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I'll just ramble here.


Oh, and I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.
 
I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.


I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?
I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?


I had a dream about Chris last night.
I had a dream about Chris once.


He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.
He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.
Line 17: Line 22:
I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?
I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?


== Theories ==
==YT Login==
 
"I am--OPEN!"
 
Naitsirhc isn't just referring to Chris's closeted homosexuality.
 
Some forms of media like to create villains who are just like the hero at their core, they just made different choices.
 
To Chris, Naitsirhc is one of these.  He allegedly insults Gio at every chance he gets, disrespects his Sonichu, and failed to suppress his homosexuality.  Chris already thinks that most homosexuals act like stereotypical black people (evidenced by his assumption that "Don't trust those new niggers over there" would keep the same meaning if he replaced most instances of "nigger" with "homo") and that they're all out to corrupt him.
 
"Behold the power of the well-trusted dog!"
 
Hmmm.  This is more than a line stolen from Excel Saga.  I'm going to use it as evidence to support my theory that Chris "trusted" Patti with his deepest angst after high school.
 
I mean, think about it.  We all saw what Bob's reaction to Chris bitching was: "I don't care what you do, just get that stuff offa there!".  And from the Kacey and Liquid call, Barbara seems to hate dealing with Chris whining if he does it enough.  Patti couldn't talk back if she wanted to, and besides dogs are known for being made of love and affection.
 
High school, for Chris, was so bad he had to go onto Paxil.  And I know that, much like some of his homemade Pokemon cards, he can't sustain himself unless he has a ton of mental defenses.  Without Sonichu at this stage, and CWCville a mere idea, he may have gone out to play with Patti--something humans do.
 
(NOTE TO SELF: She might simultaneously want an ideal son and preschool Chris at the same time, think about that)
 
 
 
"I was shocked at first sight of it, but I calmed down after a while. It's the same, more or less, when I watch a horror movie and see those parts, but at least I have the knowledge that it's all Hollywood Magic."
 
What does he mean by this?  Does he mean that Asperchu just features his characters in a movie, or is he claiming that he's disturbed by the fact that half the Combo just got slaughtered by Metal Asperchu?
 
I think I've stumbled onto why Chris is able to watch Saw but can't play Brutal Legend without turning on the censor and disabling the blood.
 
I've heard of people who freaked out the first time they died in Sonic or Mario or whatever.  The reason?  They thought that they'd actually killed their character.  The Transformers movie, where Optimus died, came out when Chris was five.  This is the age we all run into this issue, and Chris was no different.  In his case, he screamed and locked himself in the closet because he thought Optimus was really dead forever and he'd never be on TV again.  Chris probably recovered because Optimus has died three more times since then, but not in the right way.
 
For us, we learned how to tell fiction from reality.  For Chris, he began to hope that the character could be brought back to life--by begging the creators of the series to let them "come back".
 
Now, when Chris writes Sonichu, he tries to remove everything he hates about normal fiction.  And since he thinks we all share the same opinion as he does, he doesn't do anything to change it.  He dumps spoilers left and right because he hates thinking that there is a possibility that the hero might actually go the way of Optimus.  He hates knowing that the heroes are mortal, because knowing that makes him worry.  And since Chris won't watch the news for the same reason, he's convinced that all heroes should be as boring and invincible as himsef.
 
He won't kill off Simonla because, well, aside from her being validation of Wild's heterosexuality, he thinks Wild is a real person.  This is why Asperchu hurts him--someone draws his characters doing something, and he thinks that they're actually doing it.
 


== Characters as Mary Sues ==
I'm going to keep track of the times Chris logs in to Youtube.  All times are EST, the timezone Chris resides in.


Sonichu isn't Chris's only Mary Sue.
11:00 PM, Friday June 4.


Wild and Magi-chan fall into this category as well.
Roughly 9:38 PM, Saturday June 5.


