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Son-Chu Review

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Son-Chu Review is a video released by Chris on 2 April 2017. It is a showcase of Son-Chu and other disfigured toys. The purpose was to promote his latest business venture of selling stamps - the Son-Chu figure was announced as a prize in a raffle, which people could enter by purchasing one of Bob's stamps or Chris's $1,000 album on eBay. It failed to increase Chris's sales. A full five days after the video was released, he got $0.

This video is very long, clocking in at just over 48 minutes. It seems that while Chris has disabled ratings on the video, he didn't disable comments.

Notable mentions include scenes at 16:50 (Chris talks in a Butch lesbian voice) and 18:45 (he gets a little too excited attacking a cop car).

In the parts where Chris speaks, it is worth noting that he appears to be straining his voice in such a way that it is has a higher pitch than normal. This is clearly deliberate, and he may be doing this to make himself seem more feminine. When depicting the voice of a male character in the video, such as Sonichu, Chris reverts back to his regular voice instead of deepening it. This solidifies the idea that Chris is making a conscious effort to change the pitch of his regular voice, as he portrays male characters with his old, "manly" voice.

This shift in pitch to Chris's voice causes his already warped vocals to sound worse, and thus harder to understand. Arthur Spatchcock volunteered to transcribe.

Video

Son-Chu Review
Stardate 2 April 2017
Subject Matter MarketingMarketing Marketing
Performance Style CrazyCrazy Crazy
Saga Selling OutSelling Out Selling Out
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
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Description

Something New from the Sonichu and Rosechu world finally able to be made, (Autobot) Son-Chu (formerly a Ford Escort station wagon, now a 2010 Ford Focus car). Fully Painted, customized and all that, and Personally/Officially Dubbed the Official Son-Chu Figure on March 17, 2017. Sanju!!!
    • Son-Chu Bio on package card: "The city of Cwcville, VA; defended greatly, between the team of Sonichus and Rosechus, the creator, Chrstine W. Chandler, and a group of five brave Autobots, led by Son-Chu; locally known as the Samurai Pizza Bots, as they work delivering pizzas (and Son-Chu driving Miss Chandler around) while in hiding until when needed. Not only the Decepticons, but transforming robots created by the team of Count Graduon as well, attack the city to try to take it over and break up all loving relationships worldwide. When the offensives are too big for the Sonichus and Rosechus to handle, Son-Chu and his group are there to blast the villains off!"
    • Read and Listen to video for the details of the Son-Chu Figure Giveaway (deadline April 30, 2017).

-Buy the Stamp Covers, and the highly-sentimental book of mine, on my ebay shop, here... [1]

-CWC Skylander Figure and Card Review Video... [2]

-emgo316's Channel... [3]

SHAREfactory™[4]

Transcript

[Opens with stock footage showing blenders and two starbursts saying "SPECIAL OFFER!!" on a blue background. Cut to one starburst on the same background saying, "BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!"]

A word from our sponsor

[Stamp album open on table, Skylander T-shirt being used as a backdrop.]

Chris: [in a weird high pitched voice] This video is brought ta you by the stamps Christines Chandlers Ebay Shop of Mr. C's clam-stamp collection of her late father you are eligible to buy among which any purchase up to the date of April 31st win themselves an automatic entry to win the toy featured in this video. There will be two available: one for random drawing, and one for the automatic winner that buys the stahmp album in said shop [gasp] that come with all the prizes that I stated in that-I that description. Not only do they get this toy but they also get [reaches behind self] they also get the Skylander self, Skylander figure and the self Skylander card that is completely functional on Skylanders Imaginators for the leading console playing Nintendo Switch. [Removes figure and card] And now, on with our show.

1:29: Enter Son-Chu, Sonichu and Rosechu

[Scene change. Son-Chu on display. Sonichu enters from left.]

Chris as Sonichu: Hmm, wow...my autobot friend got promoted.

[Rosechu enters from right.]

Sonichu: Whaddya think of that, Rosie?

Rosechu: I think he looks neat.

Sonichu: Ah tell you one thing: I knew when he was an escort... and now he has a lot more to 'Focus' on.

