Son-Chu Review
Son-Chu Review is a video released by Chris on 2 April 2017. It is a showcase of Son-Chu and other disfigured toys. The purpose was to promote his latest business venture of selling stamps - the Son-Chu figure was announced as a prize in a raffle, which people could enter by purchasing one of Bob's stamps or Chris's $1,000 album on eBay. It failed to increase Chris's sales. A full five days after the video was released, he got $0.
This video is the longest that Chris has ever done, clocking in at just over 48 minutes. It seems that while Chris has disabled ratings on the video, he didn't disable comments.
Notable mentions include scenes at 16:50 (Chris talks in a Butch lesbian voice) and 18:45 (he gets a little too...excited attacking a cop car).
In the parts where Chris speaks, it is worth noting that he appears to be straining his voice in such a way that it is has a higher pitch than normal. This is clearly deliberate, and he may be doing this to make himself seem more feminine. When depicting the voice of a male character in the video, such as Sonichu, Chris reverts back to his regular voice instead of deepening it. This solidifies the idea that Chris is making a conscious effort to change the pitch of his regular voice, as he portrays male characters with his old, "manly" voice.
This shift in pitch to Chris's voice causes his already warped vocals to sound worse, and thus harder to understand. Arthur Spatchcock volunteered to transcribe.
Video
| Son-Chu Review | |
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| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 2 April 2017 |
| Subject Matter |  Cwcville Shopping
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| Performance Style |  Crazy
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| Saga |  Business
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| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
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Description
Something New from the Sonichu and Rosechu world finally able to be made, (Autobot) Son-Chu (formerly a Ford Escort station wagon, now a 2010 Ford Focus car). Fully Painted, customized and all that, and Personally/Officially Dubbed the Official Son-Chu Figure on March 17, 2017. Sanju!!!
-Buy the Stamp Covers, and the highly-sentimental book of mine, on my ebay shop, here... [1] -CWC Skylander Figure and Card Review Video... [2] -emgo316's Channel... [3] SHAREfactory™[4] |
Transcript
(Opens with stock special offer scene)
A word from our sponsor
(Stupid crap in table, stupid Skylander shit being used as a backdrop again.)
Chris in a weird ass high pitched voice: This video is brought ta you by the stamps Christines Chandlers Ebay Shop of Mr. C's plam-stamp collection of her late father you are eligible to buy among which any purchase up to date of April 31st win themselves an automatic entry to win the toy featured in this video. There will be two available one for random drawing and one for the online winner that buys the stahmp album in said shop (gasp) that come with all the prizes that I stated in that-I that description. Not only do they get this toy but they also get (reaches behind self) But thye also get the Skylander self figure(? Hard to hear) and the self Skylander card that is completely functional on Skylanders Imaginators for leading consoles minus Nintendo Switch. (Removes figure and card) And now, on with our show.
1:29: Enter Son-Chu, Sonichu and Rosechu
Scene change. Stupid custom autobot on display. Sonichu enters from left.
Chris as Sonichu: Hmm, wow...my autobot friend got promoted. Rosechu enters from right.)
Sonichu: Whaddya think of that, Rosie?
Rosechu: I think he looks neat.
Sonichu: Ah tell you one thing; I knew when he was an escort... and now he has a lot more 'Focus' on.
Rosechu: Ford.
(Chris laughs as Rosechu and Sonichu. It's as autistic as the joke.)
Sonichu: Automobile joke autobots rollout.
(Both Sonichu and Rosechu 'zip' off screen.)
1:55: not-title card
Chris does another breakaway and comes back with a hand drawn sign saying:
- Иot
- The Freakin Geek Reviews
- homage parody of Emgo316's title card; apologies offered. Emgo makes Awesome skits [backwards k] and great reviews.
Chris is providing his own background music.
2:20: Packaging and history
After a shitter transition, Chris once again has his Skylanders shirt as a backdrop. His 'Son-chu' Transformer backdrop is leaning against it and his custom car is front and center.
Chris is speaking in a high pitched hard to hear girly/goofball voice.
Chris: Hey Youtube fans whassup it's Christine Chandler comin' ta you live from home once again not Emgo316 and today we'll be reviewing the latest ander finally made into a toy figure 3D world, from the comic book world Autobot Som-Chu!
