Hair

Soaked with grease and slowly falling off, Chris's hair is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

The greasiness can easily be explained by Chris's diet and lack of regular bathing.

Due to what is speculated to be a hormonal imbalance, Chris is balding prematurely at the age of 27, which has made him look creepier and more like a pedophile. It is however a popular (albeit unlikely) theory amongst trolls that the baldness is a physical indicator of the stress Chris claims they put him through.

Naturally, Chris being Chris, he thinks it looks good, as proved in the Kacey Phone Call, where he (while pretending to be Liquid) praised said haircut:

“

Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.

”

If you were at all surprised at learning that Chris doesn't bother to go to a decent barber, but instead lets his mom cut his hair...well, you're new here, aren't you?

When confronted in the mailbag about his obviously thinning hair Chris is, as per usual, completely in denial.

Hair mail

Cassie, co-founder of Sonichu Girls, asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady (or a dude pretending to be one, lol), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service (insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a Sonichu drawing, where the Spanish side has Sonichu in a sombrero (you know, BECAUSE ALL MEXICANS WEAR OVERSIZE SOMBREROS).

Gallery of hair

• 

  Now future generations of trolls will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.

• 

  The entire packets of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: trolls and especially homos from rival Gay 4 Sonichu)

• 

  Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it to be Chris's.

FUN FACT: You can't actually clone people from hair trimmings, the only part of the hair that contains DNA is the root, so hair needs to be pulled out, rather than cut in order to make a clone. (Possible future trolling option?)