Kaka Makeup Basics

Virginia tomgirls, we're unforgettable
DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS, muscle bra on top
Sun-deprived skin, so hot
We'll burst your pickle
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Virginia tomgirls, we're undeniable
Fat, fat, fat, and one bent duck
East Coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oh-oh-oh-oh!

Kaka Makeup Basics is a video released by Chris on 16 August 2011. Here, we see Chris putting on makeup, reinforcing his status as a tomgirl. Chris applies the makeup extremely inexpertly, completely caking himself in it, akin to a two-year-old who has just discovered mommy's make-up kit, proving again that Chris cannot even do something he wants to right. As well, it's revealed that he uses make-up from Sephora, a very expensive cosmetics store, though we know how he got that.

Video

Kaka Makeup Basics
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Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	16 August 2011
Subject Matter	Homos Homos
Performance Style	Reason, Crazy
Saga	Tomgirl Tomgirl
Shirt	Blue Tomgirl Blue Tomgirl
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Transcript

[Background music: Katy Perry - "California Gurls"]

'Ello. Now it's time for make-up tips. First... I like to start, by putting on some of the ol' foundation. My-I go with my own skin tone which was recommended to me by the person-by the woman who served me over at the ah make-up parlor known as Sephora. So yeah, take the, ah, little brush here and, uh... [Stirs brush around the way one stirs gummy oatmeal.] ... just take some here and- [Starts to put make-up on.] and start to put it on a majority of my face. [There's a moment of Chris putting his make-up on his eyelids. They twitch reflexively, clearly not used to having foundation put on them.] There. [Continues putting make-up on roughly, the same way one would paint a house.]. Pardon me while I [looks at camera dramatically] powder my nose. Definitely kills the shine. And you don't want a reflective nose. Make sure you cover your blemishes as well if you see any in the mirror... on your compact. [Phone rings] I should have turned that off, I didn't think. And let me just-[sigh] fix that. Yeah. Make sure to blow the excess [pause] make up away after you have completed that.

[Mumbles] Apply some mascara. [Blows on mascara and applies it, constantly blinking on every alternate stroke.] Angling the brush and moving upwards, keeping an eye on the mirror. You definitely want to make your eyelashes more fuller, especially when they look- don't look so full in the first place. Another good idea is to just close your eyelid and onto-onto the brushhh. I mainly like to focus on the upper eyelashes cause the lower ones are more difficult to... do really, at least for me.

And then I like to ah apply the ol' eye shadow but first I have to apply some primer onto the- onto my eyelids. [Applies a liberal amount of primer as though it were toothpaste.] Like so. And right now I just gotta focus on, uh, one-- [almost drops the eye shadow] shade of eye shadow to go onto my eyelids for this time. To-ah-to get yourself ed-y-get yours- you can learn more about [burps under his breath] how to apply multiple shades to give your eyes a, ah, possibly more better look. Your eyelids. [Applies blue eyeshadow liberally.] If you want more information on applying makeup, def'nitely go to yer, local make-up salon or Sephora. Or I guess, uh, yeah, most anywhere else that sells make-up.

And uh, optionally you can use eye liner, obviously I should have done that before I applied eye shadow. It goes along de, uh, edge of the eyelid. That's where it's concentrated at.

And lastly, I like to apply some-apply some lipstick. This is a no brainer. [Mumbles, applies lipstick liberally, and blows a kiss at the camera.] And to give you a little shine, I, uh, just apply some lip glossss. [Applies the lipgloss, then smacks his lips.] And that's a simple-that's pretty much a basic way on, uhf- of applying make-up. [Gives a stare, attempting to look flirty but coming off as disturbing.] Tell 'em, uh, [gives a shifty glance off-camera] Kaka sent ya.

⇐ Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada

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