User talk:MoarLurk/MoarRambles

For your plan, I suggest a Mailbag letter saying that he is a pregnant woman, and once he answers it and says he isn't, (In December 2011), then we follow up with a mailbag bombing full of letters all saying that he is. --Edward 23:40, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

But of course, we have to run a plan to get him back into writing the Mailbags first so he'll notice it, which we can only do once 110mb stops being shit and Chris forgets that he's not supposed to be on the Internet.--MoarLurk 00:23, 3 April 2010 (UTC)

About Waliflower looking like his mom, you should add that to your entry on snorlax because maybe she's coddled Chris so much that he most associates with women that make him think of her. Shawths

Trespassing

Before anybody gets too het up about Snyder pressing charges for trespass or whatever, $2500 and/or a year in the slammer is the maximum possible sentence. There's no way a judge would look at Chris and hand down anything worse than a mild fine. If that. Even if it does take Chris to court again, nothing major is gonna come of this. Dkaien 04:03, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Yeah. I'm not expecting either of those, but it ought to inspire Chris to make a new comic. Such beauty--even though he thinks he's escaped us, he's hit a wall he thinks we put up. Proof that even if we all quit pestering him, he'd still feel the effects a bit.--MoarLurk 04:09, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Rocky and Alec

Since Rocky is trying to make Chris quit the internet, perhaps we should come up with some sort of scheme that will result in his banishment from Wesley Memorial, so that way she will no longer be able to influence him. --BreadGod 23:18, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

• She'll need some convincing. She is the ultiamte White Knight, remember? We'll need all the 'Chris and' articles, the sex videos, the death threat videos, Sonichu 10, Twin Falling Towers, The CWCipedia article on Aspergers, the article on slow in the minds, the article on Niggos, the article on Homos, and Sonichu 10. That should do it. --Edward 23:54, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Banning him won't work, his church is full of idiots who claim to be liberal Christians. It will be faster to just get her to realize that Chris cannot and will not change, and to do so we need to provoke him into coming onto the Internet again. I suggest that Alec be allowed to use the CWCipedia to host Sonichu 11 as well as answer some of the mailbag questions(in a snarky manner, of course). When Chris finds out and bitches, the Sysop will step in and remind him that Alec will not be able to make any changes to the website other than uploading comics or answering some of the mailbags. Oh, and if Chris doesn't make another comic in a month using Alec's reboot as a template(c what I did thar?), Alec gains full rights to Sonichu. Chris will freak out and start generating comics in an attempt to save his copyright. The Sysop can also say that the website has been getting many, many more hits than ever before after Alec has been on the website. The hellhole that is CWCipedia could use some positivity, after all.--MoarLurk 00:17, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

• I agree. But can we convince Cogs to let us do that? Can we convince her to let Alec host his comics on the site to force Chris to come back? Its a good plan, but I don't know if she'd go for it. --Edward 00:42, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

• Worth a shot, just don't phrase it as "GIVE ALEC CWCIPEDIA RIGHTS AND VANDALIZE IT" or anything similar. The lynchpin is that Alec won't be allowed to do anything but upload comics--that way, Chris doesn't see trolls cascading over the site and crash into slumber, but he does see someone taking Sonichu from him. Chris puts a lot of value onto Sonichu--so long as he has it, it doesn't matter that he's a fat, lazy, insensitive, smelly, idiotic manchild. He's a fat, lazy, insensitive, smelly, idiotic manchild who CREATED SONICHU THE BEST IDEA EVER OMG. Take that away from him and he's nothing--in his own, true and honest eyes.--MoarLurk 01:52, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

• I wasn't going to word it like that. I'm not sure how i'd word it. In any case I think you would be better at explaining it to Cogs than me. --Edward 01:55, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
• Letting Alec upload his Sonichu 11 to the CWCipedia would be a great idea. I am in full support of this. --BreadGod 04:04, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
• Indeed, we still need to get Alec and Cogs to agree but if we can then this should make Chris rage pretty hard. I also think that the plan with Rocky is good but 1)it won't get Chris banned, and 2)if we did so then it'd just get Chris to swear off the internet again for a little bit. Such an event would make any plans with Sonichu 11 potentially less successful. I'd say to act on Sonichu 11 and if that doesn't work then we can try to use Rocky (both should provoke Chris easily). --Caboose -1 23:01, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

• I would like to say though, that it would be a good idea to not directly go after Rocky in any way. She thinks theres hope of Chris changing, true, but that is just being naive. She's not retarded like Chris is. If we fuck with her in any significant way then she can do something about it. --Edward 22:13, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

I've pitched my idea(There were a few modifications as well as a suggestion for Sonichu 11's plot) to Alec, if he approves I'll ask Cogs. Plus, Rocky is an optional target--at the very least this should frustrate her.--MoarLurk 22:44, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

