Kacey and Liquid Call

On 11 November 2009, Bryan Bash leaked another phone call to /cwc/.

A follow up to the original Father Call bombshell, this call between Kacey and Solid Chris (Ian Brandon Anderson) mostly consists of Solid trying to defend his actions in Sonichu Special 4, and life in general until Liquid Chris arrives. At that point Solid loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

Bob and Barb Chandler also make an appearance.

Video

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Summary

Main points are as follows:

(0:00 - 5:20) Call starts, Ian Brandon Anderson promptly asks if Kacey got the comic he sent her. Kacey reacts negatively, saying it's horrible that he would draw himself shooting Chris. Ian offers that it was only in the legs, so he wouldn't follow them, but she is still offended. Ian states that he really didn't want to kill Liquid, just hurt him. Kacey notes the change from fantasy violence to attempted murder, Ian says this comic was supposed to be closer to real life. Kacey takes this as Ian wanting to shoot Liquid in real life. Ian responds by saying he doesn't even own a real gun, and confirms the gun is based off Megatron. She remains nonplussed. Ian also mentions possible retconning in this comic, namely the page where he shoots Liquid.

(5:21 - 9:02) Kacey is outraged at Ian. Despite his futile efforts, he can't calm her down. Ian believes the comic hasn't been seen by anyone. He also can't comprehend that retconning him shooting Liquid doesn't erase the fact that he wanted to do it in the first place. Kacey has apparently told her whole family about the comic, and they all hate him.

(9:03 - 13:12) Ian tries to "defend himself" by saying Liquid was crazy too. He has apparently broken several promises to Kacey about turning his life around. When asked if he jogs five miles everyday, there is a long pause. Before he says yes. Kacey calls his bullshit, and the debate rages until Ian gives up.

(13:13 - 17:19) Kacey confronts Ian saying the date level wasn't made for her. He admits it was made for JULAAAAYYYYY, and again, misses the point of her outrage. Kacey believes that Ian is even foregoing making the comic in order to play more video games. She points out that, in his jobless free time, he could finish entire issues of his comic daily. Kacey affirms that she does way more than Ian, and in addition points out that he has no friends (she's on a roll, no?). Ian compares going to work and school all day to filling out job applications, revealing it takes him 20 minutes to fill out an application. He tries to puff up his time playing Pokemon TCG with children as volunteer work.

(17:20 - 19:50) Kacey states that her Father is right and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Ian's behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Ian responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Ian only wants her for one thing and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that he told her not to talk to him or see him again. Ian is either trying to be smooth or trying to guilt her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great friend she is.

(19:51 -22:40) Ian begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about her. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Ian states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Ian declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

(22:41-30:17) In a surprising turn of events, a wild Snorlax appears, then leaves. Things get much better when, seconds later, the real Chris picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Ian of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the gun comic.

(30:18-35:40) Kacey dosen't think Ian is autistic. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at 14 Branchland Court. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Ian dosen't care about her, and that he is to busy being Chris.

(35:41 - Grand Finale) Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn Sonichu into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Ian whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off trolls on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Ian to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

