Kevin the Jew

A completely reasonable reaction to an offer of baked goods.

“	Oh, chill out Kevie! It's only a game! You can't be so attached to a set of digital pixels.	”
Cera Rosechu, being surprisingly sensible.

“	...When a teammate, or a friend, acts rash without thought or concern of their team or friends, I'm afraid that is a court marshall for that person.	”
Kevin, choosing digital pixels over his girlfriend.

Kevin the Jew is a classmate and the former boyfriend of Cera Rosechu. His first, and so far only appearance is in the Christmas Episode of Sonichu 11.

Character History

He is first mentioned by Cera as she shows her mother the special holiday cookie she made for him. Since Kevin is Jewish she decided to make him a cookie in the shape of a menorah candle. Being the thoughtful little creature she is, she decided to make it with vanilla, as Jews (are seemingly) allergic to everything else.

Kevin and Cera played Call of Duty together on Christmas. Cera quickly proved herself the more capable player, earning "ten million points" by shooting down a plane. However, Kevin's character is carrying too much to run, and died in a violent explosion. Cera told him that he shouldn't take the death of a virtual game character so seriously, but Kevin was inconsolable. She tried to cheer him up by giving him the candle cookie, but upon seeing the flame, Kevin screamed and smashed the cookie to bits. The biggest lesson Cera learned from this is "not to display an image of a flame to anyone after an explosion."

Kevin portrayed Joseph in the Nativity pageant alongside Christine Rosechu as Mary. During Christine's evolution, he improvised in order to stall for time while her father brought her new clothes.

After the play, Cera approached Kevin and apologized, and gave him dreidel-shaped cookies as an apology. He then dumped her with a long-winded speech explaining that he judges potential mates by how they play video games, and she is far too aggressive for him. He walked off, leaving her a weeping mess (Also, he kept the cookies).

Sorry, Cera... looks like you're stuck a two-year-old virgin with rage.

Appearance & Personality

Like Allison Amber or Heather Iglesias, Kevin is one of the few or Chris' characters not directly based on any existing media character.

His hair is long and blonde, and he is depicted as being the same height as Cera Rosechu. Since like all Sonees and Rosees she is small enough to be carted around by a three-foot hedgehog, this puts his height at about one foot. Though his age is not expressly stated, he is ridiculously tiny for anyone older than a newborn.

Kevin made his triumphant debut in 2015, wherein it is made clear that he and Cera are dating. Given the fact that Cera is two years old in this story (she was born in 2006, the story is set in 2008), coupled with the fact that he is human while she is a Hedgehog Pokémon, this makes him a zoophile AND a possible pedofork.

Despite his professed religion, Kevin acted in the school's Nativity play. This suggests one of three things: Kevin is a Messianic Jew (a practitioner of Judaism who believes Jesus is the Messiah), Kevin is ethnically Jewish but is not a practicing Jew, or Chris watched Kyle participate in a Christmas play on South Park and just copied the idea.

Kevin's poor reaction to Cera's conduct while playing "Call of Duty" provides one of the major conflicts of the Christmas story. When his avatar is killed, he bursts into tears and is traumatized to the point where even the image of a flame gives him a panic attack. This seems especially immature considering he's playing a multi-player combat game where one can expect their character die numerous times. Then when Cera attempts to soothe his wounded ego, Kevin gives a long speech equating her actions in a video game with how good of a person she is. When he dumps her, he condescendingly implies that she is the one who needs to mature. This demonstrates he is not only over-attached to fictional characters, but also a staggering hypocrite. It's not clear whether or not this is intentional, because unlike other conflicts Chris has written, there is not a blatant hero/villain dynamic.