Rosechu: Ford.

[Chris laughs as Rosechu and Sonichu.]

Sonichu: Automobile joke autobots rollout.

[Both Sonichu and Rosechu 'zip' off screen.]

1:55: Not-title card

[Chris does another breakaway and comes back with a hand drawn sign saying:]

Иot
The Freakin Geek Reviews
homage parody of Emgo316's title card; apologies offered. Emgo makes Awesome skits [backwards k] and great reviews.

[Chris is providing his own background music.]

Chris: [sings] Bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bum bum ba bum bum, na naaaa!

2:20: Packaging and history

[After a shitter transition, Chris once again has his Skylanders shirt as a backdrop. His 'Son-chu' Transformer backdrop is leaning against it and his custom car is front and center. Chris is speaking in a high-pitched, hard-to-hear girly/goofball voice.]

Chris: Hey Youtube fans whassup it's Christine Chandler comin' ta you live from home once again, not Emgo316, and today we'll be reviewing the latest ander finally made into a toy figure 3D world, from the comic book world, Autobot Som-Chu!

So here we are and dere he is and first and foremost we'll take a quick look [brings backdrop forward] at thuh packaging see right here on the front, [mumbles, loses control of camera before picking it up] as you can see, right here on the front you can see piece of artwork and the artwork is my work on the plate SONICHU~! because he is from the city of CWCville Virginia and on the front is autobot SON-CHU~! and SON-CHI~! [unintelligable autism] Titans; and on the side of the package, you have that same piece of artwork; on the bottom WORDS~! Lotsa lotsa words and on thuh back of the package you have your obligatory product shots, you got this and that this and that; WARNING~! Not-- DON'T DO THIS DON'T DO THAT don't feed the bear! The vehicle mode [unintelligible] Headmaster, he's a robot, and [unintelligible] having a big gun and a shield~ And look at this he becomes a soundstage for when you wanna do a concert and if you can read that [you can't; it's out of focus] he has a brief bio. Zip-de-doo, I'll copy and paste the bio out that in the description later; that's basically it FORE the packa-GING!

He also come with a [unintelligible] collector's card with that same piece of artwork [flips card] and tech specs for both Autob-, for both Son-Chu and Son-Chi if you care er about them. Hurray for card [Throws it across room.]

Nyah, whatever. Oh it's like a pretty to look at. It has artwork. Talk a little bit bout SON-CHU~! I will make the joke that was the beginning more understandable if you get it. [Pulls out sonichu pic] So years ago at Transformers dot com I had designed my own Autobot, the place, so that was the first Son-Chu Autobot during the era of the Arhmada. Lookit that face, LOOKIT DAT FACE~! Eh look at how big he got built during the movie gap not as good as what we ended with four-a few years later [flips picture over] [mumble] dot com I like this face better its better looking face and he's from the Cybertron Era so between those, between those and my car that's how we end up [Brings out Sonichu Son-Chu] with Point O robot of Autobot Son-Chu!

And by the way that's pronounced like the Chinese word Sonju so when you shout SON-Chu! you're saying VICTORY~! Victory for CWCville~! And the Autobots, and the Samurai Pizza bots they were known quase in CWCville and he was originally a Ford Escort station wagon. Its roof, right there [point thumb to poorly drawn station wagon and then to Son-Chu] becomes the shield, and the hood of the car...becomes the gun. And then, a few years later, we got new robot mode because he b'came Ford Escort...n-no Ford Focus, Escort, Focus, Focus, Escort, it was an Escort and I had more to Focus on [fake laughs at own joke].

