Opie and Anthony

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Opie and Anthony was a radio talk show in the United States that ran from 1995 to 2014. Well known for airing a number of controversial topics and stunts that resulted in several station firings and FCC fines, they operated independently on SiriusXM from 2004 onward, which is receivable by approximately 20 million people.

Chris was featured by the show in May 2009. The hosts commented on a Captain's Log in which Chris had admitted to drinking his own semen, among other things.

Listen

Opie & Anthony: Chris-Chan
Stardate 27 May 2009
Subject Matter SexSex Sex

Transcript

Opie: Now, this. I'm just gonna keep saying "now, this" and, and just start, --

Anthony: [deep voice] And now this.

Opie: --start audio.

Chris: Captain's Log, Stardate, uh, April 28th, 2009. Uh, it has come to my attention that, uh, certain videos of the, uh, "naughty nature" have been disco— have been leaked. Yeah, som— yeah. [unintelligible] good idea someth— uh, if uh, it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but uh... I recycle my own semen... because, uh... you know, yes, I do masturbate--

Anthony: ... Wait a minute. H- He recycles it.

Jim: Yes!

Anthony: So, now, there, [sigh]. There's only, umm... Does he eat it?

Opie: I'm gonna find out there, Anthony.

Anthony: Bet he recycles other peoples', too. Look at him!

Jim: There's toys in his room!

Opie: He's a little nerdy kid, with a--

Anthony: Yeah.

Opie: --with a controller his hand.

Jim: He retarded?

Anthony: He's all nerdy.

Opie:Nah, he's just a nerd. [Anthony: He's...] I'm not a nerrrd!

Anthony: He's definitely premature-ly balding. And he's got big glasses. [Opie: Mm-hmm.] And... he seems to be a little effeminate. Xbox controller? Of some sort? And action figures all over the place. [Opie: Yeah. Let's--] All over his room that his obviously in his parents' house.

Jim: The man's a complete asshole.

Opie: Yeah. Let's find out more.

Chris: I'm not ashamed to admit it; as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time.

Jim: No.

Chris: Anyway, uh, basically I, yeah, into the cup and, yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, unborn children. So then I can, then I can also still have a good number of... a good semen count.

Anthony: "A good semen count?"

Chris: Keep it maintained uh, by recycling it.

Jim: Horrible breath.

Chris: And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners... of the, their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle. But if uh, you don—- if you don-- if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then uh, then you don't have to do it.

Opie: I, I, I, I, I literally, getting close, to, like--

[commotion]

Opie: --my whole mouth just started like, just getting all fucked up. But, this guy is putting his semen in, like, plastic cups, and then--

Anthony: And then he drinks it!

Opie: Good god.

Jim: Sometimes, though, cause the cum is so thick, sometimes what you gotta do is take a plastic spoon and scoop the cum down inside the cup so you get it all. [Anthony laughing] It's got a metallic taste.

Opie: Keep going, cause I think you'll get me to puke. I'm so-- I don't even know, I'm so close to puking!

Jim: He probably shoots-- He's a dumb guy, he probably shoots those loads that are like, almost like runny egg whites. You ever fuckin' see a runny egg white load you shoot? [Opie: Oh god.] And he probably fuckin' just, [Opie: Oh god.] tips the cup back, and takes a plastic spoon, and scoops the cum into his mouth, and then he has to rip the cup open and just lick the inside of it to get all of it. What's wrong with that? Nice thick load?

Anthony: Oh, nothing! [laughing]

Jim: When you're cumming and put your dick in a cup and shoot into it?

Anthony: I know, how much fun could that be?

Jim: And then drink it. It's still your body temperature.

Opie: Back to this, uh, nerdy dude. Nerdy dude? Nerdy guy, nerdy boy.

Jim: Looks familiar... [laughs]

Chris: Anyway, anyway, from after that the uh, second topic, the uh, one where I spanked myself. Yeah, I just uh, I was doing that for fun, cause you know, sometimes I do my random, silly, crazy things--

Anthony: Like drink your cum.

Chris: --and uh... sometimes adults feel pleasure from pain, even when they uh, do it to themselves. But I mean, I'm, I mean, I mean, not to a point where they kill themselves, but I mean uh, just like, you know, spanking is a generally a pop- generally a popular type of thing amongst adults. But anyway, it's a, it's a fetish for some people, and I just randomly felt like doing that.

Opie: So he does uh, shots of his own sperm, and he likes spankings?