• Frustration is always good. I still lol whenever I think about those pics of Chris's sex video being sent to Bob. --Caboose -1 23:01, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

I'd also informed Alec that Chris, shortly after the Julie Fiasco, stated that he would always be the mayor of CWCville until he said so in the comic or a video--so long as Chris isn't uploading Sonichu 11, he's given Alec a shot at his weak point. If he finds out that abandoning the internet means abandoning CWCville(and by way of Sonichu 10, abandoning CWCville means shit goes boom), he'll be back in our hands in no time.--MoarLurk 18:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• Good point! it's Just thing of " Alec is the new Mayor of CWCville" adds and Chris will be back in youtube raging as usual.Basgon 21:53, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
• I'm actually working on a list of things Alec can do(still no response). Naturally, any change must visibly alter the life of anyone in the comic for the better--that way, when Chris inevitably attempts to retcon it, we can claim that Chris ruined their lives for his own selfish needs(This assumes that we can't (ab)use Comic Chris's authority to declare anything cannon). Bonus points if they actually say "I love how my life is now, I sure hope it doesn't go back to being the way it was since I realize now that it sucked even though I thought I was happy!".

Crystal is not a dream

Maybe I can help you out on your "Crystal is not a dream" theory. Sailor Moon aired in syndication first in 1996. During that run, they introduced the future daughter of Sailor Moon, Chibi-Usa/Rini, but not that plot point (I believe they just mentioned she was from the future) until the company DiC aired the remaining episodes years later. Chris would have been 14 at the time, but I highly doubt he would have watched it, seeing as it came on at an early time in his area (5:30 AM. I know this because I watched it). He could have, who knows, but I doubt it. He would have most likely saw it when Cartoon Network aired the series again in 2000.

Now, here's the thing - in the anime, it was preordained that Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask would have this kid in the future and they would rule the Earth, no questions asked. The manga drives this home when Tuxedo Mask is killed near the end and Chibi-Usa fades from existence. This is much different from, say, Dragon Ball Z, where Future Trunks' actions lead to three different futures being created. Or that one Simpsons Halloween episode where Homer keeps screwing up the past and it has all these alterations to the future. Or hell, any of the Back to the Future movies.

The preordained future is probably Chris's selling point in this. He thinks the future is set in stone and there's no way you can change it. Then again, if that's true, then the trolls are probably true masters of time and space...--Blazer 17:13, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• When did the first episodes involving her air in the US, though? I'd assume sometime when Chris was at PVCC(and we know that he watched Saturday morning cartoons well into adulthood, at least until he was 25). Subs or dubs, he'd have heard about it during that period. And Crystal(the character) has been an idea in his head since August 19 2004(A Thursday). Wait, I'm on to something. That was a year and a half after he started the Love Quest(Febuary 24 2003), but Crystal didn't appear in the comic until Sonichu 4(whichever one was all the sub episodes), which Chris made in late 2005. In mid 2005, he met Megan. Even if he hadn't seen the show for a while, that had to have reactivated his interest in Sailor Moon. That's a loose term, though--it's pretty much the third most plagarized thing in Sonichu after Sonic and Pokemon. He definitely modified the idea, but this is less plagiarism and more "Simpsons Did It" in the sense that it's not his daughter from the future, it's his sister from an alternate universe(or something).--MoarLurk 00:12, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
  • Ahh... I would guess sometime in November-December of 1996. It was in syndication, thus, five days a week and since the character showed up in the second season, yeah you're looking at about that time, I'm not exactly sure. And it would be around that time in about 98-99 when Cartoon Network got it and kept it until about... early-to-mid 2001? (I know that because after 9/11, Toonami, the block SM was on, became the Dragonball Hour). But, yeah, I think Megan has a lot to do with Chris's resurgence in that series as well.--Blazer 04:52, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

