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I'll just ramble here.


Oh, and I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.
I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.


I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?
I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?


I had a dream about Chris last night.
I had a dream about Chris once.


He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.
He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.
Line 17: Line 22:
I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?
I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?


== Theories ==
==YT Login==
 
I'm going to keep track of the times Chris logs in to Youtube.  All times are EST, the timezone Chris resides in.
 
11:00 PM, Friday June 4.
 
Roughly 9:38 PM, Saturday June 5.
 
Roughly 4:38 AM, Sunday June 6.
 
10:38 PM, Sunday June 6.


"I am--OPEN!"
3:00 AM, Monday June 7.(Biological clock lolol)


Naitsirhc isn't just referring to Chris's closeted homosexuality.
6:21 PM, Monday June 7.


Some forms of media like to create villains who are just like the hero at their core, they just made different choices.
Roughly 8:33 PM, Monday June 7.  


To Chris, Naitsirhc is one of these.  He allegedly insults Gio at every chance he gets, disrespects his Sonichu, and failed to suppress his homosexuality.  Chris already thinks that most homosexuals act like stereotypical black people (evidenced by his assumption that "Don't trust those new niggers over there" would keep the same meaning if he replaced most instances of "nigger" with "homo") and that they're all out to corrupt him.
Roughly 1:00 AM, Tuesday June 8.


"Behold the power of the well-trusted dog!"
Around 7:00 AM, Wednesday June 9.(He may or may not have been up all night here)


Hmmm.  This is more than a line stolen from Excel Saga.  I'm going to use it as evidence to support my theory that Chris "trusted" Patti with his deepest angst after high school.
Around 7:00 PM, Wednesday June 9.


I mean, think about it.  We all saw what Bob's reaction to Chris bitching was: "I don't care what you do, just get that stuff offa there!".  And from the Kacey and Liquid call, Barbara seems to hate dealing with Chris whining if he does it enough.  Patti couldn't talk back if she wanted to, and besides dogs are known for being made of love and affection.
10:47 PM, Thursday June 10.


High school, for Chris, was so bad he had to go onto Paxil.  And I know that, much like some of his homemade Pokemon cards, he can't sustain himself unless he has a ton of mental defenses.  Without Sonichu at this stage, and CWCville a mere idea, he may have gone out to play with Patti--something humans do.
Week One Complete:


(NOTE TO SELF: She might simultaneously want an ideal son and preschool Chris at the same time, think about that)
It looks like I'm right so far--if Chris meets Rocky every Thursday and only goes to church when he feels like it, this makes sense.  He likely meets her around noonish--explaining his login time--and the reason he hasn't been on since Thursday is likely because Rocky was really pissed at him for making a video on Sunday or trying to run down Michael Snyder last Friday.  I think we'll be seeing Chris in another week or two, after the heat dies down (providing he doesn't do something stupid again).  Don't panic.


10:37 PM, Monday June 14.(It's starting to look like Chris makes his e-sweeps in the evenings, after whatever it is he does during the day.  Would explain why he always complained of how tired he was when he was stressed.)


Around 7:30 PM, Tuesday June 15.


"I was shocked at first sight of it, but I calmed down after a while. It's the same, more or less, when I watch a horror movie and see those parts, but at least I have the knowledge that it's all Hollywood Magic."
Around 2:30 PM, Wednesday June 16.


What does he mean by this?  Does he mean that Asperchu just features his characters in a movie, or is he claiming that he's disturbed by the fact that half the Combo just got slaughtered by Metal Asperchu?
Around 9:30 PM, Thursday June 17.


I think I've stumbled onto why Chris is able to watch Saw but can't play Brutal Legend without turning on the censor and disabling the blood.
Around 7:36 AM, Saturday June 19.


