Jack Thaddeus Phone Call
| “ | Take your problems head on. Do not fucking dodge them. I just read that from a fortune cookie. Except I added the fucking part because Chinese people don't curse a lot. | ” |
| Jack Thaddeus | ||
In December 2009, Jack Thaddeus called Chris, to discuss the recent events involving Chris's statements about Asperger, Sonichu 9 and his Parkay.
Most of the call, Jack reprimands Chris and tells him he has a problem with making his comics, his health and his mailbag.
Transcript
Chris: I'm just replying to
Jack: I'm pissed at you! No! Shut up I'm pissed at you.
Chris: Okay, Is this because I haven't picked up?
Jack: No- Well yes! That's actually- you get a point. Ok, You get- you get a gold star. Just like you would if you were in a retard class, which you probably were in, because, well, you're Chris. Anyways, um, so yeah, apparently you're all butthurt about people calling you- saying you have Aspergers which is pretty funny considering it, you know, it pisses you off, so-
Chris: Whatever.
Jack: What what, what what.
Chris: I'm like, whatever. It's a mislable.
Jack: Oh oh! No, it's cute it's cute! You think that, You think that aspergers, people with aspergers are trying to take the quote unquote “limelight” away from people with autism. What- how- why... why is that- that's like saying people with cancer are trying to take the limelight away from people with aids. Although you'd probably like that considering you hate the homos.
Chris: Why me (???)
Jack: You know a friend of mine has aids. He's gay
Chris: Well I feel bad for him. And he has my sympathy- he has my pity.
Jack: But he's gay Chris!
Chris: I know. I- uh- I assumed that because you know, you said he had aids.- he had aids.
Jack: Oh you assume- you assume that everybody that has aids is gay. Wow. Wow Chris. Wow, that's, way to fuckin, you know, fall into the fuckin' pit of stupid. You know, a lot of people have aids, not just gay people. Actually, more straight people have aids than gay people. But anyways, I'm pissed at you for multiple reasons. First of all, the comic sucks. Second of all, the video you did sucks. You know, Vivian's been yelling at me saying I'm interfering, I'm interfering. I didn't do shit, okay? So, you know. That- that bitch is crazy, so you know. Also, you didn't fuckin' answer my letter that I sent to you.
Chris: Well I haven't found your letter.
Jack: I told you!
Chris: I answered the mailbag and I...
Jack: Because you went and put it in rejected you dumb shit!
Chris: I did not put it in rejected mailbag- I did not- I did not find anything from Jack Thad- from you.
Jack: I told you it was in the name David Crass! You really think I'm stupid enough to put my name as Jack Thaddeus?
Chris: Oh wait, okay, okay I just found it. Okay I just found it.
Jack: Now read it out to me. Read it out to me.
Chris: Okay. “Dear Chris, why is Rosechu so useless”.
Jack: Now answer it. Why is she so useless?
Chris: Well she is not useless.
Jack: [Laughs] Okay, okay, so, so what did she do in the last, uh, comic? In this- in this comic right here.
Chris: [sigh] She took down some Punislavs and some Jerkops. With her lightning blade.
Jack: Everybody else was doing that. Her lightning- no, and then she got kidnapped! How is it that she's able to apparently fight these people, and then suddenly get kidnapped.
Chris: It just happened. It happened from behind her. She does not have eyes in the back of her head.
Jack: It just happened. Oh! She got taken from behind. I see that's- she got taken from... [trails off]. Also Punislavs? That's kinda Slavs- you know that Slavs are an ethnic group,? That's kinda I'm just saying Chris-
Chris: [Interrupts] Well would you rather I called it a “slave?”
Jack: Yes that might be nice. That might be nice. What you think that all black- that slaves- that slave has suddenly become a bad word? It makes more sense, Chris. If they're fuckin'- god dammit. You know what? You know what? You know what, you should be talking to Vivian about this shit because I'm just saying. I mean- but anyways. Why is Rosechu not a useless piece of shit? And also, why is your plot so fucking convoluted and unnecessarily complicated? You make Characters, and then you retcon them into the fucking story and then they disappear. They play no role.
Chris: [Sigh] They do play a role, they help in defending the city of CWCville.
Jack: That's not a fucking, okay, okay, you seem to have a problem with storytelling. Cwcville- the defense of CWCville doesn't mean shit if there's no story. And you need certain main character. A bunch of fucking secondary characters don't do shit.
Chris: Well Sonichu is a main- Sonichu and Rosechu are the main characters.
Jack: They why do you have so many fucking other characters? The only character I like is Punchy Sonichu and that's because he reminds me of clyde [long pause] What?
[Ending at 5:30, starting at 11:00]
Jack: Vivian is... gonna be pissed, and, you know.... I'm just saying.
Chris: Alright, well, my bad.