• True masters of time and space...I think...Maybe...What do you think would happen if Chris found out that his sucess is not gaurenteed? In fact, what do you think would happen if Chris could somehow be convinced, that his Failure, is gaurenteed? --Edward 17:24, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• I remember a suggestion that turned up on /cwc/ that went like this--a girl was supposed to claim to be Crystal from the future. She'd have various conversations with Chris that would go on until Chris got suspicious of her being a troll/tried to have sex with her. Somehow, this would alter the future so she wouldn't exist and she'd "fade out" in front of Clyde Cash or someone else during a chat with Chris. I thought it was funny, anyway--it would end with Chris realizing that he had more or less killed Crystal with his stupidity.--MoarLurk 18:11, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• It would be epic and lulsworthy, but also completely impossible. Chris is a perfect storm; welfare fraud coupled with autism, staggering ignorance and rampant, raging narcissism all wrapped in enabling parents who provide both a corporeal (his room) and imaginary (CWCville) safe-house for Chris means that he can resist practically any change. Even the combined armies of the various chans, for all their life-destroying might, have barely made a dent in his life; the worst that they've really done is make him a little paranoid, made him go outside a little less, and made him unemployable to anyone who knows how to use Google. It would take something extremely serious and definitely illegal to break him out of this "zone". Something like forced military conscription, the death of both his parents or (more realistically) the loss of all household tugboats would be sufficient; precious little else would be. Remember: Chris is the wall. You can't beat the wall no matter how hard you try. Ronichu 17:51, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• Of course, we don't need to beat the wall when the wall is collapsing in on itself. We're just watching and making fun of it. Also, anyone have a list of media that involve time travel that we know for sure Chris has seen?--MoarLurk 18:11, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
• We don't know that this wouldn't work. Keep in mind that Chris is incredibly gullible. We could manufacture something to this extent but to drive it home we may have to use videos to make it more believable to Chris. There's plenty of video editing software that could make Crystal "fade away" on camera. However, the problem arises if Chris has the foresight to ask personal questions that we don't know or even: "Who's your mother?" It could be made more believable if we get someone to plant the idea in Chris's head that time travel could be possible. There are stories of people allegedly doing this so we could play off of that. --Caboose -1 18:46, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
• Her "mother" can just be some random woman we know in Charlottesville who has standards and would never go near Chris in a million years. Or Crystal can just claim that she died in childbirth or somewhere around then. We already know enough about Chris's own personal (and ideal) personal life.

• For added hilarity, say that he got his boyfriend free girl, lost his virginity, got Crystal and was content, but that he lost it. He lost his future wife when Clyde Cash stabbed her, and also say that Future Christian was also murdered by Clyde. Also to top it off:His mother outlived him, and by the time he died, the ED page and Asperpedia were still up, and that they stayed there well after he died. He never accomplishes his goal of making Sonichu famous and the world only remembers him for his stupidity. What better way to crush his spirit? --Edward 19:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
• That sounds too suspicious, Crystal simply convincing him she exists is enough to convince him of the future--then, she'll reveal the name of Chris's destined sweetheart in the presence of Clyde Cash(who for some reason will not turn up on the news). A day later Clyde will "have sex" with her "mother" and Crystal will vanish/suddenly act like she came back from the future to help Clyde troll Chris(Clyde is her father).--MoarLurk 20:20, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• That works. How to convince him time travel is real though? We know that he does think these things are real, hell, he thinks cartoons are real. But he does not think that he'd ever come across time travel users or anything, in spite of his ego. In the mailbag, someone called Gendo once told him that his sister Crystal exists in some form somewhere, and that through mysticism and help from Chris they could make contact. Part of a trolling scheme obviously. Chris's reaction was 'Crystal is not real, don't be silly, i'm not stupid.' He considers her real, but does not believe that she really exists in the real world, so to speak. It'd take a lot of time and effort to really make him believe that someone is a time travelling Crystal. Hes really retarded, really niave, and really gullible. But even he has some degree of common sense. --Edward 20:40, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
• That was Crystal Weston Chandler(sister), we're dealing with Crystal Weston Chandler(daughter) here. His wish that he had a sister is strong, but it's smothered by the other things--note that it was Crystal who was trapped in a mirror instead of Megan(A potential Crystal maker).--MoarLurk 21:31, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• Well there IS the case of John Titor but you can look him up on wikipedia and find out he's full of crap. I listen to Coast to Coast AM every now and then and they talk about time travel and describe how it could work (any in-depth analysis by a notable physicist would probably dismiss their theories or realize it's all just speculation) but gullible people, it seems totally real. We could check out such theories and see if there's one we might be able to use. Or am I just getting too far out here? --Caboose -1 20:55, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• No. I think this would be hilarious if we could do it. How though is a different matter. --Edward 21:01, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• Be realistic guys, Chris is gullible, but to an extend, this scheme of Crystal is as possible of convincing chris that someone saw Sonichu in the wild and then photoshop a picture.Basgon 21:49, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
  • It won't be hard. Chris couldn't tell the difference between a picture of Vanessa Hudgeson and Megan Fox; hell. If we showed him a convincing fake such as this(http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/9/99/Pikapikachu.jpg), he'd probably believe it; especially if it was, say, photoshopped onto a CNN article. "Real genuine Sonichu found in the wild!" indeed.
    • Try convincing him that Pikachu is real first. Baby steps guys. --Edward 16:46, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

I was looking through the Scrapbook images, and I found this file. Notice that Future!Chris and his wife only have a son- Crystal is nowhere in sight. If Chris really had the Crystal dream in elementary school- and immediately decided that it was his destiny- you'd think he'd put Crystal in this picture. Thus he either didn't have the dream until after high school, or he didn't have it at all.-trombonista 06:58, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