Sonichu, as we all know, is who Chris desires to be.  Rosechu is who he wants to be his sweetheart.  One of their daughters is obviously Crystal(Which one it is, I don't know).
Roughly 4:38 AM, Sunday June 6.


Wild represents Chris's desire to be appreciated by his parents.  Look at his backstory--he was raised by a female creature that weighs on average 220 pounds and a terrifying male bug monster with swords for arms.
10:38 PM, Sunday June 6.


His father is instantly disappointed when Wild is unable to perform attacks perfectly literally five seconds after he hatches.  Wild cries like a bitch and runs to his mother.  This tells me that Chris thinks Bob should expect less of him.
3:00 AM, Monday June 7.(Biological clock lolol)


Eventually, ScytherBob is abducted, leaving Wild to be raised exclusively by Mama Venusaurlax.  This makes me suspect that Chris thinks his life would be better if Bob didn't give him all of da stress.
6:21 PM, Monday June 7.


However, Wild does something Chris doesn't.  He's going to reconcile with his father, likely by performing the same attacks he was unable to perform properly at the start.  This makes me think that if he makes Sonichu successful, Bob will respect him.
Roughly 8:33 PM, Monday June 7.  


As for Magi-chan, Chris has always had a desire to have total control over everything.  He frequently exclaims that he is not a mind-reader, something many with autism spectrum disorders wish they had so they could know exactly what someone means by something.  He's lazy, and so he desires the ability to teleport.  And most of all, Magi-chan can see the future.  Chris hates suspense, as evidenced by his rampant carpet spoiler bombing.  He'd probably also desire knowledge of exactly when he'll find his sweetheart.
Roughly 1:00 AM, Tuesday June 8.


== Chris and sexuality ==
Around 7:00 AM, Wednesday June 9.(He may or may not have been up all night here)


Something bothers me.  He seems to think homosexuality is something you can catch, and his opinion of asexuality is "I WOULD HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL ATTRACTION TO ANYTHING".  Dunno what this means.
Around 7:00 PM, Wednesday June 9.


== Idea ==
10:47 PM, Thursday June 10.


Tell Alec to make it cannon that Metal Asperchu successfully killed Chris and his Chaotic Clones, at which point he went on to level CWCville(on Bionic's orders, of course).
Week One Complete:


Declare that all further events in Sonichu are halucinations Chris trapped himself in with the last of his power.
It looks like I'm right so far--if Chris meets Rocky every Thursday and only goes to church when he feels like it, this makes sense.  He likely meets her around noonish--explaining his login time--and the reason he hasn't been on since Thursday is likely because Rocky was really pissed at him for making a video on Sunday or trying to run down Michael Snyder last Friday.  I think we'll be seeing Chris in another week or two, after the heat dies down (providing he doesn't do something stupid again).  Don't panic.


==Aspects from /cwc/==
10:37 PM, Monday June 14.(It's starting to look like Chris makes his e-sweeps in the evenings, after whatever it is he does during the day.  Would explain why he always complained of how tired he was when he was stressed.)


Wild is either what Chris thinks he could have been if Bob were removed from his life early on(Notice how Venusaur coddles him while Scyther is disappoint shortly before being abducted).
Around 7:30 PM, Tuesday June 15.  


Magi-chan is the part of him that wants to know everything that's going on--Chris hates suspense and not knowing what others are thinking of him, and Magi-chan can both see the future and read minds.
Around 2:30 PM, Wednesday June 16.


Silvana also had a job. She was supposed to be an avatar of his loneliness, but we managed to corrupt her and now she's his perception of trolls.
Around 9:30 PM, Thursday June 17.


Sonichu is who he wishes he could be and Rosechu is his ideal girlfriend. One of their daughters is supposed to be Crystal.  
Around 7:36 AM, Saturday June 19.


