Sweetheart

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Potential sweethearts surrounding Chris.

Note: this never happened.

Chris's term for his true love ("heartsweet" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a sweetheart from the ground-up to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after the illustrious metal and a name similar to his own).

Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a troll has been a sport for trolls for sometime now. With the except of Julie, none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is that being a sweetheart to Chris is like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as Blanca and Panda to identify and sympathize with their captor.

Qualifications to becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris

  • MUST be boyfriend-free. (can't emphasise that enough!)
  • MUST be 18 - (Chris's current age).
  • MUST be white (NO DARKIES).
  • MUST have a car.
  • MUST have a mid to high salary.
  • MUST live within 30 miles of the Ruckersville area.
  • MUST NOT be a cop.
  • MUST NOT have Autism.
  • MUST NOT be a man.
  • IRISH need NOT apply. Irish are alright, as long as they're not darkies.


If you fit all of the criteria and are into overweight freakish, perverse man-children, then God help you!

See Also