Talk:Bob Chandler

To do

• Picture of Bob
  • Bob looks like fucking Jigsaw. Scary. YawningSquirtleRedux 18:34, 7 February 2010 (UTC)
• Chris's relationship with Bob, in Chris's own words
• add some background to Bob's history. He goes on about himself in the date audio, and he's a pretty interesting guy, like he saw the first plastic Coke bottles shipped off from the assembly line, and he was in the Signal Corps and all sorts of other interesting stuff. We need some of that in here. --Champthom 05:06, 26 March 2009 (CET)

(Quick question - whats the date audio? Thanks!)

• ...the audio of Chris's date with Emily. As seen available on the The Miscreants website. --Champthom 21:31, 17 April 2009 (CEST)

Should I mention he just got sent to the hospital in the health section with congestive heart failure? Shawths

Great job!

Seriously, this article is terrific now. I'm surprised how far it's come. Good work to all those involved. --Champthom 10:11, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

Still need more on video games and raising Chris. The section on Chris should be the biggest in this article. Will wait for others to finish transcribing because I can't make out Bob's quiet voice in church & Emily. Axe 10:24, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

Bob's birthday

Why did everyone think it was Feb. 9th instead of Sept. 4? Does Chris not know when his father's birthday is? Sauerkraut131 04:41, 27 June 2009 (CEST)

• No, it's just hard to tell from the Family Tree poster since it's in microscopic print. --Champthom 06:27, 27 June 2009 (CEST)

Radio Station Gig

According to some of the recordings via Yahoo Messenger, didn't Bob worked at a radio station at one time? Decoy Octillery 21:01, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

i suck

Hi, first time editor, long time lurker. I called CWC's house today, hoping to talk to him, but I got Bob instead. Those other people exaggerated about Bob's bravado in their callfail video, Bob isn't much of an opponent if you don't let him get a word in, he just seems to stammer a lot. Of note, he recognized my Texas area code (432) and said he was from Texas, and that he knew some KKK people who he said he would send over to my house if I didn't stop calling. Unfortunately it's lost to time because I can't record from my cellphone and maintain a decent quality. I called him in the morning, when he woke up I honestly thought it was Chris. Anyways, I suck at this shit, I'm gonna just lurk and wtach from now on. I don't have what it takes to be a troll. Thanks for the interesting page, and sorry I don't have any audio to give you guys. ColossalFail 19:35, 28 November 2009 (CET)

Hey...

[1]

My friend sent me this video earlier today. It has to do with someone prank calling Bob to get more info out of him involving his current life. Is there anything in it we could possibly use for this article? --EdtheHedgehog1894 16:41, 20 February 2010 (EST)

Congestive heart failure

PROTIP: CWCki is not a forum. Discussion regarding the accuracy of these tweets are reasonable, but trolling plans and personal concerns about Bob's well being in regards have no place on CWCki. Please take all discussions to /cwc/, PVCC, or if you're really desperate EDF.

Damn. We all knew this was coming eventually, but still.--Beat 02:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

We haven't confirmed it was actually Chris yet--I'm personally at 60-40 Chris, the writing style seems off(the Random Capitalization is unusual) but his posting pattern makes sense. Chris only seems to use Twitter when the CWCipedia has dicks on it and I doubt that he's checked recently.--MoarLurk 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• The Twitter is his, he's written in the CWC Blog about it. --Champthom 02:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
  • I don't see it on the CWCipedia updates.--MoarLurk 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
    • It would explain his lack of presence for the last few days.

Huh, I don't see that tweet on his Twitter account. Did he delete it, or am I just missing it somehow? --Lime 04:55, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• No, it's there. It starts with "Captain's Log Stardate March 1st"--Blazer 05:13, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Oh, now I see it. Thanks! *slow-in-the-mind* --Lime 17:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

I don't want to live in a Cwcville without Bob. If he dies, I'll kill myself.

I'm going to kill myself if Bob Chandler dies I'm going to kill myself if he makes me cry I'll slit my wrists or I'll cut my throat but I'll kill myself, I'll kill myself, by bleeding on his doorstep.

Baxter 05:50, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

My grandma died due to congestive heart failure. It isn't a pretty sight. -PeaceCeapPea

I just heard the news. Dammit, Bob is awesome, I'm praying he doesn't kick it! PLEASE DON'T DIE, BOB! :'( Kimo 06:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Just to be clear, CHF doesn't necessarily mean heart attack/failure/imminent death. What it means is that the heart is weakened and is having trouble pumping enough blood to the rest of the body. A lot of overweight and older people develop CHF and don't kick off immediately because of it, and it is treatable. So Bob may live to chop down more internets yet. Kazmeyer 07:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