Punchy is his perception of asians.  Also, possibly his perception of physical strength.
Week Two Complete:


He was inactive for most of the week.  Also, ever since he started going to FAF he hasn't logged in on a Friday.  Come to think of it, I belive he's trying to be sneaky with the flipnotes--Rocky may be watching his YT for any uploads, but she doesn't know about Flipnote and so he can post to his clogged heart's content.  He's openly defying Rocky.


Naitsirhc is supposed to be the kind of villain whose personality can be summed up as "The same as the hero, except he made bad choices". Notice how he fails to maintain his heterosexuality, insults Black Sonichu, and allegedly disrespects his father, Gio.
Around 3:00 AM, Monday June 21.


Of course, Chris fucks this all up, as Gio doesn't seem to give a shit and in fact seems to respect him enough to trust him as a puppet ruler of CWCville. By extension, his version of Gio is supposed to be an evil version of Bob.
Around 10:20 PM, Wednesday June 24.


Also, he pairs him off with Kel, who is obviously supposed to be Kellie Andes.
12:20 AM, Friday June 26.


7:00 AM, Friday June 26.


Angelica, I think, is part his perception of religious people and part Rocky--notice how she comes up to Reginald(Who is just a placeholder for Chris) and tries to white knight for him.
9:00 AM, Saturday June 27.


He claims that Bubbles has a "Stern, but caring" personality. I assume she's partially his perception of his mother. Evidence includes a page in Sub-episode two where he tries to draw Rosechu looking conflicted but instead gives her an expression that says "Goddamnit Chris I'm sick of this shit".
Week Three complete:


The entirety of the PVCC consists of people whose authority Chris failed to respect--note the trial scene in Sub-episode 8 is being led by Mary instead of a judge. Mary herself must have repeatedly pissed Chris off--why else would she be the main antagonist?
I got the dates mixed up there.


Jamsta is his perception of what "cool" people act like.
11:00 AM, Monday June 28.


Zapina is just him being a pedophile.
Week Four complete:


Allison is...well, she's an aspect of his ideal sweetheart--sexy, famous, and willing to do all of Chris's work for him while he dicks around.
Chris was fairly silent, likely due to his Flipnote activity.


Megtune is what Chris thought Megan was at her core, while Megagi was her outward persona(IE, the one Chris interacted with). Megagi's "chickification" can be blamed on Chris's positive, invented memories of Megan overrunning the negative, real ones.
3:23 AM, Saturday July 3.


Darkbind is just a ripoff of Link. He's got no dimension whatsoever.
Week Five complete, Chris was not active:


Bionic is something more. Notice the story of his origin in Episode 16--he accidentally hits Chris with the basketball that inspired his creation(don't ask how Chris is apparently able to alter reality inside the comics), and then begins acting like what Chris assumes to be a cool older brother. He's probably a part of Chris's desire for a male friend to defend him from the JERKS, like an older brother he never had. That he comes off as a homo is just Chris being unable to tell the differences between friendship and faggotry.
3:30 PM, Wednesday July 14.


Black Sonichu was originally meant to be an avatar of Wes, but Chris forgot what to do with him after he actually put Wes into the comic, hence why his personality has decayed. He's also partially Chris's perception of Shadow, and I say partially because he removed the whole "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM I MUST FIND OUT" thing due to his hatred of suspense. Notice how Chris always puts Blake on the cover of everything, as if he's an important character(the same could be said of Sonichu but roll with me, Magi-chan actually does more than he does).
6:36 PM, Wednesday July 14.


Wes-li and Sarah are both Chris's perceptions of what Wes and Sarah thought of him--Chris obsessed over Wes and thought that the feelings were mutual.
6:00 PM, Thursday July 15.


I have no idea what he's tried to turn Simonla into--he's trying to claim that she's a carpenter, so I guess that mirrors his "I COULD BE AN ARCHITECT WITH MY CADD DEGREE!" bullshit.
Week Six Complete


10:13 AM, Friday July 16.


==Classic Strips==
6:00 PM, Saturday July 17.


Some of these strips hold significance.
12:12 PM, Sunday July 18.