I've heard of people who freaked out the first time they died in Sonic or Mario or whatever.  The reason?  They thought that they'd actually killed their character.  The Transformers movie, where Optimus died, came out when Chris was five.  This is the age we all run into this issue, and Chris was no different.  In his case, he screamed and locked himself in the closet because he thought Optimus was really dead forever and he'd never be on TV again.  Chris probably recovered because Optimus has died three more times since then, but not in the right way.
Week Two Complete:


For us, we learned how to tell fiction from reality.  For Chris, he began to hope that the character could be brought back to life--by begging the creators of the series to let them "come back".
He was inactive for most of the week.  Also, ever since he started going to FAF he hasn't logged in on a Friday.  Come to think of it, I belive he's trying to be sneaky with the flipnotes--Rocky may be watching his YT for any uploads, but she doesn't know about Flipnote and so he can post to his clogged heart's content.  He's openly defying Rocky.


Now, when Chris writes Sonichu, he tries to remove everything he hates about normal fiction.  And since he thinks we all share the same opinion as he does, he doesn't do anything to change it.  He dumps spoilers left and right because he hates thinking that there is a possibility that the hero might actually go the way of Optimus.  He hates knowing that the heroes are mortal, because knowing that makes him worry.  And since Chris won't watch the news for the same reason, he's convinced that all heroes should be as boring and invincible as himsef.
Around 3:00 AM, Monday June 21.


He won't kill off Simonla because, well, aside from her being validation of Wild's heterosexuality, he thinks Wild is a real person.  This is why Asperchu hurts him--someone draws his characters doing something, and he thinks that they're actually doing it.
Around 10:20 PM, Wednesday June 24.


12:20 AM, Friday June 26.


== Characters as Mary Sues ==
7:00 AM, Friday June 26.


Sonichu isn't Chris's only Mary Sue.
9:00 AM, Saturday June 27.


Wild and Magi-chan fall into this category as well.
Week Three complete:


Sonichu, as we all know, is who Chris desires to be.  Rosechu is who he wants to be his sweetheart.  One of their daughters is obviously Crystal(Which one it is, I don't know).
I got the dates mixed up there.


Wild represents Chris's desire to be appreciated by his parents.  Look at his backstory--he was raised by a female creature that weighs on average 220 pounds and a terrifying male bug monster with swords for arms.
11:00 AM, Monday June 28.


His father is instantly disappointed when Wild is unable to perform attacks perfectly literally five seconds after he hatches.  Wild cries like a bitch and runs to his mother.  This tells me that Chris thinks Bob should expect less of him.
Week Four complete:


Eventually, ScytherBob is abducted, leaving Wild to be raised exclusively by Mama Venusaurlax.  This makes me suspect that Chris thinks his life would be better if Bob didn't give him all of da stress.
Chris was fairly silent, likely due to his Flipnote activity.


However, Wild does something Chris doesn't.  He's going to reconcile with his father, likely by performing the same attacks he was unable to perform properly at the start.  This makes me think that if he makes Sonichu successful, Bob will respect him.
3:23 AM, Saturday July 3.


As for Magi-chan, Chris has always had a desire to have total control over everything.  He frequently exclaims that he is not a mind-reader, something many with autism spectrum disorders wish they had so they could know exactly what someone means by something.  He's lazy, and so he desires the ability to teleport.  And most of all, Magi-chan can see the future.  Chris hates suspense, as evidenced by his rampant carpet spoiler bombing.  He'd probably also desire knowledge of exactly when he'll find his sweetheart.
Week Five complete, Chris was not active:


== Chris and sexuality ==
3:30 PM, Wednesday July 14.


Something bothers me.  He seems to think homosexuality is something you can catch, and his opinion of asexuality is "I WOULD HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL ATTRACTION TO ANYTHING".  Dunno what this means.
6:36 PM, Wednesday July 14.


== Idea ==
6:00 PM, Thursday July 15.


Tell Alec to make it cannon that Metal Asperchu successfully killed Chris and his Chaotic Clones, at which point he went on to level CWCville(on Bionic's orders, of course).
Week Six Complete


Declare that all further events in Sonichu are halucinations Chris trapped himself in with the last of his power.
10:13 AM, Friday July 16.


==Aspects from /cwc/==
6:00 PM, Saturday July 17.


