. This is not up for debate. Due to a combination of his own laziness, horrible parenting and bad special education/therapy, Fatty is unable to understand others' emotions. Fatty can't empathize with anyone. Fatty can't feel their emotions. Fatty can barely understand his own emotions. All he can understand is "feels good man" and "this is annoying/hurtful." Of course Fatty will answer "rape the young girl." Fatty knows that the other will involve him being annoyed/hurt. But Fatty can't comprehend someone being hurt. What Fatty CAN comprehend is that it is "annoying/hurtful" to be upbraided by LYLT for the wrong choice. Only sometimes he's so self-centered he can't even comprehend that. He really is retarded, you guys. He really is. [...] Chris will always pick whatever feels good to him and doesn't feel annoying/hurtful. The only time he might make a choice that seems "right" might be to avoid being annoyed/hurt any more by people telling him off... there are plenty of stories about this with Bob, for example. To me it seems pretty easy to figure out what Chris would do or what he would say. You just apply these simple parameters, and there you go." --Gusvansant

Chris steals shit and improves it, duh

  • The then later submitted his idea for "Simonchu"; it did not strike me as good at first. "Irony is so thick you could cut it." --Durpachu
    • "It seems whenever Chris admits stealing something; he always has to add how he improved it, the original sucked, etc. In his Little Big Planet video, he says the big PS3 prop in the game was something he took from someone else. He then says it wasn't that good, so he made it better. Panda's Sonichu cover which he couldn't insult in any way, he still has to state in the comic that it 'was wisely chosen by me'." --Whyamideleted

Moral development

  • "Chris has definitely not passed the stage of moral development where you don't do bad things to avoid punishment rather than understanding why they are actually bad." --Distress

Chris's real life in the comics

  • "I'd like to see if we could try and tell Chris to put more personal info on the site instead of just his comic crap or retarded stories that aren't real. By personal info, I just mean like more anecdotes about his real life and stuff." --Bloopy
    • "Chris likes living in a fantasy world where he's mayor and can transform into a hedgehog. He thinks this is HIS website. You can't gain entry into his personal details, unless, like in the Mumble chats, he's in his manic mode where he thinks he'll get laid and can't shut his mouth." --GeobuRohav
      • "Pretty much. Chris' fantasy world is so intertwined with his real life events, that even if we get a new tidbit from him it will be shrouded in crazy bullshit. It's always been that way." --Megaman

Why does Chris hate Mary Lee Walsh?

  • "I think he still hates her because she was someone that actually stood up to him and let him know that his shit wasn't going to fly. She flat out told him his behaviour was unacceptable, and that it must cease immediately. Something his parents should have done years earlier. She didn't baby him, and didn't humour him or let it go. No, she made her expectations clear that he not act like a total fucktard in her college and she was in a position of authority to see that he stopped. That made him RAGE, how dare she straight up tell him what was and was not acceptable behaviour? The very idea that she was not buying into his special autistic baby shit just made his brain crack." --Dr Girlfriend

The retarded CWC-way of doing things

  • "Chris seems to be unique in that he is pretty well developed in certain areas (communication, motor control, technical proficiency) while having huge gaps in strange places elsewhere in his personality. Most importantly, he seems to obsessively tie everything in life to video game style progressions. If he 'beats' ED, then the game will be over and all the bad things will disappear. If he follows the correct steps, then a gal-pal will become a girlfriend will become a sweetheart and he won't be lonely. Date one involves a kiss, so he tries to kiss Emily on the first date. Bob said that Chris played video games before he could even talk, so for Chris, video games provided a progressive structure that allowed life to make sense to him. When the trolls started to understand Chris' preferred progression methods, they took advantage of them and really fucked him up. This is why he falls for the same trick over and over. We call him 'selfish' because he has to do things the retarded CWC way. But the fact is, that is the ONLY way CWC is capable of operating. Chris needs to have his parents set up his life in such a way that he is able to follow the CWC way of living and have it be productive in some way. Do you really think CWC will wake up tomorrow and think 'You know what? I'm done with this Sonichu bullshit, I'm going to go apply for a job this morning.' Shit ain't gonna happen. It was really up to Barb to set Chris up in a way where he could succeed, and she blew it. He refuses to accept advice from people like Clyde Cash because it is delivered paternally, from a position of strength to one of weakness. No one likes to be talked down to like that. Not even retards." --DannyMothman

Chris is a pervert

  • "The fact that he doesn't masturbate frequently doesn't shy away from the fact that he bought blowup dolls and posted nudes online after hardly knowing someone. Initial trollings of Chris show that he was the one who initiates the sexual stuff (take for instance the Blanca saga). I also cite his actions in the Emily trolling where he kept touching her and made that infamous comment infront of spencers. Note how he didn't do any of this while infront of Bob, so he knows what he is doing is inapproriate. He clearly can't control himself." --Xanatos

Chris has potential to be a rapist

  • "I think Chris has potential to be a rapist if he ever managed to date a girl. Not like serial killer 'SHUT UP BITCH OR I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT UNLESS YOU SUCK MY DICK' type rapist but more like 'YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME BECAUSE I AM ENTITLED TO IT.' Imagine you're Chris (yes, it's scary). Imagine you're on an actual date - not like Megan, but with a woman who acknowledges this is an actual date and is somehow deluded to go three dates with you. It's the third date and you drive her to her place. You've known all your life that on the third date, people have sex. Not generally, for Chris, that's not how autistics work. They tend to make otherwise flexible social norms concrete so they can function - as you say, Chris's major structure for life is like that of a video game, and there's usually not major exceptions to it. In Chris's mind, the third date is when you have sex, no more, no less and he is in love with this woman so it's perfectly moral. Now he's never been on a real date (at least, one that didn't end in him getting trolled) so three dates would blow his mind, especially considering he's a 27 year old man who has never been on a date before. You're a frustrated "virgin with rage" and you feel like the world is unjust against you, denying you of true love and affection for most of your adult life, being constantly rejected by women. It'd take a troll on anyone, especially Chris. Yet now, for you, this is the moment - you have sex. It doesn't matter if she wants it, you just know that on the third date, you have sex, that is the rule, people follow rules and therefore she must follow the rule as well. So, you take what you think is yours and the next day, the newspaper headlines read 'AUTISTIC MANCHILD ARRESTED FOR RAPE.'" --Champthom
    • "I agree that if he ever got to a third 'official' date, I could easily see him raping a girl who still said no. In fact, I would even go so far as to say he'd force himself on her while convincing himself that she was playing hard-to-get and he'd get fairly violent under the impression that that was what she wanted." --Sureiachan

Chris is still a pervert

  • "Chris being a pervert and potential rapist isn't a 'misconception'. Audio recordings of his 'date' with Emily show how perverted he can get without adult supervision. Further proof can be found by anyone who's read his emails with Meghan. Several of Meghan's replies show her informing Chris she is uncomfortable with his advances, especially one where he pins her to a wall. Despite all her patience and politeness in refusing his advances, he thinks the best way to get her to fall in love with him is to draw a hideous picture of him fingering her, then putting it online. Let's not forget the 'Parappa The Rapper' contest where he flat out says he wanted to win the trip so he could have sex with Meghan in the hotel room. He also truly believes '3rd date ends in sex' is a social norm. He still uses sign tactics to try and attract women, despite Mary Lee Walsh explaining to him that any sane person would see it and assume he's soliciting sex. Last but not least, he might only masturbate twice a week, but if you can think of another adjective besides pervert to describe someone who draws furry porn, I'd like to hear it." --Dixie_demon

Not retarded, just very stupid


At least we had good memories

  • "Don't get me wrong, I like the elaborate plans as I hope that Chris will totally lose his mind at the end but it seems like Chris will say 'Oh, ah well.' I believe it was about Blanca that Chris said 'Ah well, we had good memories.' At the end of this thing with Emily, Chris was just like 'Oh, did you get back to West Virginia alright?' Maybe it's eating him up on the inside but at least superficially it seems like it has no effect." --Champthom
    • "That is a good point. Of course, you must remember that the ones who typically expose themselves as trolls have the fact that they are WOMEN in common. So, it makes sense that he will go easy on them and delude himself by still having fond memories where he can at the very least IMAGINE that he had a girlfriend." --Xanatos