5:54: Car mode, Headmaster and lion

[Bad cutaway]

Chris: And now we've got a vehicle mode from -- officially from Hasbro that matches the Ford Focus fairly well...uh would say, you could call it a bold -- same mold, uh Rundown and Breakdown, but you know what, [higher pitch] I answer that request[?], [more normal pitch] he's got a spoiler that's one big difference. Thats one big difference. [Shows cars ass] And all the custom paint and license plate Son-ch-Sonichu! [Flips it to the front end] Just like that license plate still...c'mon, back [[[stress sigh]]] Wauto-focus! Sony! You need to auto focus this camera [Flips car to bottom] and on the bottom you'll see later that he's got uh...Son-Chu license plate on the other side front side as well. Oh look, the windows in the tinted red, and we got uh, so obj-- obviously he was originally Breakaway, but he does come with a few pieces that we're gonna get into, he includes his Titan Master Mr. TiTONY~! AutoBot Son-Chi! With a paint-- custom painted face... painted his hands, his hands, lookhishands, nyoo nyoo. Camera. Fix the camera Sony, make it so it's not Mirroring~! And I painted his legs and of course [Has flipped the little robot into the head] Who has upside down face?

Dumb Robot: I do~! I do how you doin'? I'm upside down. I'm gettin' dizzy.

Chris: And actually has two Titan Masters, because he's got one for-- that goes behind his shield, get to that in a moment. Here is other Titan Master, little tiny, we call him Mark 1, and you'll get to see why in just a moment. As usual it's something that has got the wibbly-wobbly head; their arms can either got partway or up and down, and these legs [makes Mark 1 dance] doo-de-doo-de-doo-de-doo, woop woop woop, and upside down face and right there we can see what he's called Mark 1? Rewind a bit you'll get the joke. So that's-You get two Titan masters with that and acourse you incorporate the main one, little Son-Chi into the car itself [Knocks over the Mark 1 bot]

Son-Chi: I knocked him over sorry about that. I'm SORRY! We'll get you back up shortly. [Is then molested by Chris to 'sit']

Chris: And you bend his legs, you put him in the drivers seat, and of course that's the only way [points to raised windows] I can the thing to come up is ta pop the arms apart.

And then we move onto the next part that's included: [Annoying voice] DIS LITTLE LION DIS LITTLE BLUE LION actually comes wif a one of those titan masters ACESSORIES~! That Transform into other things, got all that blue paint all over him, he still has some silver, he's got black, yellow, leftover behind...so anyway you incorporate the titan, the Mark 1 [molests robot] come on Titan Master, put him in de back of his head [Inserts poor robot into lions head] get the lion there get the picture once more [Goes to retrieve Son-Chu picture] Lookit the original Son-Chu's drawing. He has a shield. Because when he transforms from vehicle to car roof here [Points to station wagon roof] its pops of...becomes the shield. I wanted to keep the shield so, Hashbro, thank you for the shield...just had to give it a little recolor. And before we change into the shield for comparison [introduces duplicate of lion] here he is with Sawback, the original Titan Master vehicle, lookit all that yellow and blue, yellow blue...

[Autism ensues as he makes them growl at one another. Have a growling match and Sawback runs off, yipping like a dog despite being a lion...then laughs at how funny he is]

Alright so what you want to do [gets to molesting the lion robot] is you wanna take these parts and move em forward [transforming] pull his legs forward, tilt head back [Transforming] I'm not gonna do-THis is the weapon mode but I'm not doing the vehicle mode. [Transformed] Anyway that's how you get the shield that's THE SHIELD~! If I had a perfect way, like it was my sister, I'd put him on top of the roof, he could ride along up there, but for the most, put the lion up there [Puts next to car] Duh duh, duh duh duh~...it can run along, aside...her. [pantomines running by slapping the lion against the table a few times] Badup badup badup badup, blup blup blup blup. Or fun one I figgered out [stands lion on top of car] thank you spoilers lookit that. [Makes more car noises as he pushes car back and forth] Obviously he can't stay up there [Flips car, throws lion off] Sorry bout that.

[Picks up lion, outs face in camera lens.]

11:26: Pipes

Lion: Hey 3D! [Growls]

Chris: Is this thing 3D compatible? With my mouth closeup to the camera it looks like he's popping out of the monitor.

Lion: [Autistic growling] I got a mission.

Chris: You can go back. So moving right along, he's got a couple other -- he's got a few other accessories. Like, he includes these two pairs of pipes that came off one of the other parts that had to be required to put this thing together, 'cause it took most -- it took more than one figure to put it the way I wanted it together so anyway you incorporate these to make it look cooler by putting them -- on the side -- aaaand now it looks less like a Ford Focus cause you've got the pipes on the side. [Rolls car back and forth, mumbles.]

