Disguises
As with lying, Chris is not very skilled at the art of disguises and deception.
Chris's Disguises
Junior Jenkins (a.k.a. JenkinsJinkies)
| “ | I am not a pussy; I am as wild as a serial raper. | ” |
| Super Troll JenkinsJinkies (NOT CHRIS) | ||
In May 2010, Chris attempted to infiltrate the CWCki under the guise of the 14-year-old Junior Jenkins. After about a month of making minor, unnoticed edits, he created the Coffee Place article in an attempt to get trolls to go after some random lady. Trolls promptly strung him along, convincing Chris that he had become famous. In an attempt to blend in, Chris tried to imitate what he believed to be the mannerisms of an average troll. He claimed to be a fourteen year old Bostonian, which was highly suspicious considering that a certain troll hailed from the exact same city and both were of the same age. As usual, Chris made no Effort to disguise his Distinct Typing Pattern. He would also randomly spout net jargon like "butthurt" and "mindfuck" with no clear idea of what those phrases actually meant, at one point even using "butthurt" as a verb.
He was also "secretly" terrified of Chris. This was likely another attempt to fit in, only it became a major aspect of Junior's personality after multiple trolls informed him that they were not, in fact, afraid of Chris in the slightest. In his final post, Junior claimed that he was petrified with shock upon "witnessing" the destruction of Chris's PS3.
Chris abandoned Junior after he became worried that the police might mistake him for a troll and arrest him.
Bill Riley
| “ | You know what we should do, we should make him force himself on his counslor [sic] | ” |
| Novice Troll Bill Riley (NOT CHRIS) | ||
Bill was a 30 year old man who found nothing strange about female trolls asking about the dimensions of his genitalia. When asked why he was trolling Chris, he claimed that it was because Chris killed Clyde Cash, called him a homo, and sent him a computer virus. He did nothing in the chat except lurk, waiting for trolls to reveal a big plan. When pressured into suggesting ideas of his own, Bill suggested that trolls make Chris rape Rocky. When asked how this would troll Chris, he claimed that Chris would "compare himself" to Rocky mid-rape and see how inferior he was.
Bill was the first of Chris's attempts to impersonate a troll. From the start, there are tons of problems, the least of which being that the man in the photograph Chris provided is very clearly over the age of thirty. Chris made no effort to conceal his highly noticeable Typing Manner. Eventually, he realized he was found out.
The Real Chris Chandler
| “ | I'm just gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance! | ” |
| Liquid Chris (NOT CHRIS) | ||
During the Liquid saga, Chris attempted to steal Liquid's girlfriend, Kacey. Kacey spoke to Chris over the phone, in which Chris attempted to impersonate her lover. He made no effort to impersonate Liquid's voice, and at one point forgot that he was supposed to be someone else. At one point, he uploaded a video in which he attempted to continue this deception to his own account--something that Liquid would not have been able to do.
Eventually, Chris decided to come clean about it. Kacey was not pleased.
Samantha Thaddeus
| “ | I gotta do some grocery shopping, Plus I'm having a few cramps | ” |
| Teenage Girl Samantha Thaddeus (NOT CHRIS) | ||
Hilarity ensued when Chris attempted to impersonate Samantha Thaddeus. Despite being in contact with her for an extended period of time prior to assuming control of her email account, his "Samantha" was completely off-track. In his very first email to Jack Thaddeus under this alias, Chris assumed the mannerisms of a cartoonish male thug working for an evil organization. As Jack strung Chris along, Chris also came into contact with Katie Bay. In both of these emails, Samantha is suddenly a hilarious cross between how Chris thinks women act and how Chris thinks trolls act.
Carlos Chantor
| “ | Experienced for Her Pleasure. | ” |
| Sexual Master Carlos Chantor (NOT CHRIS) | ||
During the summer of 2010, Chris attempted to become a male escort under the alias of Carlos Chantor. He gave up after nobody called him. Oddly enough, this is actually his most practical disguise, as he simply hid away on a corner of the internet where nobody expected him to go, changed his name, and wore normal clothes. It just goes to show how normal Chris could look if he weren't such a lazy slob.
See also
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This article, like Chris's pickle, is a bit small. You can help CWCki by expanding it. |