Degeneration of Chris from high school to college

  • "Anyways, this reminds me of something I saw in the slide show, Chris's high school graduation and Chris's college graduation. When he graduated high school. he was kinda gankly looking but he was pretty well dressed for Chris, nice gown, wearing the hat the right way, dress slacks and a shirt and tie underneath, pretty good. College? He wears his god damn medallion, the striped shirt he always draws himself in, his gown is wide open like he's a little kid who's disrobing himself in public, he looks like a total slob. My guess is that isolation really takes a toll on a man." --Champthom
    • "That makes me wonder what happened to Chris during 2000-2004. In High School he comes off as an innocent, fairly close to normal (at least, normal for a mentally handicapped person) kid. Maybe he had a bit of a high opinion of himself & hobbies below his age level, but all sorts of people have those. . . . By 2004 (the year of Anna's "Crazy Pacer" story, correct?) he had become the overweight, clown shirt wearing, man hating virgin with rage we all know & love/hate. What caused this transformation? Sex drive kicking in? Not having enough contact with the outside world? Something else?" --SteveSteve
      • "Well the two major changes were his sexual awakening and not having a school to go to everyday where he had people who more or less allowed him to associate with them. . . . College had to be overwhelming to him, everyone has a different schedule, and I doubt his professors briefed his classes about his special needs. So he went from that retard you had to be nice to or else you'd get in trouble, to that weird guy who has a hunk of clay around his neck. Naturally no one would want to associate with him. . . . However the reason he's such a popular target is because of how desperate he is, not only does this allow for easy trolling but a horny retard is hard to turn away from, it's all just too weird. If he had never started his love quest he'd be just another freak on the internet people would quickly forget about. If he never had a sexual awakening he'd still be sad and pathetic, but no one would want to pick on a guy whose entire adult life consists of playing with toys and games eagerly awaiting his birthday to see what toys and games his parents bought him (I've looked through the birthday photos a lot lol). But because he's the type that will sit around with a sign declaring his hatred for men and desire for a white mommy to come and fuck him, as Mr. Howell put it, he's to damn funny to ignore. . . . Not to mention all his real life problems came from his love quest, getting arrested, losing his friend megan, and getting banned from every place a retard can spend his days outside." --Trapper
        • "That is not exactly true, if you watch the song of Christian you'll note that at age 16 he acts similarily to how he does today(except not swearing and touching up girls) complaining that his teachers were discriminating him for his autism because he got an F in english and raging at all the other students in his class swearing and drinking , I think there was probably a strict dress code for high-school so his mother probably made sure he was dressed properly each day, in college there wasn't one so he dressed how he does now." --Drlugae
          • "I'd like to say Sonichu ruined him completely. He went nuts when he put on the medallion and started to do everything Sonichu and love quest. Yes, he had the Song of Christian, but before he was just a naricisstic probably not even autistic irresponsible idiot. But now he has SONICHU. I think Chris used the Sonichu World/CWCville as a way to justify anything to him. If he had a bad day because someone called him fat, Sonichu would say the person was just jealous, I'm sure. Basically Chris became the Chris we know today when he became an otherkin/otakin." --GenesisHime

Facial recognition

An addendum I'd like to make is a hypothesis I've been toying with that might explain why he failed to recognize the different pics sent to him by BlueSpike, and why he failed to recognize changing voices. I'm building this on the grounds of another hypothesis posted in Ye Olde Trolle Forume about why Chris's art sucked so hard yet he thought it was lifelike.

As the OP wrote back then, Chris is unable to tell how much his art sucks, because his brain lacks the required "hardware" to process visual information. The OP said back then this happens to him whenever he looks at something with a lot of visual information, said, the shelves of a supermarket, or pics from Chris's room: he just sees the shelves, but in his mind, his sight is distracted, gets lost, and he can't process shit. Likewise, whenever Chris sees a drawing or is trying to do something, his drawings come out like this because that's as far as his mind can handle, because he can only draw an over-simplified version of what he sees.

Now, what does being unable to process visual information means? Simple: this means he can't recognize the human figure.

This is a very important feature of Chris, because the human brain is hard-wired to recognize the human shape and easily spot the subtle details that make us look different from other fellow humans: the face, the eyes, the overall shapes. (As a side note, this is also why the Uncanny Valley exists, feel free to google the term if you want to find out more). Chris, however, cannot recognize the details in a person. To him, everybody looks the same; some are skinnier, some are rounder, but that's the only difference, because everybody looks the same. The only differences he can pick up are big, obvious differences: a girl with gargantuan tits or a marked hourglass figure, or a police officer in blue and white instead of a mall guard in brown.

Now, why I've been playing with this theory for these days? Because, if this theory is correct, this would neatly and simply explain not only why he fell so easily to BlueSpike and PricklyWickly's ruses, or why he can't draw for shit, but this also explains another of Chris's mysteries: his self-image.

Chris thinks he looks scrawny, youthful and handsome, when in fact he's a bloated blob of fat with a permanent expression that makes you think you're looking at the eyes of a dead fish. Putting body language issues aside, he sees himself that way because, back in high school, he had to spend 2 hours staring at the mirror and examining himself while memorizing his own looks. Before that, he probably didn't knew how he looked. He would probably say the guy in the mirror was him because Snorlax said so, but chances are he was capable of not recognizing himself in a photograph. When he memorized his own looks, he developed his self-image... only problem was, the knowledge of his self-image never reached a subconscious level, only staying at a conscious level. And now, whenever he looks at himself in the mirror, since he can't recognize the guy inside, he just gives up, pulls out his outdated self-image from 10 years ago, and says it's him. And since Chris was scrawny and slender back then, he says he ain't got a single pound of overweight. Which is why Chris claims to be in great physical shape even after ballooning so much: his narcissism certainly plays a good part, but his perceptual deficiencies are also partly responsible.

tl;dr Chris is a bloated blob of fat not only because he thinks himself the Center of the Universe, but also because he still full-heartedly believes he looks the same way he used to look in high school, and he should know, because he spent 2 hours memorizing his own looks back then.


Chris at first used to see how all the guys who had a girlfriend seemed to be so happy around them and vice-versa, at least to the extent that his malfunctioning brain allowed. He also probably learned that having a hot girlfriend makes you awesome. And then he learned that older people get a girlfriend, have sex, marry and have children. But he never felt interested in them lasses, probably because he was lazy or just plain asexual, until he left high school, when he finally reached some sort of mental puberty. Then he shat brix when he saw how his so-called BFF Sarah Hammer was taken away from him by Wes Iseli. He would look at getting a girlfriend as something like a videogame, that is, something with a clearly and unambiguously defined action and result: if Chris gets a girlfriend, he will be happy (it's a nebulous reward, yeah, but this is how Chris's mind works).

Sad and butthurt, he came to the conclusion that he needed a Sweetheart as a replacement goldfish for Sarah, because this way, Chris would repair his Shattered Heart and Tortured Soul. --Da_Nuke

Chris can't recognize his own self

. . . Obviously, Chris is fat and seems to deny this in the comics and even the emails at some point. I believe he said something along the lines of, "I'm not fat" and completely ignored everything else that was said. I don't think that this is because of a mental condition. Remember, his mother is constantly praising him and telling him things he would like to hear. She would say nice things in regards to his appearance, too. Because Chris has very few friends and has only a childish and incomplete concept of dating and women in general, he wouldn't be called "fat" under normal circumstances. People who vaguely knew him, such as at school, would also treat him kindly because he is autistic. In regards to his physical condition he has only heard his mother's compliments and accepts those as the truth.

In the comic he draws himself much thinner than he actually is, because he feels good about his appearance. He doesn't think he is fat. As you said it may have something to do with his perception of himself back in high school. Back then he was fat, but much less so than he is now. He also compliments himself by mentioning his creativity and that he is a child at heart... You're probably right about him memorizing his appearance from then having something to do with all of this. Perhaps he hasn't noticed any changes in the last 5 or so years? Alternatively, he could be insecure about his girth and his appearance in the comic is a way of denying the truth and making himself feel better. It makes sense. If you are going to draw yourself as a character in a comic, you would hide the traits you dislike about yourself and highlight the positive aspects.

