CWCki talk:Operation Mailbag

PROTIP: Be sure to check out the Mailbag, Chris's fan chats, Questions for Chris and to search the CWCki to make sure your question hasn't already been answered.

PROTIP: Deadline for submitting your e-mails is 13 December 2009 at 11:59 p.m. EST. Submissions will be posted onto CWCipedia for Chris's mailbag on 14 December 2009.

Rules of Engagement and Details

There's a lot of things we want to know about Chris but we don't have public sources for them or our existing information isn't clear.

Since most of you guys aren't faggots, and it'll be an interesting break from "ZOMG CHRIS I LOVE YOUR COMIC" e-mails Chris gets while not being a "Chris, autism and Asperger's are NOT different..." or other passive aggressive e-mails, while amusing, Chris ignores, I'd like to get 10 or so e-mails for Chris to answer and (assuming Cogs and Clyde agree), will bypass the filtering stage and put directly onto CWCipedia

The purpose of this project is ultimately to enrich the CWCki by getting public sources to previously rumored information and to hear the truth from the horse's mouth.

Once again, the purpose is NOT to troll Chris but to obtain information to improve the CWCKi.

Rules of engagement:
1) no "zomg I love your comic I wanna marry you" shit. Obviously say you're a fan, to establish rapport but see purpose above.
2) no fan characters, plot suggestions, any of that sort of thing.
3) if you're going to use a fake name, don't use something like Manuel Noriega like one guy did. You're welcome to use your CWCki name to increase your e-penis. If your fake name sucks, I'll either turn it to it to a literary character of my choosing or I'll have Clyde make it some Metal Gear Solid reference.

Some suggestions:
1) ask Chris what he sleeps in
2) ask Chris if he thinks he has magical powers or if his curse ye ha me has actually work

I had more for you guys but you guys are pretty smart people who can think of stuff.

To clarify, it's not like Chris will know these are from CWCki. It's that we're going to assemble a batch of e-mails here (you guys post fake e-mail addresses and stuff, see any of the Mailbag pages for the format), we all edit it so the e-mails come out good, and then we can post it on the Mailbag for Chris to answer.

By the way, I sorta still need to ask Cogs and Clyde first. True, I could just post it myself but as I've advised, I try not to fuck with Cogs and I tried explaining it to them but I think writing it out here and such will help. So as of this moment, no 100% guarantee. Cogs has approved of this project. Deadline is 13 December 2009, with the e-mails being posted for Mailbag X on the 14th. Godspeed

Those who do participate and after Chris answers the e-mails will receive a to be determined, limited edition award for your user page. --Champthom 00:57, 29 November 2009 (CET)

• Brilliant idea, Champthom. You're a geinus... okay, okay, joking, you're a genius :). As I'm not much of a troll myself, I think I lack much in the "how-to-compose-letters-so-that-chris-would-answer-them" experience. I suggest an idea. We make a "questions" section here, where all users will post questions (in raw form) that need Chris's answering. And then we make another section, let's call it "Literary makeover", where letters out of the most popular (read: urgent) questions would be composed. Whaddyathink? --GokuGetEm 01:05, 29 November 2009 (CET)
  • I love the idea, and I think it's a great opportunity for us to put the Questions for Chris page to good use. I just would like some quick clarification: Are we to send Chris the messages ourselves, or will you be the one doing the sending? Thanks a bunch --Beat 01:18, 29 November 2009 (CET)

• I would be doing the posting so your e-mails would skip the filtering section and go straight onto CWCipedia because (most of you) aren't faggots and that the wiki process would filter out any faggotry from e-mails. More or less, they'd be "e-mails" except really not. So post the e-mail you want on the main page here (just say "From Your Name (theemailyouwanttouse@wherever.com , just don't do anything stupid like "From Your Mom imdoinhernow@yourhouse.com").

Thank you for mentioning the Questions for Chris page because I meant to. It's a good starter but the problem with that page is that most of the questions were from when Chris was in IRC and no one (unfortunately) adds new questions to it anymore.

One big thing is we have to make sure that the letters don't all sound the same, like 10 people asking ten questions in the same matter. Obviously we need to have each e-mail be a unique writing style for each. --Champthom 01:32, 29 November 2009 (CET)

Also, in a worst case scenario, if Cogs and Clyde thinks this is stupid, we can use this as a launch pad to improve the Questions for Chris page. --Champthom 01:32, 29 November 2009 (CET)

