Difference between revisions of "User:MoarLurk"

From CWCki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
m
 
(139 intermediate revisions by 6 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{FormerJerkop}}
{{MumbleMedal}}
{{Americunt}}
{{Americunt}}
{{IRCReg}}
{{OperationMailbag}}


I'll just ramble here.


Oh, and I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.
 
I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.


I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?
I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?


I had a dream about Chris last night.
I had a dream about Chris once.


He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.
He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.
Line 17: Line 22:
I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?
I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?


== Theories ==
==YT Login==
 
Dreams
 
It seems to me that Chris has a very childish notion of dreaming.  He seems to think that if he has a dream, it was made for him and him alone by GodJesus.  If he's feeling down, it's the task of GodJesus to make sure he has a good dream to make him feel better.
 
This makes sense, though.  All of Chris's plans abide by some form of logic up until a certain point--the point where anything might happen.  At this point, he automatically assumes that the best case scenario will happen--that he'll win the art contest, that Kacey will fall in love with him when she learns that he is really not Ian Brandon Anderson, that Liquid will drop out of the contest after he sings Lift Up Your Eyes.
 
So it makes sense that the best case scenario of a good dream--that it was a vision of his future sent by GodJesus to make him feel better--will fall victim to this as well.
 
"I am--OPEN!"
 
Naitsirhc isn't just referring to Chris's closeted homosexuality.
 
Some forms of media like to create villains who are just like the hero at their core, they just made different choices.
 
To Chris, Naitsirhc is one of these.  He allegedly insults Gio at every chance he gets, disrespects his Sonichu, and failed to suppress his homosexuality.  Chris already thinks that most homosexuals act like stereotypical black people (evidenced by his assumption that "Don't trust those new niggers over there" would keep the same meaning if he replaced most instances of "nigger" with "homo") and that they're all out to corrupt him.
 
"Behold the power of the well-trusted dog!"
 
Hmmm.  This is more than a line stolen from Excel Saga.  I'm going to use it as evidence to support my theory that Chris "trusted" Patti with his deepest angst after high school.
 
I mean, think about it.  We all saw what Bob's reaction to Chris bitching was: "I don't care what you do, just get that stuff offa there!".  And from the Kacey and Liquid call, Barbara seems to hate dealing with Chris whining if he does it enough.  Patti couldn't talk back if she wanted to, and besides dogs are known for being made of love and affection.
 
High school, for Chris, was so bad he had to go onto Paxil.  And I know that, much like some of his homemade Pokemon cards, he can't sustain himself unless he has a ton of mental defenses.  Without Sonichu at this stage, and CWCville a mere idea, he may have gone out to play with Patti--something humans do.
 
(NOTE TO SELF: She might simultaneously want an ideal son and preschool Chris at the same time, think about that)
 
 
 
"I was shocked at first sight of it, but I calmed down after a while. It's the same, more or less, when I watch a horror movie and see those parts, but at least I have the knowledge that it's all Hollywood Magic."
 
What does he mean by this?  Does he mean that Asperchu just features his characters in a movie, or is he claiming that he's disturbed by the fact that half the Combo just got slaughtered by Metal Asperchu?
 
I think I've stumbled onto why Chris is able to watch Saw but can't play Brutal Legend without turning on the censor and disabling the blood.
 
I've heard of people who freaked out the first time they died in Sonic or Mario or whatever.  The reason?  They thought that they'd actually killed their character.  The Transformers movie, where Optimus died, came out when Chris was five.  This is the age we all run into this issue, and Chris was no different.  In his case, he screamed and locked himself in the closet because he thought Optimus was really dead forever and he'd never be on TV again.  Chris probably recovered because Optimus has died three more times since then, but not in the right way.
 
For us, we learned how to tell fiction from reality.  For Chris, he began to hope that the character could be brought back to life--by begging the creators of the series to let them "come back".
 
Now, when Chris writes Sonichu, he tries to remove everything he hates about normal fiction.  And since he thinks we all share the same opinion as he does, he doesn't do anything to change it.  He dumps spoilers left and right because he hates thinking that there is a possibility that the hero might actually go the way of Optimus.  He hates knowing that the heroes are mortal, because knowing that makes him worry.  And since Chris won't watch the news for the same reason, he's convinced that all heroes should be as boring and invincible as himsef.
 
He won't kill off Simonla because, well, aside from her being validation of Wild's heterosexuality, he thinks Wild is a real person.  This is why Asperchu hurts him--someone draws his characters doing something, and he thinks that they're actually doing it.
 
 
== Characters as Mary Sues ==
 
Sonichu isn't Chris's only Mary Sue.
 
