User:Beat

Americunt: This user is an Americunt and refuses to use unnecessary vowels. Uncle Sam would be proud! Christian This user is a Christian and has accepted GodJesus as his/her savior. JERK This user is a JERK and takes away all the girls. Operation Mailbag This user contributed to the Mailbag and had their e-mail answered by Chris. CWChronology Iron Cross Thank u for ur great help towards the obsessive chronological documentation of Chris-Chan's life! :3 Transcriber This user transcribes videos, and has no doubt become insane from regular exposure to Chris's fail. Asperpedia Regular This user is a regular contributor to Asperpedia. STRAIGHT This user is STRAIGHT. and likes dykes & china. Unlike Chris, they don't mind da homos. Kitty This user thinks Kitty is the best Chandler cat! :3 HEXBox This user is the proud owner of a HEXBox. Chris does not approve.

I am Beat. I TRANSCRIBE BITCHES.

My to do list

I'm gonna reformat every transcript with a conversation EVER.

Even when it's Chris talking to himself.

Especially when it's Chris talking to himself. The videobooks are nigh-on incomprehensible.

Sandbox

Stuff I did

Uhhhh...

• I think I kicked off Chris and Remorse. Too bad it kinda sucks.
• I remember writing most of Death threats when it was created. Didn't start the page though.
• I'm pretty sure I did a lot of work on the early version of Chris and English. That said, Speech impediment and Chris and writing kind of make it redundant.
• I wrote some nonsense for Chris and music, mostly just "GRRR CHRIS SUCKS AT RAP".
• A list of famous people who sent Chris letters.
• I wrote the fist draft of the main Asperchu article.
• America, Fuck yeah.

My letters to Chris

• The Man who was Thursday, on literature.
• The Screwtape Letters, on making people do stuff.
• Milton Bradley, on Asperchu, deleted because Chris hates Asperchu.
• G.K. Chesterton, on blasphemy, deleted because I didn't approach the topic gently enough.

White Knighting

Being a Christian, and having gone to many Churches of many different varieties, I find Rocky to be one of the most facinating aspects of this whole mess.

People love to diss Rocky, and maybe they're justified, but I believe she really does have the best intentions at heart. She's not from some hick church where if you don't vote republican and hate gays you're going to hell, and while I haven't been to Chris's Church, I'm willing to bet it's thoughts on God and man are quite similar, though not exactly the same, as my own. What we have here is someone who (apparently) genuinely believes that Chris can be helped, and is doing everything she can to help him.

All we ever get from Chris are the things Chris wants to hear, but I'm willing to bet she isn't just telling him "the internet is bad" and "premarital sex is okay". That can't be all she's saying. She obviously doesn't want Chris to suffer, and the only way that's gonna happen is if he stops acting like Chris. I would bet good money that she has tried to tell Chris "stop being such a mess" thousands of times in hundreds of different ways. And I'll bet every time she does he sits there trying to look attentive and tells her that she's right (Or at least that he'll "Take what she's saying into consideration") and then promptly goes off to do the same insane shit he's always done.

It floors me that Chris somehow manages to make it through these sessions unchanged. This is someone Chris knows and (presumably) likes. Someone that honestly wants Chris to stop being such an amazing human freakshow. Someone who is more than willing to listen to Chris and not explode with a rage fueled "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU?!" or presumably anything else that Chris would immediately find as a reason to stop listening to her, and he somehow manages to be the same Chris we've always had.

How does anybody manage that? How can anybody be living a life like Chris's, completely joyless save for the hollow pleasures of PStriple, and toys, and not even consider that other people might know what they're talking about?

I don't get it.