• • Totally jumpin on dis. Do we just post our prospective e-mails on the article page? Won't Chris see them there? Also, I'd really like an answer to the Asperger's vs. Alzheimer's question, since it wouldn't take more than 5 minutes and a Google search for him to figure out he was wrong - he must have some other reason for stubbornly refusing to believe he has them confused. --sonichuis44 01:21, 29 November 2009 (CET)
    • Ok, I wrote up a quick question about literature. The fake name, Gabriel Syme is the main character of "The Man who was Thursday", a book I loved in high school that I'm fairly certain Chris has never read. Please alter/tear it apart/add to it at your leisure. --Beat 01:31, 29 November 2009 (CET)
    • Wasn't there an apocryphal story where Chris said in a hypothetical situation where he was either forced to rape a 12-year-old girl or be raped by a guy, he'd rape the 12-year-old girl? I'd like to hear Chris verify this. I'm way ahead of you and have already sent this as a question but if you've filtered it and want to rephrase this, go nuts. --Anaconda 01:42, 29 November 2009 (CET)
    • I added mine, if it's too faggy I'll edit it, but he seems to respond better to the ones from girls and ones that flatter him than the "serious" ones. --sonichuis44 01:48, 29 November 2009 (CET)
      • Heh, but he answers to those like "Yeah, thanks, I know I'm great, thank you for your letter". :)—Preceding unsigned comment added by GokuGetEm (talk • contribs) (oops, sorry)
        • Well, if they don't ask specific questions, he does. Speaking of which, the hard part is going to be getting him to give more than two or three word answers, like he has for most of the questions. --sonichuis44 02:08, 29 November 2009 (CET)
          • I guess, if we send the letters by 10-12, he won't have to answer them in such a hurry. Remember, answering fanmail is hard work! --GokuGetEm 02:37, 29 November 2009 (CET)
          • I was Magiccranberries, Supappleton and Leonardo DaVinci from Mailbag 1 and the loli girl from Mailbag 2 who couldn't talk right. They all got really good responses. The key is 1.) blind praise and 2.) questions you know he'll say something fucked up about. If you feel bad about the first part he can't detect sarcasm, so throw that in, too. --Anaconda 02:31, 29 November 2009 (CET)
            • Chris is unpredictable and mysterious. No one ever knows what he'll say/do something fucked up about. --GokuGetEm 02:37, 29 November 2009 (CET)
• quick question: why the fuck do people want to ask chris about his opinions on video games? at best, he'll say "it's ok" or "i have not played it". i distinctly remember putting the email from "Gamer Fang" in the shit folder last time i checked the cwcipedia email account. while i would like to find out more about his game ideas, he'd probably just tell us to find his old game talk videos and watch those, so we really need to find a cleverer way of doing it(read: not the mailbag). the rest of that "Gamer Fang" email was just "derp derp talk about my favourite video games chris derpity derp derp". i'm tired, so in summary: Wwwwolf, i am disappoint --cogsdev/vedsgoc 10:40, 1 December 2009 (CET)

• I agree with Cogs that asking Chris about games is all like "It's okay" or "I have not played that" but it would be interesting to find out if perhaps the e-mail can be reworded to focus more on the Sonichu game to see if Chris could elaborate on the gameplay mechanics and see if they've changed in the past year or so. I say this because I know the Sonichu game article was a big project Wwwolf greatly contributed on and I'm guessing he'd like to revise it with new information on gameplay.--Champthom 09:27, 3 December 2009 (CET)

Questions

PROTIP: Keep it simple, stupid! Step 1: Praise Chris right away to get him to actually read the body of your e-mail. Step 2: EITHER mention a familiar "problem" that you've been having so that Chris will know you suffer "stressful torture" like him and want to help you, OR mention something about Chris's life/comics that "confuses" you so that Chris will know that you're a "true fan" and seek to clarify the matter. Step 3: Ask only one or two questions so that Chris might actually answer you in detail instead of just saying "yes" or "no". This formula should work more reliably than any other, and it won't matter if everyone's e-mails have this same form, since Chris is too HFA to recognize simple patterns.

PROTIP: * Do not openly criticize his work or himself. * Do not openly question his sexuality. * Do not openly name him "Ian" or "Ian Brandon Anderson", and/or state that Liquid is the "real Chris". * Do not openly state that you or someone else is the creator of Sonichu and/or has the copyrights on Sonichu. * Do not openly admit to being a troll/gay/all of the above. If Chris reads any of these, chances are, he'll become so upset he'll turn on his mental block, and won't answer or even acknowledge the rest of your letter, even if it contains interesting questions/information. And frankly, all of these have already been done over 9000 times, so they're not as funny as before.

• Why does Rosechu look like Amy Rose, if neither she nor any other Pikachu/Raichu did ever collide with Amy Rose? Answered in Mailbag 6

• Nah, anon asked him "Why does Rosechu look like Amy Rose?" Chris, being the asshole he is, decided to get around the question by captainobviousing: "Because I designed her that way lol". That still doesn't answer - why did the female Raichu transform into a being that looks like Amy Rose, if she was hit by a rainbow that appeared from a Pikachu colliding with Sonic?

• What age is Reldnahc? Did he speedily grow up when he was transformed into a homo?
• What are the real-life influences behind Turdijerk's and Merried Seinor Comic's names (Chris didn't answer that one).

• More importantly, why the name Merried Seinor Comic?

• Somewhere he said that it was a twist on "Unmerry Senior Comic Kirby McDerbie", which was somehow the name of this manager(k). What? Why? Who? It's a complete mystery. And Turdijerk is an even bigger enigma.

• What world does "Sonichu" take place in? Our Earth and our USA? A crossover world between Sonic and Pokemon? An independent CWCverse?
• Who is the mall security in the CWCmall?
• Why is the Mayor's cabinet located in the mall, not in some... I dunno... Mayor's house?
• What did the abusive babysitter do to him?

