Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5
Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5 is the fifth of the phone calls between Alec and Chris.
Summary
In this phone call, Alec is obviously annoyed with Chris to the point of berating him like he's a child. Alec calls Chris a troll and a bully and is upset that he decided to curse Mao. He is also upset that the apology video was missing key elements which Alec requested as well as containing subjects such as belittling Alec's fanbase as well as not apologizing to Evan in the comic. Later, Chris steals a page from Norman Bates as he tries to impersonate his mother in order to get off of the phone with Alec.
Transcription
Alec: it's Alec. How are you?
Chris: Hey Alec. I'm doing okay, how are you?
Alec: I'm good, I'm good. Yeah... So, uh... I saw your apology video.
Chris: mhm.
Alec: Yeah, um... You were... I'm glad that uh, you know you got some things there but you're missing a couple of things from the video.
Chris: Hmm... I missed a couple of things...
Alec: Yeah, yeah, yeah... a few things actually. Um, you know I asked you to apologize for the word 'naive'. You didn't do that.
Chris: Oh, okay. My bad.
Alec: Yep, yeah, it is your bad. 'Cause that word means such a big deal to you I wanted you to mention that specifically. Pretty sure I said that.
Chris: yeah
Alec: Another thing, you also said my, "quote unquote fanmail", which, I didn't like that. It was like you were suggesting that I don't actually have real fans. That's... that's not nice, Chris.
Chris: (pauses) Well, I did not mean that.
Alec: Well then why'd you say it?
(long pause, then both interrupt each other)
Alec: I don't really like going through this night after night, Chris. I mean it... I shouldn't have to tell these things over and over. You know. You tell a kid things over and over
Chris: Yeah.
Alec: An adult-A man should listen once and know what to do.
Chris: Yep.
Alec: Let's see, what else. Uh... Well apparently you... you made a video right before I talked to you cursing Mao. That wasn't good either Chris. I-I mean I don't think I specifically mentioned Mao when I talked to you but I think you should have been able to infer that I don't want you cursing him either.
Chris: I see.
Alec: I used to-
Chris: But he put-he put-he put up a bunch of dicks on my Cwckipedia yesterday!
Alec: I used to think that Mao was being too mean with you. I used to kinda sympathize with you about how Mao was being mean to you, but then I realized that, uh, you're a bully and you don't respond to anything but mean things like that. And now I kind of think Mao had the right idea. 'Cause I was trying to be nice to you and all you did was insult me.
Chris: No, you misunderstand me I am not a bully.
Alec: Oh, oh you're not? Death threats, that's not-
Chris: I am not a bully!
Alec: Oh, oh no, no, of course not. Hacking into my computer, breaking into my house... bullies don't do that, do they? I guess that's technically true, bullies don't do that, hardened criminals do things like that. Which is, you know, worse than a bully. You are a troll, though. That's for certain.
Chris: I am not a troll!
Alec: Oh, bullshit. Bullshit.
Chris: Although I did... Although I will apologize...
Alec: Ever since Asperchu appeared you've being doing nothing but trying to shut me down. Just like the trolls that try to shut you down.
Chris: I see.
Alec: But you know, but the great Christian Weston Chandler, he's perfect, you know. Nobody can... can attack him or parody him, but if someone else does something that he doesn't like, doesn't matter if its got nothing to do with him... oh, there's gonna be hell to pay. You wanna hack my website, hack my X-Box account, steal some dating game that I don't even have... I don't even need, you know, dating sims by the way... and destroy my console. That's not the work of a troll at all, now is it?
Chris: I-I said that the idea was in my head, I never said I would actually to do it.
Alec: Your idea was in your comic, you put it out there for everyone to read. It-it wasn't just in your head. And hey, I thought, I thought that, uh, comics were real. Comics are just as real as real people, right? So, if you draw it on paper, then it must be the same thing as wanting to act on it in real life, right? Isn't that how that works? You made all of your characters slander me.
Chris: Uh, excuse me a moment. Yes? (Chris walks away from the phone and does a horrible impression of his mother) Hey! Hey Christian, listen. I need you to go clean up kitty's poo in the kitchen. Oh, okay mom, I'll take care of it. And let the kitty out, would ya? Sure, I'll be right out there. (Chris comes back to the phone) Uh, yeah, my mom's telling me I've gotta go clean up kitty's poo, I've gotta go, so uh... Is there a number I can call you back at? So I can talk to you later?
Alec: Um, I really don't want to give you a number 'cause you troll me on the internet already, you'll probably troll me on the phone if I gave you my contact number. You know, you go ahead... y-you go ahead, I know letting the cat out is hard work and is gonna make you want to sleep 'cause I know your biological clock is, is you know, is all whacked out from all of your stress. 'Cause I know it's stressful trolling me... so.
Chris: I'm not trolling you. But anyway. Yeah.
(both interrupt each other for a few seconds)
Alec: Okay, well, Chris? I-I wanna let you know that, um, that your apology video was not satisfactory, and that you haven't apologized to Evan at all in your comic like I asked you to. So you go ahead and go, and I'll talk to you later. I'll call you when you don't-
Chris: Well yeah, but by the way-by the way I unblocked your e-mail, so you can send your thoughts in typing as well.
Alec: Oh. Oh wow. Wow, you know... such a gracious, such a gracious... such a gracious allowance that you made there.
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