Transcript

Chris: Hello?
Kacey: Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
Chris: Hey Kacey, how are you?
Kacey: I'm okay.
Chris: Yeah...so, did you get the comic book pages I sent you?
Kacey: Yeah, uh, I'm a little disturbed by the violence in it, you, you, you shot Chris..uh...
Chris: Only in the legs. So he wouldn't chase after us.
Kacey: But that's, that's horrible! That's really horrible, like, he'd be in a wheelchair. He wouldn't do that to you.
Chris: Well..okay well...I'm sorry...
Kacey: Why did you think that was appropriate? Otherwise it was good, but... I mean, he's a lot nicer than that, you're trying to make yousrself look better than him but you SHOT HIM!
Chris: Well he came after...I drew him coming after me with a knife.
Kacey: But still, I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more honorable to kill a man than to cripple him? And i mean it's your comic, you drew it.
Chris: W...Well....I didn't really wanna KILL him, I mean I d...I don't....would you rather I have actually shot him dead instead of shooting him in the legs? Or...
Kacey: Well I'd rather you not have shot him at all but, I mean, I'm just saying, why did you have to make it so violent? Normally in your comics you transform into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. I've never seen you attempt to KILL somebody in a comic before...
Chris: Uh well, I mean, I just felt like in the..I felt like I should be more, I don't know, more realistic in these pages because it's more close to real life..
Kacey: So you're saying you would shoot him in real life?!
Chris: Well, in self-defence....I mean, yeah, you know, seriously doubt....in real life I would, I would try.
Kacey: Where would you get a gun anyway?
Chris: W...well, I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun, I drew that gun based off generation 1 Megatron.
Kacey: Oh...okay so you're basing shooting him on Transformers...? What?
Chris: Uh no, you see I have the, uh, the actual toy for generation 1 Megatron, you know, where he actually transforms to a p38 pistol with the uh, accessories on it?
Kacey: I know, but you shot him with a real gun in the comic, he was my boyfriend and you shot him, don't you think I still care about him a little? That's just weird, I was expecting like a magical fight, not like...you shooting him.
Chris: Hm. Well, well, I did not realize you want-you wanted me to...cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean you wanted me to rescue you and I just didn't really feel like cute for that whole transformation thing was appropriate.
Kacey: Well neither is shooting him, you can't change that you already did that. This is the comic, I realize this is the comic, it's supposed to be not shooting people, its supposed to be like the Sonichu comic but I mean you shot him.
Chris: Well it's not officially published yet I mean only...I mean I can change that page...I can change that, I can fix that. [uncomfortable pause]
Chris: I can...get rid of the gun and just... yeah, yeah, i can make it less violent. okay?
Kacey: Um...I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
Chris: Yeah but yeah I can change that page, I can redraw it.
Kacey: But you already did it, the images are already in my head.
Chris: Um okay I'm sorry I did not mean for it to-
Kacey: But Chris that's crazy, thats insane, you're calling Chris crazy, but that's INSANE. I mean it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to SHOOT HIM.
Chris: I..yeah, I guess it doesn't.
Kacey: I mean I don't feel comfortable with people like that, I mean I'm going to school to save lives, do you think I would approve of that? Hell no, thats crazy.
Chris: I...yeah okay I could have done it better, I could have done it less violent. I'm sorry.
Kacey: [Getting slightly hysterical] If you were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place. You drew him there, in PAIN, and you're just watching him BLEED, and then you leave him. What happens if you do that in real life? He'd die. Don't you think I'd be miserable?
Chris: Hm. No, actually I would have called 911 on him, you know. Bring the police and ambulance around.
Kacey: Oh and be like what, I SHOT HIM? They're going to arrest you. You're going to call 911 on yourself? violence doesnt solve anything. I mean, you could have not shot him in the first place! Cause the police are just gonna go after you then. And then there would be none of either of you.
Chris: All right, all right, it's all right.
Kacey: And especially where you shot him in the legs? Hello gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker.
Chris: Well...Like I said, I can redraw that cause you know it's not published anywhere, it's not published anywhere. It's like yeah, I can undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
Kacey: No, I don't want you to redraw it. I don't want you to redraw it, okay? It's already done. I have no words to describe it. I mean, like, you did this after the thing with my father, and he told my brother about it and my sister about it, like my whole family is against you. They think you're crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions and now, what's gonna happen if, like, somebody sees this? They're gonna think you're INSANE.
Chris: Well...nobody else has to see it.
Kacey: But what happens if they did? I don't get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. The hell?
Chris: Well in my defence, uh, he was crazy too.
Kacey: But he didn't SHOOT YOU.
Chris: Yeah. All right...
Kacey: I mean, he's not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I totally believe him. I mean, he can't fake that. And I mean, I can't believe you did that, and I was starting to believe in you again even though you do all these things like you never clean your room, you never did the song, you didn't stop eating fast food, I totally know about the whole McDonalds thing.
Chris: Okay, well, I have, I have done some room cleaning. I mean-
Kacey: You were supposed to have it done like a MONTH AGO, and you still can't jog or work out or whatever...
Chris: I am! I have been jogging, I have been working out, I have been doing all that.
Kacey: Five miles a day?
Chris: ...I have.
Kacey: You've been jogging five miles a day? Seriously? You're lying to me, I need proof for this. I mean I bet you don't have a gym membership or anything.
Chris: Not yet on the gym membership, I'm jogging around the neighborhood.
Kacey: I doubt it's for five miles. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on. You complained to my father about PULLING WEEDS. I doubt you're gonna do five miles.
