User:James Lamp-Eye/False Memories

This was originally posted to PVCC but I wanted to keep it here in case there are some CWCki people who would like to read it. I'm not counting on it, but I can dream, can't I?

Some of this might be out of date, i.e., the bit where Chris complained about being kicked out of English because of his autism. Kimily revealed it was because he said something derogatory about da homos.

False Memories [wall of text]

If you haven't been living under a rock or a secluded tower like I have, you may have noticed Chris has said some fairly interesting things about his past. They are so interesting, in fact, you may argue they never happened. Chris isn't the most honest guy around, no matter how hard he blabbers on about how he is true and honest and all that nonsense--some of these things may have been told to him by his parents, some may be fabricated by his own mind. I'll probably miss several because I can't possibly cover all the false memories he seems to have.

Some of them may be outright lies, some of them may be half-truths, and some of them I'll try to prove correct based on evidence.

I'm not sure if he genuinely believes a lot of this stuff or is desperately trying to cover up the truth. Given that his boundaries between reality and fantasy are disturbingly blurred and even indistinct in some parts, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought some of these "memories" he has are really what happened, despite evidence to the contrary.

Quotes from Chris are in Leprous Sonichu Yellow. (Or, since this is on the CWCki, quotes from Chris are in blue boxes. --JLE)

As a matter of fact, among my, uh, mother’s side in the uh, ancestrial traits we have uh, we have been traced down to Daniel Weston, who was on the main Mayflower voyage. And, uh, beyond him, Anne Boleyn, who was the uh, one of H-- Henry VIII's… King Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to, uh, Queen Elizabeth I. And “Chandler”: the, uh, name-- the family name my father had. And, uh, from his, uh, line, uh, we have uh, from his side of the family, we have the, uh, Cherokee blood. I'm one-sixteenth. And from among us Cherokees, there are very few of us left because we were big in number, but then came along the, uh, forced march on the Trail of Tears, where some of us went into hiding… Yeah, short line there: Cherokees. We're a respected tribe. We should be respected, anyway… even though we were forced onto the Trail of Tears. [from first ever Captain's Log]

You probably know this already but there is no person named "Daniel Weston" in the Mayflower's records. This is likely something Barb was told by her own relatives. Aside from the other family history nonsense that probably isn't a real thing and wouldn't matter if it would anyway because you should have your own merits rather than using those of your dead ancestors, the Cherokee thing is rather questionable. It sounds like something Bob would tell him--anyone can claim they're one-sixteenth Cherokee and no one will bat an eye. He says "we" as if he identifies with the tribe, but chances are high (read: 100%) that Chris only uses this to feel special about himself, similar to his eye and his autism and other bull. I'm astounded he even knew what the Trail of Tears was at all, though--possibly something he learned in history class or something Bob told him.

Level of truthiness: Bullshitacular
Likelihood he actually believes this: Do cows moo?

While being babysat by a woman in my neighborhood, whose last name was Roach, she was angry for some reason, so she locked me in a room, all by my lonesome, and it was then at 1 1/2 Years of age, I stopped talking. During the Silent Years, my mother and father had to cope with my screams, cries and whatnot to fully understand me, which they did, and I am proud of them for that. [from his Wikipedia userpage]

"unfit babysitter"

Cole mentioned an "unfit babysitter," who may be the Roach Chris talks about here. Based on this I don't think Chris was lying about her, but I believe even if she was 'unfit' Chris did something to annoy her. Additionally, autistics frequently go through periods of complete muteness as children and only communicate by screeching. The locking-in-the-room-of-toys thing may have coincided with the beginning of his silent period completely by accident, but it's not unlikely this was the cause of the silence.

My other theory states he could possibly have been given an excuse by his mother for his muteness--it's almost certain he does not remember being 1 1/2 years old. She could have simply been at a loss as to why her son was not speaking, and explained it away when he came of age to go to school as being the fault of their babysitter. Barbara seems the type to make shit up to gain sympathy and probably passed this trait along to Chris. Perhaps she just wanted something to blame other than his autism.

Level of truthiness: Possibly bullshit
Likelihood he actually believes this: Do giraffes have long necks?

some of the teachers and principals of Nathanael Greene Elementary School… that I was attending in later years: about, uh, late 1980s, early 1990s… They abused me-- they abused me by pinning me to the ground with, uh, their ha-- with, uh, holding my wrists and my ankles, pinning me down to the ground and-- and audiotaping my cries and shouts. But anyway, my mother and my father, they both fought the court system, the Greene County court system, which, uh, they were not a very nice bunch of people, very not. Hands down. [from first ever Captain's Log]

Gross.

