Kiwi Farms posts (LoveYouLongTime)

This page is an archive of LoveYouLongTime's key posts about Chris on the online forum, Kiwi Farms. Posts are sorted by date.

Multiple Roles and Facial Blindness

6 September 2016

In response to a user's comment, "Have most of the trolls been the same 12 people fucking with Chris over and over again with different voices?":

Generally speaking. I mean, I've been multiple different IRL people to Chris.

In response to the user's comment, "IRL as in you met him in real-life multiple times and each time you introduced yourself as a different person?":

Yes.

In response to another user's comment, "Did ANY of those old trolling plans ever failed?":

I wouldn't say they necessarily failed, but sometimes we would have to put more effort due to Chris being lazy and crashing into slumber. Here is an email of Chris whining. BTW, he does that a lot. [leaks the LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2011-2012#Purpose in life? email]

In response to another user's comment, "Wait, you pretended to be different people on several occasions, irl, and Chris did not notice it? I know he has a hard time with facial recognition but that is really extreme.":

The best part is that not once has he ever said, "you look like someone I know" or even hinted at it. That's just how clueless he is.

In response to another user's comment, "I thought you were just being facetious or whatever but...wow that's some serious face-blindness. I mean, I knew Chris had some sort of face-blindness because autism, but that's pretty extreme. Did you stretch out the time in between contact so he would forget your face? Like, having the encounters be months and months apart? Or are we talking a few weeks and he's just completely forgotten your face? This is fascinating.":

One of my roles he has hung out with quite a few times and this character came to be after a certain pickle incident which was maybe a few weeks later...? Aside from those, I've bumped into him around town.

The user replied, "So it's really that severe, eh? Geeze. When you've bumped into him, would you introduce yourself in different ways each time? Or would he be all, "hey X!" or "hey Y!" at different points, depending on who you were mainly playing? Sorry for all the questions."

LoveYouLongTime answered:

He's never called out to me. Sometimes I'll say "hi" in passing to see if it'll illicit anything but he's pretty fucking clueless. Back when I first started I was so worried about him recognizing me places but now it doesn't phase me.

Emily and Kim Personas

13 September 2016

In response to a user's comment, "You said he smells like rotten watermelon. Did you ever mention to him that he smells?":

Not as Emily. We made a call to Chris after the date reaming him out for trying to kiss her. As Kim I would poke him a little with, "Chris, women don't want to date you because they heard you smell bad!" "*STRESS SIGH* I do not smell bad!"

ED yard sign

17 October 2016

Idk if anyone remembers but my friend and I put that Encyclopedia Dramatica sign in his yard one Halloween(I think) like 8 years ago. It even had pictures of black men in pickle suits. It was super ween but fucking hilarious at the time. I convinced him to destroy the sign on video because he kept it for a really long time afterwards and I needed closure.

Chris's Friends

24 February 2017

Christ, legitimately has friends, even if it's a one sided friendship that's only done out of pity. When I ran into Chris at Omegacon, he was more or less being guarded by a middle aged woman who brings her kids to the Pokemon events at the local game store. She was asking me very specific questions but kept pushing when I would give vague answers.

McDonalds Ban

23 March 2017

In response to a user's comment, "@LoveYouLongTime mentioned that Chris got kicked out a McDonalds a few years ago. Was it the one Chris talked about in this post? Did he get banned from there?":

He was only temp banned. He was stealing news papers for his dogs to piss and shit on.

More on McDonalds Ban

25 March 2017

In response to a user's comment, "Lol, was he stealing free papers or like the USA today copies they keep by the counter?":

Not the free newspapers, but the local newspaper that costs money. People would leave them behind after purchasing, reading through them, then leaving them behind when they left. I have a feeling that Chris loitered and creeped around longer than wanted and took the first opportunity when people got up to leave to snatch up the papers, which, you know, is fucking weird. Like, yeah, the papers left behind will be trashed but I'm sure if Chris wasn't, you know, himself, and asked the workers there if it was okay(with an explanation to explain the odd question), they would have been okay with it.

Pokémon League Friends

4 April 2018

So he may very well have two real life sweethearts. I don't really follow Chris much nowadays, but as luck would have it, I do occasionally run into him in town. I went to the Sailor Moon musical with a friend and of course, he was there. Sighing and waiting for someone. Well, two exceptional looking girls did show up and off they went to go find their seats. So maybe Chris has finally found his true loves who he can trib with or whatever it is he thinks lesbians do. Also, he carrys a bat in his backpack. Idk why.

On 26 April, a user commented, "As far as I am aware, it didn't. @LoveYouLongTime said she saw Chris with two hambeasts out somewhere, so that could be it. But it also could be related to this weird stuff he's been posting lately."

LoveYouLongTime answered:

I was actually incorrect in that assumption. They are friends of Chris from the Pokemon League. So Chris did get banned from The End because apparently he got into a disagreement with a new judge and the manager(unsurprisingly) took the judge's side. No idea about any other details, but I'm sure you all can imagine his reaction.

Offline and Online Life

9 October 2018

In response to a user's comment, "Wasn't it just a few months back that he said he was talking with friends about moving out and living independently?":

They were real friends, but like @Marvin mentioned a while back, Chris has a really hard time managing both an offline and an online life. As far as I'm aware of, he hasn't been in contact with these friends in a while, but I doubt Chris cares as long as there's someone around to keep him entertained and indulges his fantasies.