Again, he doesn't seem to realize that others think that he is overweight. The people who would mention it are the kinds of people Chris would never hang around with, and the people Chris actually does hang out with, such as any woman sympathetic enough to speak with him, would never bring it up. I don't think it has anything to do with his autism. --Crash

  • "I agree with this. If anyone remembers back during the Blanca saga, people were sending pictures of different girls who had the same basic features of one another (tannish[fuck, some of them were pale], dark hair) and Chris agreed all of them were Blanca, the same girl. And this is why I'm not too terribly worried about running into Chris out in town. He's unable to tell the difference between two seperate people. Hell, for all we know he probably approached some poor girl already and made claims they were Emily." --LoveYouLongTime

Speculation on his sexual psychology

  • "Maybe he just would like to get dominated." --Feelsgoodman
    • "I don't think Chris would be comfortable with or enjoy beign dominated like that, his sexlogs clearly show his actual sex fantasies are rather vanilla and he feels comforted by beign a teacher of sorts, telling young girls how to pleasure themselves and such." --DrShoggoth
      • "'I just want to teach you' is actually a classic line sex predators use. It's a paternalistic thing, often a man who was abused by their father will seek to have that same complete level of control over a child. Not to say that I think Chrissy is a sex predator, but he definitely never got the level of respect from Bob that he sought growing up. (Bob often called him 'dummy.') I think all the Love Quest and daughter bullshit are a manifestation of Chris' desire to control another person in the same way he has always been controlled by his parents. ...I wish I could say with any conviction that Chris would not sexually abuse a theoretical daughter." --DannyMothman

Emotional incest

  • "Chris is obviously looking for a replacement mom, and I wonder what role his mom plays in it. Did she tell him he needed someone to take care of him? . . . Bob might have his flaws, but I don't think he coddles Chris quite so much. It's actually kind of interesting when you notice that Chris used to insist that he and Bob were the only men who aren't jerks, but now he doesn't have much good stuff to say about Bob. On the other hand, he'll brag to girlfriends about making his mom proud because he didn't crap his briefs. Something might be going on, perhaps some type of emotional incest. Most definitions I've found about that seem to be about making a child something of a surrogate spouse, but it looks like mother/son emotional incest can be about a mother trying to keep a son around as a child. (I'd drop in a link, but I'm not finding any terribly good ones right now.) We don't know what his parents' relationship is like, but we do know that they don't sleep together anymore and I don't get the impression that they have much of a relationship at all anymore. Besides, we know Snorlax has been in other relationships and abandoned Cole, but for some reason, she's stuck around for Chris. It could be that despite all his fail, she saw him as her only shot at redemption and thinks it's too late to back out now." --Trista

Chris is not gay, but not straight

  • "He's not gay. He's not straight either. He has the mentality of an 8 year old who has yet to grasp the concept of reproduction fully. If you think about it, when you were 8 years old what was your sexual orientation? Most people knew what the gender roles were at that age but they never really thought about it. If you were a boy you knew that you needed to find a girl to play house with. Sex to a child is similar to a concept like gravity, it's difficult to actually think about although you know what it is. Chris just sees that he needs to get paired with a girl to be happy, the bible, his parents, and the internet be damned. This is what he wants because this is what he knows. Anything else is 'just plain wrong'." --Dumbnigger

Why he can't be fixed

  • "I don't believe Chris can be fixed the way he is now. If you were surrounded by all the toys and games you could ever want, lived comfortably in your doting parents' house, and never had to work for your money, would you want things to be different (assuming you're a coddled pathetic sack of flesh and you don't even know it)? An important first step in fixing yourself is having the willingness to change. Chris has demonstrated time and time again that he doesn't want to do this, his life is too cozy, and any flaws he has can be chalked up to stress or autism or any of his other usual excuses. He doesn't even realize how sexist he is, how disgusting his habits are, how all of his girlfriends will be trolls now and forever - he can't be redeemed because he doesn't want to be redeemed. He doesn't want to believe he is sexist, disgusting, and unlovable. . . . He could become a decent, hard-working person, one who respects women (and men, because they are not all jerks), one who actually showers, and one who can be lovable...but as it stands now he will never become one of these good people. He's too comfortable living in filth and convincing himself the ladies are secretly attracted to him." --me

Humanity must change

  • "he wants humanity to change to accomidate him." --Tsuyu22


  • "You guys are giving him to much credit he didn't say he could cook meat and vegetables, when asked what he could cook the response was 'vegetables *long pause* meat.'" --Trapper

Does Chris know he's fat?

  • "Chris doesn't think he's overweight, though." --Anaconda
    • "You know what? I bet he does know this. I bet he completely and totally realises it but thinks that if he tells everyone he isn't, they will have to believe him. Which is just as retarded quite frankly. He can recognise other people as overweight. He must be able to see the blob forming in front of him. I mean it is big enough for him not to see his duck. . . . His logic is probably that 'well, I'm still really strong with lots of muscle and I still have a great personality. So all the girls will love me. I just need to convince them I am not fat.'" --Fuckinstupid
      • "Remember he can't fully recognize the human figure or face, one day he spent like 2 hours memorizing his own looks, he learned how he looks in the context of intellectual learning, he hasn't "updated" his self-image ever since, and thus chances are when he sees himself in the mirror he still sees his high school self." --Da_Nuke
      • "He doesn't. You're talking about a retard that at 27 still uses his mom as a credible source when she says he's handsome." --Anthony Sullivan
        • "I wouldn't be suprised if he thinks he's bigger because of his rigorous guitar hero standing up exercises and that the only reason he can't fit in his Ash costume is because his muscles are too big and he's gotten taller." --Drlugae

A LiveJournaler writes about Chris, PVCC speculates

  • "So Sonichu returned to Alderman today. I am not sure what to make of him. He sits in his chair and draws his sonichu comics, harmless, i assme. Yet, I feel like he knows he's different. He knows that the world rushing in front of him is not his own. Surrounded by the "brightest" students in America, whatever that means, he sits in his chair and draws. 23 years old. I'm not sure he even graduated high school. In front of him texts of Plato, Faulkner, God, and Kleist swirl. Does he have the capacity to understand these works? Whether he can or not, I am not sure, but their is something in his eyes that realizes that there is a level of understanding and thought that he is unable to partake in. As he slumps lower and lower in his chair with each student he eyes reading or holding a book, he falls into himself- into the markers and colors on the page in front of him. (coffee idea) He seems intelligent enough to understand that he does not understand, and that is the hardest part of all." --([1])
    • "That is quite possibly the saddest thing I've ever read about Chris... It just FITS. :| I mean being fucked in the head is one thing, but knowing you're fucked in head, and realizing that there is nothing you can do..." --Goombapolice
      • "I don't think that's the case though, at least not consciously. He's got an outsized ego because Barb has been feeding him that he's super talented, super smart, super creative since he was little. He doesn't bother to even try to understand the world around him because it doesn't hold his interest, and because he believes his way of thinking is better anyway. I don't think he considers himself fucked in the head or that there's nothing he can do - he believes his IQ is in the 300's and that he knows karate from watching it on TV. If that's not delusional I don't know what is. The way I see it, he's a 12 year old trapped in a 30 year old body, and lacks the self-awareness to realize it." --El Misto

Reading Chris's face

  • "What's Chris's face saying in his video? Does anyone out there read faces well enough to venture a guess about some classic videos? One thing I noticed in the recent interview he did with that ScrewAttack guy. When the interviewer mentions Spax3's sexual fantasies about Cream the rabbit, a look of disgust and surprise crosses Chris's face. If you notice, however, the expression comes somewhat later than the original statement. Some would say it just took our favorite manchild a little longer to 'register' what was being said, but it seems to me more likely that Chris wasn't surprised at all, and possibly not disgusted. His expression, wide-eyes, etc, freezes for awhile just after this. 'Real' reactions are more transitory: his eyebrows wouldn't be up for so long. He's trying to act surprised and disgusted - he really isn't. Later in the video, when he's being asked how he feels about 'beastiality' and furry sex, he slows down and touches his face a lot. The impression I got there was that Chris didn't, in fact, have as strong a feeling towards the matter as he claimed, because a) it made him uncomfortable (the face touching) and people don't get that unsure of themselves when stating something they firmly believe and always have, and b) he had to pause to think about it. Even if we're not playing shrinks, that's saying something that he had to stop and think before saying, Beastiality is wrong. I know little about this, so everyone's guess is as good as mine. What sort of non-verbal cues is Chris sending?"
    • "personally i think chris doesn't actually understand human emotion. note how he reacted to sarah may wanting to kill herself, his apology to logan and his reaction to pandahalo's death. also note the slowness to display any emotion, he seems to feel the emotion internally and then take a second to figure out how to portray this through his face." --Cogsdev
    • "As for his face... well, it's pure and simple, it can't express emotion because 1.- it's autistic and 2.- all it can actually feel is lust and rage. IIRC, it consciously knows you have to express emotion to avoid coming across as a creepy murderer, which means it must resort to faking emotion." --Da_Nuke

