Jack Thaddeus Phone Call
| “ | Take your problems head on. Do not fucking dodge them. I just read that from a fortune cookie. Except I added the fucking part because Chinese people don't curse a lot. | ” |
| Jack Thaddeus | ||
In December 2009, Jack Thaddeus called Chris, to discuss the recent events involving Chris's statements about Asperger, Sonichu 9 and his Parkay.
Most of the call, Jack reprimands Chris and tells him he has a problem with making his comics, his health and his mailbag.
Transcript
[starting at 11:00]
Jack: Vivian is... gonna be pissed, and, you know.... I'm just saying.
Chris: Alright, well, my bad.
Jack: Anyways... I want you to... stop rejecting... mail that you don't like.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: You—these are your fans, Chris; you shouldn't be fucking pushing them around like this... and actin' like, ya know, just because they say something that you don't agree with, their... opinions suddenly don't matter.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: You know, so.... Vivian is trying to help you, but you don't—you seem to have a problem with taking advice.
Chris: I have been taking advice—the advice of Vivian.
Jack: No, you haven't. [interruption battle ensues] You've been—you've been—okay, here's your version of—
Chris: O—okay, well I—okay, well, I need to disspell—I need to—
Jack: Chris!
Chris: [interrupts quietly] Okay.
Jack: What have I told you about interrupting?!
Chris: Alright, well, I was—I wa—I was sayin' somethin', then, uhh, you started sayin' somethin', so, okay.... Continue.
Jack: Trials and advertisements make... you—trials and adversities make stronger; take your problems head-on; do not fucking dodge them.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: I just read that... from a fortune cookie.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Except I added the "fucking" part, because—
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Chinese people don't curse a lot.
Chris: Alright.
Jack: Actually, they do, but... I don't know. They—they curse in Chinese... something.
Chris: Yeah. Okay.
Jack: How much do you care about Sonichu? [disgruntled noise of frustration] Okay! Now I am pissed, Chris, because I know what you're doing; you're just—you're not even listening! There's more—
Chris: I am listening to you.
Jack: No, you're just saying, "Uh-huh. Yeah. Uhm-hmm. Yeah." You—...I've heard you do this before.
Chris: Well, I have been listening to you.
Jack: Hi(?), I remember when you did this with Clyde. You just sit there and just, like, go, "Uhm-hmm. Uhm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Mm." Do I do a good impression of you? I think I do. I'm—I think it's pretty spot-on. So....
Chris: Whatever.
Jack: 'Member when—that's not a fuckin' respo-nse!
Chris: That did go on (?).
Jack: Okay. He—remember when he tried to get you to go to Redmond... and you didn't go?
Chris: Right.
Jack: You didn't go, because you don't give a shit about Sonichu.
Chris: No, I didn't go, because I thought it was trap.
Jack: How could it be a trap? For what?
Chris: Well—
Jack: Do you think Clyde would—
Chris: My mom thought it wa—my mom thought it was a trap. My dad thought it was a trap.
Jack: No, you thought it was a trap!
Chris: And th—
Jack: Mom and Dad don't give a shit about what you do with Sonichu!
Chris: And then we realized that the—that the e-mails from Mr. Mayamoto came from Mail.com, which is where anybody could pretend to be somebody else.
[at this point, Jack basks in the silence of the rare occurrence of having been owned by Chris]
Jack: Eh.... Well... Miyamoto—
Chris: Of course, you know, my family is concerned of my safety, so there you go.
Jack: Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know why they threw me out?
Chris: Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?
[Chris is now officially on a roll]
Jack: Oooh! That earns you... two more gay ads! ...You little sassy—
Chris: Okay.
Jack: thingy... guy. You gonna apologize?
Chris: Yeah, I'm apologizing. I apologize for that. Okay, I—
Jack: No, say, "I'm sorry." Hey, "I am sorry."
Chris: I'm sorry.
Jack: Well... they kicked me out because I—because, you know... I have like five other brothers, or something. I don't know. I have a lot of... people in house.
Chris: Okay. So it was overcrowded.
Jack: Yes.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Just like your house, except it's not full of people; it's full of shit that you don't need! HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhh... we have fun, don't we, Chris?
Chris: Hmm.... Well, you are, anyway.
Jack: Yeah.
Chris: And I am not going to interrupt.
Jack: Anyways... grow some balls, get some initiative, fucking promote the shit out of Sonichu....
Chris: Okay.
Jack: ...Vivian's gonna rape me... with the... strap-on, because she's crazy—oh, wait, I was reading an e-mail. Umm... yeah.
Chris: Alright.
Jack: Just do whatever Vivian says, and... I'll be calling you soon, and... you don't fucking abuse your fans. Like, they're, you know—you don't have a lot of them, Chris!
Chris: Yeah.
Jack: Also, go to Redmond. Because, you know—
Chris: Eventually, I—eventually, I will.
Jack: Yeah.
Chris: Alright.
Jack: Yeah, I—so.... Oh, also—also, don't piss of your Asperger friends, 'cuz, you know, they're fuckin'... crazy-ass niggers.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Yeah.
Chris: Alright. So... any other thoughts?
Jack: Alright. Uhh... you're fat.
Chris: Oka—oka—okay, I guess we're done here...?
Jack: Yep. Bye-bye.
Chris: Okay, take care. Merry Christmas.
Jack: Merry Christmas to you, Fatty Fatfat!