User:PsychoNerd054/Leaving the CWCki

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I've been meaning to explain my hiatus from the CWCki, which had lasted for almost two years, at some point since my return, but I never felt there was a proper time or place to do so until now. I've felt there was no better time than after I showed my interactions with Spooky Bones, someone who I think has mentally drained me, that I could explain it since me leaving the CWCki is closely related to that.

Regarding Spooky Bones

The main reason I wanted to share my exchanges with Spooky was so that I could clarify several things, particularly what was going through my mind when I made some of the choices I made following the Incest incident such as me leaking DMs I had with Hurtful Truth Level or the Suitress policy. As we all know, both of those actions of mine proved to be utterly detrimental to the CWCki. I also wanted to share some of the general attitudes that I think had arisen as a result of Spooky's leadership, and highlight just how much the claims from the ILJ cult, and some of mine from that time, should not be taken seriously in any capacity.

In all honesty, I was always in a really weird position when it came to Burn Book. Unlike pretty much everyone else that edited on the CWCki at the time, or those on the Discord server, I've spent a lot of time posting on the ILJ subforum, and I even had my piece of that pie by parroting much of what was said on there on this website. Naturally, this grabbed the attention of the Burn Book group, and I guess they sort of just took me in as their own initially. I could also say that I've made a few friends along the way, who were also interested in getting in on the action like I was. Despite this, however, one cannot deny that I was; and still am; a mod on this website. To me, regardless of who affiliates with what group, everyone investigating Bella ultimately had the same goal in mind, and I saw everyone joining in on the action as a friend.

Naturally, because the CWCki staff became a target of Burn Book themselves, there'd be quite a few conflicts of interest that I've tried to fulfill, but ultimately feel that I've failed miserably at doing. For the CWCki, that was making sure that the innocents were safe and sound and that we document everything properly. For Burn Book, it was trying to stay transparent about the site's operations and taking their suggestions in the hopes of maintaing a sort of mututal trust between both parties, allowing them to coexist. Looking back on all of the chats I've had with Spooky Bones, this very likely could have gone a lot smoother if Burn Book's leader wasn't such an obsessed clout-chaser that lives off of drama. It's quite obvious to me that Spooky never wanted any bridges built, for doing so would mean no drama, something which Spooky's agenda depended on. Despite how utterly toxic Spooky proved to be, however, there's still this feeling of mine that continues to bite at me. One that tells me that I hadn't done nearly enough in this regard, or that I've only made things worse for everyone by confusing them.

Feelings of Inadequacy

As I've stated in my response to Anaxis' Manifesto, plenty of people; which includes the Discord modstaff (some of which I'd even become good friends with) and even Hurtful himself; had already forgiven me for all I've done at that time, regardless of how damaging it was. Even so, I've still felt I've failed so many people and/or betrayed their trust (Whether they be from the CWCki, Burn Book, Kiwi Farms, etc.) just for trying to work with an entitled, shrewed, and manipulative shitbag like Spooky Bones, while also being concerned about the well-being of people like Hurtful Truth Level, who I put in harm's way and turned into a perceived "enemy" of Burn Book that Spooky went out of their way to try and torment. I've also felt that I was never worthy of forgiveness for the ways I've contributed to the spreading of misinformation or all I've done due to all that got harmed in the process. All of the signs were there that Spooky meant to craft a particular narrative or do harm to others if it meant getting the recognition, but I've glossed over them entirely or excused and/or enabled them. Somehow, I still feel entirely at fault for the drama that ensued from the thread about Hurtful or the people at Burn Book investigating the CWCki Server. I've come to believe that I've failed everyone.