Gym

19 July 2018

In a thread on the Idea Guys, and in response to a user's comment, "I'm still stunned by Chris's gullibility. Saying "You are a pedo!" a few times is all it takes for him to believe it.

Also these two assholes are immensely cruel. I've seen my share of cons take place, even a few who left the victim dead so this is nothing new for me but the way they knit RPing and scamming together just for gifts and cheap lulz is cringy and sickening. You can tell they're having the time of their lives by torturing Chris.":

What surprised me was Chris stuck around to be told he was a pedo and whatever else enough times to convince him. Back in the day, if you tried telling Chris he was something, even if it was true, he would immediately get fussy and run(or hang up). It's like he lost his fight or flight instinct. These are the guys who convinced Chris to go to the gym. I mean sure, it was under pretenses that he would need to be in shape while in CWCville. They had the opportunity to help Chris improve himself, even a little, but nah, let's extort money from him because we're losers online and offline.

Tomgirl

17 May 2019

In response to a user's comment, "Well hello there! Did you ever think that saying something as innocuous as "Get in touch with your feminine side" would have resulted in all of this shit?":

I've jokingly told him that before back when he was a dang dirty male and he would get pissed at me for it. What really kicked off the tomgirl and eventual tranny shit was some rando who was talking to Chris and suggested being a tomgirl since being a guy was too hard for him. Now, I do take credit for [jokingly] telling him to wear a sports bra because he said he hated how much his manboobs bounced and he took off with it.

Neck Pain From Rocks

3 August 2019

I just realized what that huge lump is under his shirt. He keeps a pouch around his neck of his rock collection. You know, those healing crystals that every wannabe pagan lite girl has been collecting recently. Anyone who is at Bronycon and has time to waste, sit down with him and ask him about his rocks and time how long he talks about them. Once he told me his neck hurts and when I told him it was probably because of his rocks he gave me then 1000 yard stare and I could tell his brain was malfunctioning for a response.

License Plate

23 July 2020

In response to a user's comment, "I believe on of the Catherine dates was also to an Applebee's, and if I'm not mistaken that's where @LoveYouLongTime went with him in the videos of him drinking and singing karaoke as well.":

We went to Applebee's one time. The karaoke was at this Mexican restaurant where he put sugar in his Bud Lite. As it's safe to tell this part of the story since I no longer have the vehicle and license plate tag, back then when he first discovered alcohol we were at the Mexican restaurant. The parking lot was really small. As we were leaving he just happened to be parked next to me. Later that night I did a call and he repeated my license plate back to me and asked me what it meant. Panicking, we got the guy playing as my boyfriend to get on the line to scare the shit out of Chris into forgetting my license plate. Lesson learned, I always made the effort to park farther away even if it meant in another lot and just walked. I'm curious what restaurant he chose, anyone know?

Boyfriend Character

23 July 2020

In response to a user's comment, "I notice his hyperfocus is pretty selective with women. I don't believe you'd fake a relationship if it was purely autism.":

Yes in most aspects but Chris notices dumb shit like that especially if it's right there in front of his face. If my car was parked spaces away he probably wouldn't have noticed. Reaching into the reservoirs of my memories of back then, I'm laughing about how we had to create a boyfriend character for me just to keep him from being too creepy. It worked most of the time and when he would overstep his boundaries we had said boyfriend get on the line to spook him. He would metaphorically go into hedgehog defense mode. It also worked to our advantage if we wanted him to do something and he was more inclined to do it if I fed him a story about how me and the boyfriend were fighting.

Introducing Chris to Friend

23 July 2020

A user asked LoveYouLongTime to describe the friend visit.

A friend was coming to visit from out of town and he had been such a huge fan of Sonichu for a long time(kek). I never planned to hang out with Chris ever again but I figured it would be a last good hoorah and as a treat to my friend. So I set up it up and we met at The Tea Bazaar. Another friend came along as well. Chris showed up looking like he got dressed in a Goodwill with his eyes closed with his damn Sonichu medallions and tacky ass arm bands and braclets. Introductions included introducing us to Magichan and I think Mewtwo who were supposed to be sitting in some empty seating. Afterwards, almost fucking immediately he pulled out this fairly large pouch from under his shirt which was around his neck. He dumped the contents out on the table which were a bunch of crystals and rocks. For the next agonizing half hour+ he picked up every single one to tell us what it was and what "properties" it had. No matter how hard we tried to change the subject he immediately went back to powering through his rock collection. Nothing would deter him. Eventually the rock lecture ended and we were free to steer the conversation elsewhere. He gifted me a copy of one of his comics and an amethyst stone which I later gave my friend because I didn't need those cursed items in my house. Most of the conversation was him talking about the other dimension and his powers. He bragged about how he was able to produce electricity with his hand, in which he held out his hand in a claw like manor, the concentration on his face akin to that of an infant trying to pass a hard poop. Then he asked if we could see it which we didn't indulge him and told him no. His response was along the lines of "Mmm, okay." He told me he was able to produced sparks with his magical highschool ring when he struck it against some stone on his bracelet. I told him the stone in his ring was chipped from doing that. My friend humored him a little bit asking him questions about toon world. Friend kept using words like Armageddon and the apolocalypse which Chris didn't like. Friend also compared him to Robotnik which he got mad at. Honestly, I zoned out a lot of the time because really, Chris is fucking boring. He's an entertaining novelty for about 30 minutes. Longer than that, you start to wonder why you put yourself in that situation.