So here we are dere he is and first and foremost we'll take a quick look (brings backdrop forward) at thuh packaging see right here on the front (mumbles, loses control of camera before picking it up) right here on the front you can see piece of artwork and the artwork is my work on the plate SONICHU~! because he is from the city of CWCville Virginia and on the front is autobot SON-CHU~! and SON-CHI~! (unintelligable autism) and on the side I have that same piece of artwork on the bottom WORDS~!(Annoying loud attempt to be 'funny') lotsa lotsa words and on thuh back of the package you have your obligatory photo shots you got this and that this and that WORDING~! DON'T DO THIS DON'T DO THAT don't feed the bear! (Autistic gibberish follows, robot is in there)
Big gun and a shield~ And look at this he becomes a soundstage for when you wanna do a concert and if you can read that (you can't; it's out of focus) he has a brief bio. Zip-de-doo I'll copy and paste the bio out that in the description later thats basically it FORE~! (Throws the backdrop out of shot.)
(Cannot make out the next thing he says; sounds something like pack is edgy, dunno.) He also come with a coollector card with that same piece of artwork (flips card) and tech specs Autob- Son-Chu and Son-Chi if you care er about them. Hurray for card (Throws it across room.) Nyah, whatever. Oh it's like a pretty little cat. (Can't make it out something about art)
Talk a little bit bout SON-CHU~! Itsa my joke the beginning more understandable if you get it. (Pulls out sonichu pic) So years ago at Transformers dot com I had designed my own autobot the place so that wsa the first Son-Chu autobot during the era of the Arhmada lookit that face LOOKIT DAT FACE~! Eh look at how big he got built during the movie gap not as good as what we ended with four-a few years later (flips picture over) (mumble) dot com I like this face better its better looking face and he's from the Cybertron Era so between those and my car that's how we end up (Brings out Sonichu Son-Chu) with Point O robot of Autobot Son-Chu!
And by the way that's pronounced like the Chinese word Sonju so when you shout SON-Chu! you're saying VICTORY~! Victory for CWCville~! And the Autobots and the Samurai Pizza bots they were known quase in CWCville and he was originally a Ford Escort station wagon. Its roof, right there (point thumb to poorly drawn station wagon and then to Son-Chu) becomes the shield and the hood of the car...becomes the gun. And then, a few years later we got new robot mode because hicame Ford Escort...n-no Ford Focus Escort Focus Focus Escort it was an Escort and I had more to Focus on (fake laughs at own joke).
5:54: Car mode, Headmaster and lion
(Bad cutaway)
Chris: And now we've got a beautiful mood(?) from helpishly(?) from Hasbro duh matches the Ford Focus fairly well...uh would say bold(?) same mold or uh Rundown or Breakdown but you know what (Unintelligable higher pitch) but he's got a spoiler that's one big difference. Thats one big difference. (Shows cars ass) And all the custom paint and license plate Son-ch-Sonichu! (Flips it to the front end) Just like that license plate still...c'mon, back (stress sigh) Wauto-focus! Sony! You need to auto focus this camera (Flips car to bottom) and on the bottom you'll see later that he's got uh...Son-Chu license plate on the other side front side as well. Oh look the windows in the tinted (More autistic mumbling) he was originally Breakaway but he does come with a few pieces were gonna get into he includes his titan master Mr. TiTONY~! AutoBot Son-Chi! With a custom painted face... painted his hands-lookhishands- (autism) Camera. Fix the camera Sony so it's not Mirroring~! And I painted his legs and of course (Has flipped the little robot into the head) Who has upside down face?
Dumb Robot: I do~! I do how you doin'? I'm upside down. I'm gettin' dizzy.