His mental age

  • "how old is he, mentally? It's been concerning me for a while." --Kapake
    • "He´s a seven year old who is into sex and perversions and such." --EternityofNothing
      • "That might explain the narcissism. I've seen narcissism characterized as being very close to the world view of a typical seven year old (yes, that age) so it might just be that Chris is just mentally seven than genuinely narcissistic." --Champthom
    • "I concur. Seven. It's that age where kids generally get what they want because they aren't socialized to other people yet. They get angry if they don't get what they want." --Fuckinstupud
    • "7 emotionally, between 13 and 15 sexually, maybe around 15 for logical skills (being generous). I think he's probably going to be stuck in those ages for a long time, until his body ramps down testosterone production. Then he'll just be a creepy 60 year old (if he lives that long) into Transformers and Little Pony figurines." --El Misto
    • "I've always thought Chris-chan was more like a 5 year old, considering he still lacks so much in motor and perceptional skills. Though on the other hand, his language skills are more like the ones of indeed a 7-year-old: he can form complete sentences, his grammar is mostly correct, yet his spelling sometimes sucks (Merried Seinor Comic, Noiophobia, Lucricities and Lucrativeness instead of Ludicrousnesses)." --Da_Nuke
    • "What the fuck happened when he was 7 that made him get stuck there?" --Kapake
      • "I think there are a million different factors influencing the way Chris is, but I'm starting to suspect that something REALLY horrible happened to him when he was a kid, something so horrible that it shattered him and destroyed his psyche. He has blocked it out of his memory, and was severely traumatized to the point where he could not move past being a kid at all." --Bloopy/Sauerkraut
      • "When best trying to understand Chris I apply two paradigms. I compare him to one of two individuals I have known and apply their lines of thinking. The first is a six year old boy I once knew when I helped out with a kids' program after school when I was in jr. high. The kid was utterly simplistic in his mindset and obviously like a lot of little kids wasn't much for logic. I couldn't blame him, he was six after all. When explaining to him that it was wrong for him to knock down another little kid and take away his football, the kid would simply respond with "but I wanted it." There was zero ability to recognize feelings outside of himself... which is even abnormal for a six year old. The second was a little twelve year old kid I knew when I worked as a teachers' aide while I was in college. The kid was an utter dork and completely socially awkward at an age where suddenly it is now time to be cool and to learn how to deal with the opposite sex. He would cry in class when he didn't get his way and rage like Chris. Whenever anything went wrong it was everyone else's fault, not his. He would change the subject when confronted with what he did, he would blame me and talk back, and generally be an utter ass to the people around him. He had no grasp of social cues whatsoever. The worst part is that he did it all in an incredibly annoying and nasal stereotypical Jewish accent, not much different from Kyle's Jewish cousin who comes and visits on South Park. . . . There are two characters I see. One is an utter child completely absorbed in his own world (the six year old), the other is a bit older and now completely feeling like the world is out to get him and with no sense of social status or values (the twelve year old). CWC generally operates between one of these two paradigms. In general we see more of the 12 year old, though, as of late, the more the trolls get active." --Gusvansant
      • "he's actually pretty amoral. He basically does whatever makes him feel good at the time, without considering the consequences or others. However, he will pretend to be a "goodie goodie" if he thinks people are going to think less of him for doing something wrong. He really doesn't have any values either. He paints himself as a good christian, but he really only uses his religion as a way to excuse his bigoted beliefs and act superior towards others. If Chris wants to do something the Bible says is wrong, he'll just pretend it's not there and do it anyway. Chris is a hedonist who never considers right or wrong, and just uses his "morals" and "values" to protect his image and excuse his behavior. He's the worst kind of hypocrite." --VTEC_Engine

Chris's dream job

  • "One time he emailed Nintendo about the possibility of becoming a video game tester, although he didn't include a resume, CV, and managed to sound somewhat normal. And he wanted to not have to leave the house to go to work. I'm not sure if Chris sent this email because it's a child's idea of what a job should be or whether he viewed it as some kind of scam to get free Nintendo games." --Anaconda
    • "I'd go with the former. Seriously, video game tester is like one of those jobs you totally want as a kid. I mean, you'd be getting paid to play the vidya. Except the thing is, from what I understand, video game testing is along the lines that you spend hours walking into a wall over and over, from different angles, to make sure stuff works and really testing minute stuff so that the game doesn't crash and so programmers can iron out glitches. Allegedly, Chris has posted his resume (CV for eurofags) somewhere and it was along the lines of listing the fact he created Sonichu and his HTML classes for his resume, including his interests of drawing, video games, etc. I've never seen any evidence he's done this though. Of course, by all means, someone prove me wrong on this. Also, apparently Chris did indeed wear the medallion when he worked at Wendy's." --Champthom
    • "Oh, it's the former without a doubt. Chris' ideal job, 'Hey, I'm a big immature fuck, I can sit at home and play video games all day long without leaving my house and getting paid for it! And I'll also be the first person EVAR TO PLAY THE NEW POKEYMAWN GAMES!!!!!'" --Kapake
      • "And even if a video game company was willing to pay him to test games at home on his own terms, his reports after playing would no doubt not consist of glitches found, but instead of things like 'it was fun' or 'The female characters need more sexy revealing costumes'." --SteveSteve
      • "With the whole game testing thing and if he was required to write reviews. Chris is a fucking fat lazy piece of shit. Even if he was hired to write reviews on games, he would put that off. He'd get e-mails and calls from the company asking where their review is and Chris would just SIIIGH and pull 'BUT I'M SO STRESSSSSED!' He would want to play the games but write the reviews on his terms. Because the world revolves around him." --LoveYouLongTime

Confirmation of emotional incest

  • "This is something I just learned from Ivy, and this corresponds with what a field agent has confirmed about Chris has seen with Chris getting 'touchy' around Snorlax when Bob isn't looking. It's - Chris likes to sleep with his mother. According to Ivy, what Snorlax will do is come into Chris's room, the two will watch movies and lay down on the bed as Chris holds her, then they both fall asleep. In his bed.They use to do it downstairs on the couch but Bob started bitching about it, telling Chris to grow up and such. Yes, this is very shocking and hard to believe. But considering the prevailing opinion is that Chris wants a mommy he can fuck, this adds a new level to this analysis. [. . .] I mean, Snorlax and Bob don't even sleep in the same room anymore, they've been married for some time and there's usually a point where a marriage becomes more of a friendship, and both Chris and Barb are both human in that they need some intimate contact and affection. But the thing is, while this is normal of small children to want to cuddle with their mothers, it's not fucking normal for 27 year olds to do this. And I think there's actually a period in childhood development (normal one, anyway) where a child learns that they can't have mommy all to themselves but they have to share her with daddy. Looks like Chris never really reached that realization. Freud would have a fucking field day with Chris. Seriously though, I imagine one day we will get Chris confirming this, as he makes a video saying 'Yes, I do sleep with my mother, but what child does not sleep their mothers at some point in their lives?'" --Champthom
    • "Honestly, I didn't want further proof for my emotional incest theory. It's worse than I thought." --Trista
    • "My genitals just retreated so far into my abdomen I think they hit my diaphragm." --me

Info from Emily

"Chris said he heard of the deaths of Michael Jackson and Billy Mays.

"Chris said he liked a few of Michael Jackson's songs, "Beat It" being his favorite. Which is not surprising because it can be found on Rock Band or Guitar Hero. But he didn't agree with his life choices, including him becoming a white man. He also had the audacity to say that he was too immature and childish for his age. Chris, of all people to say this.

