Difference between revisions of "Sweetheart"

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[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|Potential sweethearts surrounding Chris]]
[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of Potential Sweethearts]]
{{quote|Rosey, as often as birds tweet,
will you be my lovely heartsweet?|Sonichu|<ref>[[News Dash|''Sonichu's News Dash'' #7]]</ref>}}
A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.
__TOC__
==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]], lose his [[virgin with rage|virginity]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after the illustrious metal and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]).  Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of chaperoned dates.  Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself applied generously, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim."  Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal Pal|Gal Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.


'''Sweetheart''' ([[Virgin_with_Rage|something Chris will never have]]) is [[Chris]]'s term for his true love ("'''heartsweet'''" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]] to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after the illustrious metal and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]).
==Qualifications==
:''See Also:  [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|REAL versus FAKE]]


Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a [[troll]] has been a sport for trolls for some time now. With the exception of [[Julie]] and [[Sarah May]], none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as [[Blanca]] and [[Panda]] to identify and sympathize with their captor.
In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be bent a little, as expedient.


Chris has absolutely no interest in a girl's personality, skills, individual interests or intelligence, but is very strict in his insistence that a sweetheart MUST be cute, younger than him, white, and possess other such completely superficial qualities. He will always say that his life goal is having a "Cute Girl" as his sweetheart. And yet he constantly considers himself a strong advocate of [[Women's Rights]].
*18 - [insert current age] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring


==Qualifications for becoming a True and Honest sweetheart of Chris==
In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:
Chris originally spelled out what he requires of a sweetheart in the early days of his [[Love Quest]], using media such as the [[Attraction Sign]] and his ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' newsletter. Recurring traits include:
* MUST be [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]. ''(can't emphasize that enough!)'' [[Kacey|However, not even they are totally safe from Chris.]]
* MUST be 18 - (Chris's current age).
* MUST be white (NO [[Niggo|DARKIES]] - unless it's just for sex, in which case [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg | Chris is fine with niggos]]).
:*In [[IRC_(17_December_2008)|an IRC chat]], Chris clarified that Asians, Arabs and anybody but niggos are fair game.
* MUST have a [[car]].
* MUST not be a mother.
* MUST be a [[tobacky|non-smoker]]
* MUST have a [[Monthly Tugboat|mid to high salary]].
* MUST live within 30 miles of the [[Ruckersville]] area.
* MUST NOT be a [[Jerkop|cop]].
* MUST NOT have [[autism]].
* MUST NOT be a [[BlueSpike|man]].
*<s> IRISH need NOT apply.</s> [[Ivy|Irish]] are alright, as long as they're not darkies.


[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself.]]
*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>


Unfortunately, Chris has yet to realize that [[monthly tugboat|beggars]] cannot be choosers. However, If you fit all of the criteria and are into [[obesity|overweight]], [[chris_and_sex|freakish]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|perverse]] [[Sonichu_(comic)|man-children]], then God help you!
==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him.  


Throughout the ages, Chris has lowered his standards slightly. For instance, Chris's original list of requirements stipulated NO FATTIES, but he later made an exception for [[Sarah Jackson]]. Likewise, Chris disapproved of redheads but made an exception for [[Ivy]]. While he may still insist on "non-black" women as his sweethearts, an [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|image]] surfaced September 2009, showing us that Chris does not have problems fingering [[Niggo|niggos]].
==References==
 
<references />
The most noticeable deviation is from his original requirement that women approach him in person as opposed to by phone or e-mail. Following a wave of e-mails and other online communications from [[trolls|women]] wanting to be his e-girlfriend, Chris rapidly changed his tune. Ironically, this was the wisest standard he had set, as adhering to it would have saved him a good deal of grief from trollings.
 
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him. Interestingly, despite the fact that his standards otherwise conform to traditional gender roles, Chris never says that his sweetheart must be shorter than he is.
 
In May 2009, when he started to embark on his abortive "[[fuck quest]]", Chris temporarily returned to seeking only in-person encounters. (He insisted that women find him "by chance", essentially requiring that they wander around [[Charlottesville]] until they found him.) Soon enough, however, he returned to pursuing women by way of the internet, with [[Kacey|predictable results]].


==See also==
==See also==
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]
*[[Gal Pal]]


{{Sweethearts}}
{{Sweethearts}}

Revision as of 17:29, 30 July 2011

A flock of Potential Sweethearts
“ Rosey, as often as birds tweet,

will you be my lovely heartsweet?

”
Sonichu, [1]

A Sweetheart (sometimes heartsweet) is Christian's flavor-of-the-month.

Definition

Chris's goal is to build a sweetheart from the ground-up, lose his virginity, and spawn his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after the illustrious metal and a name similar to his own). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of chaperoned dates. Thus the sweetheart label finds itself applied generously, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's Gal Pals; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

Qualifications

See Also: Sonichu's News Dash and Attraction Sign
REAL versus FAKE

In the early years of his Love Quest, Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the News Dash, and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be bent a little, as expedient.

  • 18 - [insert current age] Years Old
  • Boyfriend-Free
  • Blonde or Brunette
  • White
  • Pretty
  • Average or Slender Body Type
  • 5' or Taller
  • No Smoking or Drinking
  • Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
  • Has Own Car
  • Average to High Income
  • Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

  • No Children from Previous Relationships[2]
  • No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)[3]

Conclusion

Despite having said that girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him.

References

  1. ↑ Sonichu's News Dash #7
  2. ↑ Facebook messages
  3. ↑ Chris chan (CWCipedia)

See also

Template:Sweethearts

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