March 18th, which later got tacked onto Sub-Episode 3, was drawn sixteen days after Mary tried to "play SOCIAL DIRECTOR", attempted to "frame" Chris in an attempt to kick him out of the school for attempting the Love Quest.  Chris became convinced that he was at war with her.
10:00 PM, Sunday July 18.


Come to think of it, Chris has a tendency to decide that if he's at war with someone he hates, the feelings are mutual(though reversed).  He thinks the Jerkops are all out to get him because he hates them all, he thought Mary was out to get him for the same reasons, and he was convinced that Wes was obsessing over him.
10:23 AM, Tuesday July 20.


==Lessons Chris missed==
1:42 PM, Wednesday July 21.


I saw Cogsy's update on the Sonic Sez shit Chris missed out on.  I'll expand.
12:50 PM, Thursday July 22.


As Cogs mentioned, in one segment Sonic makes a robotic chicken compete with an eagle in order to determine who is the True and Honest eagle.  What Chris missed was that this was all a trick--the contest was just a distraction so Sonic could check to see if one of them did something the real eagle wouldn't do.  In this case, it was the goggles(which did something).
Week Seven complete


Now, Chris also liked to challenge Liquid to come to his house. Why is he doing this?
8:08 PM, Saturday July 24.


Simple.  He's convinced Liquid is Shadow to his Sonic.  And Chris didn't like the idiot plot of Sonic Adventure 2.
5:33 PM, Monday July 26.


For those who didn't play it, Shadow somehow gets confused for Sonic.  Literally everyone in the world, even Sonic's true and honest friends, is convinced that they are the same person when they are clearly not.
11:48 PM, Thursday July 29.


Tails and Amy are only convinced when they break Sonic out of prison--hence why Chris thought inviting Kacey to his house would work.  That Amy goes on to confuse Shadow for Sonic later on is confusing enough.
Week Eight complete


How does the world at large ultimately settle the same dispute?  They see Sonic and Shadow at the same time trying to stop Biolizard from performing a colony drop.  Now, in actuality, Shadow died in the process of returning the space station to orbit and the world saw them both save it, thus clearing Sonic's name, but to Chris, who takes everything at face value, simply thought being seen in the same place as the black impostor fixed Sonic's problem.
6:18 AM, Saturday July 31.


11:18 PM, Saturday July 31.


==Biological Clock==
9:02 AM, Sunday August 1.


According to Chris's PSN blog, his sleeping pattern was royally fucked up around the 13th of May, 2009.  It should be noted that this was just two days before Ivy left him.  This means something.  Perhaps it means that Chris intended to act like he was changing himself just long enough to get Ivy's china.  Considering that he lied when Kacey tried to get him to change as well, this is probably the case.  I wish Ivy hadn't confiscated her recordings.
6:25 AM, Monday August 2.


==Chris and Authority==
12:45 AM, Tuesday August 3.


I need to come up with a rant on this.
2:31 PM, Tuesday August 3.


Chris has a love-hate relationship with Authority.
12:42 PM, Thursday August 5.


Still, there's something odd.
Week Nine complete.


Snorlax: He likes her, because she lets him get away with everything.
1:30 PM, Monday August 9.
Every authority figure outside of his house: He hates them because they don't tolerate his bullshit.
Bob: Unknown.  For some reason he shows him the respect he failed to show law enforcement and school officials as well as the same hatred.


Fear and Respect are sister emotions.  However, respect is harder to maintain and the two have similar results.  Nobody can be truly said to both fear and respect someone.  It's one or the other.
7:00 PM, Monday August 9.


Let's take two examples.
Week Ten Complete


You are living in a country under the control of an insane tyrant.  You don't like him at all, but you know that if you don't claim to respect him, you'll get killed.  You don't truly respect him, you're just afraid of him.
1:00 PM, Sunday August 15.


Now, if you live under the control of a benevolent ruler, you are happy that he does good things for you, and you respect him because of it.
11:48 PM, Tuesday August 17.


