Difference between revisions of "Sweetheart"
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[[Sweetheart]] is [[Chris]]'s term for his true love ("heartsweet" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]] to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)| Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after the illustrious metal and a name similar to his own). | [[Sweetheart]] is [[Chris]]'s term for his true love ("heartsweet" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]] to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)| Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after the illustrious metal and a name similar to his own). | ||
Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a [[troll]] has been a sport for trolls for sometime now. With the exception of [[Julie]], none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is | Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a [[troll]] has been a sport for trolls for sometime now. With the exception of [[Julie]], none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as [[Blanca]] and [[Panda]] to identify and sympathize with their captor. | ||
==Qualifications to becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris== | ==Qualifications to becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris== | ||
Revision as of 04:10, 1 August 2009
Sweetheart is Chris's term for his true love ("heartsweet" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a sweetheart from the ground-up to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after the illustrious metal and a name similar to his own).
Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a troll has been a sport for trolls for sometime now. With the exception of Julie, none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as Blanca and Panda to identify and sympathize with their captor.
Qualifications to becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris
The qualifications to be his sweetheart would usually be spelled out in media such as the Attraction Sign and at the end of every Sonichu's News Dash. Recurring traits include:
- MUST be boyfriend-free. (can't emphasize that enough!)
- MUST be 18 - (Chris's current age).
- MUST be white (NO DARKIES).
- MUST have a car.
- MUST have a mid to high salary.
- MUST live within 30 miles of the Ruckersville area.
- MUST NOT be a cop.
- MUST NOT have Autism.
- MUST NOT be a man.
IRISH need NOT apply.Irish are alright, as long as they're not darkies.
If you fit all of the criteria and are into overweight freakish, perverse man-children, then God help you!
Throughout the ages, Chris has lowered his standards slightly. For instance, Chris's original demanded NO FATTIES but made an exception for Sarah Jackson. Likewise, Chris disapproved of redheads but made an exception for Ivy. The most noticeable deviation is from his original requirement that women approach him IRL as opposed to phone or e-mail, but following a wave of e-mails from women wanting to be his e-girlfriend, he has changed his tune. Ironically, this was the best standard as he would have saved so much grief from trollings.
As of May 2009, when he started to embark on his "fuck quest", he has since returned to only IRL encounters (insisting that women find Chris "by chance", essentially requiring women to wander around Charlottesville until they find him) but still insists on "non-black" women.