Chris: (Autistic mumbling) Two Titan Masters becuase he's got one for go behind his shield get to that in a moment. Here is other titan master little tiny we call him arc 1 you'll get to see why in just a moment as usual (gibberish) they have the wibbly-wobbly head thier arms can either got partway or up and down and legs (makes dumb little robot dance) and upside down face and right there we can see what he's called (Bart)1? Rewind a bit you'll get the joke. So that's-You get two Titan masters with that and acourse you incorporate the main one, little Son-Chi into the car itself (Knocks over the arc/bart1 bot)
Son-Chi: I knocked him over sorry about that. I'm SORRY! We'll get you back up shortly. (Is then molested by Chris to 'sit')
Chris: And you bend his legs you put him in the drivers seat and of course that's the only way (points to raised windows) I can the thing to come up is ta pop the arms open-part.
And then we move onto the next part that's included (Annoying voice) DIS LITTLE LION DIS LITTLE BLUE LION actually comes wif a one of those titan masters ACESSORIES~! That Transform into other things, got all that blue paint all over him, he still has some silver, he's got black yellow leftover behind...so anyway you incorporate the titan, the Mark 1 (molests robot) come on titan master put him in de back of his head (Inserts poor robot into lions head) get the lion there get the picture once more (Goes to retrieve Son-Chu picture) Lookit the original Son-Chu's drawing. He has a shield. Because when he transforms from vehicle to car roof here (Points to station wagon roof) its pops of...becomes the shield. I wanted to keep he shield so Hashbro thank you for the shield...just had to give it a little recolor. And before we change into the shield for comparison (introduces duplicate of toy) here he is with Sawback, the original TItan Master vehicle, lookit all that yellow and blue, yellow blue...
(Autism ensues as he makes them growl at one another. Have a growling match and Sawback runs off, yipping like a dog despite being a lion...then laughs at how funny he is)
Alright so what you want to do (gets to molesting the lion robot) is you wanna take these parts and move em forward (transforming) pull his legs forward, tilt head back (Transforming) I'm not gonna do-THis is the weapon mode but I'm not doing the vehicle mode. (Transformed) Anyway that's how you get the shield that's THE SHIELD~! If I have a perfect way, like it was my sister, I'd put him on top of the roof, he could ride along up there, but for the most(?), put the lion up there (Puts next to car) Duh duh, duh duh duh~...it can run along, aside...her (pantomines running buy slapping the lion against the table a few times, makes car sounds, more 'running' sounds) Or fun one I figgered out (stands lion on top of car) thank you spoilers lookit that. (Makes more car noises as he pushes car back and forth) Obviously he can't stay up there (Flips car, throws lion off) SOrry bout that.
(Picks up lion, outs face in camera lens.)
11:26: Pipes
Lion:Hey 3D! -Growls- Chris: Is this thing 3D compatible? With my mouth closeup to the camera it looks like he's popping out of the monitor. Lion: (Autistic growling) I got a mission. Chris: You can go back. So moving right along (kill me) He's got a couple other-a few other accessories. He includes these two pairs of pipes that came off one of the other parts that had to be required to put this thing together it took most-more than one figure to put it the way I wanted it together so anyway you incorporate these to make it look cooler by putting them -on the side-...aaaand now it looks less like a Ford Focus cause you've got the pipes on the side. (Rolls car back and forth, mumbles.