Wild and Magi-chan fall into this category as well.
 
Sonichu, as we all know, is who Chris desires to be.  Rosechu is who he wants to be his sweetheart.  One of their daughters is obviously Crystal(Which one it is, I don't know).
 
Wild represents Chris's desire to be appreciated by his parents.  Look at his backstory--he was raised by a female creature that weighs on average 220 pounds and a terrifying male bug monster with swords for arms.
 
His father is instantly disappointed when Wild is unable to perform attacks perfectly literally five seconds after he hatches.  Wild cries like a bitch and runs to his mother.  This tells me that Chris thinks Bob should expect less of him.
 
Eventually, ScytherBob is abducted, leaving Wild to be raised exclusively by Mama Venusaurlax.  This makes me suspect that Chris thinks his life would be better if Bob didn't give him all of da stress.
 
However, Wild does something Chris doesn't.  He's going to reconcile with his father, likely by performing the same attacks he was unable to perform properly at the start.  This makes me think that if he makes Sonichu successful, Bob will respect him.
 
As for Magi-chan, Chris has always had a desire to have total control over everything.  He frequently exclaims that he is not a mind-reader, something many with autism spectrum disorders wish they had so they could know exactly what someone means by something.  He's lazy, and so he desires the ability to teleport.  And most of all, Magi-chan can see the future.  Chris hates suspense, as evidenced by his rampant carpet spoiler bombing.  He'd probably also desire knowledge of exactly when he'll find his sweetheart.
 
== Chris and sexuality ==
 
Something bothers me.  He seems to think homosexuality is something you can catch, and his opinion of asexuality is "I WOULD HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL ATTRACTION TO ANYTHING".  Dunno what this means.
 
== (Retarded) Ideas ==
 
Tell Alec to make it cannon that Metal Asperchu successfully killed Chris and his Chaotic Clones, at which point he went on to level CWCville(on Bionic's orders, of course).  Oh dear, it looks like I'm getting my wish.
 
Declare that all further events in Sonichu are halucinations Chris trapped himself in with the last of his power.
 
Idea.  Liquid Alec.  Have a troll, like Liquid, pretend to be Alec.  Then have Alec deal with him in a public and civil manner.  Might be a nice slap in Chris's face.
 
Or we can just scrap the Liquid idea and just have Alec claim that he suffered like Chris did at the hands of Max once--well, sorta.  He picked X over Y and the conflict ended there.
 
Y'know, Chris seems to have a misunderstanding of negative prefixes.  When engaging Clyde and BILLY MAYS in the DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS chat, he claims that the ED page is "unwrongful".  When called out on making up the word, he corrects himself--to "diswrongful".  He seems to think that negative prefixes do not imply the negativity of the word they are attached to(unholy, unfunny, unlikeable) but rather emphasize how bad something is.  Considering that he Types Like This for Emphasis, I wouldn't be supprised.
 
==Aspects from /cwc/==
 
Wild is either what Chris thinks he could have been if Bob were removed from his life early on(Notice how Venusaur coddles him while Scyther is disappoint shortly before being abducted).
 
Magi-chan is the part of him that wants to know everything that's going on--Chris hates suspense and not knowing what others are thinking of him, and Magi-chan can both see the future and read minds.
 
Silvana also had a job. She was supposed to be an avatar of his loneliness, but we managed to corrupt her and now she's his perception of trolls.
 
Sonichu is who he wishes he could be and Rosechu is his ideal girlfriend. One of their daughters is supposed to be Crystal.
 
Punchy is his perception of asians.  Also, possibly his perception of physical strength.
 
 
Naitsirhc is supposed to be the kind of villain whose personality can be summed up as "The same as the hero, except he made bad choices". Notice how he fails to maintain his heterosexuality, insults Black Sonichu, and allegedly disrespects his father, Gio.
 
Of course, Chris fucks this all up, as Gio doesn't seem to give a shit and in fact seems to respect him enough to trust him as a puppet ruler of CWCville. By extension, his version of Gio is supposed to be an evil version of Bob.
 
Also, he pairs him off with Kel, who is obviously supposed to be Kellie Andes.
 
 
Angelica, I think, is part his perception of religious people and part Rocky--notice how she comes up to Reginald(Who is just a placeholder for Chris) and tries to white knight for him.
 
He claims that Bubbles has a "Stern, but caring" personality. I assume she's partially his perception of his mother. Evidence includes a page in Sub-episode two where he tries to draw Rosechu looking conflicted but instead gives her an expression that says "Goddamnit Chris I'm sick of this shit".
 