"When mentioned that Billy Mays was the mayor of CWCville he said he was blackmailed into saying it during the Julie fiasco. He was asked about the election, which he claimed that it was just rumors and made up by the trolls. He thought it was silly and stupid that when it was brought up that people think he was behind the death of Billy Mays.

"Chris talked about an uncle who breeds Rat Terriers(google image them if you don't know what they look like). Apparently the uncle is selling them for $125 each. Now, knowing how white trash southern Virginian's work he most likely found two mutts on the side of the road who resembled Rat Terriers and decided to breed them because it's a quick buck. Chris is getting one of the pups. I'm not sure if he's paying for it, but he said he was going to pick a FEMALE from the litter. And name her Independence. Anyone who knows anything about terriers know they can be neurotic as hell, especially if they're bored and not exercised. We all know that Chris' family is financially stable to take care of a puppy /sarcasm. What's most likely going to happen is that they're going to do piss for training and the dog is going to shit, piss, and chew on everything. So they're going to throw the puppy into the backyard. Then the dog is going to dig a hole underneath Patti's doghouse where her remains are, pull them out and Chris is going to discover his puppy chewing on Patti's skull. Bricks being shat will be had."

"I asked Chris what he thought of sex before marriage and his response was, 'I WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.' Which opened the door to, 'I thought there was somewhere in the Bible where you can't have sex before marriage.' He then said that the Bible was advice on how people should live their lives and that he has a choice if he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex or not. Oh boy....I then went, 'Chris you said that homosexuality was bad because the Bible said so at this point homosexuality is a choice and it's just advice...?' He got quiet for seven seconds before going, 'Hmm....uuuh...You blew my mind.' Then got all quiet and didn't really want to talk. So the subject had to be changed. . . . Chris also said he had a romantic dream where he made out with a woman named something along the lines of 'Julich.' He said he couldn't tell if she was European or Asian. :facepalm: ...But he thinks she looked more European. . . . He also only has $5 in his savings account. He told Clyde a while ago he had $10."

Me : Is CWCville a real place[obvious answer is obvious]?
Chris : I'd like it to be a real place.
Me : lololololol
Chris : It's another C'Ville[who the fuck wants another Charlottesville?].
Me : Yeeeeeah. I don't know, the website made it seem like an actual place. Soooo if this place was real
what kind of government would it have?
Chris : Mmm...I don't know much about government but I would say like you know any government any city would have.
Me : Well there's different kinds of government. I mean are you talking about a kind of government
that you would find in America or in China or in Germany?
Chris : I would say more of an American government.
Me : Oh so-
Chris : Since it's within America.
Me : Okay. So it'd be like a democracy?
Chris : Hm. Well I'm more of a Moderate. But yeah I guess a democracy. Yeah.
Me : Oh...[FFFFFFF]
Chris : Well yeah I'm not sure that's right I'm trying to remember yeah the Republicans are the bad guys.
Yeah democracy is good.
Me : Oh well-
Chris : It would be a democracy.
Me : -fumbling for words- Democracy means there are like elections and people vote for who they want to be in
Chris : Hm. Yeeeeah. But. Because I founded the town uh we do not need to hold elections.
Me : Oh well. That's not a democracy. That's a dictatorship.
Chris : That's kind of dumb. It just sounds crappy when you use that word.
Me : Well that's what it's called lolololol. I'm just saying.
Chris : Hm.
Me : But ANYWAYS[change subject before stress sigh ensues].
Chris : I'd have to think more about that I guess.

"Whenever anything political comes up he just starts stuttering, stress sighing, and going 'Mm..' and in this case, it'll be followed by "'well er uh I don't know um well I heard some bad news about um them but I guess I'm neutral.'"

"Chris said if age wasn't a legal issue, he would date a girl as young as 16. Possibly 14 . . ."

". . . if she had a lower income then it would make things harder for him."

"I think it may have been mentioned before that Chris steals money from his parents and they just don't give a shit. They haven't disciplined him for 27 years, so why start now?

"Well, it has come to our attention that back when the Rock Band(or possibly Guitar Hero, but who cares) AC/DC game came out Chris bought it, used the code in the case to get all the songs, then returned the game to get his money back. When confronted that's considered stealing, his excuse was basically that they shouldn't have the code if they didn't want people to do that. This all being followed by his stress sigh.

"So basically, if you have to register that code then whoever happened to buy the game after Chris couldn't use the code. That stupid son of a bitch. I wonder how many other games Chris has done this with. He probably thinks he's clever for it."

"Surprisingly enough, Chris is very deceptive. Or at least, he tries to be. He hides and steals things like he's a little kid and since he's retarded nobody has bothered to punish him for it. Thus, he continues to do it, because he thinks he's clever. Unfortunately to keep Chris' trust and get him to tell me more things, despite them making me rage, I just keep my mouth shut and let Chris, once again, get away with his bullshit."

"So the other day Chris was saying the highlight of his day was running over a snake. Now mind you, he ACTIVELY tried running the snake over. He missed the first time. He missed the second time. Hell, he miss the third time. He finally locked 'old blue' on that snake and hit his target in triumph. When questioned what kind of snake it was he responded that he didn't know but it was poisonous. Now, where Chris was at at the time, there are no poisonous snakes in that area. So in reality it was most likely a black snake or a garter snake.

"He was PROUD of running over that snake."

"In middle school kids would make fun of Chris for liking Sonic and yell at Chris, 'SONIC IS DEAD!' Of course, Chris being Chris, would get upset and yell back, 'NO HE'S NOT!' Lulz would ensue.

"In high school, kids would throw their loose change on the ground and when Chris went to pick it up they would point and laugh saying, 'He's so poor he's picking up our loose change!' Except I imagine them dropping their change right in front of Chris

"BONUS : Despite not liking the homos, he thinks people who use 'gay' in replacement of 'stupid' or 'retarded' is stupid. When asked what he thought of people who use 'nigger' he thought about it for a few seconds then said it was not as 'bothersome.'"

  • "He probably harbors a special resentment for that usage of "gay," because it was labeled against him as a child. The term "Nigger" is likely not as bothersome to Chris because he was never called that name, in school. Chris has precious little empathy for the problems of others. Unless its something that directly impacts his little life, he cannot be bothered to care. Although, I admit this also gives more evidence of his racism." --Enerjakop

"I do think Chris has an Oedipus Complex. Some of you may remember me speaking of seeing Chris and his parents at McDonalds last year around October/November. He sat next to his mother and when Bob went to go get a refill on his coffee, Chris started coddling up to his mother. He had his arms wrapped around her shoulders, his head on her shoulder. What I could make out from them muttering his the Snorlax saying something about how Chris shouldn't keep secrets from her. At 26(at the time) years old, that's not normal behavior for someone to act towards a parent. It could be because of his autism for his attachment to his mother(I'm not psychologist, so I'm not sure of the ins and outs of autism).

"Which brings me to a second thing I noticed. Just like Chris waited for Bob to leave to coddle up to his mother, Chris also waited for Bob to leave during our date to start touching me more. When Bob went to go get food, Chris started putting his hand on my shoulder more. When Bob came back, he kept his hands to himself more. When Chris and I started walking around, Chris kept attempting to walk closer to me and started to say more perverted things. It seems like Chris is intimidated by Bob and ashamed of acting out in a certain way in front of his father as opposed to his mother. This also just proves that Chris does know from right to wrong. Chris knew he should keep his hands to himself in front of Bob."

Enerjakop's tl;dr post about megalomania

Last night, Trapper posed a question about why Tails has never been recolored into the world of Cwcville. (The thread can be found under the “Characters” page, and is entitled “The missing character”)

Well, that got me thinking about something new:

Chris’ Megalomania.

1. A psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence.
2. An obsession with grandiose or extravagant things or actions.

Let’s talk about Chris’ Legos. They have been with him since day one. In fact, they were the primary component of the very first image of Chris-Chan that I ever saw.


