Difference between revisions of "Template:Article of the now"

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[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, or what Ash Ketchum would look like if he had grown up to be a fat and [[homos|deeply closeted]] manchild.]]
[[File:CPU Blue Heart Real.png|300px|right]]


The local alternative weekly paper in [[Charlottesville]] is ''The Hook'', and its online personal-ads site is called '''The Hook Cafe'''. Some time in early [[2010]], Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "[[Chris and sex|direct2sex]]," declaring that he "Need [[China|Sexy Sweets]] from Woman." As far as anyone can tell, no sexy sweets have been forthcoming.
In [[March 2026]], ''Hyperdimension Neptunia'' announced a new game set for August, which introduces new official characters. Among those are '''CPU Blue Heart''' Ciel of Lastation (a reference to [[Sony]]), with a backstory contradicting Chris's lore. Chris's response was to complain about his Blue Heart OC being left out of the game. He also spammed demands, to a Twitter account promoting the game, that ''Hyperdimension Neptunia''<nowiki>'</nowiki>s CPU Blue Heart be renamed.


The ad is one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and is now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get sex, and that if Chris could get to the the [[hanky-panky]] without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. Before the discovery of this profile, the clearest evidence of this was [[Mailbag 53#So much for true love|one of Chris's mailbag responses]].
According to Chris CPU Blue Heart is the [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|Console Patron Unit]] Goddess of the Nations of [[CWCville]] and Comma, and of the [[Commodore|Commodore Consoles]]. Conceived by Chris after being force-fed ''Hyperdimension Neptunia'' lore by the [[Idea Guys]], Scarlett serves as one of his escapist alter egos, providing a [[coping|coping mechanism]] and enabling his [[messiah complex]]. Through this alter ego, Chris has also emerged as the figurehead of the [[Dimensional Merge]], with his own [[Enablers|group of "worshippers"]].


Of note are the differences between this and his previous dating profiles. Chris is apparently making an attempt at being a grown up, and as a result he neglects to mention [[Sonichu]], his [[autism]] or the fact he's a twenty eight year old [[virgin with rage|virgin]]. He also has started to specify a desire for women 21 years or older (but not older than himself, despite his pretty obvious desire for a mother-like figure in his potential mate). In the past he had been open to the idea of dating an 18 year old, despite the vast age difference, and really only stopped at that age for legal reasons.


This is not the first time Chris has posted a personal ad on the Hook Cafe. An earlier attempt, where Chris promoted himself as a "Handsome Virgin searching for Woman," fell victim to hackers around the beginning of 2009. Unfortunately, most of its original contents weren't preserved before the trolls gave it a makeover. It's the hacked version that's referred to in Chris's [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|20 January 2009 IRC chat]].
('''[[CPU Blue Heart|More...]]''')
 
('''[[The Hook Cafe|more...]]''')
 
<noinclude>[[Category: Front page templates]] [[Category: Pages that have been edited by Chris]]</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 19:48, 23 March 2026

CPU Blue Heart Real.png

In March 2026, Hyperdimension Neptunia announced a new game set for August, which introduces new official characters. Among those are CPU Blue Heart Ciel of Lastation (a reference to Sony), with a backstory contradicting Chris's lore. Chris's response was to complain about his Blue Heart OC being left out of the game. He also spammed demands, to a Twitter account promoting the game, that Hyperdimension Neptunia's CPU Blue Heart be renamed.

According to Chris CPU Blue Heart is the Console Patron Unit Goddess of the Nations of CWCville and Comma, and of the Commodore Consoles. Conceived by Chris after being force-fed Hyperdimension Neptunia lore by the Idea Guys, Scarlett serves as one of his escapist alter egos, providing a coping mechanism and enabling his messiah complex. Through this alter ego, Chris has also emerged as the figurehead of the Dimensional Merge, with his own group of "worshippers".


(More...)

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