He spent 2 tweets discussing how his dad has a serious health issue, then six talking about himself and Sonichu. -- Borednewb 07:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• I know, right? What the fuck? That's pretty low. I know Chris has implied that he doesn't love Bob, but I'd expect more than that. People always joke about Bob dying, but I wouldn't like that at all. He is the only sliver of awesome left in Chris's life. - Liquid! 11:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• The thing is, people think that without Bob, we'd get more interesting results from Chris. Bob kept Chris from going to Redmond. Bob is more or less the reason why Chris won't travel anywhere for a troll. Anyways, I think the concern is that Bob has a long history of heart problems already and given his age, he's taken quite a beating and it wouldn't be unreasonable to suspect that this might do him in. Not that I pray for the death of Bob, mind you, only that this is the rationale of people focusing on Bob's death and why people aren't exactly optimistic. --Champthom 17:27, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• I wouldn't expected anything else from him. What about "I am putting Sonichu on hold because my father is at the hospital"? That wouldn't have been a novelty. Griffintown 14:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all do something nice for Lumberjack. Make his life a little easier. We should call in and wish him good health. How much better will he feel knowing that he is more loved than his internet famous son? He'd perk up right away. --Edward 16:18, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• He appreciated Vivian's card, that's probably a good idea. A picnic hamper perhaps? Some kind of gift package with food and/or nice shit. Chris won't go to that trouble; someone should.- Liquid! 16:33, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• If someone sets up a paypal, I'd chip in 10 bucks. He's the internet lumberjack, after all.--Beat 17:34, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• I agree, that would be cool. –Ich bin schwul, Lynxr. Ich bin schwul.– 19:03, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• I plan on sending flowers by myself in the next few days. Some kind of "Get Well" bouquet. The man deserves it. He went through a lot and, even if he could had done better with Chris, he deserves a break. Griffintown 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• I've started a /cwc/ thread on this here: http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/24043.html - Liquid! 18:54, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I really hope Bob pulls through for Chris's sake. I really hate Chris but I know what it's like to lose one's father, and that's not something I'd wish upon anybody else. --Dann Woolf 16:44, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• Yeah, seriously. I hope Bob gets well soon.--Kettle5000 19:17, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Same here. Out of the Chandlers, Bob is easily the most likeable.....which isn't exactly that difficult seeing the rest of the Chandlers, but still.. --Torvalr 19:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Hey, all the colossal dicks are gone from the Cwcipedia. A mark of respect? --Kettle5000 21:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• Sadly, it looks like it. Chris do not deserve any respect. CWCipedia should be a ground for Cock-Parades 24/7/365 Griffintown 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Dude, his dad could be fucking dying. I think it's a nice gesture - that's why I mentioned it.--Kettle5000 22:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
    • I never saw Chris acting with compassion towards someone before, I don't see why we should indulge in Moral-Faggotery because of Bob's issues. As much as I respect the Old Man, He's not the jerk we all love to hate. This is why I strongly believe that the ads must be put back in place. Griffintown 23:25, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

• Chris's 'stress' probably gets passed onto Bob. When Bob is in stable condition, there's no way Chris will be able to put his needs ahead of his own. He'll be getting all cunty about the trolling that he's receiving and not helping Bob's situaition at all. I say lay off and go with Edward's idea. Well wishes and get well soon ads for Bob. So what if Chris gets smug. Smug Chris is positive happy Chris, it's the closest he gets to that emotion. We can put up with that while his dad's in hospital, right? - Liquid! 00:27, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• • Seconded. /Scruffy --Borednewb 00:30, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Chris wouldn't give a fuck if his father died. He hates him. If he hasn't empaphized with anyone else, then why the father he hates so much? He'll fake sadness, pretend he cares, but he'll still consider fucking Patti the worst loss of his life. And going easy on Chris is no help for Bob, that just means that in possibly his last days with his father he'll be all smug about his victory over the gay ads. If anything they should put up a get well message for Bob using the adspace. I'm going to mention that to the Asperpedia crew next time i'm over there. --Edward 22:42, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
    • Agreed. Look at the Quote of the Now. He mentions that his dad is in the hospital and would be there for a few days, but he had a LOOOONG stressful day. He wants us to feel sorry for him for the day, not his dad. It would be the greatest wake up call when he does pass away.--Blazer 23:23, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
      • Chris being selfish? that's old news. If bob dies, it's ovbiously he would become chris's new excuse " i can't do << insert anything>> because my dad died" for a while, he'll forget about him and continue to be the jerk we know. Id bob dies he will be free from the torments of chris, bob has been trough too many shit thanks to Chris, bob deserves to finally rest in peace. Basgon 23:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
        • Actually, what would happen if Bob died? Presumably the family, not just Bob are living off his pension and social security. Even if they own the house completely, however much Barbra is bringing in plus $450 from Chris' board may not be enough to pay all their costs (bills, food, etc). --Borednewb 00:15, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
          • I wouldn't doubt that the accumulative total of both Chris' and Bab's welfare would be enough to sustain them- provided Chris stopped buying junk he never uses and stops eating at McDonald's. But it seems to me from the Twitter alone that Chris doesn't consider this emergency to be significant- it's like he skimmed across the issue as a lead-up to his retarded comic's scheduling, which in turn lead into "Rule 18" (which I can only assume is Chris' mistaken discovery of Rule 34). If he took the situation seriously at all, he'd either be pouring more emotion into it, or be absent altogether. --Spoonman 00:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
            • Well Chris claims to have gotten his pack rat nature from his parents. So there's the possibility that if Bob goes, they'll spend themselves into nothing. --Borednewb 01:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