Chris's relationship with Bob is likely the tyrant example--Chris doesn't respect him at all, in fact, he hates him, but he claims that he respects him because he's afraid of what will happen when he acts out of line.
7:13 PM, Wednesday August 18.


Even stranger is the three years Chris spent living alone with Bob--we know so little of what happened to him during his middle school years because nothing happened.  Nothing happened because Bob was constantly calling him out on his bullshit.  His fashion sense was almost normal.  Just look at the photos--sure, he has issues with acne, but we all did at that age.  He looks like a normal kid.
Week Eleven Complete


What caused that decay?  Look at the pogs of Chris from age 14 to 18--he gradually slips into his supernerd look.  I'm going to assume it was Snorlax returning to live with him full time.  Something about her presence canceled out Bob's semi-positive influence.  Something about that undid everything Bob tried.
6:22 PM, Thursday August 19.


What is it?  An escape route.  Snorlax brought Patti with her, who I already think was the only being Chris ever truly cared about.  Instead of having to face the consequences of his actions, he could rant to his dog or mother about it without fear of being called out on his bullshit.
10:06 PM, Thursday August 19.


Authority figures
9:48 AM, Friday August 20.


9:00 PM, Friday August 20.


9:17 AM, Saturday August 21.


4:20 PM, Saturday August 21.


Origin of desire
9:37 PM, Sunday August 22.


It's not surprising that Chris, after all of that, desired to obtain a position of authority.  The moment someone loses to something, their first thought will usually be a variant on "How do I get to be that strong?".  When you're beaten up by bullies, you wish you were stronger so you could defeat them.  When a particular Gym Leader roflstomped you in Pokemon, you probably ran straight for a guide to find out how to get their team for yourself/defeat them.
4:10 PM, Sunday August 22. (Jesus Christ he's on a roll here)


Misinterpertation
6:05 PM, Sunday August 22.


Chris is unable to comprehend that power and responsibility have a direct relationship.  As usual, he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Naturally, within the comic, he has made it so--he's the mayor for life and his personal army of literal shock troops will silence the opposition.  He's not truly respected at all--people just say that because they fear him.
12:25 AM, Monday August 23.


==Chronicles==
2:22 PM, Monday August 23.


September 11 - Chris reports in his diary that he was arrested for trying to "sell himself like a new car" at the mall. He does not have to go to jail, but he is forbidden to return to Fashion Square Mall without one of his parents.  
6:14 PM, Monday August 23.


If I'm not mistaken, this is the real-life version of Sub-episode 1.  It's one year and seven months-ish after his 21st birthday(2/24/03-9/11/04).  I'm going to call everything until the fight scene "What Chris thought was happening".  It explains why Jerkeif comes out of nowhere and calls him a solicitor--he was carrying a sign that probably said something like "I WILL PAY A WOMAN TO BE MY SWEETHEART".  To Chris, he wasn't soliciting--he was "selling himself like a new car".
6:22 PM, Tuesday August 24.

Latest revision as of 09:12, 5 August 2020


Mary Lee Walsh Former Jerkop
Like Mary Lee Walsh, this CWCki Jerkop is now retired and deserving of our gratitude. Please contact an active moderator instead.
Mumble Service Medal March Mumble Madness
This user nearly went mad in March 2010 to provide CWCki with accurate and complete transcriptions of the Mumble chats.
American Flag Americunt: This user is an Americunt and refuses to use unnecessary vowels. Uncle Sam would be proud!
mIRC #sonichu Reg
This user is a regular on #sonichu
Mail Operation Mailbag
This user contributed to the Mailbag and had their e-mail answered by Chris.



I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.

I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?

I had a dream about Chris once.

He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.

Then the hand moved out of the scene and came back empty. I assume he was trying to kill himself on the internet.

That was odd.

I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?

YT Login

I'm going to keep track of the times Chris logs in to Youtube. All times are EST, the timezone Chris resides in.