12:05: Guns

Chris: Badoop badoop badoo-rr, And we give him this pair of guns -- not from Chromedome or Breakaway, but they are easy to put on in the vehicle mode: just put em on there~ and you could em on the other way but then he won't roll so easily so yeah you gotta put em like that and I wanna take these-I wanna remove these for we have plenty more compar-vehicle comparisons to go with, [muttering] okay, eventually.

So~ moving right along for brief introductions of the other characters [brings in a pic of Prower] of which were inspired by actual past Autobot figures, we're bringing in Autobot Prowler of which was transfor-was inspired by transformers animated Prowl with the side car [goes high pitched] AND THATS ANOTHER THING I WANNA BRING UP if you want-wana put the Titan Masters, Headmasters in the show are supposed to be like -- match the size accurate to human. For this type of [mumble] sidecar that's perfect, but you try putting a Titan Master on a motorcycle [stupid voice] he's not gonna reach the pedals so easily lookit that [TM falls off seat and slides into sidecar] yer not gonna reach the pedals so easily if if I had a deluxe class Titan Master motorcycle lookit that lookit that [holding the titan master in the bikes seat; stupid voice again] HIS LEGS CAN't GO DOWN OR ELSE HE'd HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT [forces it face down into seat] LOOK HOW FAR AWAY THE HANDLEBARS ARE. IT'S-IT DON'T WORK. IT DON'T WORK. POOR MOTORCYCLE DELUXE CLASS. Figures. [Starts fake crying off scene]

Anyway, dadat dadat dada, [mumbling to self again] Next up from the Comic book world female autobot Excelina who was obviously definitely motorcycle respected with the hologram and made to look like a woman and all these Autobots they worked over at pizzeria they were known by the town as the Samurai Pizza Bots the Autobot team of CWCVille Virginia [Wanders off] Where'd she go? [Dumb noises, waves hand in front of camera] Gonna be a cut moment there.

14:57: Excelina and Bumba-Lumba

Chris: [Didn't actually do a cut] And now here she is [introduces female robot fap toy] with autobot Arcee crown-from Micheal Bay movie 1[?] which was unfortunately put on the cutting room floor...pretty sad. It's a pretty motorcycle pretty motorcycle...anyway, eh, lookit that! [Repositions cars, uses dumb voice again] we're moving right along, side by side [vroom vroom vroom noises, points at both cars] These two are sweethearts in CWCVille THE CITY OF CWCVILLE VIRGINIA~ deh deh, deh deh deh~ [mumbling, removes female car] then theres the third member of the CWCVille -utobot team is Bumba-Lumba green and hot flames he's not lost he's holding a bunch of PIZZA BAGELS PIZZA BAGELS PIZZA BAGELS and obviously another one from the animated series...so there's Son-Chu with the anime Bumblebee...I like leaving the rockets on there [bunch of autistic gibberish follows] rockets and bupbupbup and then bumblebee is gone. [Murmuring] Where's my drawing? Oh here it is.

16:25: Armoraxe

Chris: [Brings in last autistic bot] And uh last on the -tobot team we have Armoraxe duh uh the rocker uh the rocker of the pizzabots [gibberish] lookit the lightening bolts got on there [gibberish] and everything! [Removes picture] and inspiring that...that wsa animated Soundwave [mumbles] animated Soundwave.

16:50: Crackder

[gets a butch lesbo voice] HOW ANIMATED AM I?

If you note the Decepticon symbol pretend it's an autobot symbol he's on the same team. [Goes off screen again]

Annnnd on the-on the bad team side [Mumbles something about Count Grodoun and Slaweel Ryam] th'ey made the-transpired-transpire with the Decepticons they got a few Schematics and they made their own cept the clones are piloted by the Jerkops-robot cops whatever what have you. And first up we have Crackeder [Shows stupid picture] first of these clones of the PVCC. Lookit that lookit that jet. Jet [something] So with that inspiring that was transformers Cybertron ThunderCracker. SO he's got a look for scale if this cockpit could open a titan master could fit in ther. [Picks up jet] WHOOSH~! [Off screen] And uh, second of ducepticon on duh bad team there was [shows picture] Punislav with a really big fist he could thrown punches [makes sexual sounds] and was a jerkop car cause you can't trust da police...the police you can't trust them but they are jerkops.

