Chris treats the process of establishing a relationship as a strict and immutable ritual in which hanky panky invariably occurs on the third date at the latest.[1]
Online dating
Chris has joined several online dating sites, including Match, OkCupid [2] and Book of Matches [3]. He has also tried using Craiglist several times, but his ads were deleted because they contravined the terms of service. One of these Craigslist ads was sent in to You Suck at Craigslist, because in addition to failing at life, he's also a complete failure on Craigslist! Apparently they frown upon anti-Semitism and racism - who knew?
Chris's ideas about dating Blanca
Excerpts from an e-mail Chris wrote to Blanca in September 2008:
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The First Day
- meet my mother and father, chat with them a while and get to know each other
- video gameplay with Guitar Hero
- For dinner that evening, our First Date, I will take you out to McDonalds, Arbys, Burger King, or a small restaurant like that
- I'd let you go back to your hotel, or bring you back home. NO SEX on the first night, but if you'd like to make out, I'd welcome it.
The Second Day
- PS2 or 3
- For Lunch, I'd take you to this good all-you-can-eat Pizza/Salad/Soup/Desert Buffet that I know of in Charlottesville
- Romantic Movie at the theater, or we can walk the Downtall Mall, and/or a walk in the park
- If we take in the movie, you and I can sit in the back, darker area. And if it doesn't bother you, I may "Yawn and stretch" my arm around you to your other shoulder. If you want to take it further, you may pull my hand on your shoulder a little closer to your breast (of course, this is optional), and I'd let you cop a reach into the popcorn bucket, or under that to cop a feel. Stop me if I'm bothering you any. And you and I can make out in the theater.
- if you feel like it that night in the privacy of mine or your room, you can take my virginity, or we can wait till the third night, if there is one before you have to go back to [OMITTED]. Either way, I would wear a condom then, and in the future until our Wedding Night. :)
Sunday Morning
- would you be willing to come with me to my Methodist Church as a Visitor? If you do, I would take pride in being with you there and showing you off as my Girlfriend. :D But seriously, I would honestly appreciate just having you with me there. We do sing from a red or black book at points during each service, but you don't have to sing if you don't want to.
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Chris's ideas about dating Ivy
Excerpts from a video Chris recorded for Ivy in May 2009:
- my mommy and I—my family and I—will meet you at the airport
- I know a place that does some great smoothies, so yeah, a cafe
- enjoy a movie in the theatre, at home or watch a television rerun. FAMILY GUY, heh, Family Guy. Or uh I love Lucy or I got the entire series of Gilligan's Island.
- make some music together on Guitar Hero
- I will look forward to the eventuality of you and I having our sex time together. Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll do my best to pleasure you to keep you satisfied, satisfied, just for you. Just for you, hmmm. I know a number of good positions and massages, hmmm, hmmm.
- I know a number of places we could walk around at and uh we could walk about the mall, we could walk about the UVA grounds, good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight.
- We can walk the hermit crabs together, hmmm, walk about, you might like your, you might walk your hermit crabs.
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Sauce