Do I believe any of this? No, not really. There is no evidence for these events besides his word, and we all know how reliable that is. Chris was probably told this by his parents in order to cover up that the school system cannot possibly hope to fix entitlement issues and no sense of empathy in a young child.

Now, while I wonder about the 'pinning,' there may be some truth to this if Chris became violent. These days you're hardly even allowed to touch a child but back then, at least in backwoods areas like Fuckersville, things might have been different. If another kid tried to take something of Chris's you bet he would have screamed or tried to hit him. That just wouldn't fly, and if Chris was being an autistic atom bomb, they may have attempted to restrain him. I can't imagine anyone sadistic enough to record a child's screams working in a public education facility.

As for the court events, let's assume my theory about the restraining is true. Barb (or maybe Bob), ever vigilant for reasons to sue the shit out of someone for mistreating her precious baby and/or really liking money a whole lot, was probably told by a tearful Chris how THAT MEAN SLANDEROUS CHILDTROLL TRIED TO TAKE MY STUFF and the teachers HOG-TIED HIM or whatever, and Barb took this opportunity to sue the school.

Level of truthiness: Bullshitacular, though there may be a nugget of truth
Likelihood he actually believes this: In some corner of his mind he may remember this didn't actually happen, but it's an old enough memory he may have mentally stomped out the truth in favor of the more sympathetic series of events

The Principle of the Nathanel Greene Elemetary School, Dr. Johnson, was a Homo, and when I was sent to his office; he picked me up, set me on his lap, then I would always get off his lap, because I ALWAYS HATED that; I felt bad vibes back then. Fortunately, it has never gone beyond that, and my father caught his intentions on that, and the Court Battles Started. He likely exagerates, but my father knew that there were a bunch of homos within that school board, and that was why they hated me and my family, in addition to those people not understanding Autism. Anyway, from those past memories, that is why I have grown up to Rarely Associate with men, and why I DESPIE THE HOMOS the Worst. [CWCki page on Bruce Johnson, unsure of source]

Not gay.

This is what Chris-chan actually believes.

"I felt bad vibes"--Chris believes he has powers! This is news to approximately no one, and is hilarious to approximately everyone.

His father "caught his intentions". No, I think Bob was just looking for an excuse to sue. A bunch of homos on that school board--yeah, because homosexuals make up such a part of the population that there are suddenly twelve of fifteen people on the entire board. Yeah, okay. And as for "those people" not understanding autism...they work with children. I have never gone to a school in which there wasn't a gaggle of autistic kids, and I've gone to eight different schools in my lifetime. A school has to understand autism. This is either Chris trying to be special again or his parents feeding him more lies.

Also he seems to have conflicting stories about his removal from Nathanael Greene Elementary. It seems like he can't choose between the homo principal story or the abuse by faculty story. He accepts basically anything his parents tell him, particularly his mother, so perhaps they got their stories mixed up and he just accepted both as fact. I believe Champthom once said Chris is a master of doublethink.

CWCki says Chris left Nathanael Greene because "they threatened to send Chris to an institution," which is what Bob told Emily. Which of these is true? The real story may never be found.

I don't believe the homo principal story for a second, though.

Level of truthiness: Bullshitacular
Likelihood he actually believes this: Almost positive he does

I continued on my Honor Roll Grade Streak ALL THE WAY THROUGH M.H.S. I took various classes between Providence Middle and Manchester High. Mostly I took English Literature and Grammer, Mathematics, Science and Biology, Coping Skills, History, and HEAVY on the Art Classes. I was highly recognized for my artistic skills, by having them proudly displayed among other class-creations in the School for a while. [from his Wikipedia userpage]

Honor roll. Okay, a certain picture of him at high school graduation depicts him with a collar-y thing that means honor roll. I don't think he got legitimately. After all, he did apparently fail English during junior year and getting honor roll with a failure on your record is pretty impossible in most, if not all public schools, except for ones that give honor roll to autistic dumbfucks to make them feel better. I'm almost totally certain this is the only reason he got on honor roll.