Look at them all! Why does he keep them all out? Why does he still play with them? What do they tell us about the man? To answer that, we will have to look a Chris’ childhood. As we all know, Master Chandler was an incredibly isolated youth. Unable to make friends at school, and living in a household with parents who were stuck thirty years in the past, Chris really never had anyone to guide him in understanding the modern social climate. Few would deny that he was dealt a bad hand. However, I would argue that he didn’t have to play it the way he did.

I think that Chris came to resent his classmates. I believe that he was originally just too shy and nervous to approach the other kids in his class, but eventually he decided he preferred being alone. He did not relate with the other kids in his class, and chances are he had no desire to pursue any interests which were different from his. If he was at all like his modern day persona, he would have frequently misinterpreted, and grown defensive over what other kids said to him. As a result, he would have made himself an outsider, and thus became a subject of ridicule. He would have perceived his treatment as an unwarranted attack against him for being different.

Chris then withdrew from the majority of humanity. He came to see himself as morally and mentally superior to his classmates, because of the habits he followed. While others smoked, cursed, and were rude, Chris saw himself as a kind of Saint lost in a wicked world that scorned his purity and genius. He probably convinced himself that all men are jerks when he was still in elementary school. Chances are that he got bullied quite a bit, primarily by other guys. Similarly he started to see women as pure, because most of the kids who showed him pity were probably well meaning girls, who would defend him.

I know that all this is all speculation, but bear with me. I have to set the stage.

So here we have a young Chris, ostracized and pitied by his peers, and unwilling to leave his comfort zone. What does he do, when he cannot figure out how to get by in the outside world? The answer is simple.

He makes his own world, inside. A world that understands both he… and his desires.


He makes Cwcville.

It is a town filled with citizens and heroes.

It is a land replete with adventure and intrigue.

It is a world, where the rule of Christian Weston Chandler is absolute.


And to get there, Chris need only retreat to his bedroom.

Cwcville is the most well thought out element of Chris’ Universe, complete with industry, history, and legends. Why is it so fleshed out, when most of Chris' work is painfully two dimensional? My guess is that it is because Chris has been living in Cwcville for a VERY long time. Longer even, than he has known Sonichu. Cwcville predates the birth of Bionic, and the start of his Sweetheart search. It is the true heart of Chris’ delusions.

We have long-thought that Sonichu was Chris' most cherished safety blanket, but I am no longer so certain. Chris does not really value other sentient beings. As I wrote to Trapper:

...his closest companion a pixilated hedgehog. He liked leading his digital minion through all manner of dungeons, but often wished that he had "a player two" to play with. Note the term I use: play. Not "work" with. Not "interact" with. No, he wanted to PLAY with them.

I'm pretty sure that Chris likes acting as a god figure. He likes building his ideal world out of Legos, and giving his creations life as citizens of Cwcville. In his comics, even the bravest heroes fear losing the guidance of their benevolent ruler. Being someone who is followed and adored appeals to him, and his lack of Socialization has lead him to think he deserves such treatment. As Chris grew up, he became convinced that he only needed a single minion to make all of his desires a reality. Thus he relates with his hero (Sonic/Sonichu) seeking and obtaining a romantic partner, who is very complacent (Amy/Rosechu)Seriously, if Amy is Chris' ideal woman, it explains a lot. Amy makes June Cleaver look empowered. She lives only to please her man, and routinely needs him to save her.

Chris never really wanted to have a person sharing in his glory or helping him with his creative work, so the role of Tails (a comrade) never appealed to him. While Sonic would obey his commands, Tails would act on his own, following his primitive AI system. During game play, Tails would sometimes help Chris, and sometimes hinder him (sort of like a real friend) but he could never be controlled by Chris. (Yes, I know that you could select him as a playable character. However he could not be controlled at the same time as Sonic. YES, I KNOW HE COULD, IF THE PLAYER MASTERED PLAYING BOTH CONTROLLERS SIMULTANEOUSLY, BUT THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT!) I don't think Chris liked having this "wild card" around.

Chris likes to be surrounded by slaves, who obey his commands. He has always wanted a woman he can manipulate into caring for him, but I have yet to hear him once request a simple platonic friendship with anyone. He likes to have adversaries, to overcome (Knuckles/Punchy, Robotnik/Robotnik) these make him feel important and capable. But a colleague? A pal? That's something that is just too alien a concept, for Chris.

Chris does not like it when people say "No!" to him. He has spent the majority of his life giving orders to Legos, drawings, and Video Game Characters who do not talk back. And, I suspect he wishes the rest of the world would follow suit. Chris is an armchair dictator, who fancies himself above all other people, because in his world he IS the superior being. He descends upon Cwcville through a magic gateway, and graces the realm with his presence. Like a God, he saves them when he is called upon. And like the Creator he is, Chris watches and comments about even the most intimate aspects of his subject's lives. Chris needs to be in total control of his world.

Now, Let us look at him through a Christian lens. Chris views his God as a being who conveniently supports all of Chris' wishes, and even answers his demands. According to the dogma of Chris-Chan


  • Hates gay men. (We have yet to hear Chris once complain about Lesbians, so they can presumed to be good in his god's eyes.)
  • Hates drugs, alcohol, swearing, and most men.
  • Occasionally is willing to act as Chris' personal hit man.
  • Believes that premarital sex is fine, as long as the man wears a condom and claims to love the girl, at the time.
  • Really really want Chris to have an obedient wife and daughter. So much so, that he sent an Angel to speak with Chris on the matter.
  • Believes Chris is a good person.

Obviously, Chris' view of God's law is identical to the rules he upholds in Cwcville. I am not saying that Chris thinks he is God, but he does think that God’s will is in total accordance with HIS, which is egotistic to say the least.

Seeing a pattern here? Chris views everything with a preexisting mindset that he should have total control over all of us. That's why he acts so magnanimous, when he grants the Sonichu girls permission to make him nude drawings of his characters. That's why his videos are filled with demands and threats directed at both his enemies AND fans. (No more comics, unless you do X, Y,and Z.) He actually thinks he can command humanity as his personal e-army. Never does he think that we are free agents. We are either his faithful fans, who wait on his every beck and call, or wicked Trolls who seek to subvert his authority. It must be easy to become this delusional when you never leave the imaginary land in your room, and only occasionally send out messages to faceless void of the internet.

Have you ever wondered how he bounces back so quickly from even our most vicious attacks? No matter how bad things get for Chris in the real world, he can always just go to his room and see that everything is still fine in Cwcville. And to Chris that's all that really matters.

Chris needs his legos. Whenever reality jilts him, he can rectify the "error" in Lego world

Remember, when he couldn't afford a PS3?


He made one that he could play in his world.

There are already a ton of articles about how Chris applies this same principle to his person. For every flaw he recognizes in himself, he compensates by fixing it in his imagined Cwcville persona.

For every person who meets him in the real world, he gains a new ally or villain in Cwcville. Even we have been dealt with. was Chris' way of handling the stress we've put him through. He drug us into his world, and used his home town advantage to finally score a decisive victory against us. It doesn't matter that it is all a fantasy, in Chris' mind he had soundly defeated Jason Howell and sent all the trolls running.

This is why Chris scares me a little. I don’t know that he can fully distinguish his fantasy world from reality. He has used his self-soothing realm of Cwcville for so long, and wished to be in it for such a great time, that I fear his perceptions have blurred a bit. I don’t mean that he thinks Sonichu is real, but he suffers from a megalomania cal delusion that he should reign over us, like he does with his Lego land.

Final Thoughts:

Chris’ goal is not to find a woman to end his loneliness (he says that to gain our sympathy), he wants to find one human being he can manipulate into caring for him. He seeks a human “tugboat” to enable his to continuing existence in Cwcville. I don’t even know if sex is something he really wants from her. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of drive to actually make himself more appealing. I think he wants a “pretty sweetheart” because it is a pleasure he is denied. He has seen too many lesser men get married and have families, and it infuriates Chris that he cannot. As a petty dictator, he feels nothing should be denied him. I remember him once saying that he took his Mom to the Prom because he did not understand the purpose for dating relationships. Only after he learned about marriage, sex, and the “ownership” one can have over their wife and child, did Chris become a “Virgin with Rage.” People are just another commodity in his eyes, and he is jealous that some people have more than he does. His virginity is another factor that annoys him, because most are able to lose it. He is outraged that no one would want to take his, the most blessed of virgins, innocence. But again, this shows us his ego. Chris refuses to just have sex with anyone, no he needs a beautiful, submissive, and above all else, enviable dream woman. He needs this, because in his mind he is and always will be better and more deserving than the rest of us.