- • One thought- has anyone contacted Cole yet? I'm in Australia or I would myself. I know Chris doesn't gave a flying fuck and Snorlax almost certainly doesn't either. He should know I think. --Ronichu

• I think most of the family probably know by now (I would hope so anyway) but Cole has said in the past that he would celebrate when Bob "finally drops". Unless Cole is willing to make peace I say let him stay in the dark on this one, or leave it to the Chandlers to tell him. This is all too soon, I'm not ready for Bob to die yet... I just hope he dies comfortable, not at home and not surrounded by his family. Baxter 01:40, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Yeah, when bob dies, i hope he doesn't has to see his failure son's face. Basgon 02:52, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Agreed on letting the Chandlers tell Cole, if for no other reason than he might not believe some random troll from the Internet. --Kettle5000 21:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Okay, I really need to ask this- where was it picked up that Bob had a 10% chance of survival? If it was in the linked article, I didn't see it.--Spoonman 09:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• I am asking myself the same question; where this came from? Griffintown 11:09, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
  • It doesn't, I think the person who wrote that must have seen the bit which says that it has an annual mortality rate of 10% and misunderstood it. He statistically has a 90% chance of surviving another year (provided he is suffering from the normal progressive form of the disease). I've changed the article to reflect this. Baxter 11:29, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Alright, awesome- I was just beginning to think if that had been true, then half my extended family is pretty damn lucky.--Spoonman 09:58, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• If Bob does kick it (may he rest in peace if he does), what odds do you give on Chris going to a funny farm in the next 5 years? --Munch 19:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• Unless if the state of Virginia got no cheaper option. Griffintown 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I try to send flowers to Bob but the FTD website ask for a phone number. Anyone got a clue what Chris's phone is? Griffintown 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

He tells us himself in the opening few seconds of this video. --Edward 19:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• How about Chris' credit card number the hospital we should send them to? --Munch 19:17, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
• Chris's credit card number is 2984 8579 9562 3765. That number is fake by the way in case anyone missed the joke. --Edward 19:24, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• thanks for the info. I forgot about this video. I rand FTD with a nice card and a Pink Lily Bouquet. Bob will receive them tomorrow.Griffintown 20:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• • • Assuming Snorlax doesn't eat them first. --Munch 20:08, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• Do we know that Bob will get them? Knowing Chris, he'll assume that they are for him and make a youtube video thanking his secret admirer for sending him flowers. I hope that you made sure to put down in bold capitals that its for Bob, and even then its only a slim chance that he'll consider the idea that they're not for him. --Edward 20:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• But pink is such a faggy color. --Munch 20:53, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• There's a possibility that Chris will hijack the bouquet but let's see it that way; it's bloody pink if he does, we got material to doubt his straightness. Not only Bob's name is on the delivery slip but I also send a "Get Well" card mentioning him, the package couldn't be mistaken. FTD will deliver tomorrow. Let's see what it will bring us. Griffintown 21:19, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
• I sent Bob a bouquet as well. In all honesty, I enjoyed hearing about his experiences and feel bad that he's stuck with a horrible wife and son. The all the man wants is a chance to discuss the world and listen to his records. At the very least, he deserves to know that there are people that like him out there. --Benjamin 22:35, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