The entirety of the PVCC consists of people whose authority Chris failed to respect--note the trial scene in Sub-episode 8 is being led by Mary instead of a judge. Mary herself must have repeatedly pissed Chris off--why else would she be the main antagonist?
 
Jamsta is his perception of what "cool" people act like.
 
Zapina is just him being a pedophile.
 
Allison is...well, she's an aspect of his ideal sweetheart--sexy, famous, and willing to do all of Chris's work for him while he dicks around.
 
Megtune is what Chris thought Megan was at her core, while Megagi was her outward persona(IE, the one Chris interacted with). Megagi's "chickification" can be blamed on Chris's positive, invented memories of Megan overrunning the negative, real ones.
 
Darkbind is just a ripoff of Link. He's got no dimension whatsoever.
 
Bionic is something more. Notice the story of his origin in Episode 16--he accidentally hits Chris with the basketball that inspired his creation(don't ask how Chris is apparently able to alter reality inside the comics), and then begins acting like what Chris assumes to be a cool older brother. He's probably a part of Chris's desire for a male friend to defend him from the JERKS, like an older brother he never had. That he comes off as a homo is just Chris being unable to tell the differences between friendship and faggotry.
 
Black Sonichu was originally meant to be an avatar of Wes, but Chris forgot what to do with him after he actually put Wes into the comic, hence why his personality has decayed. He's also partially Chris's perception of Shadow, and I say partially because he removed the whole "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM I MUST FIND OUT" thing due to his hatred of suspense. Notice how Chris always puts Blake on the cover of everything, as if he's an important character(the same could be said of Sonichu but roll with me, Magi-chan actually does more than he does).
 
Wes-li and Sarah are both Chris's perceptions of what Wes and Sarah thought of him--Chris obsessed over Wes and thought that the feelings were mutual.
 
I have no idea what he's tried to turn Simonla into--he's trying to claim that she's a carpenter, so I guess that mirrors his "I COULD BE AN ARCHITECT WITH MY CADD DEGREE!" bullshit.
 
 
==Classic Strips==
 
Some of these strips hold significance.
 
March 18th, which later got tacked onto Sub-Episode 3, was drawn sixteen days after Mary tried to "play SOCIAL DIRECTOR", attempted to "frame" Chris in an attempt to kick him out of the school for attempting the Love Quest.  Chris became convinced that he was at war with her.
 
Come to think of it, Chris has a tendency to decide that if he's at war with someone he hates, the feelings are mutual(though reversed).  He thinks the Jerkops are all out to get him because he hates them all, he thought Mary was out to get him for the same reasons, and he was convinced that Wes was obsessing over him.
 
Sub-episode 4 is dated July 20th, 2005, implying that Chris drew this immediately after he was removed from Wal-mart the first time.  He either fucked up the date or drew Sub-episode 5 later.
 
Sub-episode 7 was drawn July 23rd, 2005.  Three days after he was arrested at Target.  Six days later he was sent to a trial, which either inspired Sub-episode 8 or said trial was just his fears manifesting.  Here is when Snorlax made him quit the Sub-episodes.
 
 
 
==Lessons Chris missed==
 
I saw Cogsy's update on the Sonic Sez shit Chris missed out on.  I'll expand.
 
As Cogs mentioned, in one segment Sonic makes a robotic chicken compete with an eagle in order to determine who is the True and Honest eagle.  What Chris missed was that this was all a trick--the contest was just a distraction so Sonic could check to see if one of them did something the real eagle wouldn't do.  In this case, it was the goggles(which did something).
 
Now, Chris also liked to challenge Liquid to come to his house.  Why is he doing this?
 
Simple.  He's convinced Liquid is Shadow to his Sonic.  And Chris didn't like the idiot plot of Sonic Adventure 2.
 
For those who didn't play it, Shadow somehow gets confused for Sonic.  Literally everyone in the world, even Sonic's true and honest friends, is convinced that they are the same person when they are clearly not.
 
Tails and Amy are only convinced when they break Sonic out of prison--hence why Chris thought inviting Kacey to his house would work.  That Amy goes on to confuse Shadow for Sonic later on is confusing enough.
 
How does the world at large ultimately settle the same dispute?  They see Sonic and Shadow at the same time trying to stop Biolizard from performing a colony drop.  Now, in actuality, Shadow died in the process of returning the space station to orbit and the world saw them both save it, thus clearing Sonic's name, but to Chris, who takes everything at face value, simply thought being seen in the same place as the black impostor fixed Sonic's problem.


I'm going to keep track of the times Chris logs in to Youtube.  All times are EST, the timezone Chris resides in.


