Clyde Cash
Goodnight, sweet Prince."
-Horatio
| “ | Yer butt's gonna be in trouble | ” |
| Barbara Chandler on Clyde Cash | ||
| “ | I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! | ” |
| Chris on Clyde Cash | ||
| “ | Then the dragon stood on the sand of the seashore. I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns, seven heads, and ten royal crowns on its horns. On its heads were blasphemous names. | ” |
| The Bible on Clyde Cash | ||
Clyde Cash (04 July 1975 - 22 May 2009) was the older brother of Ryan Cash who decided to take vengeance against Chris after his brother killed himself. He was the former leader of The Miscreants.
On 23 May 2009, Clyde was found dead, lying in a pool of blood, from (possibly) committing suicide with a shotgun (though foul play has not yet been ruled out, due to Chris's recent death threats). He was survived by his cousin, Vivian Gee.
Origins
His first act was to rape Panda but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next gal-pal.
Clyde stalked Julie and began throwing demands to Chris such as cleaning his room. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a 13 year old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.
The Website
He posed as Gregg Mays (a web designer working for Nintendo) to gain access to Sonichu.net.
As ransom, he told Chris to make a video proclaiming he was gay only to be refuted. He then told him to make a video declaring his straightness. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site.
Striking again, he worked with a troll and got rid of the domain.
Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of Panda, he managed to gain access again.
Chris, still being resilient, bought SonichuandRosechu.com. With the help of Julie, he managed to gain access yet again.
As Miyamoto
- Main article: Shigeru Miyamoto
Prostitutes
Clyde, wanting to help Chris with losing his virginity, had Miscreants agent Brian Bash call for prostitutes to be sent to Chris's house.
Clyde took the fall for it in this phone call, right after Emily's post-date conversation.
Clyde: [fake-sounding accent] This call is being recorded. [phone ringing]
Chris: Uh, hello?
Clyde: Hey, Chris. It’s me. Clyde. You seemed a little hasty at the end, there. I just want to talk to you.
Chris: Uh, who is this?
Clyde: It's Clyde.
Chris: Oh. [unintelligible]
Clyde: You want to say ‘hi’ to Emily? She’s still here. Anyway, I just wondered, like, uh… I was trying to help you with your virgin problem, and I sent over some fine ladies over to your house. How--how’d that work out for you?
Chris: Oh, so you were the one who sent them over, huh? Well, for your information, uh, my family, uh, was very uncomfortable with them being--being sent over, and, uh, they re—and they reported them to the police, and they got turned in, and, uh… Yeah, we did not appreciate that.
Clyde: Uh, Chris, you claim to be a virgin with rage all the time. I’m trying to help you, man.
Chris: Yeah, well, sending over prostitutes is not exactly the way of helping somebody find true love.
Clyde: Sex is not true love, Chris. [Chris talking in the background, indistinct]
Chris: Yeah, you still there, Clyde?
Clyde: Yeah.
Chris: [Barbara prompting him, indistinct] Yeah, keep your nose out of our business, Clyde.
Clyde: Look, I worry for your family and everybody, okay? I’m trying to look out for the best of you, Chris. There are much more evil men in this world.
Barbara: I don't know who you think you are.
Clyde: Hello?
Barbara: I said I don't know who you think you are.
Clyde: Chris, your voice changed.
Barbara: But I’m telling you to both—uh—uh—t-to cease bothering us, okay?
Clyde: Chris, your voice changed.
Barbara: [overlapping] Otherwise, yer butt’s gonna be in trouble. Yer butt’s gonna be in trouble.
Brian Bash: Is your refrigerator running?
Barbara: Back off!
Brian Bash: Uoahh!
Barbara: Don't call us anymore. Goodbye!
Brian Bash: No, [unintelligible] Use the Poke flute, quick!
Clyde: Okay!
In the Comic
In the comic Cly(de) is a villain working for Mary Lee Walsh, apart from capturing Ivy and getting into a fight with Chris because the comic he has only appeared on Chris's Music video it is unknown how Clyde has been portrayed apart from living in his mansion and having a slander ray.
Selected Videos
- 8 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009 Gregg Mays, Gregg Mays! At Gmail dot com! With three Gs. In the Gregg.
- 12 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009 Boobies, vaginas...gorgeous.
- 15 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009 I DENOUNCE
- 17 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009 Ohio Miyamoto-san.
- 19 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009 A dead dog is a dead brother.
- 21 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009 I hate the homos.
- 26 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009 It was a good trip to Red Mond.
- 31 January: Captain's Log, Stardate January 31st, 2009 Come to me, Miyamoto.
- 10 February: Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009 I knew it!
- 27 March: Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009 BACK THE FUCK OFF.
- 30 March: Take_that_Page_DOWN_NOW! You'll be DEAD.
- 30 March: YouTube Finale Even in a police station.
- 23 April: Captain's Log, Stardate April 23rd, 2009 Come out of your Trollsta's Paradise.
Links
Clyde's YouTube account- Post-date conversations (part with Clyde begins at about 4:35)