• What color? --Munch 00:41, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• Multi-colored. It's this one. Benjamin 01:00, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• If Chris suffered heart failure, I wouldn't send flowers. --Munch 04:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• I kinda want Bob to die (Don't look at me like i am a monster) because I want the vicarious thrill of watching 14 Branchland Court implode without his common sense. --Dan Dash 20:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Me too. He's pretty much the only person who ever tried to stop a Sweetheart opperation--he could have stopped Julie if Max hadn't been a good liar. Nothing will set the Snorlax off unless you try to lure Chris somewhere, and even then I remind you that we still got him to defy her and go to Ohio. Her general logic for any scenario seems to be "If Chris actually gets a girl, I'll believe it when I see her, otherwise it's his own damn fault for being stupid". This is Chris's logic, minus the part after the comma. Oh, and no Bob means less money, and what's going to make you think Chris starts stealing his tugboat payment from her?--MoarLurk 22:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
    • If you kinda want Bob to die to make trolling Chris easier you're kinda a far more worthless human being than Chris is. Kazmeyer 23:41, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll justify myself, then. I will be sad to see Bob die, and I will be happy to see what happens when he's gone.--MoarLurk 00:12, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
    • Like I said, I'm no monster, I just wanna see Chris fall apart without Bob's guidance. --Dan Dash 00:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
      • If Chris has no-one to defend him or motivate him, it won't be a challenge to troll him anymore. I like Bob, and if I get to his age I intend to spend all day everyday swingin' with the music. Baxter 02:30, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
      • Well, since Barb is too weighed down by her own rolls to do anything, if Bob dies, there will be shit hitting fans in Chris' home real soon, and I don't mean cat shit.. Either way it's going to be funny considering Chris' warped view on death. --CrookedSmirk
      • She's not that fat, not yet anyway.--MoarLurk 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

I know everyone has realized this by now, but I don't think Chris understands the severity of it all. On his Twitter, it says that Bob came down with a case of congestive heart failure. The way he's talking about it, it seems that Chris thinks that this is something Bob can overcome like a sick bug or something. That also explains the lack of concern in his two videos - he actually thinks Bob's gonna be alright in a few days, as if some R&R would do good! He doesn't realize that this may very well be the beginning of the end!--Blazer 05:20, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• This is why I pity Bob Chandler right now. He's a man with decades of fair work, a patent on his name and the opportunity to be called the veteran of the most intense war the world never saw. Only for this, he will be a better man than myself. Here's the sad part. On the Internets, he will be remembered as the "Joseph" of the "Fail Messiah". The very fact that Chris ignore him in what we might call his last hours on Earth is shocking to me. He really don't deserve this. Griffintown 05:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
• Point. Bob's death may come as a total and complete surprise to Chris.--MoarLurk 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
• How do we even know Barb would let him know all the details? Wouldn't she consider keeping Chris ignorant to be a small mercy? --LeninandMcCarthy 05:56, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Small mercy? From everything I've heard of her, if she kept the details from Chris it would be because it's easier on her to just not tell him. In all honesty if anything's going to happen with this, it should be trying to get Chris to actually spend time with his father. Remember, the closest he's had to a constant in his life dying is his dog, and Optimus Prime, and in Chris' mind both of those came back. -- Borednewb 06:59, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

I still think we should do something nice for Bob while he's sick. Unlike Chris, Bob is definitely someone I see as with positive qualities along with the negative (which he has plenty of, but don't we all). In light of this, I wanted to have a small hatched engraved with a message "For 'The Internet Lumberjack'. Get well soon! - The Trolls" on the front face and "Keep on swinging!" on the back. I found a place that does engraving along with a hatchet that would be suitable ($100 or so cost all up, probably about the same for postage, not a problem for me since I work), unfortunately I called Australia Post and they said that there were import restrictions on edged weapons into the United States for some reason. Is there anywhere in the US where one could order something similar to the above created and delivered? --Ronichu 05:28, 4th of March 2010 (Australian Central Standard Time).

• Does Bob even know that he's the Internet Lumberjack? The joke might be totally lost on him. - Liquid! 10:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• The cause was an internet fell on him. --Robotnik 08:14, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• If bob dies, do you think chris will put him in his comic, just like patty?Basgon 18:54, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• Probably, but he'll be a Kim Il-Sung type character, The dead but eternal leader of CWCville. --Dan Dash 20:37, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• For those who don't know, Charlottesville obituaries are here. I'm not sure if this has been posted yet; correct me if it has. So far Bob has not shown up. --T K 19 21:17, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

• If he dies, I hope the funeral isn't private, because I plan on burying my axe and a broken internet modem with him.

--Dan Dash 23:02, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

Guys, please, this is getting out of hand. There's lots of places to discuss stuff for Bob like sending him flowers and shit. But this place is not the place to do it. Please refer to this. Talk pages should be reserved for how to improve the article and not for content - it was alright to discuss the validity of the tweets, for instance, but this is getting out of hand. Fuck, you can even arrange things on the Community Portal if you really want to.

Next person who posts something not related to improving the Bob Chandler article will be banned. --Champthom 07:25, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

Bob's past heart attacks

If you check out the transcript for the Emily Date, you'll see several gaps, one of which is very large. I just reached the point in the audio where the first gap occurs, and it's right there that Bob starts talking about his history of health problems, most notable of which are his past heart attacks. We seem to have a surplus of Bob fans, so would one (or more) of you like to start filling in that gap (and/or the others)? I'm willing to do it myself, but I'm not the world's fastest typist, and - all kidding aside - I'd like to have all of this information about Bob made available before the man dies. Llort 03:57, 5 March 2010 (UTC)