Wild is either what Chris thinks he could have been if Bob were removed from his life early on(Notice how Venusaur coddles him while Scyther is disappoint shortly before being abducted).
12:12 PM, Sunday July 18.


Magi-chan is the part of him that wants to know everything that's going on--Chris hates suspense and not knowing what others are thinking of him, and Magi-chan can both see the future and read minds.
10:00 PM, Sunday July 18.


Silvana also had a job. She was supposed to be an avatar of his loneliness, but we managed to corrupt her and now she's his perception of trolls.
10:23 AM, Tuesday July 20.


Sonichu is who he wishes he could be and Rosechu is his ideal girlfriend. One of their daughters is supposed to be Crystal.  
1:42 PM, Wednesday July 21.


Punchy is his perception of asians.  Also, possibly his perception of physical strength.
12:50 PM, Thursday July 22.


Week Seven complete


Naitsirhc is supposed to be the kind of villain whose personality can be summed up as "The same as the hero, except he made bad choices". Notice how he fails to maintain his heterosexuality, insults Black Sonichu, and allegedly disrespects his father, Gio.
8:08 PM, Saturday July 24.


Of course, Chris fucks this all up, as Gio doesn't seem to give a shit and in fact seems to respect him enough to trust him as a puppet ruler of CWCville. By extension, his version of Gio is supposed to be an evil version of Bob.
5:33 PM, Monday July 26.


Also, he pairs him off with Kel, who is obviously supposed to be Kellie Andes.
11:48 PM, Thursday July 29.


Week Eight complete


Angelica, I think, is part his perception of religious people and part Rocky--notice how she comes up to Reginald(Who is just a placeholder for Chris) and tries to white knight for him.
6:18 AM, Saturday July 31.


He claims that Bubbles has a "Stern, but caring" personality. I assume she's partially his perception of his mother. Evidence includes a page in Sub-episode two where he tries to draw Rosechu looking conflicted but instead gives her an expression that says "Goddamnit Chris I'm sick of this shit".
11:18 PM, Saturday July 31.


The entirety of the PVCC consists of people whose authority Chris failed to respect--note the trial scene in Sub-episode 8 is being led by Mary instead of a judge. Mary herself must have repeatedly pissed Chris off--why else would she be the main antagonist?
9:02 AM, Sunday August 1.


Jamsta is his perception of what "cool" people act like.
6:25 AM, Monday August 2.


Zapina is just him being a pedophile.
12:45 AM, Tuesday August 3.


Allison is...well, she's an aspect of his ideal sweetheart--sexy, famous, and willing to do all of Chris's work for him while he dicks around.
2:31 PM, Tuesday August 3.


Megtune is what Chris thought Megan was at her core, while Megagi was her outward persona(IE, the one Chris interacted with). Megagi's "chickification" can be blamed on Chris's positive, invented memories of Megan overrunning the negative, real ones.
12:42 PM, Thursday August 5.


Darkbind is just a ripoff of Link. He's got no dimension whatsoever.
Week Nine complete.


Bionic is something more. Notice the story of his origin in Episode 16--he accidentally hits Chris with the basketball that inspired his creation(don't ask how Chris is apparently able to alter reality inside the comics), and then begins acting like what Chris assumes to be a cool older brother. He's probably a part of Chris's desire for a male friend to defend him from the JERKS, like an older brother he never had. That he comes off as a homo is just Chris being unable to tell the differences between friendship and faggotry.
1:30 PM, Monday August 9.


Black Sonichu was originally meant to be an avatar of Wes, but Chris forgot what to do with him after he actually put Wes into the comic, hence why his personality has decayed. He's also partially Chris's perception of Shadow, and I say partially because he removed the whole "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM I MUST FIND OUT" thing due to his hatred of suspense. Notice how Chris always puts Blake on the cover of everything, as if he's an important character(the same could be said of Sonichu but roll with me, Magi-chan actually does more than he does).
7:00 PM, Monday August 9.


