Difference between revisions of "Love Quest"
(→PVCC) |
|||
| Line 22: | Line 22: | ||
Chris chose the library of PVCC as his next, sure-fire location. This incurred the wrath of the evil witch [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who promptly tore up his [[Attraction_Sign | sign]] and told him: "You won't find a girlfriend this way or any other way." OWNED. Chris then decided that the entire state of Virginia was trying to prevent him from obtaining a [[sweetheart]] (actually it was, it's in the Virginia State Constitution). | Chris chose the library of PVCC as his next, sure-fire location. This incurred the wrath of the evil witch [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who promptly tore up his [[Attraction_Sign | sign]] and told him: "You won't find a girlfriend this way or any other way." OWNED. Chris then decided that the entire state of Virginia was trying to prevent him from obtaining a [[sweetheart]] (actually it was, it's in the Virginia State Constitution). | ||
His comics had already featured scenes of Chris being oppressed by the [[Jerkops]], but the encounter with | His comics had already featured scenes of Chris being oppressed by the [[Jerkops]], but the encounter with Mary Lee Walsh caused his comic to focus entirely on his [[love quest]]. Were it not for the fact that his original characters assisted him in combat, it's likely that they would have disappeared forever in favor of more IRL stuff. | ||
==Hanna== | ==Hanna== | ||
Revision as of 20:23, 3 April 2009
Chris's love quest (alternatively referred to as "sweetheart search") originated on February 24th, 2002[1]. Chris's MySpace explains his retarded quest for a "boyfriend-free girl", and his stalking tendencies. In a nutshell, he's trying to date women, but fails tremendously. He specifies a "boyfriend-free girl" because apparently all the women he asked already had boyfriends, some of them real, some of them made up in order to get Chris to leave them alone. Chris claims to hate every other male other than himself and his father, because they took all the pretty girls leaving him with none to choose from.
You can imagine why they would say that when you realize what he does to find women. Despite being completely obsessed with the opposite gender, the stunning hilarious truth is that instead of trying to engage other human beings in normal social activity, his brilliant ideas of bringing the ladies running are:
- Pacing around a lot, playing his GBAVideo
- Shouting at walls, or "singing random songs from memory now and then"
- Sitting around at the mall with a homemade sign that reads "I am a 25-Year Old, Single Male, seeking a Boyfriend-Free, 18-25-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic white Single Female Companion" with an ARROW POINTING TO HIM, expecting a woman with said characteristics to approach him and engage in conversation
His blog posts reveal that these are his exact tactics to attract female attention (he calls time thus spent as his "Attraction Time"). Given his success, it's obvious that the chicks sure love creepy sign-wearing 26 year olds shouting incoherently and watching SpongeBob on their GBAs. It's tactics like these that got him kicked out by mall security.
Keep in mind that autistics can't help being socially awkward, but Chris is not content to stick with his own kind so that he might actually have a fighting chance at spawning the grotesque offspring he so desires, but instead insists on forcing his attentions on normal women.
In 2003, Chris got jealous when his friend Sarah Hammer started dating Wes Iseli. This then inspired an issue in his comic featuring the "anchuent prophecy" and some other stuff intended to win over Sarah.
Mall
But after he failed Chris soon forgot about all that and set out to find a girl of his own, using his foolproof method of sitting around at the nearby mall with a sign proclaiming his desire for a " boyfriend-free girl". Soon, mall security took notice. They were branded "Jerkops" as they threw Chris out of the mall on several occasions. Chris was once even arrested (but charges were dropped). This forced Chris to come up with an alternative location for attracting female attention.
PVCC
Chris chose the library of PVCC as his next, sure-fire location. This incurred the wrath of the evil witch Mary Lee Walsh, who promptly tore up his sign and told him: "You won't find a girlfriend this way or any other way." OWNED. Chris then decided that the entire state of Virginia was trying to prevent him from obtaining a sweetheart (actually it was, it's in the Virginia State Constitution).
His comics had already featured scenes of Chris being oppressed by the Jerkops, but the encounter with Mary Lee Walsh caused his comic to focus entirely on his love quest. Were it not for the fact that his original characters assisted him in combat, it's likely that they would have disappeared forever in favor of more IRL stuff.
Hanna
One fateful day, Chris was trolled IRL while looking for true love.
See Hanna.
Anna
Chris met his friend Anna McLarren on a love quest. She rejected his advances, blogged about it[1], but is now his friend for some reason.
See Anna McLerran.
Internet Love Quest
Chris then took his love quest to the internet, proclaiming that his true and honest sweetheart is Blanca Sarah Jackson Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, Julie, Emily Ivy.
Future
In Chris's final chat with Sarah May, he revealed that he is giving up looking for a sweetheart online, and is planning to find a girl in local Charlottesville. Trolls everywhere rejoiced, for this can only mean one thing - a return to the fabled Attraction Sign and the days of his exploits against the Jerkops and his other IRL misadventures.
On 10 March 2009, Chris confirmed he would be venturing off back into the real world to return to his days of stalking women IRL, this time armed with the flirting advice from a 9 year old boy. Unfortunately, that 9 year old boy is still older than Chris is mentally.
On 24 March 2009, Chris seems to have fallen off the wagon after being scared shitless when the Man in the Pickle Suit stole his date and returned to find true love on the Internet from a girl named Ivy.
Promotional Images
During his Love Quest, Chris produced some "sexy" pictures to attract the ladies. Needless to say, it had an opposite effect.