Chris: I can do five miles, Kacey.
Kacey: Okay, did you do it today? Cause you told me you're doing it everyday, so obviously you did it today.
Chris: Yes I did it today, I jogged once around the neighbourhood, that's about 1/2 mile, and I could jog more than that and uh jog up to five miles, I can do that.
Kacey: You just told me that you jog 5 miles everyday, you're lying to me already to my face?
Chris: Okay, we had a miscommunication...
Kacey: No, you said yes. I said do you jog five miles everyday and you said yes, that's not miscommunication, that's lies.
Chris: Okay well I misunderstood the question.
Kacey: How did you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question, I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese.
Chris: Okay all right. But yeah I have been jogging 1 1/2 miles every day.
Kacey: BULLSHIT. Kim and I talked about how much you jog, I know you don't jog.
Solid hris: Yes i do.
Kacey: Five minutes isn't jogging you cant even do enough to get your heart rate up.
Chris: Yes I can
Kacey: No you can't you just sit around and play video games, you haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me and then you show me a comic with you SHOOTING PEOPLE and and and I'm supposed to be like yay thank you?
Chris: Okay yeah well I admit I was wrong in drawing that, I cannot undo it but okay. What can I do to make up for that?
Kacey: For what, the comic? Jogging? It's too late, it's done.
Chris: Well we're talking about for the comic still here, what can i do to make up for that?
Kacey: You shot someone, you can't make up for that I'm gonna remember that. That's creepy, that's insane.
Chris: All right.
Kacey: Besides and I found out that you didn't even make that date level for me, I heard you made it for another girl. That's so disrespectful.
Chris: Okay in my defence I thought - before - I later found out that that quote unquote girl was a dude.
Kacey: Doesn't matter. No wonder you said it was so easy, it was already done.
Chris: That's not the point-
Kacey: You weren't even gonna do the comic except when i kept BITCHING at you.
Chris: I did the comic, I did.
Kacey: EVENTUALLY.
Chris: I had it started and I had it mostly done!! [whining] I finished coloring it today and sent it to you.
Kacey: You even put in the video that you were doing this instead of a comic because it was easier, you just wanted to play video games!
Chris: Well...I misworded that, I meant to say in addition to the comic, okay?
Kacey: I don't think you were gonna do it. I think you were lying.
Chris: [starting to spaz out] NO NO NO I HAD IT ALREADY...I HAD IT STARTED AFTER I HAD..I HAD IT STARTED I STARTED ON IT AFTER I DID THE LEVEL AND I JUST NEEDED TO COLOR IT AND-
Kacey: Well then you should have said that, and dont you dare fucking raise your voice at me. Why couldn't you have done it? You could have finisehd it in less than a day, you don't even have a job, you don't do anything.
Chris: Well I...I am doing something...I...
Kacey: Like what? What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do, you don't go to work like I do... you obviously don't go out with friends like I do...
Chris: I'm filling out the applications so I can work, so I'm working on getting a job.
Kacey: That doesn't take all day, I've been putting in applications to get a new job, it takes me like five minutes.
Chris: Actually for me it takes like ten or twenty minutes.
Kacey: Well you know you filling out something should be fairly easy because you don't have any work history, it takes like five minutes when you don't.
Chris: Well actually I do have the work history, I list my resume.
Kacey: Yeah but nobody wants to hear about fucking..Sonichu and Rosechu, that's not a good way to get a job.
Chris: There's more, I mean you know, there's more to it than that, there's the uh, time at Wendys, and then I worked...
Kacey: You got fired, that's not good either.
Chris: And definitely did the volunteer work for the Pokemon Trading Card Game League.
Kacey: That doesn't count as volunteer work, thats not community service.
Chris: That was volunteer work.
Kacey: That does not count as volunteer work, I promise you that if you needed volunteer work for something it would not count, it is not community service. You were aleady there to play Pokemon. That's babysitting.
Chris: Yes well yes okay it was babysitting but it was volunteer babysitting.
Kacey: Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like candy striping, helping out with the humane society, going and reading to people in old folks homes, planting some trees... uhh habitat for humanity, that's community service. Things that actually contribute to society. Pokemon does not contribute to society. [PAUSE] You know, my dad's totally right. Youre fucking insane. And I should be with Chris because you totally opened my eyes.
Chris: Don't say that...don't say that, that just makes me..that just makes me feel bad...I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
Kacey: But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay you finally made the comic but then you oh my GOD. I mean you were so nasty to my family, you just you dont even seem apologetic at all. I mean that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
Chris: [whining] THAT WAS TRUE I CRIED I DID CRY.
Kacey: those werent even REAL TEARS.
Chris: THEY WERE REAL.
Kacey: NO THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously, that is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
Chris: Those were real tears.
Kacey: No they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris cause you're jealous of chris.
Chris: No no no no that's not it.
Kacey: YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND, I mean that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something, You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT and then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him, what am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now, what are you thinking about when you think of me?
Chris: I think about like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.
Kacey: A friend? Chris..
Chris: And how you care about me.
Kacey: A friend? YOu just said a friend, that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
Chris: I care about you very much.
Kacey: How? Not how big.
Chris: I worry about you
Kacey: You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
Chris: Well I care about your safety and well being and if someone shot you I would care about you and feel sad...