• Looks to be about right, good find--he'd have drawn this between 1999 and 2001, and if we go with the theory that he stole the whole "predestined daughter from the future" thing from Sailor Moon, then he would have to have had the Crystal dream somewhere after that. Worthy of note is the fact that Pokemon Crystal was released in 2001 and likely was announced earlier(which would explain where the name came from). Also note that Crystal was the first game where you could chose to play as a girl. Here's what I think Chris thought. "Oh, a girl--naming her is too stressful, what's the game suggesting? Oh, hey, CRYSTAL! That could actually be a name! That's a lot better than Yellow or Gold! And it even sounds like MY name! I like it even more because of that!"--MoarLurk 07:40, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

• Something Chris once wrote(I think it was in the Nintendo Power magazine he made) bothered me--when he wrote about winning a fictional contest, he stated that he would be able to "watch the game being made". As if he was expecting a huge factory where parts were stuck together in an instant and not a bunch of people working on code for months at a time. Come to think of it this is probably where he got the idea that he could get away with never updating--he must think that Sega and Nintendo and everyone else have the power to instantly spit out games and they're just saying "No, no, we just don't feel like it yet, keep on waiting".--MoarLurk 07:40, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

I think you're right

I think Chris really does believe hes related to Jesus. Theres so much evidence of it...I mean...Dear Lord...He actually thinks he is the Christ! This needs a mailbag letter and a section in Chris and Religion. --Edward 20:31, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

PS3 hack

That's a brilliant and simple method to get Chris back on the internet. Considering his e-fame, his poor choice of passwords, and his cartoonishly ridiculous gullibility, it should be easy to garner a video response from Chris and is a surefire way to get him back on the internet. It worked with Jack Thaddeus, it worked with Surfshack Tito, and should work again if our predictions are correct. --BreadGod 01:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

• I think Tito only hacked it because a certain someone leaked the fact that Chris's PSN password had eighteen or so characters(it may have been ChristianWChandler), plus I've never managed to breach either of his Youtubes(just, y'know, to unblock myself). Heck, it might be something in his mangled form of Spainish.--MoarLurk 02:22, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
  • It can't be too hard. Everyone and their mother have hacked Chris's PSN by now. It shouldn't take anything more than lurking on the ED forums and asking Jack to help really nicely to get the password. --Edward 13:03, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

Oh shit

Heather was mentioned long before January, just not in the comic. --Sonichuis44 06:33, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

• Which one, the nanny or the wallflower? I assume nanny.--MoarLurk 07:19, 10 April 2010 (UTC)
  • Yeah, the Spanish Lesbian Nanny. She was mentioned in one of his character profiles on the cwckipedia, and I'm entirely sure it was long before last fall. --Sonichuis44 22:38, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

I hope he does go to prison

Sure there would be little updates, but Chris getting raped would be hilarious. --Edward 05:08, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

• Technically he wouldn't be a virgin anymore.... --Caboose -1 05:11, 13 April 2010 (UTC)
  • Wouldn't that be funny to pull on him? A while after prison when his life has returned to normal, he makes a video about how hes a frustrated high functioning autistic virgin with rage and that some random girl that hes stalking should pity him. Then we tell him in the mailbag, 'Well no actually. You lost your virginity in prison to 'Jerkisoner It'd be even funnier if he comes out of all that and we could convince that the raping did turn him gay, and we could make him get that sex change he wanted. --Edward 21:21, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Chris getting raped in prison alone would be hilarious--you just KNOW that he'll do it in the comic too(the comic must mirror life). Once he's out, Sonichu 11 will consist of Chris being tortured in prison for a crime he supposedly didn't commit and sentenced by an evil autistic fearing court led by Michael Snyder(who will replace Mary Lee Walsh and fight using either race cars or giant robots because they are manly). The Sonichus will plot to break him out of prison in between textwalling about why Chris didn't deserve to go to prison and he is awesome and not gay, and Chris will beat up everyone in the prison and not be raped. It'll be beautiful, even when it ends with Chris killing everyone and smugly declaring how right he was.--MoarLurk 00:04, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Chris and his son

You know, the way you word it, it almost makes me feel sorry for Chris. Almost. --Edward 04:17, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Like Chris?

Dude. Your rants are some of the most interesting and thought provoking stuff on this whole page. You are not like Chris, any more than you are like a pineapple. No moar of that madness! --Ronichu 00:32, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Paulo/Megan thing

I completely agree. --Ronichu 00:05, 20 May 2010 (UTC)

Wow.

I find these analyses fascinating. They're fun to read (especially whilst evading teh homework of doom).
DonnieDarko 01:35, 20 May 2010 (UTC)DonnieDarko