12:05 Chris:(Is making gibberish noises that I cannot make out.) And we give him this pair of guns not from (mumble) Breakaway but they are easy to put on in the vehicle mode just put em on there~ and you could em on the other way but then he won['t roll so easily so yeah you gotta put em like that and I wanna take these-I wanna remove these for we have plenty more compar-vehicle comparisions to go with (mutters I'll get it eventually). So~ moving right along for brief introductions of the other characters (brings in a pic of Prower) of which were inspired by actual past autobot figures brigidine autobot Prowler of which was transfor-was inspired by transformers animated Prowl with the side car (goes high pitched) AND THATS A NICE THING I WANNA BRING UP if you want-wana put the titan masters in the show are supposed to be like match the size accurate to human for the (mumble) sidecar that's perfect but you try putting a titan master on a motorcycle (stupid voice) he's not gonna reach the pedals so easily lookit that (TM falls off seat and slides into sidecar) yer not gonna reach the pedals so easily if if I had a deluxe class titan master motorcycle lookit that lookit that (holding the titan master in the bikes seat; stupid voice again) HIS LEGS CAN't GO DOWN OR ELSE HE'd HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT (forces it face down into seat) LOOK HOW FAR AWAY THE HANDLEBARS ARE. IT'S-IT DON'T WORK. IT DON'T WORK. POOR MOTORCYCLE DELUXE CLASS. (Mumbles figgers; starts fake crying off scene)
Chris:Anyway (Mumbling to self again) Next up from the Comic book world female autobot Excelina who is obviously definitely motorcycle (Mumble) with the hologram and made to look like a woman and all these autobots they worked over at pizzeria they were known by the town as the Samurai Pizza Bots the autobot team of CWCVille Virginia (Wanders off, asks 'Where'd she go, dumb noises, waves hand in front of camera 'gonna be a cut moment there')
14:57
Chris: (Didn't actually do a cut) And now here she is (introduces female robot fap toy) with autobot Arcee crown-from Micheal Bay movie 1(?) which was unfortunately put on the cutting room floor...pretty sad. It's a pretty motorcycle pretty motorcycle...anyway, eh, lookit that! (Repositions cars, uses dumb voice again) we're moving right along, side by side (vroom vroom vroom noises, points at both cars) These two are sweethearts in CWCVille THE CITY OF CWCVILLE VIRGINIA~ deh deh, deh deh deh~ (Can't make out mumbling, removes female car) then theres the third member of the CWCVille -utobot team is Bumba-Lumba green and hot flames he's not lost he's holding a bunch of PIZZA BAGELS PIZZA BAGELS PIZZA BAGELS and obviously another one from the animated series...so there's Son-Chu with the anime Bumblebee...I like leaving the rockets on there (bunch of autistic gibberish follows; barely coherant words like rockets and bupbupbup and then bumblebee is gone) (More murmuring about where's my drawing 'Oh here it is')
16:25
Chris:(Brings in last autistic bot) And uh last on the -tobot team we have Armoraxe duh uh the rocker uh the rocker of the pizzabots (gibberish) lookit the lightening bolts got on there (gibberish) and everything! (Removes picture) and inspiring that...that wsa animated Soundwave (mumbles 'Animated Soundwave')
16:50 (gets a butch lesbo voice) HOW ANIMATED AM I?
If you note the Decepticon symbol pretend it's an autobot symbol he's on the same team. (Goes off screen again 'Annnnd on the-on the bad team side (Mumbles something about Count Grodoun and Slaweel Ryam) they made the-transpired-transpire with the Decepticons they got a few Schematics and they made their own cept the clones are piloted by the Jerkops-robot cops whatever what have you. And first up we have Crackeder (Shows stupid picture) first of these clones of the PVCC (I'm not writing that out; I get the feeling he's going to say it more than once.) Lookit that lookit that jet. Jet (something) So with that inspiring that was transformers Cybertron ThunderCracker. SO he's got a look for scale if this cockpit could open a titan master could fit in ther. (Picks up jet) WHOOSH~! (Off screen) And uh, second of ducepticon on duh bad team there was (SHows picture) Punislav with a really big fist he could thrown punches (Makes sexual sounds) and was a jerkop car cause you can't trust da police...the police you can't trust them but they are jerkops.
18:45 ('Well anyway' offscreen again, talking to self) That was movie one Barricade unfortun- fortunately these all (laugh talks) survived the house fire. But yeah Barricade was on the show but anyway
(voice goes deep) Pull over.
(Goes autistic) NO~! (Makes SOn-chu pull around in front off, rams into police car) Bastard cop. (Continues to ram police car over and over again. High pitches voice hard to make out but he rams the cop car off the table; murdering him.) Take that, Jerkop. (Laughs) Sweet Victory~! Get retribution and all that. And then the last of the decepticons (something about drawing) SOmething else, we have the S.A.V. (Shows picture, die a little inside) also known as the Scoundrel Ass Vessel, the ass with one s cause it's a scoundrel as a vessel and there he is the big suv sav suv that's a pun there (no its not) that was the pun. (Talks to self off screen again) anyway inspiring that one that was transformers (insert inane autitstic gibbering) anyway, inspiring that thta was transformers animated Swindle with the big gun so that the Jerkhiefs, the leader of jerkops would pilot the SAV and they like Megatron (something something stupid) big guns. (Vroomvroomvroom)
References
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