Kacey: Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
Chris: In my defense-
Kacey: Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off, come on.
Chris: I would not shoot you.
Kacey: Why not? Youre obviously just, UGH.
Chris: I do not even have a real gun.
Kacey: But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
Chris: ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I...when I think about you I think about like the sweetest kindest woman I've ever known in my life who's been nothing but helpful to me.
Kacey: So then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like tha? Why are you gonna treat people i know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time and Kim's one of my best friends now. [dramatic pause]
Chris: Because I'm not...sometimes I'm not sure what to say. And-
Kacey: So you lie? Because that's gonna be good...Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
Chris: I'm most of..i mean....most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie its a little lie.
Kacey: No theres no such thing as little lies, all of them are big lies, especially...me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them, stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
Chris: I do not lie all the time, I lie some of the time.
Kacey: And I mean you, come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me all you did was stare at my chest and insult me, I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the on the other hand you were staring at me the whole time.
Chris: I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
Kacey: My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
Chris: No no, I- (Barbara interrupts).
Barbara: Hey, baby, I'm home.
Chris: I was looking at your face... (Barbara interrupts).
Barbara: Who are you talking to? (Chris talks over her, followed by a long pause)
Liquid: Hm, lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
Chris: Hello?
Liquid: Hm.
Chris: Hello?...Yeah
Liquid: Hey wait a minute, ugh, is what I think it is?
Kacey: Yeah, it is.
Liquid: Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
Chris: No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler.
Liquid: No it's not MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
Chris: She and I are friends. And my name is Christian [inaudible]
Kacey: Wait wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
Liquid: You will always stay friends Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!
Chris: [angry sigh] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as Ian Brandon Anderson!
Liquid: Shut your stupid...shut your mouth! You are, you are, you are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
Kacey: I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because I mean you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
Chris: No! Kacey! You saw my, you saw my driver's license!
Kacey: You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
Liquid: Yeah!
Chris: Now wait a minute, Kacey!
Kacey: Don't you raise your voice at me!
Chris: I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!
Liquid: No you didn't, because your, yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
Chris: NO! NO!
Liquid: Yes, it is!
Chris: I am the real deal! I can...
Liquid: Shut up!
Chris: I have all the proof and everything! You're just, you're the copycat!
Liquid: No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my, my moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
Chris: No, you, no! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
Liquid: No, you can't even, no...
Kacey: Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're friends again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
Liquid: Yeah. And not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
Chris: [BOOM! TARD RAGE!] I AM NOT A FAT GODDAMMIT!
Liquid: Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
Chris: I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less, I weigh a lot less than that, you, you weak little son of a bitch!
Liquid: Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300... [Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.]
Kacey: Like you would know...
Chris: I am so sick of you putting me down and, and calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
Kacey: Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
Chris: What the hell have you got, have you had against me that, what the hell have you had against me that was like, that came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
Liquid: No, you don't, I have the copyright, I have the copyright and you do not.
Chris: Oh, yes, oh yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this, all this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have, why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
Liquid: Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
Chris: [EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!
Kacey: Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
Liquid: Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my, my, has been my God-given name my entire life!
Chris: Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
Liquid: [Offers a rejoinder that cannot be made out.]
Chris: ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
Liquid: No!
Kacey: He's got the copyright, you can't fake that, it's direct from the government.
Liquid: That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine, Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the wilds of Manchester High School.
Kacey: That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
Chris: You've never been to Manchester High School!
Liquid: Yeah I have! I went there for four, for four damn years!
Chris: You, but you, you stand right next...you stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the, was the, one of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
Liquid: I am the real and true...
Kacey: Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
Chris: [Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now.] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him and he would say I am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that you are the fake!
Liquid: That's it, no, she will point at you and say, "Oh, yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That, this, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
Kacey: That, thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.

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