Entitlement is the key driving force within Chris’ mind. If he thinks he should have it, he will whine and cry until he gets it. That’s how it always worked with mommy and daddy, and that’s how Chris thinks it will work with the rest of the world. Entitlement is what allowed him to jeep touching Crystal, after she told him to stop. It is what makes him think its alright to rig contests in his favor. Entitlement is what makes him furious that he cannot make us stop. After all he does not deserve our hassle.

Remember when the medallion was destroyed, and Chris completely fell apart for a few days? I don’t think he was crushed because the trolls destroyed Sonichu. I postulate that he was traumatized because we had entered Cwcville and stolen something. We had pilfered a holy relic from his mayoral office. We made him feel unsafe, because we violated his sanctuary. We fooled him, while he was in a lace where he is supposed to be indeceivable. The medallion was Mayor Chandler's royal seal, a symbol of his power. Seizing it, made him realize that despite all of his precautions, his Secret refuge could be desecrated. But most importantly, people who were unworthy had touched a part of his Cwcville, a place he thought indestructible.

When we took the medallion we reminded him that he was mortal, and he could not cope with that thought, so he forced it out of his head and made a new fake symbol of potency.

Chris is very fragile.

If one truly wants to destroy Chris, they would only need to take away his tiny plastic kingdom.

For without Cwcville,

Chris-Chan has nothing.

And he knows it.

From /cwc/

Random Access Humor

Psychoanalysis, LOL. Warning: tl;dr. Indulge me. Anonymous !3GcExxsTgU 2009-08-30 15:31 No.21539

CWC's habit of quoting movies and shit. I get how he thinks it's funny. God knows he's not the only one since there's an entire generation of people coming to age watching Family Guy, which derives half of its jokes from delivering lines verbatim from movies. I get this.

However this is a very reductive way of looking at CWC's "random-access humor," because he also does this while pleading with/trying to reason with people. This happened recently when he accused the Real Chris of "breaking [his] balls," which is obviously a reference to Team America: World Police. If he thinks this is what humor is, why use it in a moment where he's being serious?

I can think of two possibilities.

The first is that CWC has been lacking his entire life in models for social interaction, and therefore he's forced to take his cues for social interaction from mass media. Hence, while trying to negotiate with someone, he assumes the role Kim Jong-Il held in Team America and says, "You're breaking my balls." The fact that this was a scripted exchange appropriate only in a comedy film (and that people in the real world don't do this) is irrelevant to CWC; it's the only model (or one of the only models, at least) available to him, so he used it. Autism, woo. Isn't one of the characteristics of autism a lack of understanding of habits and mannerisms of actual people? Couldn't a part of that be that he would project his own understanding of human behavior - however flawed it might be?

The second possibility is this: it might be that CWC is, in using humor during a desperate moment, attempting to make the people antagonizing him laugh. I'd say this is what he's doing because I made a habit of doing something similar in order to defuse the people bullying me, when I was a kid. By making them laugh, you would at least be getting them to recognize that you have something to contribute, even if it's just being a target. This seems feasible, especially when one considers that, in response to Clyde Cash demanding to know whether he'd shit himself again during an exchange, CWC answered "...maybe!" This is a pretty common joke in cartoons and shows aimed at older children - the joke being that a person who has obviously done something is still trying to deny it, and they're doing it badly. By striking this terrible bargain (the one in which CWC remains the target of cruel humor but at least gets to define on his own some aspect of his situation and relation to these people) he hopes to lessen the damage done by it.

This second possibility makes me feel shitty - again - about watching this whole train wreck (this is only the third or fourth time I've ever de-lurked). I better fix that quick.

Blah blah armchair psychology. Have at it.

Plainview !/xr3iaY2XE 2009-08-30 16:36 No.21551

I tend to buy more into the former, that he has either not had proper social models to learn from, or does not have the mental capacity to pick up on proper social cues.

Deflating "slanderous trolls" via self-deprecating humor requires a bit of forethought and awareness of human nature, and C Dub has proven time and time again that he has positively none of either.

Hadoulen !Gvwlt8cPLg 2009-08-30 17:17 No.21559

I'd have to agree with the first part

Chris has a hard time recognizing tone changes because of his Autism, ex: The Emily saga.Therefore, he has no instincts on when to use humor. Whatever works on the TV or big screen must always work in real life because it appears to be such an easy fix

Which leads me to kind of a sidetrack rant to another issue, Chris is always looking for and believes there easy textbook fixes to every conceivable situation be it with trolls, or forces outside the internet. hence why he thinks his Dating Education is a feasible concept.

As long as he thinks people are like robots with programmed reactions he's gonna always think movies are grounded based on actual human behavior rather than exaggeration and satire

Anonymous !FWpnhq9jmk 2009-08-30 18:42 No.21570


>>Chris is always looking for and believes there easy textbook fixes

That's actually pretty common with autism, abstract concepts are usually really difficult for them and social interaction is pretty abstract. It's part of why he's so easy to troll, any normal person would be like "Hey, there's a bunch of trolls trying to get info about me! Maybe I should be suspicious of this random girl who suddenly wants me." but to him, those are two separate things that aren't linked together in any way. His narcissism helps though, of course.

Anonymous !22CEdKcCs. 2009-08-30 19:14 No.21574

It's not so much that he was lacking proper social role models as that his brain is broken in a way that makes it impossible for him to understand what appropriate behavior is and internalize it the way the rest of us did; his autism.

People with autism can practice hard and at least fake normal societal behaviors, even if they don't understand the purpose behind them the way a normal person does.

Unfortunately, Chris's genetic lack of intelligence, his neglectful parents, and a few traumatic experiences growing up sort of came together in a perfect storm to produce the monster we all know and love. He never got the help he needed, and now he's too stupid to realize that he's doing things wrong and too fat, lazy, and awkward to seek help even if he did.

Anonymous !AtmYi8xz2c 2009-09-01 16:04 No.21794

CWC thinks people are all the same. Use a shit metaphor? If you insist...

Whereas you and I see women, CWC sees a safe. (Stay with me!) Inside that safe, is sweet, sweet, china. All he has to do is figure out the right combination of actions, and it's his. Thats why he wants 'Dating Education', so someone can tell him this magical vaginal passcode.


Anonymous 2009-05-04 21:59 No.5206

First I want to say that this is not an "OMG U SHULD DO THIS TO CHRIS LOLOL" post, although it may sound it. This may also sound like epic moralfaggotry, but I promise this is with the intention of lulz.

Seriously though. Like pretty much every bad thing possible has been done to Chris, short of tricking him into an-heroing himself.

Why has no troll tried something like, "I'll stop loving you unless you learn to play a real guitar," or "... clean your whole house," type things? Like having him do something that would be REALLY unexpected of him.

Maybe if the carrot of nonexistent poontang is dangled in front of him, he can actually do some amazing things aside from talking to/kissing/fucking a blowup doll on a webcam. And hey if he fails spectacularly, it'd probably good for a laugh.

Anonymous 2009-05-04 22:49 No.5217

Every troll has tried to this.

Chris was ready to fuck a dog for Panda but he wouldn't save up money to go visit her.

Chris was willing to make sex tapes where he screams "JULLLAAAAAAAAAAAY" like a retard in heat for Julie yet he wouldn't go get a job like she asked him too.

Chris doesn't want to improve himself. He's more than willing to do fucked up shit for his sweethearts like shove things up his ass or do shitty songs of covers but if it's something serious like "Get a job" or "Clean your house" he doesn't give a shit, even if china is involved.

IF this idea was to work, you'd actually have to get a girl who was really willing to go meet up with Chris and follow through, in addition to showing her tits and china to him and even in this case, I highly doubt he'd do it because then he'd feel like he was in a position of power. One of the reasons he needs a sweetheart is because he needs a mommy he can fuck, someone who will get a job and support him financially, keep the house clean, etc.

