Difference between revisions of "Axe"
| Line 9: | Line 9: | ||
{{quote|ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man.|Chris, master of logic<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality Homosexuality on CWCipedia]</ref>}} | {{quote|ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man.|Chris, master of logic<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality Homosexuality on CWCipedia]</ref>}} | ||
'''Axe''' (also known as "'''Lynx'''" to many Britfags, pronounced "[[Speech Impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a | '''Axe''' (also known as "'''Lynx'''" to many Britfags, pronounced "[[Speech Impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] after years of use has not dented his firm belief that the product, along with its various offshoot lines such as body wash, scrubber, and shampoo, will one day force women to over-ride their common sense and make passionate love to him eleven at a time with the help of a mass produced fragrance. | ||
His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing. | His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing. | ||
Revision as of 16:42, 10 October 2010
| “ | "For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to
attract...other dudes." |
” |
| Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User" | ||
| “ | ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man. | ” |
| Chris, master of logic[1] | ||
Axe (also known as "Lynx" to many Britfags, pronounced "Ats" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that Chris douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart after years of use has not dented his firm belief that the product, along with its various offshoot lines such as body wash, scrubber, and shampoo, will one day force women to over-ride their common sense and make passionate love to him eleven at a time with the help of a mass produced fragrance.
His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing.
Axe betrays Chris
Axe has betrayed Chris by giving away 300 Microsoft Points with their products at Target as a promotion for Xbox[citation needed].
Axe and the Homos
In the beginning of May 2009, Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a certain demographic. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "the ladies", wearing Axe may lead to being rogered roughly from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record two videos demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!"
Does it work?
No. In reality, AXE does not really attract women towards the user. Therefore, girls will never be attracted to Chris (not that they would be anyway).