Kiwi Farms posts (The Captain)

This page is an archive of The Captain's key posts about Chris on the online forum Kiwi Farms. Posts are sorted by date.

The Chris-Chan Extortionists

Main article: The Chris-Chan Extortionists

11 July 2018

The Captain posted in a thread on how he had intervened against the Idea Guys's manipulation over Chris.

Amnyfest Ring

20 July 2018

In response to a user's comment, "He probably raised most of it through his business. Like, in April, he had revenue of $4,284 + however much @The Captain paid for the ring, and I don't know how aware Barb is of his business income.

On the other hand, Chris had been having trouble scrounging up the money for the mortgage... the receipts Null posted shows Chris sending gift cards around mid-April, and Barb had appeared in begging videos in early April and early May asking for help to pay the mortgage. So he might've told Barb something to explain why they were short on money... but she probably would've found it incomprehensible and assumed he spent it on video games or something.":

Chris got $200 for the ring. Shipping and PayPal also got their cut from that. I'm not sure about any kind of "slush fund" his mother may have, but based off of her past spending habits and from what Chris has stated - nothing. She's going to go to the grave broke.

Reality Stone

24 July 2018

In response to a user's comment, "Not really. IIRC that was a suggestion implanted by @The Captain to get an in with Chris.":

Yes, it was. I told him the ring was actually the "reality stone" and he could change the reality of Cwcville to be whatever he wanted it to me, to include shutting out trolls that try and nuke it using moon cannons. It worked, but it looks like he latched onto it a little TOO hard.. Edit: It was a way to quickly and easily shut the trolls out. The ring is sending me messages: the Discord fags are bad. Also, the ring is reallllly the reality stone, and you can use it to "undo" everything that they've done! It got me (and subsequently Marvin and Null) in, and the trolls out, all in a 20 minute phone call. Within an hour they were shut out of everything and we had full access to every aspect of his social media.

Lesser Evil

14 August 2018

In response to a user's comment, "Yep, that ring. His sister dimension crap amplified once he learned that the ring can communicate to people other than himself.":

Lesser of two evils.. He's watching his favorite TV shows again, shitting in a toilet rather than on a towel, and not bleeding out financially to buy PS Vitas and other junk for weebs in California and Kentucky.

Megan's Guns

17 October 2018

In a thread about Chris tweeting that he was backtracking from a declaration of going to Megan Schroeder's house after learning she has guns from a "trusted source", and in response to a user's comment, "Haha captain was that you? Not a terrible ploy! I picture her having vintage German Lugers.":

I couldn't sit back on this one

Liza Update

6 November 2018

In a thread on Liza, Patches and Sylvia, and in response to a user's comment, "I hope Liza will be alright. He looked the worst out of all of them. I was right though.

F":

Liza is actually doing well after getting a regimen of antibiotics and such. His new owner suspects they actually have pneumonia and the conjunctivitis is simply a symptom.

Car Loan Creditor

11 November 2018

Just clarified with Chris that Chrysler Capitol is the creditor for the car loan and he owes.. A lot. He wouldn't be specific which means it's likely quite a bit. Also they are indeed the ones who suggested the auction. He surrendered the car directly to them to auction, whatever that means. I didn't even know surrendering a car was a thing.