That was the main reason for my hiatus from the CWCki, as I felt I was being burdensome, failed to do enough for the community at large, and was only making things worse for everyone else. I was forgiven, and I was well-liked in the Discord server, the Kiwi Farms, and I was even good friends with some of the people from Burn Book despite our differences, but I just didn't feel I deserved any of that and felt everything would be better off without me instead. However, I was so entrenched in the Chris Chan subculture by then, and had so many friends, it was kind of difficult for me to leave entirely. When both the Kiwi Farms and the CWCki had gotten taken down temporarily as a result of the Keffals shenanigans, I saw that as the perfect opportunity to step away from everything for a bit, editing significantly less on this wiki until I just sort of left entirely in March 2023. From there, I'd say I had a bit of a detox from all things Chris Chan, much in the same way that Anaxis did after getting betrayed by The WCT, and I had a lot of time on my hands to reflect on all I've done under Spooky's grasp.

The Lainchu Manifesto

When I returned in February 2025, and first read Anaxis' Manifesto, I think some of those aforementioned feelings of inadequacy reemerged within me. It was like all the ways I've fucked up massively were made into some sort of large comprehensive document, acknowledging that I bought into simple, scandalous lies. I was even hesitant to give my opinion on it at first, knowing it was written by one of the people that Burn Book, a group that I gotten myself involved in, had targeted. I didn't feel comfortable giving my opinion on it unless I was certain that Anaxis was comfortable with me being present again. Considering all that's happened to Anaxis prior, being betrayed twice via leaked DMs, I was actually both thankful and surprised to see that he'd even tell me he looked forward to working with me, let alone speak to me at all. This is also considering that he expressed the possibility that he wouldn't have done either of those things if the DM leaks happened to him instead of Hurtful. Regardless, I still feel I arguably did worse to him than either Snoo or The WCT by allowing all of this to transpire in the first place, and putting the burden on him to write the Manifesto, a work that's received a ton of flak despite all the effort he's put into it to attempt to undo all of the damage I've caused, but to little avail.

That's not to say that I haven't gotten some degree of inspiration from the Manifesto, however. Like I said to Anaxis, I saw a lot of value in his Manifesto. As you can guess, there was a point where I felt the CWCki was beyond repair because of all of the chaos and confusion that occurred as a result of the narrative being manipulated by Spooky, something I felt largely at fault for for not noticing the signs of sooner, and essentially facilitating their whole agenda early on. The truth became so clouded, it seemed entirely impossible to fix what had been broken. Then Anaxis went out of his way, busting his ass for two years, to write a huge essay to try and mend all of the damage that had been caused. Despite that, the Manifesto appears to be largely underappreciated, being deemed by many as a waste of time. Considering my role in the propogating of misinformation, and what I've been feeling afterwards, I saw something else entirely in Anaxis' work. I saw it as a basis for starting anew, and setting the record straight. I feel this is ultimately what inspired me to come back, as mending the damage seemed possible again.

I took a page out of Anaxis' book and decided to share some of my experiences. For everyone's sake, I wanted to showcase my relations with Spooky and their group, and all of the problems that has caused for quite a lot of people. As stated, a part of me feels that I do not deserve a lot of the goodwill I've accumulated since then, and that at least some of the anger that was directed towards people like Hurtful, Anaxis, Skunt, Klop and others should have been directed towards me instead. A part of me even believes that I might have deserved to be betrayed by Spooky and get put on blast by them because of what I did to Hurtful by assuming the worst of him. I have let so many people down by doing so, and my only hope is that by sharing these chats, it'll finally tie some loose ends and all that happened during that period becomes more clear.

TL;DR

Even when pretty much everyone has already forgiven me, I still felt like a useless, unreliable piece of shit that was doing more harm than good for everyone after the time I've spent in Burn Book, and by extension Spooky Bones, and felt that everyone would be better off without me, since the CWCki seemed damaged beyond repair. I started editing less around when the Keffals incident happened, which caused both the CWCki and Kiwi Farms to go down, allowing me to touch grass months later. I returned to the site less than two years after I officially left, and felt those same feelings again when I've read the Lainchu Manifesto. Despite these feelings, I also saw some inspiration in the Manifesto, seeing it as an opportunity to start anew by writing about what actually happened, and to work on similar projects such as this one

Thanks For Reading

As always, if you've made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read what I've provided. Keep zappin' to the extreme.

-Psycho 🐧