Chris Comes Out of the Closet

Summary

Threatening Julie with harm, Clyde Cash demanded that Chris come out of the closet on YouTube in exchange for her safety. Ambivalent about how to handle the situation, Chris posts a video in which he filibusters for nearly three minutes and finally declares himself to be a "Gaybian".

This didn't satisfy Cash, and so Chris went back and made another video shortly afterward, this time saying the all-important words "I'm gay".

While the Gaybian Ruse failed, Chris was still able to slip in "subtle" hints that he was less than sincere about his confession. Viewers familiar with Chris's YouTube videos will notice that he is not wearing his Medallion, and he is holding his Optimus Prime toy throughout both recordings. Conspicuously, a Sailor Moon Poster is also present in the background. Also, Chris states that he's being forced to come out the the closet, which is a surreptitious way of communicating that he is being forced to come out of the closet.

Chris would later disavow these videos on the following day, confirming that the medallion, Optimus Prime, and Sailor Moon posters were indeed clues that he was not, in fact, gay. This would seem to put his agreement with Clyde in abeyance, but Julie has apparently been unharmed ever since.

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Transcriptof the First Video

'ello. You know the word... gaaaaay... tends to be thrown around a lot. Especially when, uh, one's words is, uh, heavily... understood one way...or understood another way... it can mean so much. But, when it comes to, uh, in the end, it can make a lot of difference. I, uh, personally respect the uh, gay population, and uh... I applaud them because they come out the closets with their own emotions and feelings and whatnot and sometimes even as brave heroes need to come out the closet as well. I have come out of my... emotional... prohibited shell... that has prohib – has prohibited me from, uh, expressing my emotions... in an understood wise choice of words, but I have learned to come out... and express them in a good term as well. But, and especially when... it can come from the h-... especially when the emotions come from the heart, and the body language, it just depends on how it is understood from that point or another.

But uh I'll cut to a chase. I respect my fellow man, and, uh, I w-- and I have some feelings for the man as well, but, uh, in a nutshell, I have to come out of the closet, and so, one closet... God, please help me... uh, I feel, that I am forced, forced to come out of.... uh.... simply put, and I am willing to say this in sound mind and body, I am a gaybian. Yep, you heard me. I am a gaaaaaaaaay... bian. A male lesbian. Thank you.

Transcript of the Second Video

Good evening. You know, the, uh, word "gay", and terms like "coming out of the closet"... uh, get thrown around a lot.

[Long pause. Chris shakes his head in disgust]

Anyway, uh, and als-and also, uh, some of have to be feeling like we're being forced to supposedly come out of the closet. And also, uh, some of-somalso sometimes the, uh, actual words like, uh, I myself, actual words that I have used become misinterpreted...... and, uh, can be very infuriating... when, uh, people misinterpret, uh, things into slanderous, uh, misunderstandings [deep breath] Mmmmm.

But, yeah, uh, I want to get to a point here, get to the point. Uhhh...I have--So like I'm being forced to, uh... come out of a closet, even though I already came out of one closet, emotionally, where I have learned to,uh, put my emotions into a good... sound assortment of words, and, uh, ho-and honest input. And it s-and s- and even though it really pains me a lot... to... to say th- such th--to say some things.

Anyway the, uh, anyway so, to get to the point... fine. I'm gaaay. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it.

....

I sait it. So there. I said it. Yep. I'm gaaaayy.

OK. Yep. So.... Did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all--how y'all understand it. Peace.