==Biological Clock==
11:00 PM, Friday June 4.


According to Chris's PSN blog, his sleeping pattern was royally fucked up around the 13th of May, 2009.  It should be noted that this was just two days before Ivy left him.  This means something.  Perhaps it means that Chris intended to act like he was changing himself just long enough to get Ivy's china.  Considering that he lied when Kacey tried to get him to change as well, this is probably the case.  I wish Ivy hadn't confiscated her recordings.
Roughly 9:38 PM, Saturday June 5.


==Chris and Authority==
Roughly 4:38 AM, Sunday June 6.


I need to come up with a rant on this.
10:38 PM, Sunday June 6.


Authority is something that Chris both desires and despises.
3:00 AM, Monday June 7.(Biological clock lolol)


To do list:
6:21 PM, Monday June 7.
*List of authority figures that Chris has failed to respect
Roach: Chris failed to realize that interrupting people while they are on the phone is a bad idea, and claimed that she was "evil" for sending him to his room.
Bob Chandler: Chris has made reference to a desire to physically assault his father that is kept in check by some form of "respect" and complains about "arguments" that are in fact Bob asserting his authority as his father.
The staff at Nathaniel Greene Elementary: When Chris likely blew up in class and was pulled out, he likely tried to attack the staff members, then the principal.  This prompted them to hold him down and record his screams so they could have evidence when they took him to court.
Mary Lee Walsh: This needs no explanation.
An unknown security guard, possibly Jerkeif: Chris once yelled "NO!" at a security guard when he was asked to leave, and then later pissed off the IRL Jerkeif a few days later, leading to his arrest.


*Explain possible origins
Roughly 8:33 PM, Monday June 7.  
The origins of Chris's obsession with authority likely emerged when he was young.  Like any of us, his initial reaction to losing a fight was thinking "How can I get that power for myself?", and so he fell in love with the concept of being able to punish whoever he wanted for doing anything that bothered him.


His hatred, on the other hand, emerged at the same time, as authority figures would always punish him for acting out of line. The one authority figure in his life that he truly respects, Snorlax, likes to let him do whatever he wants to do and listens to him when he
Roughly 1:00 AM, Tuesday June 8.


*Explain confusion between respect and authority
Around 7:00 AM, Wednesday June 9.(He may or may not have been up all night here)
Chris cannot comprehend the difference between respect and authority, and seems to think that the two are interchangeable.


*Explain authority and power
Around 7:00 PM, Wednesday June 9.


10:47 PM, Thursday June 10.


Week One Complete:


Still, there's something odd.
It looks like I'm right so far--if Chris meets Rocky every Thursday and only goes to church when he feels like it, this makes sense.  He likely meets her around noonish--explaining his login time--and the reason he hasn't been on since Thursday is likely because Rocky was really pissed at him for making a video on Sunday or trying to run down Michael Snyder last Friday.  I think we'll be seeing Chris in another week or two, after the heat dies down (providing he doesn't do something stupid again).  Don't panic.


Snorlax: He likes her, because she lets him get away with everything.
10:37 PM, Monday June 14.(It's starting to look like Chris makes his e-sweeps in the evenings, after whatever it is he does during the day.  Would explain why he always complained of how tired he was when he was stressed.)
Every authority figure outside of his house: He hates them because they don't tolerate his bullshit.
Bob: Unknown.  For some reason he shows him the respect he failed to show law enforcement and school officials as well as the same hatred.


Fear and Respect are sister emotions.  However, respect is harder to maintain and the two have similar results.  Nobody can be truly said to both fear and respect someone.  It's one or the other.
Around 7:30 PM, Tuesday June 15.  


Let's take two examples.
Around 2:30 PM, Wednesday June 16.


You are living in a country under the control of an insane tyrant.  You don't like him at all, but you know that if you don't claim to respect him, you'll get killed.  You don't truly respect him, you're just afraid of him.
Around 9:30 PM, Thursday June 17.


Now, if you live under the control of a benevolent ruler, you are happy that he does good things for you, and you respect him because of it.
Around 7:36 AM, Saturday June 19.


Chris's relationship with Bob is likely the tyrant example--Chris doesn't respect him at all, in fact, he hates him, but he claims that he respects him because he's afraid of what will happen when he acts out of line.
Week Two Complete:


Even stranger is the three years Chris spent living alone with Bob--we know so little of what happened to him during his middle school years because nothing happened.  Nothing happened because Bob was constantly calling him out on his bullshit.  His fashion sense was almost normal.  Just look at the photos--sure, he has issues with acne, but we all did at that age.  He looks like a normal kid.
He was inactive for most of the week.  Also, ever since he started going to FAF he hasn't logged in on a Friday.  Come to think of it, I belive he's trying to be sneaky with the flipnotes--Rocky may be watching his YT for any uploads, but she doesn't know about Flipnote and so he can post to his clogged heart's content.  He's openly defying Rocky.


