Mia Hamm

This article is rated M for Honest Content It may contain content deemed not safe for work. Reader discretion is advised.

YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK! The contents of this page have been bought with taxpayer money!

Mia Hamm after reading this article.

"Mia Hamm" is the pseudonym of the woman who finally made Chris no longer be a virgin with rage. Named after the former soccer player of the same name, she is a hooker whom Chris found on Backpage.com, a classified ads website with a sizable "adult" section. Chris paid for an hour with her, which cost him $150. Chris had sex with her twice. Once in April 2012, and once the following month. Chris had sex with her his previous statements that he would not hire a prostitute because it would render the act of sex meaningless. He did this because he was afraid of going to jail for an incident that took place in October of the previous year, though prostitution is also illegal.

Description

Chris describes Mia as a black-haired, blue-eyed woman of 24. She has an "average" figure with C-cup breasts. Her personality is described as "nice, likeable, and down to earth." She has piercings on her lip, tongue, and nipples. She is half-Cherokee as well, which Chris enjoyed. Mia has two daughters to a man who abandoned her. Given her young age and the fact that Chris states that she had them "years ago," this could possibly mean that Mia was a teenage mother. The girls stay with their grandmother. Mia travels from town-to-town and is attempting to get an education to give herself and her daughters a better future, and told Chris that her escort service is just "a quick spot of cash for her."

Chris's account of their meeting

After finding her on Backpage, Chris arrived at the inn Mia was staying at at around 4:30 PM. Right away, Chris could tell that Mia had been smoking weed, and that made him uncomfortable. He calmed down, however, after applying some hand sanitizer. They stripped for each other, and "communicated good throughout." At Mia's insistence, Chris wore a condom. It was green apple flavored, and she applied it to him with her mouth, and then began to give him a blowjob. Chris enjoyed it, and states that her tongue piercing added to the pleasure of the experience. Afterward, she laid beside Chris on the bed and they began feeling each other up. Chris described her vagina as feeling "really good," and he found her clitoris though Mia did not allow him to finger her. They began making out (without tongues), and then Chris gave her a massage that he also gives his mother, which she enjoyed. Then, Chris informed her that he was ready to have sex. He "requested Cowgirl, with possible missionary later," though this did not happen.

“	Her pelvic thrusts were amazing; her pussy was tight, even after pushing two daughters out of there years ago. And I supported her thrusts with my hands on her knees, weaving back and forth. I also gave her breasts a good thrusting. I felt her front pelvic bone, which really made the top of the game. She came and I came, but on my coming, it was only half-felt. And the semen that was mostly outside, but a smidge on the outside of the condom, confirmed it.	”
Chris describing his first time

Afterward, Chris washed his penis with a washcloth he had brought with him. They spent the rest of their time conversing, and Chris gave Mia a gift basket, the contents of which are currently unknown. Mia told him a bit about her background, and Chris talked to her about the trolls. He also talked to her about Family Guy and South Park before her clock chimed, indicating that her next appointment was arriving. Chris promised that he would call her later, which he did at around 6:30. Mia had already finished with her next client, and told Chris that he was a disappointment to her. She said that the man's penis was smaller than Chris's and that it was a "wiener in a hallway" situation. Chris saw her again the following month, though the details of their second encounter are unknown.

Fantasy vs. Reality

Given what we know about Chris, there is a strong possibility that this is not the TRUE and HONEST version of what happened. Chris paints himself as being unrealistically competent at sex for a virgin whose only prior knowledge of it comes from pornography. Additionally, Chris describes the incident as going off without a hitch, which is highly unlikely for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is his horrifically bent duck. It is highly likely that Chris is omitting unflattering details or making up flattering ones to make himself look better. Chris's notion that Mia enjoyed the experience probably stems from the fact that prostitutes often pay their johns compliments, because it helps them make money to do so. Chris would probably be naïve enough to believe that she was being sincere, or he could just be telling himself that she was in order to serve his already massive ego.

See also

• Hooker incident- Chris's first (and decidedly less pleasant) experience with hookers
• Chris and sex