Jack: Anyways... I want you to... stop rejecting... mail that you don't like.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: You—these are your fans, Chris; you shouldn't be fucking pushing them around like this... and actin' like, ya know, just because they say something that you don't agree with, their... opinions suddenly don't matter.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: You know, so.... Vivian is trying to help you, but you don't—you seem to have a problem with taking advice.
Chris: I have been taking advice—the advice of Vivian.
Jack: No, you haven't.
[interruption battle ensues]
You've been—you've been—okay, here's your version of—
Chris: O—okay, well I—okay, well, I need to disspell—I need to—
Jack: Chris!
Chris: [interrupts quietly] Okay.
Jack: What have I told you about interrupting?!
Chris: Alright, well, I was—I wa—I was sayin' somethin', then, uhh, you started sayin' somethin', so, okay.... Continue.
Jack: Trials and advertisements make... you—trials and adversities make stronger; take your problems head-on; do not fucking dodge them.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: I just read that... from a fortune cookie.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Except I added the "fucking" part, because—
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Chinese people don't curse a lot.
Chris: Alright.
Jack: Actually, they do, but... I don't know. They—they curse in Chinese... something.
Chris: Yeah. Okay.
Jack: How much do you care about Sonichu? [disgruntled noise of frustration] Okay! Now I am pissed, Chris, because I know what you're doing; you're just—you're not even listening! There's more—
Chris: I am listening to you.
Jack: No, you're just saying, "Uh-huh. Yeah. Uhm-hmm. Yeah." You—...I've heard you do this before.
Chris: Well, I have been listening to you.
Jack: Hi(?), I remember when you did this with Clyde. You just sit there and just, like, go, "Uhm-hmm. Uhm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Mm." Do I do a good impression of you? I think I do. I'm—I think it's pretty spot-on. So....
Chris: Whatever.
Jack: 'Member when—that's not a fuckin' respo-nse!
Chris: That did go on (?).
Jack: Okay. He—remember when he tried to get you to go to Redmond... and you didn't go?
Chris: Right.
Jack: You didn't go, because you don't give a shit about Sonichu.
Chris: No, I didn't go, because I thought it was trap.
Jack: How could it be a trap? For what?
Chris: Well—
Jack: Do you think Clyde would—
Chris: My mom thought it wa—my mom thought it was a trap. My dad thought it was a trap.
Jack: No, you thought it was a trap!
Chris: And th—
Jack: Mom and Dad don't give a shit about what you do with Sonichu!
Chris: And then we realized that the—that the e-mails from Mr. Mayamoto came from Mail.com, which is where anybody could pretend to be somebody else.
[at this point, Jack basks in the silence of the rare occurrence of having been owned by Chris]
Jack: Eh.... Well... Miyamoto—
Chris: Of course, you know, my family is concerned of my safety, so there you go.
Jack: Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know why they threw me out?
Chris: Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?
[Chris is now officially on a roll]
Jack: Oooh! That earns you... two more gay ads! ...You little sassy—
Chris: Okay.
Jack: thingy... guy. You gonna apologize?
Chris: Yeah, I'm apologizing. I apologize for that. Okay, I—
Jack: No, say, "I'm sorry." Hey, "I am sorry."
Chris: I'm sorry.
Jack: Well... they kicked me out because I—because, you know... I have like five other brothers, or something. I don't know. I have a lot of... people in house.
Chris: Okay. So it was overcrowded.
Jack: Yes.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Just like your house, except it's not full of people; it's full of shit that you don't need! HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhh... we have fun, don't we, Chris?
Chris: Hmm.... Well, you are, anyway.
Jack: Yeah.
Chris: And I am not going to interrupt.
Jack: Anyways... grow some balls, get some initiative, fucking promote the shit out of Sonichu....
Chris: Okay.
Jack: ...Vivian's gonna rape me... with the... strap-on, because she's crazy—oh, wait, I was reading an e-mail. Umm... yeah.
Chris: Alright.
Jack: Just do whatever Vivian says, and... I'll be calling you soon, and... you don't fucking abuse your fans. Like, they're, you know—you don't have a lot of them, Chris!
Chris: Yeah.
Jack: Also, go to Redmond. Because, you know—
Chris: Eventually, I—eventually, I will.
Jack: Yeah.
Chris: Alright.
Jack: Yeah, I—so.... Oh, also—also, don't piss of your Asperger friends, 'cuz, you know, they're fuckin'... crazy-ass niggers.
Chris: Okay.
Jack: Yeah.
Chris: Alright. So... any other thoughts?
Jack: Alright. Uhh... you're fat.
Chris: Oka—oka—okay, I guess we're done here...?
Jack: Yep. Bye-bye.
Chris: Okay, take care. Merry Christmas.
Jack: Merry Christmas to you, Fatty Fatfat!