What caused that decay?  Look at the pogs of Chris from age 14 to 18--he gradually slips into his supernerd look.  I'm going to assume it was Snorlax returning to live with him full time.  Something about her presence canceled out Bob's semi-positive influence.  Something about that undid everything Bob tried.
Around 3:00 AM, Monday June 21.


What is it?  An escape route.  Snorlax brought Patti with her, who I already think was the only being Chris ever truly cared about.  Instead of having to face the consequences of his actions, he could rant to his dog or mother about it without fear of being called out on his bullshit.
Around 10:20 PM, Wednesday June 24.


Authority figures
12:20 AM, Friday June 26.


One should note that of all the authority figures in Chris's life can be sorted into two categories--Snorlax and everyone else.
7:00 AM, Friday June 26.


Snorlax lets him run about like an idiot and tolerates a large portion of his crap.
9:00 AM, Saturday June 27.
Everyone else tells him to shut the goddamn hell up and behave.


Chris respects Snorlax, but only because she lets him do what he wants.  She didn't mind the sign(it took her a year or so to tell him it made him look retarded), she doesn't mind letting him cuddle with her, and she doesn't mind the fact that he's screaming at the internet half the time.
Week Three complete:


I got the dates mixed up there.


Origin of desire
11:00 AM, Monday June 28.


It's not surprising that Chris, after all of that, desired to obtain a position of authority.  The moment someone loses to something, their first thought will usually be a variant on "How do I get to be that strong?".  When you're beaten up by bullies, you wish you were stronger so you could defeat them.  When a particular Gym Leader roflstomped you in Pokemon, you probably ran straight for a guide to find out how to get their team for yourself/defeat them.
Week Four complete:


Misinterpertation
Chris was fairly silent, likely due to his Flipnote activity.


Chris is unable to comprehend that power and responsibility have a direct relationship.  As usual, he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Naturally, within the comic, he has made it so--he's the mayor for life and his personal army of literal shock troops will silence the opposition.  He's not truly respected at all--people just say that because they fear him.
3:23 AM, Saturday July 3.


==Chronicles==
Week Five complete, Chris was not active:


September 11 - Chris reports in his diary that he was arrested for trying to "sell himself like a new car" at the mall. He does not have to go to jail, but he is forbidden to return to Fashion Square Mall without one of his parents.  
3:30 PM, Wednesday July 14.


If I'm not mistaken, this is the real-life version of Sub-episode 1.  It's one year and seven months-ish after his 21st birthday(2/24/03-9/11/04).  I'm going to call everything until the fight scene "What Chris thought was happening".  It explains why Jerkeif comes out of nowhere and calls him a solicitor--he was carrying a sign that probably said something like "I WILL PAY A WOMAN TO BE MY SWEETHEART".  To Chris, he wasn't soliciting--he was "selling himself like a new car".
6:36 PM, Wednesday July 14.


6:00 PM, Thursday July 15.


Week Six Complete


The THAT IS MY HOUSE fight.
10:13 AM, Friday July 16.


We all know how this began.  According to Clyde, a troll (Probably Bryan Bash) called Bob and midway though the discussion Bob went "Wait how did you get this num-CHRRRIIIISSS!" and hung up.
6:00 PM, Saturday July 17.


What happened between here and GET EVERYTHING OFF THE INTERNET?
12:12 PM, Sunday July 18.


I'll assume a few things.
10:00 PM, Sunday July 18.


Bob confronts Chris immediately, and demands to know how we know where they live.  Chris then rattles off a list of times he's dox dropped the house.  He could have avoided the video at this point by not mentioning the house videos, but he did and that set Bob off.  Bob played the Pokeflute and Snorlax also began yelling at Chris.  They both then demanded that Chris get everything off the internet.  Midway through the fight, Chris runs away to make the video.  I assume Bob and Snorlax fought for a minute until Bob went to see if Chris was working on it--which led to the video.  I assume Chris got the archive video removed and began the process of downvoting every video he could find that featured the tour video so Bob would be satisfied, then lied the next morning when Bob asked him if he took care of it.
10:23 AM, Tuesday July 20.


Church ban.
1:42 PM, Wednesday July 21.


