Here is the place where I shall write my stunning article ideas until I have enough stuff to write them... Here goes:
Chris and his diet
We all know Chris' diet is shit, and the he eats far too much crap, but what actually is his diet? The only times I can remember specific foodstuffs being mentioned are:
Spaghetti; on the Emily date, which he actually shared with Bob (something he says he always does there). Chicken and Salad; during the Jackie Emails MacDonalds; during various occasions (but then I used to eat a fair bit of it myself). Various restaurant chains, but who knows what he actually orders. Not everything there is deep-fried fat.
With the exception of Macdonalds, there's nothing hideously unhealthy going on there. His exceptionally sedentary lifestyle/low metabolism could account for the bulk of the weight gain- the more fat you have, the more fat you put on, and he's not burning it off ever, so it does play a part in all this.
Dunno, need to track down all mentions of Chris and food first.
Chris and Snorlax
Fuck it, there's so much that is guessed about these two, and I'd like to be able to substantiate some of the claims, especially the Munchausen-esque ones about Barb keeping the man down.
Barb is his main supporter/slavedriver (He hates Bob), and she is a fat, lazing, obnoxious woman. Chris, upon whom she impresses herself quite forcefully at times, is a fat, lazing obnoxious man. A link here amirite?
Chris and drugs
I wish he could meet a pretty boyfriend-free girl who'd go to a bar with him.
Then spike his drink with ketamine or something. Fuck yeah.
Or in the style of the choose-your-own adventure, he'd just get some pills and space out. That would be pretty awesome too.
Shit, I spend too much time on PVCC.