Autism Tutorial Extra

“	Ja!	”
Hans Asperger

Autism Tutorial Extra is a video created by Chris where he proves, once again that he's in complete denial of what the Asperger syndrome really is.

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File:Hans asperger.jpg

Dr. Hans Asperger was a famed pediatrician whose work to improve the quality of life for autistic children earned him international renown and the admiration of thousands. In this video, Chris beats him up because he doesn't like his last name.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, because apparently after you decided to watch last part--after watching the Autism Tutorial, we have a special guest for you today! Please put your hands together for a reasonably (unintelligible), Mr. Hans Asperger!

(Hans Asperger is seen at the far end of the stage. He has gigantic bulging eyes and wears a crown. Chris walks over to join him, standing almost intimately close to shake his hand, as a backdrop and desk fall from the sky to complete the talk-show atmosphere. The man recording the video chuckles in amusement. After Chris walks over to his desk, Hans smiles and waves to an audience silent as the grave.)

I am your host, Christian Chandler, on this short talk show. And this is Mr. Hans Asperger. Now, let's talk about him for a bit: Now, apparently--Mr. Hans Asperger. From the Vienna University Hospital in 1938--Oh, how recent!--you gave a lecture on "Autistic Psychopaths", after investigating a mild form of Autism. Isn't that right, Hans?

(Hans turns to face Chris.)

Hans: Ja!

(The man recording chuckles, and continues to snicker through Chris's next line.)

And also, apparently, this separate diagnosis, as it is quoted, was not recognized until 1981. Only one year before I was born. Although coined from your name, Mr. Asperger, apparently a Mr. Leo Kenner took the study much further and established the term "Early Infantile Autism". Do you applaud Mr. Kenner for his work?

Hans: Ja!

(The recorder chuckles.)

I see. Now, in my feeling alone--possibly mutual with others--the name Aspergers. It strikes me badly, and I feel offended just by hearing the word. Do you feel I have the right to my own opinions and feelings as an individual person, Hans?

Hans: Ja! (It is clear by now that Hans does not understand English.)

Thank you very much, good sir. Now, do you feel--do you feel bad about having a name that sounds like a bad cut of cow meat?

Hans: Ja!

Do you feel that I, Christian Weston Chandler, do not deserve any blame or punishment for having an opinion of a single word, such as Asperger?

Hans: Ja!

Do you have a general understanding about how I feel about you now?

(Something falls from the sky and lands atop Chris's desk.)

Hans: Ja!

(Chris walks over to Hans again, once again intimately close.)

Are you positive you really understand how I feel about you, Mr. Hans Asperger?

Hans: Ja!

Yeah? Hans: Ja! Yeah? Hans: Ja! Yeah? Hans: Ja!

(Chris is suddenly very annoyed. He bitch-slaps Hans to the ground, to the delight of the recorder. It is also revealed that Hans has a tail.

Baka! (because he treats anime as if it's real life)

(Hans quickly regains his footing, facing away from Chris and looking over his shoulder in terror.)

I feel dislike towards you! (The chuckles of the recorder are very clear) For selfishly putting your ill name in association with autism! And with a name like Asperger! I feel it only makes us Autistic kind sound even worse! Aspergers. You (unintelligible). Autism is autism! And in your research you linked it up with psychopaths! I feel even more offended at that! Now get out of my sight!

Hans: Ja! (Hans quickly runs off the stage.)

(Chris looks out over the audience, crossing his hands in front of him.)

I do apologize for that, uh, rude outburst, folks. But then again, that was just the way I felt and have been feeling about the word "Asperger" since I heard it a few years ago. It is my second least favorite word, where my first least favorite of all time is "Naive". Again, I apologize if I came off as bad to anybody, or made them feel bad, for the way I acted. But then again, I do get emotional and carried away sometimes. Thank you for watching, and have a good, safe, and blessed day.

(The game cuts to Hans standing in some sort of Level Completion area, still terrified. He stands there, legs quaking, as the screen behind him rattles off the achievements. Some tiny explosions of what appear to be glass go off around Hans's head as the video ends.)

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