Ivy
| “ | WHO IS |
” |
| Trolls, eve of 24 March 2009 | ||
Ivy Bundy (relation to Ted Bundy is unconfirmed, but highly probable) is Chris's new sweetheart, as of 25 March 2009. If so, this is remarkable as Chris will have lowered his standards slightly more by allowing red heads to become sweethearts (previously, they were excluded along with blacks and girls who have boyfriends already).
First mentioned in Chris's 18 March 2009 video, with a name that sounded like "Avi" and her friend Rachel, originally assumed to be code names for Emily and her friend Stephanie to protect their identities, with a later edited version where Chris blows kisses to "Avi", to win Emily back from their ruined date. However, the video of 24 March 2009 indicates that Chris was saying Ivy and that he had already moved onto a new girl the same day he was tricked by the pickle man.
Frequently seen with Ivy is her sidekick, Luckett (see picture).
On 26 March 2009, Chris released a music video dedicated to Ivy with drawings of him rescuing Ivy from the hands of Clyde Cash and the use of actual video editing skills and effects.
On 24 April 2009, Chris released a music video in which he proposed to Ivy. Included in this video were numerous hand-drawn pictures of Chris's conception of their wedding, set to the tune of Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me". In typical Chris fashion, the music video consists of Chris singing along with a recording of the song in his characteristic off-pitch voice.
Judging by Chris's comments in recent Captain's logs, Ivy has crabs. Pet Hermit crabs, Crass and Champ, who are also prominently featured as the ring bearers in his proposal video for Ivy.
On the night of May 14, the following was written on Chris's ED talk page:
| “ | I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life.
Also, you'll have to catch me IRL ONLY to troll me any further. Do you dare? Peace-Out, Christian Weston Chandler. |
” |
| Chris? | ||
The IP address that was used supposedly came from Ruckersville, though it could just be someone who lives in his neck of the woods.
Ivy and Chris's Honeymoon
On 27 April 2009, a comic featuring what Chris thinks would be his perfect honeymoon was leaked.
In this comic, Chris starts out by presenting himself to Ivy's father, a True and Honest police officer dressed in blue with a real metallic badge. They later go to a "Double-CWC" hotel presumably in CWCville, basically a rip-off of the real Double Tree luxury hotels. They both enter a room with as much as 5 Glade lavender air fresheners, presumably to mask the stench of his uncontrollable bowels, all filled with hearts made of rose petals. Once they get there, they start having sex.
During the sex scene, Chris first starts out by pulling off his tuxedo and his dress pants, revealing his trademark striped shirt and medallion. Then he pulls out his LUDICROUSLY ENORMOUS duck, as in the size of a human leg -- which mysteriously happens to shrink later to a normal size in order to fit in Ivy's pussy -- and then, they both transform into their fursonas: Ivy into a non-descript Rosechu, and Chris into Chris-chan Sonichu. Once they're done, they both raise their heads in awe and say "THANK YOU, GOD!".
Afterwards, Chris and Ivy are shown having what Chris thinks of as a fancy dinner: grilled chicken, vegetables, mashed potatoes, and CWC Orange Soda served in wine glasses.
Explanations for why did he considered such a cheap-ass honeymoon are varied. Some people believe it's due to Chris's good ol' narcissism. Others believe this is because Chris was raised in such a dirty and sloppy household, that stuff we would consider mundane are very luxurious to him. Others, meanwhile, believe this is because Chris, being the deranged, socially inept manchild that he is, has never been or was never taken to a fancy restaurant.
Gallery
OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?
- ChrisIvy.jpg
Chris is holding out for an hero.
AFK, gouging eyes out.
Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.
If the first thing you noticed were the zapbuds, you are beyond redemption.
Even the Men in the Pickle Suits love Ivy.