18:45: Punislav and SAV

Well anyway [offscreen again, talking to self] That was movie one Barricade unfortun- fortunately these all [laugh talks] survived the house fire. But yeah Barricade was on the show but anyway.

[voice goes deep] Pull over.

[Goes autistic] NO~! [Makes Son-Chu pull around in front off, rams into police car] Bastard cop. [Continues to ram police car over and over again. High pitches voice hard to make out but he rams the cop car off the table; murdering him.] Take that, Jerkop. [Laughs] Sweet Victory~! Get retribution and all that. And then the last of the decepticons [something about drawing] something else, we have the S.A.V. [shows picture] also known as the Scoundrel Ass Vessel, the ass with one s cause it's a scoundrel as a vessel and there he is the big SUV; SAV, SUV, that's a pun there, that was the pun. [Talks to self off screen again] Anyway inspiring that one that was transformers [gibberish] anyway, inspiring that that was transformers animated Swindle with the big gun so that the Jerkhiefs, the leader of jerkops would pilot the SAV and they like Megatron [something something] Jerkop's got the big gun. Vroomvroomvroom.

20:24: More comparisons

[Displays two other Transformers in vehicle mode, flanking Son-Chu] And for further comparison, here is Son-Chu with Chromedome? And Breakaway. You can see the differences besides the [?] and the coloring; I have some spoiler, better, Son-Chu, Son-Chu, wheeee, boop boop boop boop boop-a-doo. [Drives Chromedome and Breakaway around Son-Chu, then picks them up and puts them away offscreen. ] And for an activate[?], here he is with Hot Rod. [Mutters something, giggles, puts Alpha Trion on the table.] Aaaand here he is with Palpitron. [deep voice] Young warrior. Yessir. I'm catching up to you to offer you advice. Can you offer it to me later? I'm doing this video. Okay, young warrior. [Picks up P Alpha Trion, 'flies' offscreen] To infinity and beyond! Doo-doo-doo-da-da-da! [Places the toy somewhere offscreen, camera shakes a little] And, [Moves Son-Chu to the right, places down Optimus Prime truck] here he is with the car master, Optimus Prime. I am an optimist, my name is Optimus. Well, you're the leader, so you're bigger than me, obviously. I'm still an optimist, my name is Optimus. Optimist, Optimus, optimist, Optimus, optimiiiist! [Drives Optimus offscreen, moves Son-Chu back to center] [Jump cut, Son-Chu is now in mecha form] 'Scuse me for this bad egg [?], but there was one particular comparison I forgot to do before changing it into, uh, vehicle mode. [Removes Son-Chu's head and shows us how it unfolds into a minifigure] Here's autobot Son-Chu [Show us a red-and-white figure in other hand] with the original Power Master Prime's power master figure. And... [[puts Power Master away, brings out brown-and-black figure] with an actual typical headmaster. From Generation 1. He uses the [unintelligible] and this one, comes with a typical one, this one was Cap, the fire truck. So yes, we're taller than the typical, average headmaster of the past! [seems proud while saying this, hits headmaster with Son-Chu figure, it falls onto desk] So take that, Endo! Huh, so sorry. Okay. [takes headmaster offscreen, makes minifigure back into head, puts it on Son-Chu]

22:50: Transform!

[jump cut, Son-Chu now back in car form] Okay, so now let's move right along to transformation, shall we?

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References

  1. http://www.ebay.com/sch/pristinechristine1982/m.html?isRefine=true&item=282382503232&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562&_mwBanner=1
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-SsI0EbdJI
  3. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVEDzEYSNi5FwEKmLY6LT0Q
  4. https://store.playstation.com/#!/en-us/tid=CUSA00572_00
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