Anonymous 2009-05-04 23:53 No.5226


You're exactly right, and this is because Chris was raised to believe his autism was his excuse for everything, and an uncivilized leech like him is in love with the fact he doesn't have to abide by things like rules, social norms, or just growing up past 12-years-old. It's his parents' fault, how is he going to be expected to be hygienic or clean up his own filth when his parents are festering in that garbage dump they call a home? How can he be expected to get a job and support himself when his parents are more than happy to let him do nothing? This situation is disgusting and his parents are lowlife rednecks who obviously don't give a shit about him or his future.

At the risk of sounding like an apologist, I'm not, and I consider Chris to be a less-than-human plaything of the internet. I really don't consider him a real person, to be honest. Chris isn't delusional and he's not far from 30-years-old either; he knows exactly what the situation is but he doesn't want to change it for the world because who wouldn't want to live like a child with mommy and daddy playing videogames forever without responsibility or obligations? The only twist is he's also a maniacal pervert raised by a bigoted, sexist dad from the last century who probably expects a woman to fuck him, love him, and coddle him like his mom. It's not like Chris has considered getting a job to support his "future daughter" or wife. He wants another mommy and he has no real value of women in the first place.

This is why Chris will fuck dogs and burn his house down if it means his troll girlfriends will promise that they'll suck his dick, coddle him, and adopt to his grotesquely contorted lifestyle of do-nothingness. Then again if they pushed Chris to get a job, stop playing videogames, or sell his stupid shit all you hear is the childish whine of "NO!" a la the climactic Julie audio and it won't happen. Chris loves his lifestyle and he justifies it with autism which is bullshit because plenty of autistic retards (even worse than Chris) can mainstream by getting a job or doing what's expected of them in society - probably because their parents wouldn't want to put up with their shit forever. I know my parents wouldn't.

So with that said, there's no moral sympathy owed to Chris at all. White knight bullshit comes from people who have zero clue what they're talking about, and I dare any of these faggots to befriend Chris (especially if you're female) IRL and count the hours until you realize his shit doesn't come from being mentally defected with autism and you hate his guts. If you're female, then count the seconds until this gross fetal accident tries to touch you or convince you to swallow his cum.

Anonymous 2009-05-05 01:50 No.5238



Also, I think the main crux comes from the fact that he has his feet in both worlds. Like you said, he is only willing to go so far out of his childhood to get what he wants.

This is where most of the lulz come from. He loves sitting around playing video games, making cool stories about his imaginary characters and generally acting like a child. All this stuff was fun when we were kids. We all did it. I used to veg out on video games and play pretend with my friends.

Then of course, adulthood hits. Then we all realize that there is stuff that is way better. Like losing our virginity. So we put down the controllers, get some jobs and move on to new stuff. There is hardship, but we reap major benefits from working hard, then having a nice house and someone to fuck at the end of the day. Add on some new thrills and so on...

But instead of putting all this shit aside to have a new adventure, Chris wants to drag it all with him, kicking and screaming. If he just stuck to his childish things, we would never even know he existed. But because he wants adult things while never giving up anything from his childhood... EVERYONE NOTICES. Because you just can't do it.

It's kind of like getting a choice of dessert. You can have bubblegum flavored ice cream or fudge ripple. When you are young, bubblegum is great but as you get older you get new tastes and forgo one for the other.

Chris wants both servings of ice cream. At the same time. And he didn't finish his vegetables.

And that's what he thinks everything in life is like, asking for ice cream. Whine enough and you get it. Because this worked when he was a kid. Now he thinks it will work when he is older, but he doesn't whine only for kid things, now he whines for adult things.

If he ever did land a woman, she would tell him to throw away the bubblegum flavor and start eating fudge ripple. And that would not fly with him AT ALL.

It really makes me think, how interesting a social experiment it would be to see him try and live the married life. Just exactly what he would do once the honeymoon period was over and there's no china without a week of hard work, paying the bills and keeping the house in shape.


Anonymous 2009-05-04 22:47 No.5215

People with Autism (or at least, really low-functioning people like Chris) tend to "attention whore" themselves about certain little things that makes them (feel) "more special". I'm sure if Chris found out he had a rare blood type or a double-jointed finger, he'd be all over it and inappropriately bring it up at every chance he got. He does the same thing with being 1/16th Native American, "related" to Anne Boleyn, and etc. It's all to fuel his autistic narcissism.

No, Chris definitely does not have heterochromia, and his right eye is actually one shade off due to pinkeye (Only noticeable when viewed very closely). However, Chris still puts allot of emphasis on it and thinks it's a positive thing to "brag" about, especially when talking to girls (Like I really need to say how telling a girl your eye color is different due to PINKEYE, is information you shouldn't share)

Anonymous 2009-05-04 20:06 No.5189


The thing is, you start to get over the whole "oh he has a disability, they should leave him alone" thing when you realize that beneath the Autism, he's still a sexist bigoted pervert of a man. His stupid parents, who live in complete filth, have obviously never cared enough to seek appropriate support for him and his disability and let him leech of tax payer dollars and live in a complete fantasy world at the age of 27.

Chris' life is just one of those really "out there" oddities that is entertaining as hell to observe.

Anonymous 2009-05-03 23:56 No.5030

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually becoming bored of the whole Chris Chan trolling thing. Not even like troll's remorse. It's just that every troll is the goddamn same. Pick up the strings, make Chris do a little dance, repeat until bored, pass the strings to someone else, repeat from step 2.

It doesn't even take skill to troll him. He'll believe anything you say, guaranteed. This has been proven repeatedly, and it doesn't mean anything to prove it anymore. Something needs to happen again. An in-person meeting or something. Shit, it doesn't even need to be in person. But Chris has taken this to the point where an epic breakup is in order. Tell him you'll meet him at the airport and never show up. Better yet, tell him you'll meet him at the nearby mall and never show up, but have someone with a video camera scouting the area. (Doing the video camera thing at the airport would probably get you v&)

Do something. Just cut the line and let the remaining lulz drain out before this starts getting pathetic again like it did with JULAY.

falsion 2009-05-04 13:00 No.5143

The thing is, what you've suggested has already been done.

Everything you can think of has been attempted or pulled off at this point.

We had him to out of state to meet JULAYY, and he drove all the way to fucking Ohio. We even had trolls meet him in real life, and troll him IRL.

But guess what? He's not phased by any of it. He may get a little upset about it, but the next day he is back to his same old dumb ass self.

The only things that piss him off are people messing with his sweetheart, being called a homo, or him feeling like he's being oppressed by an organization (Nintendo, Wikipedia, Unilever) of some kind.

I understand how you feel, and even I feel the same way. But it's not the trolls fault. But more so that Chris is a fucking retard, and you can't ask much out of someone who is a complete fucking idiot. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Anonymous 2009-05-04 13:52 No.5147

The main problem is that Chris is extremely delusional and narcissistic partially due to having his ego stroked by trolls so much.

Chris doesn't get too phased by women leaving him because he knows there's a whole line of women (read: trolls who want to be his new BOYFRIEND FREE GIRL) because he thinks he is God's gift to women (I mean, HIS MOM SAYS HE'S HANDSOME, AND HIS MOM WOULDN'T LIE, WOULD SHE?). Unless you could get people to stop trolling him by pretending to be his e-girlfriend, when the threat of not having someone to move onto will be real for Chris, we're always going to need someone to do this stick.

The only thing that really pisses Chris off is when people call him a homo but because his parents restrict his time online, he can't really spend lots of time online looking at people calling him a homo are.

Telling Chris to meet you at the airport and not show up is stupid, because that's just like what happened when he drove to Cleveland but no one was there, and he was like "Ah darn, guess I drove to Cleveland for nothing."

IRL stuff does fuck him up, just not in the ways you think. Why Chris seems so crazy now is because that date he had IRL really fucked with his mind. However, not too many trolls are willing to spend time and money to travel down to Ruckersville, VA to troll Chris and getting Chris outside of his house would prove to be a challenge as his ideal first date would be inside his own house.

Things that piss him off a lot/give him stress

  • Being called a homo
  • Saying you are the original creator of Sonichu
  • Saying you are the mayor of CWCville
  • When a girl rejects his advances
  • When jerks take all the pretty girls because heaven forbid he get stuck with a girl who is even slightly sub-par
  • Clyde Cash stealing shit from him
  • His father telling him to get out of the house and do something with his life