• She locked him in a room, didn't she?

• Could you please draw us a full map of the CWCverse?
• You have stated that "blue and green are the true colors of justice, all others are vice." Virginia State troopers wear gray uniforms, would you still respect them? (Unless Chris has pussied out, you'll get a fun answer from this one).
• Who is the owner of the businesses in CWCville? E.g., who is the owner of the CWCville Mall? And, if it's a private business, why is the Mayor's office situated there?
• Is CWCville part of the USA? Why aren't there any elections in that case? Do you, as an American patriot, think that having an un-elected mayor is American?
• What happened to the Legendary Master Stone? Why doesn't anyone try to steal such a powerful artifact anymore, considering how they almost managed to do it the last time?
• What do you think about lesbians? Do they need to be reprogrammed too, like gays? Are lesbians worse than gays, or better, or similar? Who would you tolerate more: a gay man or a lesbian woman?
• What do you think about bisexual men? Are they better than completely gay men? Etc. etc.
• What do you think about non-Christians?
  • E.g., Muslims, Jewish, Scientologist, etc. And also, what do you think about other denominations of Christianity? Like, Catholics, Orthodox, other denominations of Protestantism?
  • On a similar note, what religions do inhabitants of CWCville follow? Is Angelica a Catholic? What do other characters believe in?

• Chris said in an IRC chat that Sonichu and Rosechu are Methodists like he is. --Champthom 02:30, 2 December 2009 (CET)

• How can you (or your comic alter ego) believe in reincarnation (see:Anchuent Prophecy), if you are a Christian?
• You mention God and Jesus, and draw them together. What about the Holy Ghost? Or do you maybe believe that God and Jesus are separate beings?
• You said that you don't like hitting on boyfriend-unfree girls because you don't want to start a fight with their boyfriends. If the commies invade tomorrow, would you fight? Or would you try to avoid battle? If so, at what costs?
• How can you say you're for gun control when you show yourself shooting Chris Chandler in the comics?
  • Name him "a brown-shirted guy" or something. If Chris suspects you're an "Ian Brandon Anderson"-believer, he'll mental block the question.
• Would you fuck a guy if he paid you a million dollars?

• Or, would you fuck a guy at gunpoint?
• Or, would you fuck a guy if you 100% knew that this, and this only, would immediately bring you a true and honest sweetheart?

• If a black girl fell in love with you... would you still reject it?
• If the Chaotic Combo are all electric-hedgehog Pokemon, why did they hatch from eggs? Why the fuck do Rosechus lay eggs anyway?

• All Pokemon lay eggs, even the mammalian ones.

• Where did you get the idea to say "Captain's Log" at the start of your videos? Are you a Star Trek fan?
• What do you think of asexuals?
  • "I would like to have an official statement on what Mr. Chandler thinks about asexuality, to clear up this controversy. Again, I am not doubting that you are attracted to women." - "I am attracted to Women."
  • But he didn't say what he thought about asexuals. Someone needs to phrase it in a way that he will say what he thinks about them, as well as bring up how this conflicts with his "If you know a high school student who's single, HOOK THEM UP" statement.
• We already know your thoughts on Leviticus 18:22. What do you think of all the other things that the book of Leviticus bans? (eating shellfish, shaving, etc.)
• Can Rosechu run? I've seen other Sonichus (Wes Iseli/Walter Grisby, Simonla, Reldnach, etc) run. Why does Sonichu have to carry her everywhere?

• I predict: "Cuz dat so womantic and cute~" But yeah, a good question.

• How do you get inspired to draw comics?
• I got one of your printed copies of the Sonichu Premiere Issue #0 at the Anime Con Mid Atlantic in 2005. I took it to a comic book store and the clerk said it had not increased in value, nor will it ever. Is he a troll? Should I kick him in the balls? Really bad idea. Odds are Chris didn't actually hand any of these out so you'd need some sort of definite proof he did beforehand.
• Do you still believe in Santa Claus?
• Lots of trolls think you're dumb, why don't you post your report cards to prove you were on the honor roll? [It's a long shot but you never know...]

• "Lots of trolls think you're dumb..." Not a good start, imo. He'll just mental block the question.

• So what do you think your life would be like if you were born a girl? Would you date guys? Girls? Both? What would your daily life as a girl be like?
• Could you please tell me the difference between Alzheimer's and Aspurger's?
• Why did they throw you out of the Baptist church, anyway?

• I imagine he'd give some reason involving Joshua Martinez or some shit.

• Do you believe in a literal devil, like a being totally dedicated to the corruption and downfall of mankind? Do you think people can be possessed by demons? If so, do you feel qualified to perform exorcisms?
• Can you give us more details about the day you were fired from Wendy's?

• Now we're talking.

• What are the exact nature of your father's "Scooby Doo Detective Skills?"
• How exactly were you bulled in school? (there's some interesting responses if he's willing to say the same things he said privately).
• What does the line "I look at all of you and I see a rainbow" in the song A-U-T-I-S-M mean?