As for the "proudly displayed among other class-creations," public schools do that. They staple art to cork boards in the halls so everyone can see. Just another instance of him acting like something he did was special. He did not receive any particular awards for his terrible art, "highly recognized" has got to be some sort of fabrication.

Level of truthiness: Bullshitacular
Likelihood he actually believes this: Is the ocean deep?

I was happy with my big circle of gal-pals; we hung out a LOT, ate lunch, shared classes and all. But even though I did take the required sexual education classes, I never had a First Date in my lifetime during the Middle or High School years. And as I have later learned in my Adult Years, I should have been more attentive in DATING; I could have had my pick among my sweet gal-pals, but I chickened out. I did have a few crushes in my lifetime, even a High School Sweetheart for 3/4 of my High-School Life, Kellie Andes. I REALLY missed out on that when I could have had the chance to take it. But I was mostly Naive (My Least Favorite Word in the English Language) on the subject. [from his Wikipedia userpage]

A classy lady.

A "big circle" of gal-pals. I'm guessing this means about four or five girls who were willing to tolerate his presence. I've seen this happen in lunchrooms at every school I've gone to. I don't understand their motives for being nice to dumbfucks like Chris; perhaps they want to be seen as saints, perhaps they feel sorry for him, perhaps they feel a bizarre obligation to include him.

And I don't think he could have "had [his] pick" of gal-pals--the girls who are nice to retarded motherfuckers are not romantically interested in said motherfucker. It just doesn't work that way. That had better be one handsome and articulate retard if they're even willing to think about dating one.

Kellie Andes was not his "high school sweetheart," and there is a delicious chocolate ice cream cake's chance in Hell that this is even slightly close to the truth. This passage makes me rage, seriously.

Level of truthiness: Punch yourself in the hideous malformed cock you bullshitting bullshitter
Likelihood he actually believes this: There is no way he doesn't think the girls didn't secretly love him

I was attending an English Class at PVCC, with this Old Male Teacher (I don't remember the son-of-a-&^%#$'s name). Anyway, ON FEBRUARY 24, 2003, THE DAY OF MY 21st Birthday, he had the NERVE to KICK ME OUT OF HIS CLASS, just because of my Dog-Gone Autism. [from the CWCki]

From the CWCki page on his Love Quest:

"Given Chris's tendency to babble on incessantly and make everything about himself, it is most likely that he was not kicked out for autism but for interrupting the class, not to mention comparing himself to the protagonist in the story they were reading that was an autistic murderer"

This is most likely the case. The thing about a few of Chris's lies is he leaves out a lot of parts of the story in order to warp it to his own ends--I'm sure he really was kicked out, but because he was being a selfish fuck. Chris is very quick to jump to the conclusion that someone's trying to wrong him because he's autistic. Of course it's not because he's an egotistical prick with an entitlement complex, it's because he's being persecuted!

He sees himself as this sort of moral soldier for virtue and truth lost in a world that scorns and hates him when he's really no better--he holds scorn for half the population of the planet, the "slow-in-the-minds," the white knights who he thinks are trolls, actual trolls, people who try to give him advice, his fans who send him fanart and get nothing in return, not even a "thank you"...just about everyone, really, unless they're prospective girlfriends, his family, or people who work at his church. He's really one of the worse human beings I've observed from a distance.

Where was I...?

Oh yeah.

Level of truthiness: Bullshit with a grain of truth
Likelihood he actually believes this: Knowing his persecution complex, he believes every word, and likely didn't even have to do any memory modification--just ignored the teacher's reasons for kicking him out

That EVIL WITCH OF THE PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or Black impersonating JERKOPS, Manajerks and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that Love Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a Sweetheart was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the jerks of the Greene County School System during the childhood years of my life. [from CWCki article on Mary Lee Walsh]

This is some Chris rage and right now you'd be witnessing some James rage if I was right next to you in real life. You'd be all "hey cool it buddy" and I'd be all "SON OF A PUKE DICK SHITDONGLE FUCK CACTUS" as I attempt to turn my own kneecaps into Jell-O with a baseball bat.

Level of truthiness: Bullshit sandwich with a grain of truth between two more bullshit sandwiches
Likelihood he actually believes this: Also probably believes every word but probably fabricated the bit about the tearing up of the sign and throwing it at him, because it's Chris and he'll make shit up to make him look good

Okay I'm done for now. I think I'll cover more when I stop trying to destroy my kneecaps in rage.