User:Manwithoutabody

Canuckfag: This user hails from the Great White North and has milk in bags. Cet utilisateur est originaire du Grand Nord Blanc et prend du lait dans des sacs.

Troper This user would edit the CWCki, but is too busy browsing TV Tropes.

JERK This user is a JERK and takes away all the girls.

STRAIGHT This user is STRAIGHT. and likes dykes & china. Unlike Chris, they don't mind da homos.

White This user is white and finds Chris's race relations embarrassing.

Christian This user is a Christian and has accepted GodJesus as his/her savior.

Warrior This user is Normal. He/She has contributed to trolling Chris in some way, shape, or form.

Ham This user is a HUMONGOUS HAM and enjoys the fine art of MELODRAMA!

Strange Canadian person. Sent the "10 Reasons" email in Mailbag 48, and a similiar email to Alec Benson Leary, who compared both lists in Mailbag 52. I'm quite proud of getting the assist, as we say in hockey-obsessed Canada.

Also, it's worth noting that I'm demonstrably descended from the Boleyn family, though obviously not from Anne. Then again, there's a good chance that you are, too, if you've got any ancestry in Western Europe.

Created the following relevant videos, as well as a host of irrelevant ones, mostly revolving around My Inner Life.

CWC the Volcano Does Not Approve of Homosexuals Using AXE

CWC Gets a Phone Call from Walter Grisby

Dramatic Reading of The High School Story

Samples from the Poetry of Christian Weston Chandler, including Hard Love Quest, Valentine's Day Hymn, and Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man

Why do we hate Sonees and Roseys so much?

After all, none of Chris' characters are well-rounded or believable. One would assume that we would hate them all, more or less equally. But such is not the case. Let's take a look at why:

• Their voices. This is the most obvious one, and requires little explanation, really. Whether in print form ("Thank you for having me help you. I had fun. I wuv you.") or voice-acted by Chris ("I had fun in a dweeeeeeeam!"), his attempt at creating a childlike speech impediment is unspeakable.
• Their appearances. I've noticed that in works like A Very Sonichu Adventure (which is awesome, by the way) the character design of the children receives a lot of hate. There's a lot of attention paid to their stubby arms in particular. Why is this? Kirby has similiar arms, and he, too, has comically enormous feet, yet Kirby is genuinely cute. I think it's because Kirby's design is quite subdued: he's just a ball with rudimentary limbs and a happy face. Nobody can object to that. Rosey and Sonee, however, are trying too hard to be cute. They've got the pointy ears, the chubby bodies, the ":3" harelip faces, the enormous eyes... Sonee has those pink Pikachu cheeks and Rosey even has a bow and can use her skirt as a parachute. They've got every "cute" trait Chris could call to mind, all rolled together, but with none of what made these traits work in the first place. The real key to it is...
• Their expressions. E.T. was hideous and malformed, but there was something about his manner and expression that made him cute anyway. Joseph Merrick, in both real life and the David Lynch movie with John Hurt, was covered in hideous tumours and was by no stretch a handsome man, but he was still very appealing and sweet. TVTropes calls this "Ugly Cute". These kids are the opposite: all of their babyish features look repellent to us because, probably as a result of Chris' lack of Artistic skill, their faces seem unnatural. Sure, they smile all the time, but it's an unnatural smile, like on a clown. Now, even that can be made appealing if you're good enough at expressions: in The Man Who Laughs, Conrad Veidt's character has his psycho grin on the whole time, but his eyes are still imbued with great feeling, so we can sympathize with him. Chris, however, has negated any such possibility: in his determination to convey a childlike innocence onto their faces, he gave them utterly blank eyes. Unlike with Hurt or Veidt, there is nothing going on behind those eyes.
• What they represent. These characters are obviously special to Chris, so it's fun to torture them just for the sake of annoying him, but there's more to it than that. They represent Chris' desire to be physically a child again, so that his behaviour will be more acceptable: on a kid, it's called innocence, but on an adult, it's called ignorance. Chris uses Robbie to relive his own childhood, because he's a narcissist Cerah and Chrisine exist simply to complete Robbie's perfect childhood, because Chris enjoys female companionship, whether sexual or otherwise, and because, as far as Chris is concerned, women only exist for the benefit of men. The infant Sonees and Roseys are Chris' attempt at making his own failure to grow up into an endearing trait and a perfect crystallization (pardon the pun) of his narcissistic belief that his own childhood was deeply interesting and idyllic.

Why Adults Write Kids' Shows

Many kids in their early teens might make up exaggeratedly cute characters, because they're going through some serious changes and this is their way of saying goodbye to childhood. However, when they're done with that, they move on, and then spend the next few years making up XTREME CHARACTERS who wear sunglasses and lots of black leather, until finally - if they continue to make stuff up - it will probably achieve a balance between idealism and cynicism. If an adult continues making up childlike stuff, then one of three things will happen:

• It's a kids' show, with an audience of children. The creator keeps doing it because he/she enjoyed his/her own childhood, and wants to help today's kids enjoy their own. It can be a lovingly-crafted monument to innocence that entertains parents as much as kids (Sesame Street) or it can be a cheaply-made throwaway work that assumes all kids are idiots (The Care Bears).
• It's a pastiche of kids' shows, deriving humour from the juxtaposition of cutesy characters and childlike references with adult concepts like sexuality and alcohol. The creator keeps doing it because he/she wishes to comment on the entertainment of his/her own childhood, and people will watch it because it caters specifically to their generation. It can be a clever and affectionate caper (Homestar Runner), an angry but ingenious satire (The Venture Brothers), or an unfunny mess that relies on shock value (Avenue Q).
• It's a warped horror with an audience consisting of the author and a few other pieces of human rubbish. The creator keeps doing it because they personally find it titillating, but it's probably a cry for help. The author is a demented man-/womanchild who failed to reconcile his/her adult and childish interests, so instead combines the two, not in a humourous way as above, but with dead seriousness, hence all those fanfic writers who think it'd totally be hot if Wolf!Link had sex with a Digimon or whatever they're writing these days. Or, for example, if a Sonic recolour had sex with an Amy Rose recolour. There is no range of quality this time: it's all shit.

Chris is the only person who could possibly enjoy his comics in anything other than a so-bad-it's-good way. He makes solipsistic references that most readers wouldn't get, indulges his own fantasies and fetishes, builds himself up, and does nothing whatever to make the comic entertaining for anyone other than himself. Since Sonichu is written with no audience in mind but its author, it's much more a "slice of the author's mind" than a professional, published work, or even an amateur work created by someone who cares about his/her viewers.