If Rosechu's reaction to the ED page is supposed to mirror Chris and his own attempts to alter it, one has to remember what her reaction to seeing the page flooded with more dickgirl porn after her attempt to vandalize it fails--"I SHOULD GET MY FRIENDS TO WHORE THEMSELVES ON THE INTERNET TOO!"
12:50 PM, Thursday July 22.


On March 16th, Chris tried to declare war on ED.  On March 17th, he was banned from his church because his pastor saw his ED page.  I wouldn't be surprised if he fired off emails to everyone he knew in the hope that they'd help him kill the ED page.  After all, he's recently begun trying to use his congregation as a personal army(he seems to think that if his pastor is pissed off, she'll sic the church on us).  Chris never changes, so one can assume he tried it on ED and got banned.
Week Seven complete


==Attempts to Counter-Troll==
8:08 PM, Saturday July 24.


Chris has no concept of how the internet works, and as such he isn't very good at fighting off a trolling attempt.  I've seen a lot of idiotic attempts in the past--Blazesonic threatened to do a comic with Anonymous as the villains and SpleenFat made Anti-ED--but Chris takes the cake.
5:33 PM, Monday July 26.


First, there's his attempts to edit the ED article. He seems to be under the impression that ED restored itself from backups every time his edits got reverted--hence why Sonichu 10 claims that ED lost all of it's backups. 
11:48 PM, Thursday July 29.


He doesn't know about the edit history page, and seems to think that in order to check for vandalism, an EDiot has to scan the entire page.  This is the only reason he could have thought that making minor edits in various portions would mask his actual objectives--eliminate SheCameForCWC.jpg, remove references to homosexuality, ect.
Week Eight complete


He then revealed to us that he had a fake medal, and stupidly sent both the real one and the fake one to Blanca.  Every time I see the fake medal, I imagine that Chris saw a group of stereotypical slow-in-the-mind thugs from a kid's movie looking at the two medals and going "OH MY GOD WHICH ONE IS REAL I CAN'T TELL ARRRRRRGHH".  Except the fake medal had an angry face, when the logical thing to do would have been making a minor edit to the back of the medal.
6:18 AM, Saturday July 31.


He also thought that we'd leave him alone for a weekend if he claimed that he'd be in Redmond.  And he thought that Christopher Smeagol would "derail" us somehow.
11:18 PM, Saturday July 31.


His definition of "trolling" seems to be "pretend to be someone you're not".  Silvana seems content to simply turn into Meg, kiss Chris, and then transform once he's out of sight, even though any of us would have turned into a guy Chris hated the moment he closed his eyes.  Either that or she's even less creative than EDF.
9:02 AM, Sunday August 1.


When he did RnT, he tried to act like he was successful and normal, things he is not.  He somehow thought that by doing so and then revealing that he was still an utter failure, we'd feel the same pain we inflicted on him, which of course failed.
6:25 AM, Monday August 2.


This is completely in line with other lulzcows--SpleenFat created Anti-ED because he assumed that his trolls would stop once he gave them a taste of their own medicine and it failed when he made an article on MysteryBot that consisted of a few paragraphs saying "THIS GUY HAS NO LIFE LOLOLOLOL".  Granted, that was his perception of ED, a bunch of immature idiots who toss insults left and right and don't offer any proof to back up their claims.  He had two out of three, but the last third laughed at him even harder.  Come to think of it, Chris seemed to think MysteryBot was a user as well, considering that he tried to ban it from his article.
12:45 AM, Tuesday August 3.


What can we learn from this?  The nudes didn't hurt him, but the revelation that his sweetheart was fake did.
2:31 PM, Tuesday August 3.


12:42 PM, Thursday August 5.


==Strategies==
Week Nine complete.


I'm going to see if I can discern any patterns in the "strategies" Chris employs in battle.  A few will be omitted when it's obvious that he just stole the whole fight from somewhere else (Sonichu and Mary in Episode 20 was stolen from Banjo-Kazooie and Chris versus Gayer Chris was traced from Sonic vs Knuckles).
1:30 PM, Monday August 9.


We all know that Chris has, on his own, only beaten two or three of the villains on his own (while not a hobo or using Sonichu as a proxy sue).  Every other time, he's owned and needs to be saved.  I blame Sailor Moon for letting him think a hero that constantly needs to invoke Deus Ex Machina to survive a Monster of the Week encounter would be acceptable(only seen the abridged series but I still saw shit Chris copied/assimilated).
7:00 PM, Monday August 9.