Anthony: He drinks his own jizz, and he spanks himself...

Opie: How old do you think this guy is? For real? Maybe 20? Maybe 20 years old?

Anthony: Yeah, yeah, he's in his early twenties. He's in his early twenties. He's obviously got a little trouble with his sexuality. Umm, from the looks of it, it does look like he lives at home, or in some, no, that's at, at home.

Jim: A toy store.

Anthony: This, this- [laughs]. There's too much shit in there, from like--

Danny: Big Kev's house?

Anthony: Yeah! [laughs]. There's just too much shit in that, in that room there. Uh, so yeah, he's probably a little confused about himself.

Chris: And then the uh, third topic which was the uh, the uh, the photographs of, uh... me in adult diapers.

Anthony: All-righty. [everyone laughing] Okay, that's a whole other top--

Opie: Do you got the pictures of him in his adult diapers?

Anthony: I didn't see where that was coming. I didn't see that coming.

Danny: I don't know where the original pictures of that is. Apparently I think where this is coming from is like he's posting on some message board going back and forth, and these guys are giving him shit for whatever reason, and like this was his big, like, response video.

Anthony: Ahhh. His mea culpa.

Chris: Uhh yes, I did uh, get a free sampling of diapers from a troll, but regularly, regularly I uh, do not use them but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay; not, not a big deal, it's just uh, but, y'know, I wouldn't, I would not wear them on a daily basis--

Anthony: Naww, that's crazy!

Chris: --I wear briefs. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do uh, I get very stressed out from uh, people who yell at me or uh, misunderstand me, or talk bad about me. And, and between that and other real life stresses uh, it just, it just builds up and sometimes uh, it just, I just have to, it just comes out, and I sometimes accidentally, uh, poo my pants. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime--

Anthony: What?

Chris: I mean, pooed their childhood diapers [Anthony: Oh.] much less pooed their underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human; nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions. [Anthony: Respectfully.] And, uh, with that, I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a healthy, growing, sane, and sound minded, uh, adult individual.

Anthony: No, you're not!

Chris: And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else. Private matters are private matters.

Opie: They're not private, you idiot! You talk about everything!

Anthony: This guy is INSANE.

Opie: Yeah!

Jim: He has a good idea though!

Opie: What?

Jim: He, just recycling cum!

Anthony: Oh, the recycling cum part.

Opie: Let me, uh, I think we gotta find out more about this guy. Doug in Boston, hey Doug.

Jim: Smell that fuckin' bleach smell.

Doug: Hey guys, uh, if you go to Google and you Google "Chris-chan," um, yeah, his name's Chris-chan, he, he's fucked up.

Jim: Do you think that's his real name or is "Chris-chan" short for "Christian"?

Doug: No, his name's Christian.

Jim: Oh, it is, okay.

Doug: But, uh, he goes on websites and his name is "Chris-chan."

Anthony: Ahh, gotcha.

Opie: As in C-H-A-N, right?

Doug: Yeah.

Danny: Okay, we got it.

Opie: So what, he's trying to be like an internet sensation with his, video blogging?

Doug: Uh, he has like Asperger's syndrome, and he's really crazy.

Anthony: He's got ASS BURGERS?

Doug: Yeah.

Opie: What is Asperger's?

Jim: They don't know how to interact with people.

Opie: Isn't that what Pee-Wee had, in that episode of 30 Rock?

Paul Reubens (Audio from 30 Rock): Thank you, thank you oh dear friends. FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY!

Anthony: Greatest line ever delivered... fucking brilliantly.

Opie: We got one more clip from like--

Anthony: Asperger's! What a dumb name for a disease!

Opie: It's bad enough you got a disease.

Anthony: Yeah, you don't want it to be called [together] Asperger's!

Opie: That sucks!

Chris: But, uh, also, I, in reality I actually did those uh, videos and pictures as a favor to uh, an individ- as a favor to a, to an anon, to an anonymous female individual who just wanted to get her kicks off of it. But you know, a lot of women, they uh, tend to get their kicks off of kinky things as such; an adult fetish, nothing to be ashamed of. I mean everybody's got at least one, I'm sure. I have some; I'm not exactly sure how exactly to describe them, but yes, I have some, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Thank you very much for your time and uh, have a pleasant day. Peace.

Anthony: There he goes. Mr. Internet Sensation.

Jim: I love that guy.

Anthony: There's um, there's some internet sensations out there, uh, some of them last, some of them don't-

[video cuts out]

See also