Wes-li and Sarah are both Chris's perceptions of what Wes and Sarah thought of him--Chris obsessed over Wes and thought that the feelings were mutual.
Week Ten Complete


I have no idea what he's tried to turn Simonla into--he's trying to claim that she's a carpenter, so I guess that mirrors his "I COULD BE AN ARCHITECT WITH MY CADD DEGREE!" bullshit.
1:00 PM, Sunday August 15.


11:48 PM, Tuesday August 17.


==Classic Strips==
7:13 PM, Wednesday August 18.


Some of these strips hold significance.
Week Eleven Complete


March 18th, which later got tacked onto Sub-Episode 3, was drawn sixteen days after Mary tried to "play SOCIAL DIRECTOR", attempted to "frame" Chris in an attempt to kick him out of the school for attempting the Love Quest.  Chris became convinced that he was at war with her.
6:22 PM, Thursday August 19.


Come to think of it, Chris has a tendency to decide that if he's at war with someone he hates, the feelings are mutual(though reversed).  He thinks the Jerkops are all out to get him because he hates them all, he thought Mary was out to get him for the same reasons, and he was convinced that Wes was obsessing over him.
10:06 PM, Thursday August 19.


==Lessons Chris missed==
9:48 AM, Friday August 20.


I saw Cogsy's update on the Sonic Sez shit Chris missed out on.  I'll expand.
9:00 PM, Friday August 20.


As Cogs mentioned, in one segment Sonic makes a robotic chicken compete with an eagle in order to determine who is the True and Honest eagle.  What Chris missed was that this was all a trick--the contest was just a distraction so Sonic could check to see if one of them did something the real eagle wouldn't do.  In this case, it was the goggles(which did something).
9:17 AM, Saturday August 21.


Now, Chris also liked to challenge Liquid to come to his house. Why is he doing this?
4:20 PM, Saturday August 21.


Simple.  He's convinced Liquid is Shadow to his Sonic.  And Chris didn't like the idiot plot of Sonic Adventure 2.
9:37 PM, Sunday August 22.


For those who didn't play it, Shadow somehow gets confused for Sonic. Literally everyone in the world, even Sonic's true and honest friends, is convinced that they are the same person when they are clearly not.
4:10 PM, Sunday August 22. (Jesus Christ he's on a roll here)


Tails and Amy are only convinced when they break Sonic out of prison--hence why Chris thought inviting Kacey to his house would work.  That Amy goes on to confuse Shadow for Sonic later on is confusing enough.
6:05 PM, Sunday August 22.


How does the world at large ultimately settle the same dispute?  They see Sonic and Shadow at the same time trying to stop Biolizard from performing a colony drop.  Now, in actuality, Shadow died in the process of returning the space station to orbit and the world saw them both save it, thus clearing Sonic's name, but to Chris, who takes everything at face value, simply thought being seen in the same place as the black impostor fixed Sonic's problem.
12:25 AM, Monday August 23.


2:22 PM, Monday August 23.


==Biological Clock==
6:14 PM, Monday August 23.


According to Chris's PSN blog, his sleeping pattern was royally fucked up around the 13th of May, 2009.  It should be noted that this was just two days before Ivy left him.  This means something.  Perhaps it means that Chris intended to act like he was changing himself just long enough to get Ivy's china.  Considering that he lied when Kacey tried to get him to change as well, this is probably the case.  I wish Ivy hadn't confiscated her recordings.
6:22 PM, Tuesday August 24.

Latest revision as of 08:12, 5 August 2020


Mary Lee Walsh Former Jerkop
Like Mary Lee Walsh, this CWCki Jerkop is now retired and deserving of our gratitude. Please contact an active moderator instead.
Mumble Service Medal March Mumble Madness
This user nearly went mad in March 2010 to provide CWCki with accurate and complete transcriptions of the Mumble chats.
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This user is a regular on #sonichu
Mail Operation Mailbag
This user contributed to the Mailbag and had their e-mail answered by Chris.



I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.

I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?

I had a dream about Chris once.

He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.

Then the hand moved out of the scene and came back empty. I assume he was trying to kill himself on the internet.