Wait a minute, Sonichu NEVER needs to be saved.  That one time with Jason doesn't count, as Jason had no interest in killing him.  So overall, Sonichu has never needed to be saved from a life threatening situation.
Week Ten Complete


Getting owned by Wes?  Sarah intervenes.
1:00 PM, Sunday August 15.
Getting owned by Mary?  Sonichu intervenes.
Getting owned by two Manajerks?  Darkbind intervenes.
Getting owned by a giant Manajerk?  Deus ex machina your female self into the world and have her intervene.
Bagget, as noted, won because Crystal was suddenly useless.  That didn't stop Chris from using her to break his fall.
Owned by his gayer twin?  Bionic intervenes.


==Reality==
11:48 PM, Tuesday August 17.


We all know that Chris wants the mall (and possibly city) to be built IRL.  Why?  I don't think that he thinks it is real, but I know he doesn't want to accept it as fictional(as he crossed that out in the ED text). When asked about this, Chris responded with "I wish it were (real)".
7:13 PM, Wednesday August 18.


He doesn't think it is real, but he wants it to be real.  Why?  Part of it is his egotism--he thinks his fairly bland life is difficult and terrible and thinks that he should have a monument dedicated to his struggles.  We can ignore that part, but I think there's something else we're missing.
Week Eleven Complete


If genetic engineering was advanced enough, you'd bet that he'd try to physically create Sonichu and his other abominations.  He wants a part of his fantasy world to come to the real world, as he's tired of having his godlike powers restricted to that realm.
6:22 PM, Thursday August 19.


==Observations==
10:06 PM, Thursday August 19.


Notices Liquichu's design?  I don't QUITE get why he's a Rock-type(Because Ground types are the opposites of Electrics?), but look at his tail--he's a Zigzagoon, AKA the Rattata/Sentret/Bidoof of Gen III.  Hell, look at one, they match his shirt perfectly.
9:48 AM, Friday August 20.


What I find funny is that he's based off a raccoon, obviously because they are known to steal things.  What makes this hilarious is that raccoons steal garbage.  And to quote Chris, "HE'S STEALING ME!".
9:00 PM, Friday August 20.


I rest my case.
9:17 AM, Saturday August 21.


4:20 PM, Saturday August 21.


Also, Chris seems to think Asperchu is gay because he cannot get his Sweetest Dix.  I wish I could point out that this means Chris is gay because he can't pick up chicks.
9:37 PM, Sunday August 22.


Also, Cartoon World?  I've seen this trope before(don't know the name), but it basically means "Everything someone imagines goes here", which explains why Pallet Town is suddenly in Virginia(Station Square, I'll excuse because of Sonic cannon).
4:10 PM, Sunday August 22. (Jesus Christ he's on a roll here)


I see only one logical solution--draw the most terrifying creations of imagination destroying CWCville in our own comics.  As many as possible.  Simonchu and Asperchu would be a good start, but what happens when we send the worst creations of mankind into CWCville in order to destroy it?  Of course, we have to show Chris killing a ''few'', but then we show all of his characters dying painfully.  Perhaps showing an army of Magikarp killing everyone, and when Hobo Chris shows up, they all evolve and oneshot him.
6:05 PM, Sunday August 22.


Speaking of which, dear God the Sonee porn bombing must have fucked him up.  It must have meant that he thought there was a real Sonichu and Rosechu that were being forced to rape their kids.  Wait.  WHY ARE WE NOT ACCUSING THEM OF RAPING THEIR CHILDREN IN THE MAILB-oh right it's gone I miss it already.
12:25 AM, Monday August 23.


I need to go over the church audio.  I've read the tail end and noticed something--Bob mentions that Chris constantly tried to get to Bowser(who he calls Koopa for some reason--odd that he'd use the Japanese term correct me if I'm wrong).  Chris kept trying.  There was some sort of grim determination to get the china in him at that point.  Since he's mentally still at that age, I'd try to assume he sees his Love Quest in the same way.
2:22 PM, Monday August 23.


Also, Emily was the one who put the ED sign on his lawn.
6:14 PM, Monday August 23.


I've also officially given up on any hope that sense can be beaten into Chris.  Let's just make every troll after Alec a smug asshole.
6:22 PM, Tuesday August 24.

Latest revision as of 09:12, 5 August 2020


Mary Lee Walsh Former Jerkop
Like Mary Lee Walsh, this CWCki Jerkop is now retired and deserving of our gratitude. Please contact an active moderator instead.
Mumble Service Medal March Mumble Madness
This user nearly went mad in March 2010 to provide CWCki with accurate and complete transcriptions of the Mumble chats.
American Flag Americunt: This user is an Americunt and refuses to use unnecessary vowels. Uncle Sam would be proud!
mIRC #sonichu Reg
This user is a regular on #sonichu
Mail Operation Mailbag
This user contributed to the Mailbag and had their e-mail answered by Chris.