11:00 PM, Friday June 4.

Roughly 9:38 PM, Saturday June 5.

Roughly 4:38 AM, Sunday June 6.

10:38 PM, Sunday June 6.

3:00 AM, Monday June 7.(Biological clock lolol)

6:21 PM, Monday June 7.

Roughly 8:33 PM, Monday June 7.

Roughly 1:00 AM, Tuesday June 8.

Around 7:00 AM, Wednesday June 9.(He may or may not have been up all night here)

Around 7:00 PM, Wednesday June 9.

10:47 PM, Thursday June 10.

Week One Complete:

It looks like I'm right so far--if Chris meets Rocky every Thursday and only goes to church when he feels like it, this makes sense. He likely meets her around noonish--explaining his login time--and the reason he hasn't been on since Thursday is likely because Rocky was really pissed at him for making a video on Sunday or trying to run down Michael Snyder last Friday. I think we'll be seeing Chris in another week or two, after the heat dies down (providing he doesn't do something stupid again). Don't panic.

10:37 PM, Monday June 14.(It's starting to look like Chris makes his e-sweeps in the evenings, after whatever it is he does during the day. Would explain why he always complained of how tired he was when he was stressed.)

Around 7:30 PM, Tuesday June 15.

Around 2:30 PM, Wednesday June 16.

Around 9:30 PM, Thursday June 17.

Around 7:36 AM, Saturday June 19.

Week Two Complete:

He was inactive for most of the week. Also, ever since he started going to FAF he hasn't logged in on a Friday. Come to think of it, I belive he's trying to be sneaky with the flipnotes--Rocky may be watching his YT for any uploads, but she doesn't know about Flipnote and so he can post to his clogged heart's content. He's openly defying Rocky.

Around 3:00 AM, Monday June 21.

Around 10:20 PM, Wednesday June 24.

12:20 AM, Friday June 26.

7:00 AM, Friday June 26.

9:00 AM, Saturday June 27.

Week Three complete:

I got the dates mixed up there.

11:00 AM, Monday June 28.

Week Four complete:

Chris was fairly silent, likely due to his Flipnote activity.

3:23 AM, Saturday July 3.

Week Five complete, Chris was not active:

3:30 PM, Wednesday July 14.

6:36 PM, Wednesday July 14.

6:00 PM, Thursday July 15.

Week Six Complete

10:13 AM, Friday July 16.

6:00 PM, Saturday July 17.

12:12 PM, Sunday July 18.

10:00 PM, Sunday July 18.

10:23 AM, Tuesday July 20.

1:42 PM, Wednesday July 21.

12:50 PM, Thursday July 22.

Week Seven complete

8:08 PM, Saturday July 24.

5:33 PM, Monday July 26.

11:48 PM, Thursday July 29.

Week Eight complete

6:18 AM, Saturday July 31.

11:18 PM, Saturday July 31.

9:02 AM, Sunday August 1.

6:25 AM, Monday August 2.

12:45 AM, Tuesday August 3.

2:31 PM, Tuesday August 3.

12:42 PM, Thursday August 5.

Week Nine complete.

1:30 PM, Monday August 9.

7:00 PM, Monday August 9.

Week Ten Complete

1:00 PM, Sunday August 15.

11:48 PM, Tuesday August 17.

7:13 PM, Wednesday August 18.

Week Eleven Complete

6:22 PM, Thursday August 19.

10:06 PM, Thursday August 19.

9:48 AM, Friday August 20.

9:00 PM, Friday August 20.

9:17 AM, Saturday August 21.

4:20 PM, Saturday August 21.

9:37 PM, Sunday August 22.

4:10 PM, Sunday August 22. (Jesus Christ he's on a roll here)

6:05 PM, Sunday August 22.

12:25 AM, Monday August 23.

2:22 PM, Monday August 23.

6:14 PM, Monday August 23.

6:22 PM, Tuesday August 24.

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