That was odd.

I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?

YT Login

I'm going to keep track of the times Chris logs in to Youtube. All times are EST, the timezone Chris resides in.

11:00 PM, Friday June 4.

Roughly 9:38 PM, Saturday June 5.

Roughly 4:38 AM, Sunday June 6.

10:38 PM, Sunday June 6.

3:00 AM, Monday June 7.(Biological clock lolol)

6:21 PM, Monday June 7.

Roughly 8:33 PM, Monday June 7.

Roughly 1:00 AM, Tuesday June 8.

Around 7:00 AM, Wednesday June 9.(He may or may not have been up all night here)

Around 7:00 PM, Wednesday June 9.

10:47 PM, Thursday June 10.

Week One Complete:

It looks like I'm right so far--if Chris meets Rocky every Thursday and only goes to church when he feels like it, this makes sense. He likely meets her around noonish--explaining his login time--and the reason he hasn't been on since Thursday is likely because Rocky was really pissed at him for making a video on Sunday or trying to run down Michael Snyder last Friday. I think we'll be seeing Chris in another week or two, after the heat dies down (providing he doesn't do something stupid again). Don't panic.

10:37 PM, Monday June 14.(It's starting to look like Chris makes his e-sweeps in the evenings, after whatever it is he does during the day. Would explain why he always complained of how tired he was when he was stressed.)

Around 7:30 PM, Tuesday June 15.

Around 2:30 PM, Wednesday June 16.

Around 9:30 PM, Thursday June 17.

Around 7:36 AM, Saturday June 19.

Week Two Complete:

He was inactive for most of the week. Also, ever since he started going to FAF he hasn't logged in on a Friday. Come to think of it, I belive he's trying to be sneaky with the flipnotes--Rocky may be watching his YT for any uploads, but she doesn't know about Flipnote and so he can post to his clogged heart's content. He's openly defying Rocky.

Around 3:00 AM, Monday June 21.

Around 10:20 PM, Wednesday June 24.

12:20 AM, Friday June 26.

7:00 AM, Friday June 26.

9:00 AM, Saturday June 27.

Week Three complete:

I got the dates mixed up there.

11:00 AM, Monday June 28.

Week Four complete:

Chris was fairly silent, likely due to his Flipnote activity.

3:23 AM, Saturday July 3.

Week Five complete, Chris was not active:

3:30 PM, Wednesday July 14.

6:36 PM, Wednesday July 14.

6:00 PM, Thursday July 15.

Week Six Complete

10:13 AM, Friday July 16.

6:00 PM, Saturday July 17.

12:12 PM, Sunday July 18.

10:00 PM, Sunday July 18.

10:23 AM, Tuesday July 20.

1:42 PM, Wednesday July 21.

12:50 PM, Thursday July 22.

Week Seven complete

8:08 PM, Saturday July 24.

5:33 PM, Monday July 26.

11:48 PM, Thursday July 29.

Week Eight complete

6:18 AM, Saturday July 31.

11:18 PM, Saturday July 31.

9:02 AM, Sunday August 1.

6:25 AM, Monday August 2.

12:45 AM, Tuesday August 3.

2:31 PM, Tuesday August 3.

12:42 PM, Thursday August 5.

Week Nine complete.

1:30 PM, Monday August 9.

7:00 PM, Monday August 9.

Week Ten Complete

1:00 PM, Sunday August 15.

11:48 PM, Tuesday August 17.

7:13 PM, Wednesday August 18.

Week Eleven Complete

6:22 PM, Thursday August 19.

10:06 PM, Thursday August 19.

9:48 AM, Friday August 20.

9:00 PM, Friday August 20.

9:17 AM, Saturday August 21.

4:20 PM, Saturday August 21.

9:37 PM, Sunday August 22.

4:10 PM, Sunday August 22. (Jesus Christ he's on a roll here)

6:05 PM, Sunday August 22.

12:25 AM, Monday August 23.

2:22 PM, Monday August 23.

6:14 PM, Monday August 23.

6:22 PM, Tuesday August 24.

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