I'm the guy whose letter caused Chris to describe the mildest nightmare ever.

I mean, seriously, how can Chris consider a nightmare where OTHER PEOPLE are suffering to be terrible?

I had a dream about Chris once.

He stuck his hand (the one with the High School Ring on it) in front of the camera, and then dumped a bunch of pills into it.

Then the hand moved out of the scene and came back empty. I assume he was trying to kill himself on the internet.

That was odd.

I wonder if Chris really roars on the rare occasion he actually uses the goddamn toilet?

YT Login

I'm going to keep track of the times Chris logs in to Youtube. All times are EST, the timezone Chris resides in.

11:00 PM, Friday June 4.

Roughly 9:38 PM, Saturday June 5.

Roughly 4:38 AM, Sunday June 6.

10:38 PM, Sunday June 6.

3:00 AM, Monday June 7.(Biological clock lolol)

6:21 PM, Monday June 7.

Roughly 8:33 PM, Monday June 7.

Roughly 1:00 AM, Tuesday June 8.

Around 7:00 AM, Wednesday June 9.(He may or may not have been up all night here)

Around 7:00 PM, Wednesday June 9.

10:47 PM, Thursday June 10.

Week One Complete:

It looks like I'm right so far--if Chris meets Rocky every Thursday and only goes to church when he feels like it, this makes sense. He likely meets her around noonish--explaining his login time--and the reason he hasn't been on since Thursday is likely because Rocky was really pissed at him for making a video on Sunday or trying to run down Michael Snyder last Friday. I think we'll be seeing Chris in another week or two, after the heat dies down (providing he doesn't do something stupid again). Don't panic.

10:37 PM, Monday June 14.(It's starting to look like Chris makes his e-sweeps in the evenings, after whatever it is he does during the day. Would explain why he always complained of how tired he was when he was stressed.)

Around 7:30 PM, Tuesday June 15.

Around 2:30 PM, Wednesday June 16.

Around 9:30 PM, Thursday June 17.

Around 7:36 AM, Saturday June 19.

Week Two Complete:

He was inactive for most of the week. Also, ever since he started going to FAF he hasn't logged in on a Friday. Come to think of it, I belive he's trying to be sneaky with the flipnotes--Rocky may be watching his YT for any uploads, but she doesn't know about Flipnote and so he can post to his clogged heart's content. He's openly defying Rocky.

Around 3:00 AM, Monday June 21.

Around 10:20 PM, Wednesday June 24.

12:20 AM, Friday June 26.

7:00 AM, Friday June 26.

9:00 AM, Saturday June 27.

Week Three complete:

I got the dates mixed up there.

11:00 AM, Monday June 28.

Week Four complete:

Chris was fairly silent, likely due to his Flipnote activity.

3:23 AM, Saturday July 3.

Week Five complete, Chris was not active:

3:30 PM, Wednesday July 14.

6:36 PM, Wednesday July 14.

6:00 PM, Thursday July 15.

Week Six Complete

10:13 AM, Friday July 16.

6:00 PM, Saturday July 17.

12:12 PM, Sunday July 18.

10:00 PM, Sunday July 18.

10:23 AM, Tuesday July 20.

1:42 PM, Wednesday July 21.

12:50 PM, Thursday July 22.

Week Seven complete

8:08 PM, Saturday July 24.

5:33 PM, Monday July 26.

11:48 PM, Thursday July 29.

Week Eight complete

6:18 AM, Saturday July 31.

11:18 PM, Saturday July 31.

9:02 AM, Sunday August 1.

6:25 AM, Monday August 2.

12:45 AM, Tuesday August 3.

2:31 PM, Tuesday August 3.

12:42 PM, Thursday August 5.

Week Nine complete.

1:30 PM, Monday August 9.

7:00 PM, Monday August 9.

Week Ten Complete

1:00 PM, Sunday August 15.

11:48 PM, Tuesday August 17.

7:13 PM, Wednesday August 18.

Week Eleven Complete

6:22 PM, Thursday August 19.

10:06 PM, Thursday August 19.

9:48 AM, Friday August 20.

9:00 PM, Friday August 20.

9:17 AM, Saturday August 21.

4:20 PM, Saturday August 21.

9:37 PM, Sunday August 22.

4:10 PM, Sunday August 22. (Jesus Christ he's on a roll here)

6:05 PM, Sunday August 22.

12:25 AM, Monday August 23.

2:22 PM, Monday August 23.

6:14 PM, Monday August 23.

6:22 PM, Tuesday August 24.

Retrieved from "http://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=User:MoarLurk&oldid=247767"